Chapter Forty-Three – Chilling Realizations
He looked at Arthur, who had no trouble destroying the tiny piece of art on his plate, while debating on how to start an uncomfortable conversation. Until now, he had tried to maintain affable relationships with everyone he happened to come into contact with, because life was simpler that way. However, when the circumstances demanded it, he knew he needed to step up. Arthur could very well take his time appreciating the food, which had to be exquisite in a place like this, but Jamie liked to believe that he was a straight shooter.
"I wouldn't mind if you elaborated a bit on what you mean by 'everything'," he said. "I'm hardly interested in becoming great at everything," he added with a lopsided grin.
Arthur smiled openly. "In your chosen field, of course. As you may have realized by now, getting to know the right people is more important than talent."
"I really want to argue about that, though," Jamie started. "What's the point of making music if you lack talent and passion?"
Arthur toyed with his napkin, pressing its corners as if he was contemplating on what to say to Jamie next. "I have never pegged you for an idealist, Jamie. You appear to me as being quite the practical type of person. After all, you didn't mind showing off your gorgeous body when people paid to see it."
Jamie grimaced. It felt a bit like a blow below the belt, coming from Arthur. "What's my past got to do with anything? I mean, with my future?"
"It defines you," Arthur said slowly, emphasizing the last word. "You will never be able to escape your past, Jamie. Now, the question is whether you are willing to use it to your advantage or drag it around with you like a burden. I hope you're not going to tell me that you prefer the latter. It would sadden me."
Jamie pulled at his collar. Under the bright lights that made everything sparkle, he grew hot. "I'm afraid you'll have to say it to me in plain English. Why am I really here, Arthur?"
Arthur leaned back in his chair, lifting his palms in a placating gesture. "I intend to give you all the advice you need to be successful in this field. Please don't look at me like I've just told you that Santa isn't real."
Jamie sighed and ran one hand over his eyes. "So," he began cautiously, "is it all a matter of who am I willing to suck off to get ahead?"
A short tsk from Arthur confirmed his worst premonitions about the strange conversation they were having. "Don't be crass, Jamie. I know you're a charmer by definition."
"Under the circumstances, I believe that I prefer to use language that's straight to the point. Because I used to be an adult entertainer, it means that I'm free game. I'm willing to do it with anybody, in exchange for favors. Is this what you're telling me?"
"It's going to be what others will believe about you," Arthur said, without his pleasant smile wavering for even a moment.
"Others. Not you, then?"
Arthur smiled harder. "I won't hide behind words and tell you that I'm not interested in getting to know you better. But it's your choice. I appreciate you for who you are, and whether or not we get involved in other ways, it's all up to you."
"And if I tell you 'no', that's it? You're not going to hold a grudge?"
"Not one smidge," Arthur assured him. "But you will get propositioned a lot in this industry, Jamie. People with power, accustomed to newcomers kowtowing to them at every turn, might consider your attitude on the matter a tad grating."
Jamie let his head drop for a moment and started massaging a kink in his neck. "Why are you telling this to me now?"
"Because it all depends on your choices. It wasn't by accident that I told you not to get involved with anyone and start a relationship. Once you become famous, you no longer belong entirely to yourself. You're a persona and, in your case, the Jamie Vayne with the dazzling smile and biceps to die for is also the same guy who flaunted the goods for anyone with a dollar to spare."
That stung. Fuck, it stung badly. Jamie felt his fingers tensing, itching to curl into fists. He couldn't say Arthur was entirely wrong. What could he say? That he hadn't done it for money? That would be untrue. He had done it for money, although he had viewed it like harmless fun. And now, he was going to become a persona, someone who would no longer belong to himself alone. Hadn't he tried to be his own person all these years, while drifting from one place to another?
"I'm not going to be that guy," he said aggressively. "I'm going to show the world I'm someone with a passion and talent for playing the drums. Whatever I've done outside of being a musician is no one's fucking business. And it never will be."
Arthur quirked an eyebrow. "You're hardheaded, and don't get me wrong, it's definitely part of your appeal, but I don't believe it will get you far. Of course, you can always step away from the limelight. Not everyone is meant to become famous, rich, and receive accolades for their life's passion and work."
Jamie worked his fists under the table, rubbing them together. The slight pain he was causing himself as he pushed his knuckles into the underside of the table anchored him. "Those are the only two options? Your way or the highway?"
"Did I say that?" Arthur opened his arms wide, his eyes filled with disbelief. "Don't mistake this conversation for something it's not. I'm here to help you. I will always help you because I like you."
