Well, I can honestly say that I was turned on.
Salem, being Salem, was always….something.
If we weren't in a room full of people, well, her dress would have already come off, to say the least.
Regardless, I watched as Salem made the third 'magician' run out crying from her scathing comments. I might have felt bad if they didn't insist that they were sorcerers of great power despite all evidence to the contrary.
Truthfully, I think it annoys Salem more than it does me. She has certain thoughts on magic users, and someone pretending would irk her the wrong way.
Back home, she has a hard time thinking of humans—or faunus for that matter—as humans. It doesn't really carry over to all worlds; her sort of dismissal of non-magicals isn't universal. Moreover, it's just because she watched as all magic disappeared, something intrinsic to her concept of humanity. And then, a 'new race of humans' popped up, and there was just too much of a disconnection.
It was much easier to accept when it was a completely different world.
Maybe it was contradictory, but who could even begin to rationalize or wade through the torture she had to experience, persisting for so many years in solitude?
So, that is to say, she is irked when people claim magical talent when they clearly don't have it.
I would call it borderline insulting, even if she wouldn't get overtly angry at it outright.
Everyone was being very respectful and quiet now, compared to before. No one dared to argue or try to dismiss Salem.
Maybe it was because they recognized her true magical breath, or maybe it's because those three from before are still laid out on the floor, tied up.
Coulson made no move to 'arrest' them.
I have to admit, he has a peculiar way of doing things, but it really seems to work well. I think most agents would be all hard about control and maybe demanding proper procedures.
Coulson is content to sit back and let things play out as long as things don't go too far and nothing bad happens.
After the latest 'mystic' ran away with tears in her eyes, Salem turned to an elder gentleman, dressed rather finely.
I admired his sense of fashion.
Salem stared at him for a long while, and I immediately noticed the issue with him as well. Salem glanced my way as if to ask if she could deal with it, and I simply gave her a nod.
The man's eyes were almost completely unfocused, as if the wall behind us was more interesting. Well, slowly his eyes turned to look other ways, as if he wasn't all there.
She gently tapped his forehead, and like a puppet with its strings cut, he fell down, looking completely dead.
The room, already silent, now had a rather tense silence to it.
Even though Coulson stiffened slightly and shot me a concerned look, I made sure to silently reassure him with a smile.
A few moments later, something was pulled out of his corpse. Looking exactly like him, but nearly completely ethereal.
Ironically, there seemed to be more 'life' to the ghostly figure.
"Oh, I was already dead." The ghost spoke, startling the majority of the ones in the room. "How inconvenient."
Salem turned to Coulson. "He has been some months; he was accidentally possessing his own body. He must have had a smidgen of talent or luck to pull that off."
Coulson, oddly enough, relaxed more at seeing the Ghost than assuming Salem just killed the elderly man.
"I'm sorry for your passing then, Mr…." Coulson pulled up the file. "Henderson?"
"Oh, it's no trouble." The ghost said rather humorously. "I was a collector of odds and ends and whatever books I could get my hands on for the later years in my life. I believe there was an amulet I had in my hand when I died…perhaps that was what caused this. Nevertheless, I have no heirs or family; feel free to make use of my collection." He smiled warmly to the agent.
"I thank you for your contribution, Mr. Henderson; we'll name the library after you." Coulson smiled, showing his gentle side.
The ghost paused, then looked at Salem. "How do I move on, exactly?"
Salem scrunched her brow. "This is not my area of expertise. Wilhelm?"
"Allow me." I stepped forward. "Hello, Mr. Henderson, quite the day, isn't it?"
"Quite the day indeed, young man." The ghost was ever polite.
"May I ask your beliefs?"
"I may have had an interest in the occult for purely academic purposes, but my heart and soul is that of an earnest Catholic man." He said proudly.
I smiled. "Very well, then let me help you." I mentally nudged the spear inside my storage. It wasn't like the time with Gabriel, but still, I could be the stand-in to perform a little...sacrament.
It works particularly well on ghosts too. Well, it's mostly used on errant wraiths or nefarious spirits. A spirit that genuinely wants to move on but just got itself stuck? Well, they just need a little push.
I felt the small blip of holy power come forth from the spear as if agreeing with me.
The mark of the Baptism Rite appeared, and I didn't have to do the full chant. "Kyrie Eleison."
The Ghost smiled brightly, glowed brighter, and began to dissipate without another word.
