What triggers you? What makes you angry? Why cant you express yourself? Why can't you talk about it? Why can't you let it go?
It gets harder everyday but I have to remind myself that its only temporary.
We tell ourselves everyday that its fine but is it? In my eyes everything is a lie, we let ourselves be deceived by things around us...but why tho?
We try to find the easy way out. Some of us get high on cocaine, weed, crack, alcohol....but why? does it help you solve your problems?
Sometimes all it takes is a break from everything....stop in your tracks and just look around take a deep breath and remind yourself why you started.
I won't lie to anyone and tell them its easy because its not. I still have these suicidal thoughts once in a while and believe me, when it kicks in I can't shut it down....it takes control all over again. Some people will tell you its all in your head, and guess what...their not wrong it is in your head but thing is, not everyone has the strength to block it from affecting them.
Some days I´ll tell myself that everything is going to be okay but on other days I´ll just break down and cry and no matter how many times I try to repeat these words "everything is going to be okay" nothing changes. And on these days.....I want more then anything to stop everything and just end the pain.
But the real question is...If I end my life, will my problems go away?
And to be sincerely honest...I´ll never know the answer to this question. But I do assume that it actually doesn't, you just give someone else that pain that you were carrying and it'll become their problem so i guess the answer will be..No the problem doesn't go away.
While were awake we can try to solve one problem at a time and it doesn't matter that it'll take long, success and progress doesn't have an expire date. Take ur time. Don't rush.
I told myself that I would write about my anger but I´m not really sure where to start. I start by asking myself where does this anger come from? who or what triggers it?
And I cannot start by explaining sincerely where it comes from. It´s really fucked up. I have theories of where everything started but like I said its just theories.
I think everything started when I have been ripped away from the man in my life...my father. Many would say your young so you have no memory or whatsoever but I actually do....maybe it was the warmth that I was missing, that honest love. I grew up and I had a shitty childhood and as I grew up I sought attention and love in every adult but as I was growing older I became so lost and most of the time I felt lonely and scared. But as years passed by I stopped craving and seeking for love or attention or just a little bit of affection I felt like I didn't need it anymore and that love was only meant for some people but not me.