Chapter 6: "I Know Kung Fu… I Think"
If you had told Naruto Uzumaki yesterday that he'd be riding in a luxury car through the streets of City Z, on his way to a martial arts dojo run by retired badasses… he'd have asked how many times you'd been hit on the head.
Now?
Now he was doing exactly that.
And trying very hard to look like he knew what he was doing.
Naruto sat stiffly in the oversized seat of what looked like a magical carriage made by billionaires with too much time and too little restraint. The upholstery was gold-trimmed. The floor had a carpet so soft it might have been made from baby clouds. And—he wasn't kidding—there were sparkly lights embedded in the ceiling like it was trying to cosplay the night sky.
Next to him sat Konan, aka Super S, aka "The Human Detonator," smiling like a cat who just got its own private tuna vault.
"Uzumaki-sama, are you going to test them… or train them?"
Naruto tried not to let his soul flee from his body at that sentence. He cleared his throat in the way all wise men do when they're making something up on the spot.
"I will be lowering my power to human levels and enjoying the… uh… fresh perspective. No interference."
He said it in his best calm, authoritative tone. Inside, he was praying she wouldn't start taking notes.
Konan beamed, practically glowing with reverence.
"Understood, my lord. I shall bear witness to your humility."
'Oh no. She's narrating again.'
Meanwhile, Naruto turned his gaze to the tablet in his hands. Karen had compiled a neat little dossier on the top martial artists in the world. And surprisingly, they weren't all meatheads.
Bang and Bomb, brothers who ran a joint dojo. Gray-haired, muscular, and with more muscles than most people had bones. They were the real deal. Legends. Occasionally crabby but always cool.
Then there was Hayato Furinji, also known as The Invincible Superman. Naruto blinked at the profile photo—mostly because the man looked like he could bench-press a battleship and still have enough energy to walk someone's dog.
'Finally, someone taller than the average mailbox,' Naruto thought, mildly comforted. Hayato was apparently off gallivanting with his granddaughter, though. So… unavailable.
That left the brothers.
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Naruto was finally beginning to enjoy his ride.
He'd just made up some boss-level excuse about "lowering his power to human levels" (whatever that meant), and Konan hadn't tried to destroy a building in the last fifteen minutes. The air conditioning was humming, the car had cup holders the size of toddler bathtubs, and Karen had even packed something called "snack puffs" that tasted suspiciously like clouds and regret.
Life was… almost good.
That's when the driver hit the brakes and ruined everything.
"Lord Uzumaki, a monster has broken through into the city near us."
The driver said it in the same tone most people used when they realized they'd forgotten their umbrella.
Naruto's eyes narrowed.
This was no time to be chill.
He popped the door open, and the car actually tilted slightly from the motion. When Naruto stood up, people screamed—not because of the monster, but because they thought he was the monster.
'Great. Classic Tuesday reaction,' Naruto thought dryly.
But now that he was standing, he could see it clearly.
A black dog, half his size, with glowing red eyes and claws that looked like they'd been forged in a metal concert. It was stalking through the street like it owned the place, and when it opened its mouth to roar—
—people dropped like flies.
Men. Women. Even a dude on a food delivery scooter who faceplanted into a noodle cart. Everyone around them grabbed their heads and collapsed, as if someone had just turned off their Wi-Fi.
"That's a Hell Hound from the Underworld," Konan said helpfully, while casually brushing dust off her whip like she hadn't just summoned the Doom Encyclopedia. "Its roar weakens people and blocks their powers. A human must've summoned it. This beast doesn't belong here."
Naruto's fists clenched. His red eyes flashed.
"Then let's handle it."
Before anyone could say anime protagonist vibes, Naruto dashed forward. A blur of orange and intensity barreled down the road.
"COME HERE, MUTT!"
Now, most people don't scream that at a monster born in the fiery depths of a dimension designed by angry poets and dog groomers with a vengeance. But Naruto wasn't most people.
The Hell Hound turned its glowing red gaze toward him, ears twitching.
Challenge accepted.
The beast roared and leapt toward Naruto with fangs out and claws ready to slice.
Naruto didn't flinch.
He angled his body just slightly, shifted his footwork like Bang had taught him on a YouTube short, and swung his arm like a steel beam aimed at a piñata full of nightmares.
WHAM.
The impact echoed like a bell tolling the end of recess.
The hound's neck twisted unnaturally, and its body hit the ground mid-leap—limp, lifeless, and looking very much like a bad puppy that just lost the world's worst game of fetch.
