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Chapter 99 - This Festival Ain’t Big Enough for Bureaucratic Old Farts

The thing about resting? I don't. Like physically, sure. Sit on a mat, eat a sketchy rice ball, maybe let Greg nap on my head like a judgmental hat. But mentally? My brain's on Ultra Instinct.

Resting means thinking. Overthinking. Strategizing. Paranoia speedrunning my bloodstream. I knew what was coming. The Sabzeruz Festival plot. The loop. The part where logic eats itself, and I start punching air like I'm fighting existential dread. Because I am.

And this time? I don't get to skip it.

"I need a plan," I muttered to no one in particular. Greg lifted his head slightly from my shoulder, his eyes half-lidded with that "you've been saying that for two hours" look. "A real one. Like... A-tier anime strategy. Brains, brawn, maybe a bit of unhinged luck."

Greg yawned.

I sighed. "Okay, fine. B-tier plan. But no lower."

I don't remember how I escaped this part last time. Past me speedran this segment just to get to the big Archon climax like some impatient gacha addict. And now? Now I'm stuck in the pre-chaos loading screen with no idea how to dodge what's coming.

And no walkthrough in sight.

I stared up at the night sky, watching the constellations blink lazily through Sumeru's humid veil. The air smelled like honey and incense. It should've been calming. But there was a weight in the breeze. A silence before the crash.

"This festival's too happy," I mumbled. "It's like the script is fattening us up before a tragedy buffet."

Greg responded by licking his own eyeball. Again. Not helpful.

Then I caught voices nearby. Lumine and Paimon were crouched beside Dunyarzad, whispering softly.

"Are you sure you're alright?" Lumine asked gently.

"Yes, much better," Dunyarzad replied, giving a tired smile. "Just give me a few moments, and I'll be good to go."

Paimon floated around her anxiously. "You should be resting more! Like, fully horizontal and surrounded by pillows kinda resting!"

Lumine nodded. "Dehya looked… worried a while ago. And that's not normal. She usually looks like she could suplex a ruin guard for breakfast."

Dunyarzad looked down. "...I didn't realize you were concerned about it. I guess I shouldn't keep it a secret anymore. I was actually—"

"It's Eleazar," I cut in, stepping forward, voice firmer than usual.

They turned toward me. Even Greg sat up.

Paimon blinked. "Wait… Shigeru's serious? Oh no. This must really be bad."

Lumine's brows furrowed. "It makes sense now."

I knelt beside Dunyarzad. "It's not just a sickness. It's a curse. A slow, cruel one. It eats away at your thoughts. Your will. Your sense of self. And all you can do is hope it stops taking more than it already has."

Dunyarzad's smile wavered. Her hands trembled faintly in her lap.

I looked at her, softer this time. "Don't be scared. You'll be saved. Didn't I promise you that? We're here now. This is the time."

The others fell quiet.

Paimon fluttered closer. "Do you really think we can change what's already happening?"

I paused.

"Change it? I don't know. Cheat it? Absolutely."

And then, without another word, I removed my Akasha Terminal.

The group froze.

"WAIT, WHAT?!" Paimon shrieked.

Lumine stepped forward quickly. "Shigeru, are you out of your mind?!"

"...Possibly," I replied, holding the green device in my palm. "But hear me out. If this loop is going to be fed through dreams and artificial signals—and I'm not saying it is, yet—then the Akasha's part of the mess. It's like leaving your brain plugged into a cosmic prank line. I'd rather think for myself than be a background character in some divine simulation... especially when I know the punchline's gonna hurt."

I paused, then added more quietly, "It hasn't started yet. But it will. I don't know when. And neither do you." I looked at Lumine and Paimon. "You don't need to understand everything right now. Just trust me a little longer. When it begins, we won't get a warning shot."

Greg bopped my cheek with his tail. I took that as support. Probably.

Paimon hovered in front of me, panic in her eyes. "But—what if you miss out on something important?! What if that's the only way to track the loop?"

I stared at the terminal one last time. "Then I'll make my own map."

Dunyarzad looked up. "You really think there's a way out?"

