Just like that?..
Everything I hoped for—
Everything I bled for, cried for, suffered for...
Gone?
"Fuck..." I muttered. My breath hitched. Shaky. Uneven.
My throat felt tight, like something was lodged inside, refusing to come out.
I don't even know anymore.
Why should it be me?..
Why?..
WHY?..
WHY?..
WHY?!
It repeated in my head. Over and over and over again.
A loop that wouldn't stop. Wouldn't slow down. Wouldn't let me breathe.
My vision blurred. My chest rose and fell, faster and faster.
My fists clenched and unclenched like they were trying to hold something that didn't exist anymore.
"I never did anything wrong!"
The words came out in a snarl, but there was no one to hear it.
I hadn't broken any law. I hadn't turned my back on anyone.
This is what I get in return?..
WHY?!
WHY?!
WHY?!
My lungs burned. My throat felt raw. My head pounded.
I couldn't stop moving, couldn't stay still. I paced the room again. And again. And again.
"Why..." I growled, dragging the sound out, teeth gritted so hard my jaw ached.
"I... didn't..."
The words slipped out, buried under the weight of my own breathing.
"My god..."
I whispered, eyes trembling, hands gripping my own arms like I was holding myself together.
"Do anything..."
Why?
My voice cracked. Shaky. Weak.
My knees buckled, but I caught myself before I dropped.
Tears welled up, spilling before I could even wipe them.
"I can fix this... I can bargain with the demon for powe—no... I can't. No."
I stopped. Froze.
Then moved again. Faster this time. Pacing like a madman.
"No... NO..."
Each word hit the walls. Bounced off. Came back to stab at me again.
"Fuck..."
My breath hitched.
"Fuck..."
'Why should it be me?!'
I didn't understand. I don't understand.
A tear slid down. Then another. Then they started coming in pairs. Dripping off my chin.
I dropped to my knees. Sat there. Still.
For hours, maybe. The floor was cold, but I couldn't feel it anymore.
My head leaned back against the edge of the bed.
Eyes locked on the ceiling. Dead quiet.
No thoughts.
No screams.
No rage.
Just silence.
---
[Flashback: Before the Battle – Inside the Throne Room]
I knelt.
The floor was polished obsidian. Cold enough to bite through the armor on my knees.
Light bled in through stained glass behind the Emperor's throne—soft reds, golds, and pale blues dancing across the chamber.
He looked down at me like a statue carved from war itself.
"Vincent Velcrist," he said, voice low but heavy, like it carried weight meant to crush armies.
"In this upcoming battle... you may lose something you've worked your whole life for. I'll give you a chance to back out."
I looked up.
He sat still. Regal. Beautiful and terrifying at once.
Golden hair that shimmered like sunlight through blood. Eyes like ice that never melted.
He looked thirty. He was over fifty.
Mana kept him young. Kept them all young. But youth didn't soften him.
He wasn't a man. He was the Empire.
"I know the risks, my liege," I said, locking eyes with him. "But I'll still do it. For the Empire. For my family."
He gave one slow nod.
"Very well. If the worst happens... use the identity I gave you. You may need it. Dismissed."
"Yes, my liege."
I bowed.
Then stood and walked away.
My footsteps echoed through the hall, the stained glass colors dragging behind me like ghosts.
---
I scoffed under my breath.
That memory—
I knew the risks. I knew what I could lose.
So why... why couldn't I accept this?
"I knew it," I muttered. "I knew what could happen..."
My voice was hoarse now. My throat dry.
"I guess I'm still immature..."
My hand ran down my face, cold fingers brushing over the drying streaks of tears.
My eyes felt numb. Heavy. Dead, almost.
The light in them? It wasn't there anymore. Just emptiness.
"Hah..."
I let out a weak laugh. No joy in it. No irony. Just hollow breath in the shape of a laugh.
I turned my head toward the window.
The moonlight had filled the room while I wasn't looking.
Bathed everything in silver-blue, painting the room with a still, quiet glow.
It was beautiful.
So stupidly beautiful that it hurt.
---
- End of Chapter
---