"Among the five of us cousins who were older than Justin, I was the only one who kept going with the violin. I did try giving it up as Justin grew older and I watched more of the paths I could have taken be blocked because of his talent."
He then chuckled, "But look at me. I am here, still holding on to my violin. That is because I also asked the same question I asked you before. What do I desire at that moment, at the present of my own breaking point? Do I want to give up?"
Kathrine simply looked at him, listening intently to his words.
"The answer was always the same. I love the violin too much to give it up just because someone is better than me."
His answer was different from hers, but he still answered that simple question.
"When things get difficult, ask yourself the same question, Kathrine. What do I want to do right now? At this moment, do I want to turn my back on these subjects? Do I want to stop studying these books? Keep the questions simple. Not too hard, not too complicated."
"Will I reach the point where I will have that much confidence in myself?"
"I don't know," Elson replied honestly.
Kathrine suddenly felt confused.
"I wouldn't know the future Kathrine. But what I know is that I am happy with the decision I made years ago. With those small answers that brought me to where I am today. There might be some fallbacks accompanying them but I am happy."
"And I can only move forward and see the outcome of following what I truly desire," Kathrine continued, echoing his words.
He nodded his head, "Yes. At the same time, I want you to remember that you will always be enough. It is normal to fail because if you keep on just succeeding, there are so many things you would surely lose sight of."
"Okay, I'll keep that in mind," she chuckled.
"Now, I'll ask you another question. Have you ever given yourself a reward for all those small wins that you had?"
Kathrine blinked before tilting her head to the side.
"I was too focused on all the assignments and projects that…"
"You did not," he finished.
"Well, why don't you accompany me tomorrow to another musical performance? Let that be the reward for all the hard work you put into reaching this point. You don't have classes, right?"
"I don't but—"
"No more buts. You need to give yourself small rewards as well. It will help motivate you to keep going. Jot down the things you want to do, or eat, or drink, and then when you achieve something, do any of those as a reward."
She couldn't help but laugh.
"Don't laugh. That is a good motivation on its own."
"Okay. What time tomorrow?"
The next day, she and Elson went to the musical performance, where she found herself relaxing a lot as she listened to the music.
Thinking back, she realized she was so focused on her studies that she ended up putting her flute aside.
As they ate lunch…
"By the way, it has always been about me, but how about you? And Sister Fatima?"
"Well, as you can see, I have no performance this time, so I went back on tour in order to watch different performances. As for Fatima, she is preparing for a competition. I will go there a week before her competition," he replied.
"I see. Then help me buy something for her. She has helped me a lot in playing the flute, so I wish I could gift her something. Also, when would you be going?" she asked.
"Sure, let's go after we eat. I'll be leaving in another two weeks," he answered.
"Okay, that is plenty of time to choose," she said happily before she continued eating.
"By the way, why don't you play the flute for me?"
She looked up at him with wide eyes, "Oh no, that would be… I mean I…"
"It is fine. This is not about competitions anyway. It's just you enjoying the instrument and the music. Just a little reward for all my hard work?"
Though he said it in a joking manner, Kathrine felt that he indeed put in a lot of hard work in helping her through her distress.
"Well, don't judge then. I will perform the music I am most fond of playing."
The two went and window-shopped for what would be the best gift for Fatima. Once Elson pointed out a few things he knew she loved, Kathrine nodded her head and decided they should go back.
"I will buy and wrap it up. I want to gift it to her with my own choice," she told him.
She had truly just asked him to show her what Fatima liked. Since they were already out, showing her was the best option rather than just saying a few words.
It was already nighttime when they returned, and both decided that Kathrine would play the flute by the river where they had that talk before.
Not many were passing by, and Kathrine had no qualms about playing even if people were to pass.
Kathrine stood near the river, holding her flute while Elson sat on the bench.
She took a deep breath and began to play Canon in D Major.
It was one of her favorites when she started playing the flute.
The first notes came out soft and gentle. Her fingers moved carefully. She was not perfect, and sometimes she played a little off, but she kept going.
She felt enjoyment as she played. This was what she had forgotten due to the stress, that all she wanted to do was enjoy the music.
Her face was calm, and a small smile formed as she played. The sound was warm, even if it was not exact. It felt like a quiet joy.
Elson could tell how much she was enjoying this moment.
The music was warm and heartfelt.