"The fifth test: Perseverance."
I found myself taking deep breaths. Around me was pitch black, and my sword was covered in the gleaming blood from the light of the last flame of my dying companion. And when he breathed his last and his body grew heavy, I turned to find a huge monster behind me.
The cold rocky walls and the rapidly chilling air, all suggested a cave in one of the high snowy mountains.
I felt an indescribable, profound sadness at the death of this companion.
I didn't know him, yet I felt every possible speck of sorrow as if we had been companions for many years.
Monster after monster, human after human, animal after animal, I killed them all. And I passed through cities and journeys, only to reach this place. And here I am, trying again. Isn't this enough perseverance?
---
"The sixth test: Bravery."
I felt my body floating on cold water. The moon was a crimson full moon in the sky, like the colour I used to see when blood covered my eyes.
I raised my hand to the moon. And I saw water droplets falling from it. My clothes were soaked, and the water penetrated their fabric, my hair was dishevelled on the sides of my face, and the water began to pull me down. And I felt no desire to resist. I truly felt no desire. I just wanted the water to swallow me. Slowly... and peacefully. Without bleeding again.
My body feels incredibly heavy. I feel extremely tired. Can I sleep a little more, Mum? Dad isn't here today, as you know.
A little rest won't hurt. Tell my sister I'll buy her the ice cream she likes when I get back from work.
A drop fell from my raised hand, and I noticed its colour. Red.
This isn't water. It's blood.
What a revelation. Whose blood? Mine? I don't feel any pain, even though I'm tired. It doesn't really matter whose blood it is, floating on it brings great comfort. Goodnight, world.
Before I could savour the sweet relief of sleep, all the blood receded, and I felt my body lying on cold ground. Hard, cold ground.
I resisted the extreme exhaustion and raised my head. I looked at the ground and remembered it. These engravings and spiral patterns on the floor. And the aroma of my mother's cooking brought back memories I had forgotten after becoming an adventurer.
I'm in... the bathroom? Why would I be here?
I took a breath, but the air was suffocating. And the fog stung my eyes, preventing me from seeing anything. And from within the fog, the shadow of a tall man appeared. And with every step he took, the size of my body shrank.
I felt my breathing become heavy as if I were in the highest mountains, and the heat that almost made me lose my senses only increased.
My trembling hands shortened. And my physical build weakened and receded. My feet touching the cold ground became smaller. And my hair, which had begun to reach the nape of my neck, shortened until it returned to its dishevelled state as in the cursed past. And I realised I had regressed in age. Ten years, or less.
My brown eyes were wide with fear of something I didn't know. Something I had never been able to overcome my fear of in my life. A ghost that haunted my every step and every path.
My deceased father emerged from the thick fog. His face was as black as the darkness of a moonless night, and I saw nothing but his glowing, circular eyes saturated with anger. He walked, holding his hands slightly away from his body, as he always did before he hit me.
And finally, he spoke. He spoke in a voice that sent my heart back to the past and crushed it with fear. My mouth was open, panting for air, and my hand was on the ground. I watched him advance slowly as if he wanted to psychologically destroy me.
I didn't hear what he said, but why am I afraid?
I can control Despaye. I'm not the child Ethan anymore.
That's what I thought.
I tried to create flames, but they didn't appear.
I tried to raise the earth, but it didn't shake.
I turned and stood on my feet, trying to escape. But my feet were heavy and bleeding from exhaustion. His daily beating had already worn out my feet. And this ten-year-old child's body was incredibly weak.
Every step felt like mountains on my small back. I felt a severe headache and dizziness, losing my sense of the world for moments.
I cursed him without looking at his face.
I was thinking; would he stop me from getting my mother's cure now?
What I did throughout my journey was more than he did throughout his life of alcohol, drugs, and women. He drove my older brother to madness and-
I stumbled. And time seemed to stop as my body touched the cold ground. Even though the bathroom was small, did I run that whole distance? Will I never be able to escape?
He grabbed me, and raised his hand, opening his fist, ready to slap me. I placed my hands in front of my face, as I used to do in the past, in a desperate attempt to defend myself.
Tears formed and began to pour like rain, and I felt his hand leaving marks on my body. And with his other hand, he punched me with his fist until my skin changed colour, and I couldn't leave the house except with a poisonous lie.
After you were bedridden, life began to take a more peaceful turn, and when you finally died, your existence ended, and my entire life changed, and now you return.
I am pathetic.
I tried to push myself away with my soft feet, but he stepped on them with such force and firmness that I gasped, almost losing my soul.
After becoming stronger and gaining unique abilities, I return to square one, to this weak, helpless Ethan.
I hate you. I truly hate you.
I hate you to death.
But why do I feel a deep sorrow for your death?
I'm sorry.
Sorry that I wasn't there with Mum and my sister when you died. Sorry for not protecting my sister from your anger and rage. Sorry for killing my brother.
He punched me in the nose, making the world shake before my eyes, drowned in tears. And my nose began to bleed.
It seems that after all, I am still the same Ethan Lumiere.
Blow after blow, and the coldness of the ground chilled my bruised body, I began to lose feeling in my body.
But you know something? It's okay. It's okay with the pain, and the fear, and everything.
Let it be my curse, continue to be my curse, haunt me forever, even in my death and when my corpse decomposes beneath the soil.
Every blow, and word, I thank you for all of them, because they showed me who I don't want to be.
I think it's okay to be afraid, it's okay for one to be afraid in moments of life and death, for I was afraid every day.
Every day was a moment of life and death for me.
And yet I continued, and stood up, and moved forward.
I always thought about giving up, about killing myself.
Even though I was a small child, I never wished for life.
And perhaps that is where courage originates. From the embrace of fear.
After all, I am still I, Ethan Lumiere.
I felt my limbs lengthen and my body grow stronger, and the mask appeared at my waist and the sword in my hand. And with one flaming swing, the ghost vanished, leaving the results of his actions behind him.
---
"The seventh Test: Determination."
....."No need," the robotic voice said.
I noticed that I had returned to the same blindingly white place.
"What do you mean?" I wondered.
It took a moment of silence before answering.
"Your journey alone is sufficient."
And then, the world around me receded and disappeared, leaving behind complete darkness.
A long darkness with no end or beginning.
"Ethan Lumiere, congratulations on the cure for the Violet Thorns disease. Go to your mother and make her happy until one of you perishes."