"I believe in retries," I said with a crooked smile. "And chaos. Lots of chaos."

Lumine folded her arms, sighing. "Of course. Chaos is your only plan."

"Hey! Chaos and emotional damage resistance!"

"You're not exactly resistant to that last one."

"Fair."

Greg squeaked.

Silence again, this time gentler. More accepting.

Dunyarzad's shoulders relaxed. "Thank you… all of you."

We helped her settle down again, her breathing a little calmer. Paimon covered her with a shawl, and Greg curled up in her lap like a lumpy emotional support lizard.

I looked up again.

The stars were shifting. The wind was starting to hum. The loop was coming.

And this time, I'd be ready.

Even if it kills me. Again.

***

So there I was, pacing like a madman at 2 AM. Greg was on my shoulder, probably thinking I'd finally lost it. And maybe I had. I said all those cool lines back there—talked about fate, chaos, destiny—but now? Now I was just walking stress in human form.

"Okay, okay, okay," I muttered, hand on chin, walking back and forth like I was about to summon a portal through sheer anxiety. "There's gotta be a way out. A loophole. Loop... hole. Loop. Hole. Heh. Loopho—NO FOCUS SHIGERU!"

Greg sighed and flicked my ear with his tail. I glared at him. "Traitor. I fed you."

He flicked my forehead again.

I slumped down onto a bench under a tree, head in hands. The wind was warm, the air oddly still, like even Teyvat was waiting for something.

And then, as if fate itself wanted to slap me across the face, Dunyarzad went:

"Oh, right! Isn't it almost time?"

Paimon tilted her head. "Huh? Almost time for what?"

"The Dance of Sabzeruz," Dunyarzad said, her eyes shimmering. "It's the part of the festival that I've been looking forward to the most..."

She went on, all soft and sentimental, talking about Nilou recreating that legendary dance with beauty and grace, how it'll end with thunderous applause and gentle blessings.

And me?

"Nilou's Dance?!" I practically barked. "FINALLY!"

Lumine squinted at me. Like really squinted. I felt my soul leave my body for a sec.

"Uh—Please don't kill me yet!" I yelped, immediately clapping my hands together and bowing like my life depended on it. (Because it did.)

She sighed, crossing her arms. "I did say I could share you with her. So... we can go. I like her personality too, after all."

I blinked. Once. Twice.

"Wait, really?"

"But," she added with a smile that looked entirely too innocent, "Only her. No one else."

I placed a hand dramatically over my chest. "Of course, my dear Blondie! Love ya!"

She blushed. Score one for the dumbass.

Paimon twirled in the air. "Then what are we waiting for?! Let's go to the stage!"

"Yeah!" Dunyarzad said. "We should still make it in time!"

The Grand Bazaar, minutes later...

The moment we arrived, drama was already unfolding like a cursed scroll.

"...Were you not aware that the law prohibits this type of performance from taking place without prior permission?" barked a woman who sounded like she eats paper for breakfast.

Paimon gasped. "Over there! Someone's yelling at Nilou!"

Dunyarzad clutched her chest. "That... That's the Grand Sage of the Akademiya! Why is he here?!"

Nilou, radiant and flustered, was standing her ground. "But the Dance of Sabzeruz is one of the key parts of the festival. If we can't perform it—"

Setaria shut her down fast. "The law also prohibits the private hosting of large-scale, religious festivals. Only the Akademiya can host such an event."

She went full-on threat mode, talking about investigations, illegal organizing, blah blah blah.

Nilou's voice cracked. "How... How did things turn out like this...?"

Dunyarzad stepped forward. "The Akademiya used to handle this, but they've abandoned it for years. I need to speak to—"

Yeah no. Screw that.

I was already on the stage, grabbing Setaria's face like I was holding a melon I was about to chuck.

"Listen here, lady," I growled. "I don't care if you're from Akademiya, a lawmaker, or a literal Archon. No one—and I mean NO ONE—messes with the Sabzeruz Festival. Especially not Nilou's dance."

Setaria flailed a bit. "Y-You're threatening an official—"

"I will skin you alive and feed you to Greg."

Greg hissed. Good timing.

