"Some feelings start quiet—until they echo through everything."
I stared at the message draft for way too long.
"Don't forget me when I'm gone."
I deleted it. Then typed: "Study hard, idiot."
Then deleted that too.
In the end, I didn't send anything. Just stared at our chat and closed the app.
The days are as hectic as always—college, studies, and everything in between. But the most pressing thing on my mind is my decision. With just a little more than a month left before the finals, Solace and I have been focusing hard on our studies. Because of that, our time together has decreased. We even agreed to completely stop talking one month before the exams begin, until they're over.
These final exams are incredibly important for students in our country. They decide which career paths we'll be able to pursue. It's all deeply connected. Every student has to make a choice about their future after these exams—then prepare for it, step by step, in hopes of actually achieving it.
"Lily?" I heard a knock on my door. It was Mother.
"Yes, come in."
She opened the door and entered. Father followed behind her. I was sitting on my chair, and they sat on the bed.
"Have you decided?" Father asked.
"Yeah," I replied quietly. "I'll go abroad to study."
I had already made the decision a few days ago.
They both smiled, visibly relieved. I guess they had been worried I might choose not to go. We talked for a few more minutes before they left the room.
This decision—this was what I had been hesitating over for so long. Studying abroad. Leaving behind my friends and family. And lately, I've been thinking about him too.
It's been almost half a year since we started talking. He's become a crucial part of my everyday life. I wait for his messages. I enjoy our conversations. I miss him when he's not there. And honestly? It's affecting my studies.
What is this feeling?
Why have my days changed so much?
I need to sort out these emotions. I can't go forward with uncertainty. Missing him… always waiting for him… loving the way he talks to me.
Do I like him?
Not just as a friend—but something more?
Yeah… maybe that is the case..
The room was quiet, save for the low hum of the fan. I lay beneath my blanket, curled on my side, eyes half open in the darkness. The faint light from the street slipped through the curtain, casting a soft glow on the wall. My phone rested beside my pillow—silent, black, like it was sleeping too.
I stared at it anyway, wondering if he was thinking of me.
Solace.
I've seen his face so many times—his sleepy eyes, his little smirk when he's amused, the way he runs his hand through his hair when he's unsure. He doesn't know what I look like yet, not fully. And still, he talks to me like he knows me. Like he sees something no one else does.
I pressed my cheek into the pillow. My fingers toyed with the edge of the blanket, tracing slow circles without meaning to.
I shouldn't feel this way, should I?
He's just a voice, a presence, a name on my screen—but he's somehow taken up more space in my world than most people I've met in real life. I think about him between study breaks. I smile at the sound of his voice in my head. And sometimes, like now, I imagine what it would feel like… to be seen by him. To be beside him. To feel him laugh softly, so close that I could feel the warmth of his breath.
I exhaled slowly.
Why does my chest ache like this? Why does my skin remember how it feels when he says something kind, even though he's never touched me?
Maybe it's not just a crush. Maybe it's more.
And maybe… that's why it scares me.
The night passed and another morning came. I got up from my bed and went to brush my teeth. Looking at the mirror I looked like a witch. Disheveled hair, fluffy eyes.
After freshening up, I had breakfast and sat at my desk. Let's study a little, I thought. When it was around 10:35, I took a short break. What's he doing? Studying too, maybe? I picked up my phone and messaged him.
"Good morning, sir."
No reply came. He wasn't even online. I sighed and returned to my notes. I'm not sure how much time passed, but then—ting.
"Just woke up, ma'am."
I looked at the time. 11:00 AM.
Who sleeps this late?!
"You slept so much! Aren't the finals coming up?" I shot back. He read the message instantly and replied soon after.
"Yeah, I know. Studied last night... then gamed a bit too much. Hehe."
This boy… Finals are right around the corner and he's still like this?
Then came the next message:
"So... did you miss me?"
Why does he always ask me that? I did miss him. That's why I messaged him first, isn't it?
We kept talking, and soon it was afternoon. The topic drifted into life and relationships. Then suddenly:
"Do you like me?"
His message hit like an explosion.My hands froze. What… did he just ask?
I re-read the message, heart thudding. How can he ask so directly?! But then again… what else should I expect from him?
I sighed, staring at the screen. What should I reply?
I knew the answer. I liked him. More than a friend. I thought about him too often, waited for his messages too eagerly. But should I say it now? With exams so close?
Still... these feelings—this constant restlessness—I needed clarity. I needed to face this.
Let's get this over with, Lily. You can't let this keep distracting you from everything else.
With determined hands, I typed:
"Yes, I like you."
I hovered over the send button, hesitated for just a second, then tapped it.
The message was read instantly. A reply came just as quickly:
"Romantically?"
What does he want now? A full essay?
I sighed.
"Yeah. I like you romantically. Like a girl likes a boy."
Send.
I leaned back in my chair, heart thudding. I don't know anymore. What's done is done.
Now what?
Will he say we should stop talking? That we're better off going our separate ways? That this can't work?
A flood of thoughts filled my mind—panic, doubt, a little regret. Is this the end? Will he just… leave?