Naruto stood there, breathing heavily… except not from the fight. Mostly from nerves.
'Wait. That actually worked?'
He stared at his arm, then at the hound, then back at his arm.
He didn't even feel pain. Not a scratch.
'Have I ever bled? Like ever?' he wondered. 'Did the universe forget to give me a health bar?'
Behind him, people slowly rose to their feet, staring first at the terrifying red-eyed giant… and then at the dead monster he was dragging like it owed him rent.
And then—cheering.
For him.
Real, actual applause. Someone tossed confetti. (Maybe. It might have been a shredded napkin.)
"Everything is fine now!" Naruto called out with what he hoped was a heroic smile and not a please don't scream at my face again grin. "Please resume your regularly scheduled lives!"
People clapped. Someone offered him a soda. One old man bowed so hard he fell over. The city hadn't seen a casualty-free monster incident in weeks.
"Uzumaki-sama, you were magnificent," Konan whispered from behind him, placing a gentle hand on his massive bicep. "Such power, such control. Truly, your restraint honors us all."
Naruto coughed awkwardly.
"Yeah, totally. Restraint. That's what that was."
'I punched a hell dog into next week and didn't break a nail… Is that normal?!'
For now, though, he shoved those thoughts aside. He'd survived the Hell Hound, saved a crowd, and earned a few cheers.
Naruto climbed back into the car, sank into the seat, and tried not to panic.
Konan rested her head on his arm like a smug, superpowered pet snake.
'Okay… I'm not human. Or I'm not just human. Or maybe Konan's belief in me is doing something stupid like unlocking latent power. Either way, I need answers… and training.'
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If Naruto had known that signing up for a training session would result in two of the world's deadliest martial artists bowing to him like he was the final boss in a video game, he might've reconsidered. Or at least worn nicer sandals.
"Welcome, Uzumaki-sama. We are honored by your presence," Bomb said with a bow that probably hadn't been that deep since the last royal wedding.
Naruto scratched the back of his head awkwardly, which was tough when your arm was the size of a tree trunk.
"Uh… yeah, thanks. But let's skip the whole royalty thing and just call me Naruto. I'm here to train, not to rule a nation."
Across from him, Bang and Bomb—two legends in their own right, with beards that looked like they were spun from wisdom and punch strength—shared a look. They were confused. Suspicious. A little afraid.
Mostly of the woman standing silently behind Naruto.
Konan, aka Super S, aka "The Walking Whip of Death," radiated the calm menace of someone who considered friendly sparring a blood sport.
"Uzumaki-sama is the pinnacle of martial arts," Bang said carefully, like someone trying not to poke a sleeping tiger. "How can we mortals teach you anything?"
Naruto smiled sadly, which somehow made him look even more terrifying.
"I've sealed away my memories of the arts… and limited my power. Life got too boring without a challenge."
He said it so casually, as if he were talking about uninstalling Candy Crush.
The masters paused.
Bang placed a hand over his heart.
Bomb wiped an invisible tear from the corner of his eye.
"Such sacrifice… such humility…" they whispered like kids watching a nature documentary about majestic ancient whales.
Naruto, meanwhile, was internally mourning the garden he'd abandoned back home. His poor vegetables—gone to weeds. His carrots… unharvested.
'I should've brought some seeds,' he thought. 'At least I could've grown snacks during training.'
"Then please follow us," Bang said reverently. "And… will your servant be joining us as well?"
Naruto blinked.
"Yes. I want you to train her too."
The room temperature dropped three degrees.
Konan tilted her head.
"Uzumaki-sama?" she asked, voice flat.
And then something shifted behind her eyes. The penny dropped. The gears clicked.
'Of course,' Konan thought. 'My Lord, the eternal master, hates it when warriors fight without elegance or purpose. How foolish of me to forget!'
She slapped her forehead, which sounded like a thunderclap, and then bowed.
"Thank you, my Lord," she said. Her voice was muffled by her mask, but Naruto caught the sparkle in her eyes. That wasn't just admiration—it was worship. Scary, overly attached fanclub-level worship.
'If I survive this, I deserve a cookie,' Naruto thought as he followed the two ancient martial artists into the training hall, trying very hard not to look like someone who had never actually trained in martial arts at all.
Because he hadn't.
The extent of his combat training was wrestling with oversized farm animals and once chasing a goose that had stolen his breakfast.
"So… uh, is there like a beginner's course?" he asked casually.
Bang and Bomb turned around in unison, smiling.
"Don't worry. We'll start with something simple."