Nilou blushed. Dunyarzad panicked.

"Shigeru, please!" she cried. "This isn't the way!"

Lumine and Paimon were already rushing to de-escalate.

Paimon waved her arms frantically. "Let her go! She's not even worth Greg's calories!"

Lumine, pinching her nose. "Why is this always your first reaction?!"

Before I could respond with something classy like "I act first, think never," a certain fossilized raisin decided to speak.

Azar, Grand Grumpy Sage himself, stepped up with all the grace of a wet tissue.

"Art... Dance... Aren't you ashamed of pursuing such frivolous and meaningless activities in this land of knowledge and reason?"

Bruh.

"Our Archon created this utopia for scholars who sought truth and verity, and you... defile it."

Nilou replied with grace. "I believe our Archon never rejected the arts. Even the Goddess of Flowers dedicated a dance to her—"

Azar waved her off. "You lack credentials. You're not qualified to debate with me. In fact, let's tear down this eyesore."

He ordered some ordinance nonsense like a true bureaucratic gremlin.

And that's when my eyes turned from "mildly annoyed" to "I'm about to commit at least five crimes."

Paimon: "Oh no."

Lumine: "We know that look. He's done for."

Greg: intense lizard side-eye

I appeared in front of Azar like I teleported, grabbing his face with both hands.

"What did you just say, you wrinkled stack of sour grapes?!" I snarled.

"Y-You—!"

"I've had a grudge against you since Earth. For what you did to the Radish Archon!"

"W-WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?!"

Then I beat the living daylights out of him.

Anemo punch. Geo punch. Electro punch. Dendro punch. Full elemental combo meal, now with extra side of fury. If we had Hydro, I would've summoned a tiny tsunami just to give him a swirly in front of the audience. Pyro? Man would've left as charcoal art. Cryo? He'd be doing the moonwalk on ice straight to therapy. Thank Celestia Greg didn't have a Vision or we'd have committed a full-scale war crime with lizard spice.

Nilou ran over to Lumine. "Aren't you going to stop him?!"

Lumine shrugged. "Nah. We've seen worse. He's just warming up."

Paimon nodded. "Last time he suplexed a Fatui into a food stall."

Dunyarzad blinked. "Is this... normal?"

"Yup," Lumine and Paimon replied in sync.

After I was done painting the floor with Azar, I dusted my hands off like a true gentleman.

Azar, bruised and gasping: "You… blasphemous… barbarian… You'll pay for this!"

I yelled after him. "I DON'T HAVE ENOUGH MORA TO PAY FOR ANYTHING, YOU FUN-SUCKING LAMP POST!"

Greg squeaked proudly and raised his tiny claw like a little fist of rebellion.

The crowd? Applauding.

Nilou? Blushing even more.

Me? Slightly dizzy but spiritually satisfied.

But hey... I think we made a statement.

So there I was, standing proudly over a very bruised, very groaning Azar, surrounded by chaos and cheers. My hands were still tingling from that last Dendro-infused uppercut. Greg, from his throne (my left shoulder), looked more smug than usual. I swear I saw him flex his little lizard bicep.

"Hey... are you alright?" came a soft voice.

I turned to see Nilou approaching with Dunyarzad, Lumine, and Paimon following behind. Nilou looked genuinely concerned, though I caught a small smile tugging at her lips.

I gave her my best grin. "I am. But that old fart isn't."

Nilou let out a surprised laugh. "You really gave him a piece of your mind... and your fists. Are you always like this?"

"More or less," I said, puffing my chest out. Greg squeaked and nodded with pride.

Lumine came up next to me, arms crossed. "You went too far on that one."

I raised a brow. "But did I though?"

She paused. Then, begrudgingly: "...He does deserve it."

Paimon zipped in next to her. "Paimon agrees! That old man is creepy! And like he smells like expired scrolls."

"He definitely does," I nodded. "Like if old paper and arrogance had a baby."

"With dust for hair," Paimon added.

Greg nodded again with a tiny lizard sneer. Fierce.

Dunyarzad stepped forward and gave a small, formal bow. "Thank you, Shigeru. For standing up for us. For Nilou. For the Sabzeruz Festival."