I could see the mouthed 'thank you' as he passed on.
Well, that was nice. It always feels good to perform a nice deed for someone!
"Alright, feel free to return to bullying charlatans until they run away crying." I told Salem.
She huffed with an eye roll, but I knew she would gladly keep doing just that if she could.
"I called some people in to handle Mr. Henderson's body for a proper funeral." Coulson said, tapping his earpiece. A moment later a few people walked in, took a few strange looks at the tied-up werewolf—and other people—and even a glance at Salem, but merely laid out a stretcher and gently put Mr. Henderson's body onto it before taking it away.
That was the majority of everyone sorted.
Kinda.
I went over to the sorcerer, who was tied up and gagged, courtesy of Salem. "Hey, how's it going?"
"Mhmmph!" He wiggled on the ground.
"Yeah…." I nodded. "Salem can be thorough."
Salem seemed to notice and came over to stand next to me, glaring down at him.
He didn't look particularly thrilled to have his capacitor sending him glares. If anything, I think he might have been a bit frightened.
"You should probably untie him." I spoke.
"Someone you know?" She asked.
"Kinda." I shrugged. "He's a Sorcerer of Kamar-Taj." The guy's eyes widened in surprise, his wiggling ceasing.
"Something we should be wary about, Mr. Schweinorg?" Coulson asked, Join in. Otherwise, everyone else stayed planted firmly in the spots they were before, not daring to even breathe too loud in her presence.
"They're the good guys, actually." I smiled, poking at the magical bindings. "Salem, please?"
"Oh, alright." She rolled her eyes and canceled the spell.
The sorcerer looked like he immediately wanted to run away, but it seemed that cooler heads prevailed.
"Hey, what's your name?" I asked.
He studied me for a moment, then Salem, then Coulson, and it seemed like he preferred to address me. "Alden." He said slowly, eyes then darting around as if to calculate an exit strategy.
"From the New York Sanctum, I presume?"
Again, his eyes widened. "How do you know about that?"
"I was at Kamar-Taj a few days ago; I'm actually friends with your Ancient One." I held out a hand to him. He seemed skeptical, hesitant even. "You're welcome to check in with them after. But I also took a few pictures while I was there if you're interested." I held out my phone in the other hand, showing him.
It was a bit of a habit; I took pictures of places I went.
Once more, his eyes dilated in surprise.
And hesitant, he grabbed my hand, and I helped him off the ground.
"I would appreciate being filled in." Coulson said with that stoic tone.
"I too would be interested to know." Salem crossed her arms.
The sorcerer looked conflicted, so I decided to answer. "You can consider them the magical police. They basically keep the really nasty stuff from invading: interdimensional creatures, eldritch abominations, and demons. That sort of thing."
"Wonderful." Coulson said simply. "And I assume there's a proper explanation as to why I had one of their members try and sneak into our agency through illicit means?"
"I didn't lie." Alden quickly defended.
"You didn't tell the truth fully, and the contract you signed—the one that allowed your presence in the facility—had specific dictation that all the information you provided was accurate to the best of your knowledge." Coulson responded. "That's a federal crime, you know."
Alden went stiff in realization.
"I can make a guess; let's see how close I get. I assume SHIELD here made a lot of noise trying to recruit some 'mystical experts' and what have you. You, being from the New York Sanctum, were chosen to participate to keep an eye on things."
"How did—"
"Hang on, I'm not done." I stopped him before continuing. "You were going to play the role of a third-rate hedge wizard, maybe cast a few cantrips to show you can do something, but not enough to be put on any real assignments. Enough to stand in the background but be involved. And if things really went sideways, or they stumbled onto something bad enough, you would 'just so happen' to stumble into a proper answer or alert your higher-ups to help?"
"...."
Fucking nailed it.
I'm good.
[Please, that one was basically handed to you.] Ddraig snorted inside of me.
I ignored him.
Coulson flipped through the paperwork. "Mr….Thorne." He called him by his last name. "You will be updating your paperwork with the proper information."
"...sure."
Coulson nodded. "If you would like to continue with your…assignment, we can discuss terms. We would be happy to have someone skilled and knowledgeable to assist with any occult difficulties."
Alden showed his surprise face again, something becoming common now.
I don't think he expected Coulson to be so accommodating.
As if knowing what he was thinking, Coulson spoke up again. "Sometimes, intent is more important than strict rules in our line of work. If you were not 'spying' for any bad reasons, I don't see why we can't cooperate."
