"I'm sorry." The tall boy spoke as if all this was his own fault. It was so unnecessary.
"Why are you even saying sorry?"
The two of us were walking back to my hospital room, there was a curtain that separated myself and another room however nobody was staying there at the moment which made things more peaceful for me.
Inside this so called 'room' there was a small sofa and a night stand next to the bed. It was bland not very interesting.
"Well my mother did spring that fostering thing on you pretty fast."
Looking back from an hour ago, it was shocking but not unreasonable. All I could do was sit back nodding saying ok, but I was in shock then. In hindsight I should have discussed it a little more. It wasn't a bad thing though.
"He's the happiest I've ever seen him. How could I be mad. He's better with her than me." I sit on the bed, looking down at my hand. I felt guilty, guilty that I felt disappointed. Disappointed that he was happier with someone else. He was happy so why did it matter so much to me.
The tall boy sat down in the sofa opposite me, trying to meet my eyes. He wasn't half as cold as he made himself seem.
"Why would that be the case?"
I glance back up at him in confusion. Why wouldn't that be the case. I can't give him anything.
"You, Don't you think your overstepping boundaries?"
"I have a name you know?"
"I barely know you? What makes you think I want to be friendly with you." For the first time since I'd woken up, I let my emotions slip onto my face. I pulled an expression of anger and disgust, he's probably confused as to why. I'm more angry at myself for letting myself slip up then angry at him.
"Ha, I get it."
I try to refute his words but he's ignorant and continues to speak.
"Mesai your an Ocean not a lake, Your going to have to talk to someone."
Wait a dam minute. I've heard somethingsimilar. Im getting major Déjà vu
*. "People searched oceans thinking they were lakes. Some water is deaper then it seems, its no different for humans." * ~ Mesai major 'Déjà vu'
I quickly point at him, "RAPHAEL." This rascal had no shame, stealing someone's poetic quirkyness like that.
"Fuck, I was gonna steal his quote."
"So your not quite like I was told, and your shameless. Wow, Every man should aspire to be like you."
"Your wrong." My ears didn't deceive me, I could hear the hurt in his voice. He sounded almost offended. Why had I sad wrong. Was it the sarcasm?
"What do you mean, How am I wrong?"
"I am quiet, but sometimes I want to talk. Actually yout the first person who I've spoken more than 5 words to willingly. Ask my mum or Raphael, they'd know best."
The air in the room quickly turned awkward after that. How were 2 socially incapable people supposed to come back from such a revelation. After that Asher took the opportunity to leave the room.
"Bye Mesai.'' His tone had voice had reverted back to the way he had spoken when we first met, cold. This was how it should stay but I knew it wouldn't.
"Bye , Asher." Because after I had addressed him like that, one of my thick layered wall had crumbled. If one could fall so easily it would be hopeless to think about the rest.
***
The next day I found myself walking towards the staff break room in search for a certain doctor. I hadn't seen him since our first meeting. He didn't seem like he was lying when he said he gave good advice, his words were wise but they definitely ticked a nerve. Despite that I still resonate with what he said, and with the reminder from Asher it felt okay to go search for him.
The walk there was about 10 minutes and it was busier than usually, probably because it was the weekend. Different nurses and doctors were occasionally running down the halls and there were the few patients strolling about. As expected, the small got worse the nearer to the center of the hospital I got. The operation rooms were directly opposite the break room incase of emergency, which made sense.
Once I made it there, I knocked on the door only to be greeted with a moody nurse.
"Who are you, Look Im on break so make this quick." It's not what she said but the way she said, she acted and sounded like she was talking to a vermin. She carried herself awfully with horrible posture and even had a sprinkle of sas on top. If she had been a little nicer the sas wouldn't have looked bad.
"Is doctor Raphael here? Per chance." The nurse looked at me in distain, looking down on me even though I was taller. What a bitch. However I shouldn't judge she's probably just having bad day.
"Look. Ma,am. He doesn't wanna talk to a scrawny girl at this time in a morning."
After that statement I gave the nurse that dirtiest look possible, even if she was just having a bad there was no need to add the scrawny and it was past 10 so what was the need for 'this early in a morning'.
"Okay. Miss, Im sure It's 10:45 right now so its not that early in the morning and what the fuck do you mean scrawny? Do you talk to all your patients like this. For all you could know I could have been throwing up constantly for the past few days. What if I was here for a serious reason? How would you know? So I want to know why the fuck your talking to me like this and why you aren't just letting the doctor know that I want to talk."
The nurse shut up after that, instead of continuing arguing she went to have a look for Raphael. It was fortunate that I didn't have to continue talking to her because it would have definitely ruined my day. She had managed to get my in my bitch mood so it would be best to avoid her. I should probably get her name and bring it up with her boss, even though it wasn't an emergency it was still good to bring it up because what if it was? No patient should be treated like that. I don't have like getting involved in anything it destroys my peace and quire however people could die in the time that she's bitching to people.