"Yeah," Jamie let out a short humorless laugh, "because I look like someone who'd fuck his way to the top."
Arthur shook his head. "I have to admit that I'm a bit disappointed. A man who knows his way around like you do should have a better grip on the opportunities offered to him. You will only be young so many years of your life. When things start to sag, and your charm wears off, you need to have something to show for your efforts. You can build everything you want to build until that day comes."
"Is that what you did?" Jamie shot back, barely containing his anger.
"We're not talking about me here. We're talking about you. Are you going to do the tour?"
"Yeah," Jamie said, putting all his unspent aggression into that single word.
"So, you want to be famous?"
"Yeah, so I can get to play in front of as many people as I can."
"Do you really believe you can make everyone love you?"
Arthur's question appeared to come from left field, leaving him speechless for several moments. Was that what he had been trying to do? Did he want to be loved by everyone? It was a nice dream, but he had never thought of it in those terms. Arthur was holding up a mirror right now, and Jamie wasn't sure he liked his reflection one bit.
"There's nothing wrong with that," he murmured.
"No, there's not. That's the spirit. It takes more than guts and talent, Jamie. I know you have both of them in abundance, but they're not enough. Okay, I think I understand you. You are a proud man, that's part of who you are. In that case, here's my advice."
"Do I really want to hear it?"
"I'm going to tell it to you, anyway. It's for my peace of mind if nothing else, since I don't want you to fail. You will meet a lot of assholes along the way. Be prepared to fend them off when you can, and be ready to walk away when there's no chance of winning."
"Did you read that in a fortune cookie?" Jamie asked, shaking his head. This dinner conversation was only getting stranger by the second.
"Come on, Jamie, those sayings can never be that long," Arthur joked.
It was easy for him to make fun of everything. He had it all, money, power, whoever he wanted to fuck. As far as the latter went, Jamie had no intention of being one of the long string of wannabes who must have displayed their other talents in Arthur's bed.
Even when he had shown his body to his subscribers, he had never felt dirty or like he was doing something weird and nasty. But now, as he was being forced to see things from Arthur's perspective, he had to admit that it would be easier for everyone else to look at him and label him as someone who'd do anything for money.
"Thanks for this sobering conversation," Jamie said while pushing his plate away slightly. "I will make sure to try my hardest to change everyone's minds."
"A noble task," Arthur said, lifting his glass. "Is it worth the fight, though?"
"Why wouldn't it be?" Jamie said with a snort. "I'm my own person. People who think they know me will have to do better than just believe gossip or jump to conclusions. I will show them who I really am." He tapped his fingers against his chest to make his point.
"You are an idealist," Arthur exclaimed. "Indeed, you are. Now, listen here, Jamie. People don't have the time to get to know you, even if they wanted to. We're living in an era of information overload. We don't even have time to think about what we want for breakfast, and if everything comes to us in shiny mystery boxes, we'd consider that normal and it would be the only excitement left for us to feel."
"That's quite a cynical way look at life, don't you think?" Jamie argued. "And I know I exaggerated when I said that I would make everyone love me. I only care about people who enjoy music and, in particular, the type of music I play. So, it's not everyone. I believe that this noble task as you call it is manageable."
Arthur laughed. It wasn't grating, which surprised Jamie. He couldn't bring himself to feel insulted by Arthur's words, no matter how hard he tried. Was he that easy to manipulate, or did Arthur really mean it, that he wanted to help him?
It was too difficult a matter to figure out. When something like that happened, Jamie took care of the things that were in his power to influence, while the rest could go to hell. He was in charge of his own future, and no one could create a future for him.
"Now that I told you what I wanted you to hear, let's enjoy our dinner."
"I'm not hungry," Jamie said while pushing his chair back. "I'm sorry, I know it costs a lot--"
"But you don't want to receive something for which you believe you should pay in other ways," Arthur said. "There's no need to apologize, Jamie. These are your choices. I believe you're brave enough to live with them."
"Is that a threat?" Jamie narrowed his eyes. It hadn't sounded like a threat, but he was willing to grasp at straws in his need to start a fight. Arthur blocked him skillfully, and he wasn't some hoodlum who got into scuffles just for their sake.
"No. You will remember my words, and when you do, you'll know what needs to be done."
"And now you're being cryptic."
"I'm willing to show you the way, but I'm not going to hold your hand."
"No, thanks, I'm going to make my own way."
"Then I can only wish you the best of luck, Jamie. I hope the tour with LiveFeed is going to bring you all the fame you need to establish yourself as the musician you want to be."