How practical.
Alden just nodded, muttering about how he's going to have to explain this upwards.
Salem shot me a look like she wanted a proper explanation later, which I would be more than happy to do. If she was going to be working here, knowing the ins and outs of Kamar-Taj would be crucial.
Heck, I'll take her to meet the Ancient One; I think they'll get along well. Two ancient magic users, they have similar hobbies!
Salem needs more friends.
"And what about…this one?" Salem turned to look at the snake guy.
He too was tied up, less comfortably.
I don't think Salem took his earlier comment well.
Coulson flipped through his paperwork.
"Mr. Randy Eugene Pickens." Coulson introduced himself. "Or the Great Warlock Zatom, as he calls himself." Coulson smiled lightly. "Age 36, former janitor for Louisiana State University."
Zatom looked like he wanted to argue, but he too was gagged.
"How…pleasant." Salem noted, meeting his gaze mockingly.
"Did he actually put that information down?" I asked.
"Oh no, this is what we got from the background check." Coulson replied without a second thought. "Conveniently, there was a theft from his former workplace four years ago, coinciding with the reveal of 'The Great Warlock Zatom.' Part of the university's archaeology department helped with a dig over in Mexico for their course credits and assignments. I'm sure you can guess what was found and what the school was researching before it mysteriously disappeared."
Salem grabbed the staff that was still on the ground, some feet away from the bound charlatan. "It's not a poorly crafted artifact. It has several spells I can divine just from holding it. A spell to teleport the user a fair distance away. A spell that…summons snakes to attack an enemy. A spell for a shield. A spell to curse and poison. Oh….and a spell that affects the minds of others."
Coulson raised an eyebrow. "A spell that affects the minds of others? Could you elaborate, please?"
Salem looked at it more closely, then she unceremoniously pulled the snake earrings off the 'Great Warlock's' ears.
Aggressively, more so than she needed to, but that seemed deliberate.
"In combination with the earrings, there are a few other facets. But for the mind-altering spell, it seems able to implant commands into the susceptible."
"Curious." Coulson kept his expression even. "The Great Warlock Zatom has a mansion on the outskirts of a quaint Louisiana town. It just so happens to be full of beautiful women who are particularly fond of him. A few of whom were former wives and girlfriends of others before coming to 'live' with him. Not to mention the wealth he seems to have Acquired through…uncertain means."
Salem's expression turned a bit colder. "Is that so?"
Ah.
"Just kill him and be done with it, or give him a specific kind of punishment?" I asked.
The Great Warlock looked truly terrified now.
"Miss Salem, would it be possible to undo the spell?" Coulson asked.
"With ease," she said. "I can do it right now from here with this in my hands." She held up the staff.
Coulson nodded. "Please wait until I have agents on the scene to...assist the victims."
Salem nodded, and she handed the staff over to Coulson, who took it. "I assume you wish to confiscate this?"
"If you wouldn't mind." Coulson also accepted the earrings as well, putting them in his pocket for now.
"And this man?" Salem said, giving him a little kick.
"Unfortunately, we do have to process him according to Shield protocols. But fortunately, the use of magic, or rather the misuse of it, does technically fall under our jurisdiction to imprison." Coulson smiled a little more, looking at him as well.
He took out his phone, pressed a few things, and rather quickly, some men barged in. Coulson merely pointed at the Great Warlock, and he was carried off, wailing under his muffled bondage.
"Shall we continue?" Salem asked, not wanting to spare the man any more of her effort, I assumed.
"Sure." Coulson replied.
Next was the Werewolf.
Out of the three tied up, he seemed the least…. I don't know, is it hectic about it? It's like he just accepted that he was tied up and just laid there.
Salem flicked her finger against the binding around his snout.
"Good evening." The werewolf spoke politely.
It wasn't my first time seeing a werewolf; hell, we had some back in Kyoto. It was just funny seeing him talk like that in this situation.
"Good evening, Mr….Einar Solbert? If that's your actual name."
"It is." He answered.
Coulson nodded. "So, Mr. Solbert. Any reason you decided that jumping out the window and running away was the best course of action you could have taken after coming here?"
"I apologize. But I was utterly terrified of her, and the fact that he…" He used his head to gesture to me. "And you smelled of vampire so strongly, I panicked."
Coulson just nodded, making a note on the paperwork. "Not fond of vampires?"
