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This chapter aims to address the reason why Aric has been acting 'Vayney' as someone had pointed out chapters ago (I think it was Chiakim on royal road)
Also this chapter is a little heavy so if dying, depression and suicide is triggering, this has indication of it.
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Aric surrounded by the endless void, as if it was poking a hole in his body, triggered a suffocating darkness. It crushed his soul as a whole both mentally and physically.
His body also felt heavy as it was crushed beyond belief and he was bleeding out to death as he couldn't activate his healing magic anymore.
But none of it mattered anymore.
Ah...I'm so weak. So weak. What am I good for anyways?
Seraphina could probably win alone... She doesn't need me. They don't need me.
For the first time since arriving in this world, he had blacked out. And in this vulnerable state, Vayne's essence corrupted him even more. Wanting to reclaim his body again.
Aric's soul was already being tainted by Vayne's traits. His laziness, degeneracy, arrogance, stupidity, lack of accountability and just many other things all mixing with Aric.
And while Aric had been fighting the corruption actively, it has gone to a point where Aric can't differentiate Vayne and himself anymore.
Maybe I deserved that hit...Getting caught off guard like that—what a joke.
Why am I even trying so hard?
These aren't my people. This isn't my world. None of this is mine.
My wife barely speaks to me unless it's something surface-level. She's not even mine if I really think about it!
Ugh and everyone else? They look at me like a ticking time bomb. They say, "Hey, good job!" But there's always a "but" that hangs in the silence.
What am I even saying...I don't feel like me anymore.
...
Whatever.
I'm probably dying anyways. My body doesn't even want to wake up and my mind is the only thing working now.
I can't feel the pain anymore, I can't feel much to be honest...Maybe this is okay...
...
Why did I even try so hard anyways?
Seraphina hated me from the very beginning.She fucked me over so many times and yet I still tried to help her. I took her abuse, her degrading and did everything just for her to not even be sure to trust me.
Yeah sure, she looks at me now fine or whatever but that's only after I told her I wasn't Vayne.
But even now, she can't face me without looking like she hates me.
Well, she hates Vayne... but I wear his face. So what's the difference? We talk but it's all just normal stuff.
At most, it was about my experiences on Earth.
...
I should've run.
...sigh.
Why was I helping the Arkwrights anyway? What reason did I even have?
If I really think about it… I didn't have to. Like, fuck me. Why did I even help?
And logically, Aric didn't owe the Arkwrights anything. He didn't need to inherit Vayne's sins. Didn't need to suffer the abuse meant for someone else.
But he did it anyway.
Because somewhere in that broken, fragmented heart—He still believed in redemption. He still craved to be loved.
To be understood. He wanted it so badly, he took the abuse.
He overworked himself. He fought for people who frankly gave no shit about the person inside.
Maybe being in this fucking body made me want to help them. Wait that doesn't even make sense. Vayne treated everyone like shit.
Eh. I don't know. I don't care anymore.
My thoughts are getting dumber by the day…even though they feel natural. Ever since being in this world, I can feel myself slipping away at time.
Especially when I get emotional...ugh being like this and having so much desire for women...
Especially Seraphina…She's so fucking sexy. So fucking enticing.
But I can't act on it, can I?
Wait. What the hell am I even saying!? I don't do that ugh.
Claire...
Huh...There's one person I haven't heard in a while...
What am I supposed to do? Should I even care anymore? I mean, she was abused by Vayne, not me so why should I ha—
Suddenly, Aric's mind twitched.
No. That's the point. She suffered because of this face. Because of this name. And even if it wasn't me—I'm the one standing here now.
I have to show her I'm not him. I have to fix this.
But even that flicker of resolve was poisoned because the corruption had reached 40%.
And at that threshold...It didn't matter how noble his intentions were.
Meh but still...there's no "making it right" with someone who saw the devil every time they looked at me.
Wouldn't me dying be the closure she needs? Wouldn't that make Seraphina happier too?
If I disappear…wouldn't that make things easier for everyone?
...
...
...
Yea—
PAK!
Aric staggered. His soul felt like he'd been punched by a star.
PAK!
Another slap hit Aric and this time he could see someone standing infront of him.
Her amber eyes was furious. It was none other than Ivy.
"Get your ass up."
She slapped him again.
PAK!
She grabbed Aric by his collar and made him look at her,
"What the hell do you think you're doing?! You selfish piece of shit! You think giving up is noble? You think dying is some kind of apology?!"
Aric was confused. He clutch his cheek even though he wasn't sure his soul should even feel pain,
"Ivy...? What—how are you even he—?"
"Don't you 'what' me!" Ivy snapped, jabbing a glowing finger into his chest,
"You're in your soul, dumbass. You blacked out, currently dying and monologuing like some fucking idiot that wants to die!"
"Like fuck me sideways. What are you gonna say to me? That you deserve to die!? THAT YOU DESERVE TO JUST BE LEFT IN THE RUBBLE!?"
PAK!
She forced his face to look at her back,
"You think just because people hate you, you're allowed to give up?! Boo-hoo, Seraphina doesn't look at you right. Wah-wah, the world is cruel. NEWSFLASH, Aric—you already knew that!"
"I didn't ask for th—"
"Neither did they! But here we are! You think you're cursed because you inherited Vayne's sins? You think you're the only one bleeding in this story? EVERYONE IS BLEEDING!"
