I've never dated a man, so I don't know what to expect. Is dating a man the same as dating a girl? I don't know, because the only person I've dated is Lisa, and I always picked her up on my motorcycle, and she complained a lot about it. I remember she once told me that by the time we arrived at our destination, riding my motorcycle, her perfume had lost its meaning. But I can tell you that dating Xiao Lan is quick and easy. With Lisa, I had to wait at least one to two hours for her to put on makeup before going out.
I shouted, "Xiao Lan, I'm ready!"
I sat on the sofa, watching the morning news. According to the weatherman, it was going to be very hot today. He suggested that citizens bring a bottle of water and an umbrella. I stood up and grabbed my leather sling bag, putting two bottles of water inside.
Xiao Lan walked to the door and put on his shoes. I looked at him and suddenly laughed. Xiao Lan was wearing a red Hawaiian shirt with a white flower imprint, tan shorts, and sandals. I said, "I've never seen you like this before. You always wear clothes like you're going on an Indiana Jones expedition."
Xiao Lan said, "I have nothing else to wear, so I put on your clothes."
I asked, "How?"
Xiao Lan said, "Since you left, no one has washed my clothes."
I stood up and grabbed the umbrella by the door. "Gosh, you just need to put your clothes in the washing machine and press the button!" We walked out the door and headed to the elevator. "Next time, I'll let you wash your clothes."
The art gallery held by Xiao Lan's former lover, Yaya, was somewhat magnificent. There were many people there, most of whom were rich. When we showed up, Xiao Lan and I were the only two people dressed inappropriately for the occasion. Everyone else wore suits and glamorous dresses. As soon as we stepped through the door, Yaya flew at Xiao Lan like a happy dog who had just seen his owner after a long day of work. Yaya reached out and put his arms around Xiao Lan's waist, and kissed Xiao Lan on the cheek.
He moaned, "Ah Lan, I thought you wouldn't come." He looked up at Xiao Lan, showing a big smile.
Yaya took Xiao Lan's hand and dragged him inside. I mean, who's supposed to be Xiao Lan's date? Foxy Yaya acts as if he's Xiao Lan's boyfriend. I chased them frantically, but as soon as I entered the art gallery, I ignored Xiao Lan the jerk and Foxy Yaya.
The art gallery had a collection of artworks from all over the world. I was surprised as I walked around, looking at the art. Some of these pieces seemed ridiculous to me. As I walked past those artworks, I smiled softly. A half-broken pottery bowl found in the tomb of King Tutu was auctioned for $1.8 million USD, which meant that if it wasn't broken, it would cost about $3.6 million USD. I looked around and found that Foxy Yaya had collected a whole bunch of junk: toilet bowls, vomit bowls, and broken garbage.
I turned to the left and saw a man in a completely Persian costume. I was a little surprised that the guards allowed this over-dressed person in. I looked at the Persian and then down at what he was staring at. I saw a tooth in a golden box. I laughed.
The Persian asked, "What's so funny?"
I said, "I didn't know that a tooth in a wooden box would be called art." I looked at the yellow tooth carefully and smiled again. "Five hundred thousand US dollars? What the heck…? This stupid tooth is more expensive than my Subaru! If you asked me, I wouldn't pay a penny for this yellow tooth." I looked up at the Persian, and he looked at me frantically.
The Persian crossed his arms across his chest. He looked at me angrily. "Do you think this tooth is funny?"
I took a step back. "Don't you think so?"
The Persian man said, "No, I love that tooth."
I said, "You… that tooth… you…"
The Persian said, "Yeah, you have a problem with my tooth?"
I looked at the contents of the tooth's biography and shouted, "Wow, this tooth is a legend! You fought the great Genghis Khan, and he knocked out your tooth!"