"It's...a sordid history." He seemed to smile awkwardly, for how much a werewolf could while transformed.
"If it makes you feel better, it's from having come back after killing a bunch of vampires." I offered.
The werewolf blinked. "I suppose that does alleviate my concerns. But it also introduces new ones." He was a rather polite werewolf. "....I hope you don't plan on adding me to that count."
"Your non-human status is not a concern other than checking some boxes and doing some paperwork, Mr. Solbert." Coulson reassured him. "Miss Salem, could you please undo his bindings?"
Salem snapped her fingers, and the werewolf slowly stood up, stretching a little. He loomed a bit over us in height, but ironically, he sort of shrunk back. "Thank you, Madam." He bowed his head.
Salem merely raised an eyebrow. "You have good manners."
"My father always said that just because we're Werewolves didn't mean we had to behave like beasts."
"Were you also intending to spy during your stay, Mr. Solbert?"
"No sir, I joined because I'm a broke postgrad student." He responded. "The pay offered was pretty good."
Coulson looked actually relieved at that. "And do you have magical knowledge that's worthwhile for us to dismiss your earlier actions?"
The werewolf awkwardly coughed into his fist. "I'm not a sorcerer, mind you." He gestured to the Kamar-Taj sorcerer still standing nearby. "But I have a good nose for it. I can smell magic happening around me. I figured I could have gotten away with pretending it was some sixth sense and earn a paycheck that way."
Smart.
What a weird night this is turning out to be.
"Thank you, Mr. Solbert. If your information is correct, we'll be in touch."
"Thank you, Mr. Coulson." The werewolf bowed. "Um… I'm kind of stuck like this until morning…." He said awkwardly.
Coulson chuckled. "There are a few rooms on the site that you can use to sleep here tonight for convenience. I'll have someone escort you over when we're done."
Salem adjusted the hem of her dress with slow, deliberate fingers, gaze sweeping across the room. "Is that all?" she asked calmly, but it had that coldness to it that made me tingle in all the right places.
The remaining would-be mystics—those still conscious, ungagged, or not currently re-evaluating their life choices—visibly stiffened. A few even flinched when she met their eyes, as if afraid she might start another round just for fun.
Coulson, to his credit, did not blink. "That's everyone scheduled for tonight, Miss Salem. We'll have additional candidates arriving throughout the week. If you're amenable, we'd be happy to see you again tomorrow. At a more conventional hour." He finished with a polite smile.
Salem just hummed.
"We can go over interviews, departmental processes, pros and cons of working with SHIELD, your recommendations, and so on."
Salem nodded once. "Acceptable" She didn't sound enthusiastic, but then again, she rarely does. This was about as good a response as you could get from her.
All but her excitedly signing away on contracts for employment.
I knew Salem well enough at this point that I could see she was…enthused. Perhaps I might be so bold as to call it excited, in her own diminished way. She doesn't wear her emotions on her sleeve; they're usually buried very deep.
Coulson glanced at his watch, already moving on. "I'll send you the schedule once it's finalized. Thank you for your time. And… patience."
"Hmm." Salem didn't respond with words, just turned toward me with a look. She was ready to leave.
I didn't wait.
I swept her up into my arms before she could utter a single response or rejection to my actions. She let out one of her cute huffs of 'annoyance' at my actions as I opened a portal but didn't outright deny me.
"Goodbye, Agent Coulson!" I called out behind me as the portal closed, not even waiting for a response.
We popped over to her castle, specifically, to her bedroom.
I gave her a long overdue kiss that I had been holding back since she started her 'meeting.' She was taken aback, surprised by how 'forward' I was being, contrary to how I'm usually very gentle with her. But all the same, she accepted it happily, voicing no disagreement.
Tonight, I was finally going to conquer the Grimm booty.
[Line Break]
A/N
Salem finds a job.
Wilhelm finds her bullying people hot.
Salem about to find out how much stamina he actually has.
Here's a note on the last Side Story that seems to be controversial for some reason. I'll repeat it again, it has no bearing on the story. If you don't want to read it, you're not missing anything. It basically answers a small question that no one asked and ties into canon that way. You can treat it as an omake if you want. It won't actually make sense how it's canon until the end.
If you want to read 10 chapters ahead or support me, visit my p.a.t.r.e.o.n.c.o.m / astoryforone
I also have a boosty if you can't use the above under the same name.