I waved it off like the humble idiot I pretend to be. "Ehh, it was nothing. You don't need to thank me. I just did what any extremely handsome, talented, and morally gray guy would do."

Greg nodded solemnly like I just gave a TED talk.

"Honestly, I didn't even think. I just saw some Akademiya clown trying to stomp on joy and went: not today, bureaucratic Satan."

Paimon snorted.

I clapped my hands together. "Welp! Now that the creeps are gone, aren't we going to continue the festival?"

Nilou looked hesitant. "I don't really know but..."

I stepped forward and faced the crowd. My voice boomed across the plaza. "HEY EVERYONE!? DO YOU STILL WANT THIS PARTY STARTED?!"

The cheer that followed could've cracked the Dendro Archon's statue.

Even Greg flicked my ear approvingly.

I looked at Nilou again and smiled. "See? Everything is fine."

Nilou laughed softly, her shoulders easing. "You're really something else, Shigeru."

Lumine walked up to Nilou, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder.

"He's just like that," she said, her voice fond and soft. "He'll always find a way to save everyone and make them smile. No matter how stupid or reckless he is."

Nilou blinked in surprise.

Lumine smiled, watching me waving my arms and hyping up the crowd like a maniac. "After all... he's OUR Shigeru."

Dunyarzad smiled too. "You can feel it, can't you? The energy. The joy. He protects that, in his own... chaotic way."

Greg did a little dance on my shoulder. I don't even know where he learned that.

And right then, I somehow fired a barrage of glittering confetti into the air. From where, you ask?

I genuinely have no idea.

Even Greg looked surprised.

But who cares?

The music started again, drums and strings echoing through the Grand Bazaar. Laughter, lights, and color returned as if nothing had happened. Nilou turned toward the stage, her hands slightly trembling but her smile steady.

Lumine and Dunyarzad helped her get ready.

Paimon floated beside me. "You really do change everything, don't you?"

"Only the broken parts," I said, smirking.

And me?

I just stood back and watched. Watching a miracle unfold. A dream being protected.

The dance was about to begin.

And though they still didn't know it yet, not Lumine, not Paimon, not even Nilou...

The loop hadn't started.

But it was coming.

And I had no idea how to stop it.

Still, as the lights brightened and Nilou took center stage, I smiled like a fool.

Because sometimes, you just need to believe.

Even if you're not sure.

Even if the storm is coming.

You dance anyway.

Especially with confetti.

Thanks, past me. For packing confetti.

Greg flicked my head again.

"Ow! Alright, alright! I'm watching, dang it!"

Let the Sabzeruz Festival truly begin.

...Before everything breaks again.

_________________________

End of Chapter 98

Quests Completed:

*Protect the Sabzeruz Festival

*Expose the Akademiya's Cruelty

*Delay the Inevitable Time Loop

*Keep Dunyarzad's Spirits Up

* Translate Greg's Head Flicks Into Emotional Morse Code

*Outrage an Entire Government Official on Live Stage and Win Over the Crowd With Zero Political Awareness

* Impress Nilou Without Spontaneously Proposing

*Recover Festival Morale with Pure Idiocy

*Threaten Akademiya Using All Four Elements and One Lizard

*Make the Grand Sage Rethink His Career (with fists)

Rewards:

*Festival Snack Pack (x2 Spicy Sumeru Noodles, x3 Mint Yogurt Smoothies)

*+15 Greg's Respect

*+10 Festival Reputation with Grand Bazaar Residents

*Alchemical Debris of Wisdom (not usable, but very glittery)

*Nilou's Soft Smile (Collectible. Makes your heart go boom.)

*Dunyarzad's Grateful Blessing (+3 Hope, +1 Determination)

*Akademiya Tears in a Jar (Item Description: "Tastes like entitlement.")

*Scroll of Minor Chaos (Can be thrown for dramatic effect)

*Echoes of the Crowd (Whispers: "We love you Shigeru!" at random times)

*+5 Emotional Support Tissue Pack

*Flower Petal of the Festival (Slight scent of hope and sandalwood)

*Confetti of Chaos 

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