"You can bet it will. Have a nice evening, Arthur."
"You too, Jamie."
He would. Even without his bunny boy, who had gotten his panties in a twist for reasons only he knew. And without eating expensive food with Arthur, because that wasn't the life he wanted for himself.
The people who understood who he was and enjoyed his music would love him, the same way they loved other musicians. There were so many of the latter who had clearly never compromised in their lives. Arthur was wrong. Jamie would get to the top, on his own.
***
"Hey, what's with you being here?" Melinda welcomed him with a hug and a kiss on the cheek. "It's late. Almost everyone has gone home. And aren't you supposed to be in bed, resting up for your big tour?"
"I'll rest when I'm dead," Jamie said, laughing, although it didn't come easy to him after his earlier conversation with Arthur.
"What's going on? You sound a little strange." Melinda took his arm and dragged him to the bar. A young woman was still there behind the counter and she quickly brought a bottle and two glasses. She smiled as Melinda promised she'd take care of closing and waved them goodbye.
Jamie didn't reply, still caught up in his dark thoughts about the chilling realizations Arthur had gone to such lengths to present to him. Melinda didn't press, but she poured him a drink before doing the same for herself.
"Come on, spill," she encouraged him. "Are you having second thoughts about this reality show business?"
Jamie sighed. "Those guys are a bunch of scumbags. Now that I'm planning on going away with them, I've just realized that I'm also going to be away from all of my friends."
"Can't your very special assistant come with you on your tour? I'm sure you two can work something out. Maybe you can even get him hired as part of the crew," Melinda said with a half-smile.
"He has school. He's still in college. Also, he was a bit of an asshole during our last talk. He didn't even want to hang out, even though I'm leaving tomorrow. Too bad you can't come with me," he added, giving her a smile of his own. "Do you ever tour, Melinda?"
"When we can afford it. We're a small group of guys and gals who get together for the pleasure of making music. We love being on the road, but as plain and dull as it might sound, such things need careful planning and some budgeting, too."
"Don't tell me you have a day job," Jamie said. Only then did he realize that, except for her music, he knew very little about Melinda. What sort of friends were they?
"Actually, I do, sort of. I teach music theory. On and off, but it rounds up the income, so it's cool."
"Do you have a husband? Kids?"
Melinda laughed. "I tried to kiss you, remember? What kind of a loose woman do you take me for?"
Jamie grinned. "An adventurous one."
"Yeah, right, no."
"Would you like to have that someday?" Jamie asked.
"A husband and kids? Yeah, why not? I mean, I like my life. And music means a lot to me right now. As long as the guy doesn't mind getting hitched to a rock star like me, I'm game. Also, my kids will have to become musicians, of course. All of them. I'm going to be a tyrant. They might grow up hating me."
"I'm sure they won't. I think you'll be great as a mom. Just because you're generally great already."
Melinda smiled and punched him on the shoulder. "Stop giving me the wrong signals. If I didn't know you like banging boys, I would think you were hitting on me. You know, getting ready to pounce on me and help me get a start on that small orchestra I'm planning for my kids to become."
"You're safe, don't worry." Jamie took another sip from his glass. "Hey, Melinda, how long have you known Arthur?"
Melinda tapped her lips with her index finger. "Ten years… or is it twelve? Sometimes it feels like I've known him since forever. Why are you asking?"
"What do you think of him?" Jamie didn't know if his opinion of Arthur was correct and he was right to hate the man, so he wanted someone else to tell him about him as a person.
"He's a businessman," Melinda said with a shrug. "I have to admit that he has an eye for talent and good looks. Case in point," she added, gesturing at Jamie. "But he's all for making money. That's where he and I didn't get along. I only want to make music, not become the next sensation for a season."
Could it be that Arthur had propositioned Melinda, too? He couldn't see that happening. Not only because, supposedly, Arthur was gay, but because Melinda seemed to be the sort of gal who'd punch a guy in the face if he dared accuse her of being a whore.
Or it could be that Melinda hadn't suffered the same treatment because she hadn't flaunted the goods on camera. That could very well make a world of difference between the two of them and the way Arthur had treated them.
"That's good to know. So, you're happy?"
Melinda nodded enthusiastically. "Hey, how about we jam one last time before you go away and forget all about me?"
"I would never," Jamie assured her. "Let's make some music."
It was the perfect way for him to spend the night before going on tour with LiveFeed. He needed to remind himself of why he was doing all of this, after all.
TBC