Aric looked down, "I don't even know who I am anymore…"
Ivy grabbed his chin and forced him to meet her gaze,
"Then choose. Are you Vayne? Are you Aric? Or are you just some scared coward waiting for permission to die!?"
Ivy took a deep breathe, "Because if you can't choose, then maybe you are a coward."
PAK!
"That you don't deserve me WASTING my FUCKING energy and risking MY life to save your fucking sorry depressing ass! I HAD TO RISK MY EXISTENCE JUST TO SAVE YOU!"
PAK!
"I PULLED YOU OUT OF THE RUBBLE! I INTERFERRED BECAUSE I DIDN'T WANT YOU TO DIE But if this is how you are? Then maybe…"
Her voice cracked.
"…maybe you deserve to—"
"I GOT CAUGHT IN A BLAST, IVY!" Aric screamed back.
"I BLACKED OUT! I'M DYING! AND YEAH—SO WHAT?! I DON'T EVEN FEEL LIKE MYSELF ANYMORE!"
"There's something inside me, Ivy. Something is changing and I don't even know what it is!"
"I'm changing and it scares the hell out of me! I don't know what's wrong with me but every night I see Seraphina in my bed, I have to restrain myself. Every single time."
"My instincts, my urges, my thoughts, my goddamn hormones—they're not mine anymore!"
"They're twisted! Everything is!"
His voice was shaking, "I wake up and everyday my head tells me to give up. Every second. Every fucking second. But I keep fighting. I keep going on about my day but I don't even know what I'm fighting for anymore!"
"I feel lazier. I feel cockier. I feel dumber. I feel like a piece of shit."
"I catch myself smirking like a jackass. Dismissing people like I'm better than them. And I don't know why! I don't know!"
"I don't know why I do stupid shit more often, say it more often. I don't know!"
"I don't know! I don't know! I DON'T KNOW!!"
Tears finally fell down his cheeks, "I don't know what's wrong with me anymore…"
Aric's knee gave up and fell down, "I don't know...I feel like I am changing so fast that it feels natural and unnatural. That one day I will wake up and act as Vayne. Be Vayne."
"I want to give up but I also don't want to. I fight it every day. I restrain myself every second. But it's getting harder. And harder. Like the real me is fading away…"
"Like I'm not Aric anymore."
There was silence. Just his broken breathing echoing in the darkness.
Ivy stared at him for a long moment. She realised that Aric is scared himself and decided to calm herself down.
She took a deep breathe and slowly exhaled,
"Haaaa…"
She knelt in front of him.
"So… you feel like giving up because Vayne's essence is bleeding into you so much that it's starting to feel like your own thoughts?"
"…Like every time something twisted comes up, you don't know if it was you who felt it or him? And every time you open your mouth and something dumb slips out, you wonder if that's just who you are now?"
Aric nodded weakly, "I don't know who's talking in my head anymore…"
Ivy placed a hand gently on his shoulder,
"Then listen up. I'm only saying this once."
"You are not Vayne. Not unless you choose to be. Yes, his essence is inside you. But essence doesn't control who you are. Choice does"
"You're scared because you're feeling what he felt. But that doesn't make you him. That makes you someone strong enough to carry it without letting it take over."
"But I'm not gonna lie. Your thoughts are definitely dumber now and so are your actions. You're more impulsive, more arrogant."
"But that doesn't mean you've disappeared. You're still you, Aric."
"You just gotta think harder. Be louder. Be you, even when the noise inside tries to drown you out. You are not Vayne."
"Your thoughts are still yours, you just have to fight harder."
She stood up and held out her hand.
"You wanna know who you are? Then get the FUCK up. Fight like the soldier you are! The soldier who single-handedly changed the tide of war! The guy who beat PTSD!"
"You are Aric FUCKING Lawson. And as long as you're still breathing, you get to decide who that is. So get up. Because if you die here… if you let that bastard take over…"
"Then every second you fought was for nothing."
"So. Get. Up."
Aric looked up at her with teary eyes, "But my body..."
Ivy raised a hand to silence him, "Shhh. Listen to me."
"I've already injected something into your system to keep you alive."
"Right now, your physical body is beyond fucked—you've got minutes before you basically die but I have pulled your body of the rubble for you so you will be able to function once you heal yourself."
"I've granted you a new sub-ability. Overdrive. It lets you supercharge any magic for triple the cost."
"Overdrive your healing magic, Aric. That's your only chance now."
"I've risked everything by interfering like this. After this... I'll need to go dark for a while. The system will still be online, but I won't be able to guide you..."
Ivy leaned forward and gently pressed her forehead to his,
"So trust yourself. Don't overthink the corruption, or the essence, or the noise. You are in control. Okay?"
Her form began to shimmer and fragment, tiny particles peeling off from her,
"Ivy…? Ivy! You're fading! Wait—don't tell me you're—"
BOP!
Ivy thwacked him on the forehead with her knuckle,
"No, you idiot! It's just hard to maintain this form, especially inside your chaotic-ass consciousness!"
Aric winced, rubbing his forehead, "Oh... I thought you were disappearing. I was scared to lose you."
"But… how did you even drag my body out?"
Ivy winked, "Ask me after you win this battle, Aric."
Her figure now translucent, the digital threads of her existence disappearing,
"Looks like my time's up. I'll be back once I sort out a few system functions."
Then, with a fading smile—
"So until then...make this count."
And with that, she vanished.