I don't want to feel responsible for someone else death and I don't thinl that nurse wants to too.
After a short while the nurse came back with news.
"The doctor said he'll be there in 10 minutes he's currently talking to someone else, said you'd know who." She avoided my eyes this time and tried to sound a little nicer.
"Okay thank you." She walked away after that not saying anything else.
Unfortunately for her I had seen the name card on her clothes.
''Cassandra'' I ended up mumbling it outloud so any onlookers would probably think me a creep.
"Oooh whos Cassandra." The voice approached from behind me, he was probably trying to scare me.
"If your trying to scare me you failed."
"Awhh boohoo, really though who's Cassandra?" I turned around to Asher looking at me, I couldn't help but roll my eyes. why does he need to know.
"It's the nurse I was talking too."
"Ohhhh so thats her name? The rude one who looks down on people who are multiple inchs taller than her?" His voice spoke in understanding, he probably had a run in with her.
"why was she still talking like that to me though, did you not say something even just a 'stop being rude'.''
He looked down to the ground as if he were ashamed.
"You know that time when you went down to my maths class and you said those things to the teacher, telling him to get SLT?" he paused for a moment waiting for a go ahead so I nodded at him to tell him to continue and also to tell him I remember. "I laughed because I was suprised and impressed to meet someone so straight forward because I could never be like that. I hate talking to people, probably more them you because at least you can put people in there place." I was suprised he didn't come off as the type of person to hate even being honest. Maybe it was because he talked so much more with me than other people.
"Oh, so why do you talk with me if you hated to much? I understand why you hate it I do too but why are you okay with talking to me. It kinda puts me in an awkward position." It felt weird to say something so self centered, for a moment I was conscious of whether I actually sounded the way I thought I did.
"I have my reasons."
"If your trying to give off mysterious and nonchalant for not telling me it's not working."
"I'll tell you another time. People don't always need a reason to want to talk with someone though, even me."
I slowly nodded before looking back to see Raphael standing at the staff room entrance, he looked like he actually had a decent night's sleep, his eyes bags weren't as big as before and his hair didn't look extreme notty. Good for him I guess.
"Okay, Asher you can go now you had your turn to talk now Mesai wants to talk."
Raphael pushed Asher away, the way the treated each other reminded me of siblings, they kept arguing back an forth fortunately Raphael succeeded.
"What do you need."
"You seem close?" I speak quickly, almost over the top of the other party. I don't mean it in a rude way but my mouth was moving faster than I could think.
"I've been his doctor for years so I guess so."
"How come you finished early Cassandra said you'd be 10 minutes."
"Asher said he wanted to leave early because he had enough, I feel sorry for you though."
"huh why?"
"You had the devil's spawn greet you, she always gets complains. I still wonder how she's not fired."
I sigh loudly and so does he. "Does that mean theres no point in complaining?"
"Yep. Nothing changes around here its frustrating. Anyway back to the original topic, what do you need?"
I give him a look signaling that I'd rather not talk about it in an open place. Instead of taking me inside the staff room he took me to his office.
As we entered the room he spat put complaints " You know you and Asher sure know good timing, hes always coming when I'm on break, please don't make a habit out of it like him."
I don't try to refute his words so instead I ignore him.
"So what do you want, I swear this the third time I've asked already."
"Actually it's about Asher."
The doctor looks taken aback as I speak, he and I are both as shocked because I caught myself doing thinks without thinking. I should have thought about my actions before coming down here just to ask a silly question. It's seemed to be happening alot lately.
I clear make throat before taking the chance to speak again.
"Don't take it the wrong way I'm just curious."
The doctor continues to stay silent, not saying anything.
"He just won't tell me."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"Can you say something this is making it awkward."
"What am I supposed to say you haven't even asked your question yet."
Oh. how have I managed to forget to lead with the question.
"Actually I don't know how to put it into words, He says I'm wrong when I call him not quiet because he talks alot. Then he won't tell me why am I wrong or why he talks to me more. Then sometimes be just switches from nice tone to cold tone. I don't understand."
"How am I supposed to help with that, if he won't tell you he won't tell me."
"what is that supposed to mean."
"He treats me like a brother not a friend, he doesn't tell me things like this."
"I treat my brother like a brother and he still tells me things."
"Your brothers 6."
I was flabbergasted yet his point was quite right, how would my 6 year old brother understand things the same way a 16 year old does.
"Hes right though, he doesn't talk to anybody he does not utter words to anybody without reason, aside from you. Mayne there is a reason I just don't know." He stops for a moment, thinking about what to say next. "He's very much like you. You understand eachother better than you think you do. I know that for a fact and I've only talked to you once other than this time."
After our first meeting, Raphael had earned my respect and I won't take his words for granted yet I had a hard time accepting these words.
I hadn't know Asher more than a month so how could this be true. I had known Claria for years and she didn't understand me, even though I understood her. So how could he and I understand eachother?
"Time to leave know I have work, goodbye," I too had become a victim to Raphael's pushing.