The Persian gritted his teeth and said, "No, we were going to defeat some Mongols and destroy their army. On the way, we found a cow. We were eating beef. I was eating one of the ribs, and the meat was a little too hard. So I yanked my right hand vigorously. In doing so, I also pulled out the tooth you are staring at." He sighed. "Then I couldn't stop the bleeding. At midnight, I had a fever, and I died six days later. I don't know who created the story of Genghis Khan."
I looked at the poor man. "So, who created it, bringing chaos to Persia?"
The Persian asked, "Really?"
I said, "Yeah, because of your death, when King Shah Muhammad II of Khwarazm violated the peace treaty he reached with Genghis Khan to avenge your death, the Mongol invasion began. Genghis Khan tried to avoid open war, so he sent three ambassadors to King Urgench. Unfortunately, these three ambassadors were humiliated in public and one was beheaded. This made Genghis Khan very angry, so he sent 100,000 soldiers to annihilate Persia. Hundreds of thousands died."
The Persian said, "If I hadn't died, I would have successfully defended Khwarazm."
I shook my head at the Persian man, and I said, "Not a chance."
The Persian was angry and asked, "You think I couldn't defend Khwarazm?"
I said, "Who are you kidding? We're talking about the legendary warlord Genghis Khan. He conquered land ten times larger than Alexander. I think your death from a tooth infection is much better than the death faced by his army. Don't be sad; many countries have been invaded."
I looked at the Persian, who hadn't answered, then took out my phone and played the BBC documentary "Genghis Khan" for him on YouTube.
After the Persian man finished watching the documentary, he sighed. "Now, I understand what you mean."
I comforted him, "Look… if you were still alive, you couldn't beat him. His children even ruled China for many years. Sometimes we have to admit that others are superior to us. It's not shameful to admit this. I admit that I'm not as good as the person standing next to me. He's better than me in every aspect, and no matter how hard I try, I can't beat him." I looked at the displayed tooth. "At least you're famous to some extent. Your name and tooth are on display for the world to look at. Me? I got punched four times." I lifted my hat up and pointed to my forehead. "See this? I threw the punch, but I didn't hit him. Instead, he hit me."
The Persian man looked at me and sighed. "No one has spoken to me for many decades. I am satisfied."
I smiled and said, "Then, since you understand everything, you can move on."
The Persian said, "I can't. My tooth is here. My soul is attached to that tooth."
I gasped. "No way!"
The Persian man said, "Please burn it so I can move on."
I took a breath, carefully looked at the tooth's price tag, and suddenly had a panic attack because the golden box cost five hundred thousand US dollars while the tooth cost $3.2 million US dollars. My jaw dropped. "No, did you see it?" I pointed to the dollar sign. "This is a tooth worth $3.2 million. I don't have that much money to buy it."
The Persian man put his hands around his chest. "Would you like to help me move on or not?"
I replied, "It's not that I don't want to help you, but it's beyond my bank account's reach. Sorry, my friend, you'll have to continue to wander in this BS world for many more decades to come. But hey, look at the bright side, you get to travel around the world for free."
The Persian man said, "Fine, if I actually move on to the other side of the world, I will definitely walk up to your ancestors and scold them for raising a poor, pathetic son who can't even beat the man next to him."
I said, "I'm not as experienced as Xiao Lan. This isn't shameful. But since he married me, he is now a member of our family, and he will be on our side, so this strategy won't work for me."
The Persian said, "Alright, how about I'll tell them how you like men?"
I said, "Exposing my sexuality is no biggie; we live in the twenty-first century, not B.C. There are a lot of gay men out there." As soon as I turned around, I met Foxy Yaya, who still held onto Xiao Lan's left arm.
Foxy Yaya asked in a dumb voice, "Who are you talking to?"
I rolled my eyes. "Him… the tooth master?"
Yaya sneered at me and said with a smile, "Xiao Lan, your friend needs to be placed in a mental institution."
No, foxy lad, if you don't get your hands off my husband's arm, you're going to be in a nursing home for sure… What… did I just admit that Xiao Lan is my husband?