The cool evening breeze stoked the burning fire. The sun would set soon. The fire was going, freshly caught fish placed over it. I breathed in the cool evening breeze, I felt so content in that moment.
I picked up a skewer and passed it to her. She blew gently before taking a bite. "It very good. How is it so flavorful we don't have any spices with us?" I reached into my pocket and showed her my spice blend. "I brought it with me. I had low expectations for the food we would be served here." She chuckled, "So you came prepared. I'm not surprised."
Once again I let my mind drift, let it skirt around the fire as I plunged deeper into thought. Thinking back, I was letting him take advantage of me. I let my emotions supersede my logic when I needed it most. I fell for his provocation now he had the whole school on his side, he had leverage.
On the other hand, my reputation at school mattered very little to me. I had no strong attachments to it or the people there. I had no relationships that were I was at risk of jeopardizing. At most I'd face some stigmatization or be given the cold shoulder by people I did not care for.
Oh right I had almost forgotten. I did have a new attachment. I had a reason to defend myself. If Jess decided to stick with me after everything that has happened, it was my duty as a friend to protect her. But again I didn't really have to do that either, I could throw her away if she became an inconvenience. 'What are you thinking Lukehiem, you are above that, aren't you?'
Yes, I wasn't brought up that way. I remember the lifelong nagging about family and friends. I wasn't taught to leave anyone behind. 'But logic demands it.' I did plan to live more by logic than emotion, but it was impossible to do without it.
"Luke you're spacing out again." She was smiling, like she expected me to drown myself in my own thoughts. "I'm sorry. Can I ask you a question?" "Of course, go ahead."
If weighted down on me enough, it was time I finished this. "Why are you still here, why are you still spending time with me. Shouldn't you be with your friends right now, offering consolation and scorning me."
"Good question. Well to put it simply, you are right. I should have slapped you the moment you came to me and cursed you out. But it's never that simple is it." She took a bite of her fish, her eyes held many emotions, too many to decipher. "You could say it's a feeling. I think things are more than they seem. Something is going on between you and Jonathan, that much is certain. Nevertheless, I'm not of the opinion that either of you would resort to violence."
She took the last bite and reached for another skewer. "Jonathan won't tell me what's going on. I've tried more times than I can count to convince him. He strangely sensitive when it comes to you and you are the same about him." She continued to munch on the fish and fell silent. I waited for her to continue, she said all she had it seemed.
It was my turn to speak. How much could I reveal to her without endangering her. "I did it." "Hmm, did what?" I took a breath and readied myself for her disappointment. "The rumors are true. I punched DeLark in the face and split his nose." I saw the shock register on her face but it didn't last long. "Do you mind telling me why?" That momentary look of disbelief was replaced by curiosity. "He did something that offended me. We met up after the fair and talked for a bit, I offered him peaceful resolution. He didn't take it, I returned the gesture."
"Well it seems I have to reevaluate my opinion of you, both of you. I can't put violence past you, when provoked." Her tone was light, inviting, it beckoned for more. "Why are you so tolerable, I have done nothing to deserve your patience nor understanding."
"Don't think too much of it. It's my own selfishness really. I'm not particularly patient or understanding, but I'm giving you more than I ever have. It is because I'm selfish, you intrigue me. I've told you before, I find you so intriguing, I find myself making compromises as long as I can still be close to you."
She smiled, a smile that was both joyful and sad all at once. "So please, don't think of me as someone with a well of goodness to offer the world. I'm simply just a teenager trying to indulge in her fascinations, just like all the rest." So she was just being selfish. The answer comforted me much more than I imagined. Everyone was inherently selfish, everyone wanted something for themselves, to enjoy without pause or interruption.
I took comfort in the fact that she was just as selfish as I was. That I wasn't dragging down a saint with me, wasn't dirtying someone pure. I was relieved, I had less to weigh on my conscience. She was human after all, her intentions might not be bad but they weren't selfless. And that was what it meant to be human. Everyone did something for a reason, there was intent behind every action. Performing an action without any intent was impossible.
"So do you want to explain what happened today." From her tone, I knew it was entirely my choice, she had no plans to pursue the issue if I remained silent. "I don't mind. There isn't much to tell. I slipped and fell into the water, I grabbed hold of Jonathan for support and he fell in with me. He got angry and tussled with me a bit. I got angry as well and pulled him under with me." Jess nodded in understanding. The lie flowed so easily from my lips, my execution shocked me
"In that case it should be easy to resolve. I know Jonathan, he doesn't stay angry long, an apology will suffice. You deserve one as well of course. I am sure we can smooth things over quickly." My chest quivered from the chuckle I was suppressing, she noticed. "What is so funny?" She also chuckled as she asked.
"The thing is, I don't plan to apologize. Not to him, never to him. I will accept one though." Her smiled turned downcast. "Is there something else going on, you're not this disagreeable." I smiled in response. "Perhaps you should reevaluate your opinion of me again. I may not be as amicable as you think. We've moved past that stage, besides I doubt he would apologize."
She didn't believe me, I knew it wouldn't be that easy. The facade DeLark had built over the years would not crumble that easily. Especially not from my influence. Her fascination with me, wouldn't win over the loyalty and time she had spent with him.
"I know Jonathan. He always apologizes when he's at fault, I am sure he would do the same now." I didn't doubt her knowledge of her friend—at least the knowledge of what he had portrayed. Besides why would Jonathan play along with my lie, it would bring him no benefit, no progress to his game.
We sat and talked for a some time. The sun had set a while ago, we ate all the fish skewers and the fire was dying out. After thoroughly extinguishing what was left of the fire we took our leave and returned to camp. Just like usual everyone was gathered around the bonfire chatting, laughing and sharing stories. I felt the chatter quiet down every so slightly as we approached. Jess didn't stick around today, she made a beeline straight for her friends. My attempts to find a spot to sit close to the fire were not fruitful.
An attempt to sit was met with displeasure from my classmates. The looks of silent disapproval, displeasure and scorn they gave me made it clear. They did not want me sitting close to them. I would not force it, there was no reason to. I could still enjoy the flames from a considerable distance, sitting closer was just a preference.
I found a nice spot further away from them. 'This isn't so bad either.' It really wasn't, I was more unbothered than I thought. I felt Tobias clear the tree line. "Tobias over here!" I waved him over and watched him approach.
Something was wrong, very wrong. Tobias looked utterly drained, his movemens were sluggish. The bags under his eyes were testament to the lack of sleep. I knew he wasn't sleeping well since we got here but I didn't realise it was this bad. Something was bothering him and I was late to notice. My recent rendezvous with Jess made me neglect the only other friend I had.
"Everything alright bud? You don't look so good. When was the last time you had a proper rest." Tobias was slow to answer, and he was fidgety. "I'll be alright. It's almost over don't worry about me." He tried to be reassuring but it only added to my concern. I let it be and focused on observing me as the night passed.
I made two unsettling discoveries. Firstly, he kept glancing nervously at the dark forest behind us. And most concerning of the two, he kept throwing nervous, guarded glances at Jonathan DeLark.