--What woke me up was the feeling of water droplets falling on my face.
The coolness of the water rhythmically slapped against his cheeks, drawing his consciousness back to life. As his consciousness awakened, the feeling of being alive slowly seeped into Subaru's body.
The most easily understood sensation is that primitive and intense stimulus that does not need to be put into words - pain.
"...Zuu."
As if to welcome Subaru's awakening, the pain that had been folding its arms comes to embrace him. Once the first stimuli are received, there is no way to avoid the others that come one after the other.
His split forehead, his broken right arm, his spine creaking from the violent impact all screamed. However, the one who screamed even louder than them was,
"That's bad..."
Turning his attention to the source of the sharp pain, he saw that a tree branch the thickness of two fingers had pierced his right collarbone. The tip of the branch was wet and stained red with blood, and even though he tried to pull it out, prepared for the excruciating pain, the flesh had tightened and it wouldn't budge.
Fortunately, it broke halfway through, and as long as I ignored the visual and pain sensations, it wasn't the kind of thing that would interfere with my actions.
"This fashion is way too eccentric."
Somehow or other, Subaru managed to move his unwilling body to stand up, resting his back against a nearby rock wall and taking a breather. Looking around, he saw that he was near the entrance to a small cave or something. Drops of morning dew or something were dripping from the top of the entrance, hitting his cheek. --Morning dew, he thought to himself.
"morning...!?"
His brain comprehending the merciless passage of time, a sharp pain runs through his body as he twitches. The backs of his eyes turn red, and he feels a tingling sensation as if needles are being stabbed all over his body. With tears welling up in his one eye, Subaru's thoughts slowly begin to sink in.
Before I lost consciousness, I remembered what had happened to me.
"--ah"
Subaru remembered just how much meaningless tragedy his existence had caused.
He timidly looked up, and saw the morning glow filtering into the forest through the gaps in the trees. Bathed in light, on the other side of the slope Subaru had tumbled down—what on earth could await him there?
"----yeah"
Holding his breath, and tormented by the remorse that made him want to die right then and there, Subaru crawled along at the speed of a caterpillar, heading for the other side.
With his movement restricted by the impaled branch, time passed slowly but surely.
If it were the Subaru of the past, just imagining the scene that awaited him there would have frightened him, and he would have refused to look and run away. But the Subaru of today could not allow that.
You have to watch it, drink it up, and use it as nourishment.
Because that was the duty of Natsuki Subaru, who failed to die when he should have.
"Haa... haa..."
I crawled up the slope, step by step, using only my left side. My breath was out, and the dried wound on my forehead started to bleed from sweat. I roughly wiped it with my sleeve, and continued crawling, my face covered in blood and mud.
Passing by part of the damaged dragon carriage and going around a large, downed tree, Subaru's fingertips finally reached the desired height - returning to the place where he had been thrown out by Patrasche's devotion.
"――――"
There was only a moment of hesitation.
If he were to lift his head and crane his neck to peer over there, Subaru would be confronted with a reality he could not escape. He would no longer be permitted to retreat into his imagination and indulge in a fantasy that something miraculous had happened at the scene after Subaru had been driven out, allowing the majority of the evacuees to escape.
"Am I an idiot? ...No, I'm an idiot."
With only this one-sided vision, Subaru had certainly witnessed the moment Patrasche was torn apart. The moment that loyal dragon, who had given everything for Subaru, was lost was still burned into the back of his eyelids. To call it a dream, or some convenient illusion, would be an insult to her, who had burned out the last embers of her own life for Subaru.
With a fire of obsession ignited in his heart, Subaru mustered what little strength he had and opened his eyes. Pulling his body up, he clung to the ground, climbing over the thick, undulating branches that blocked his view, and on the other side of the open forest he saw a scene of carnage――
"----picture?"
There is nothing.
There was nothing.
"Well...ah, what?"
Subaru's face was contorted as he imagined the devastation unfolding before him, but his eyes widened as he was unable to accept the scene that appeared before his eyes.
The remains of the dragon carriages were scattered everywhere, several large trees had been uprooted and turned over, deep claw marks remained in the ground, and traces of destruction and conflict were all around.
And yet, what would break Subaru's heart the most was the lack of results.
The result of the devastation. The remains of the villagers who had truly risked their lives to allow Subaru to escape. The corpse of the earth dragon, torn in two as a result of its loyalty.
I can't find it anywhere.
"――――"
The remains of the dragon carriage scattered around the place prove that the clash with the wild beast was no dream or illusion. However, the only thing missing is the tragic outcome.
I staggered and leaned against the nearest tree to pull myself up. Fortunately, after surviving the initial shock, there were no obvious injuries to my legs and hips other than bruises and scrapes. I stood up and looked around, using my left hand to stabilize my right arm, which was hurting every time I shook.
"Wha-what? What about Patrasche... everyone... Otto?"
Of course, I didn't want to see a dead body.
To be honest, he was most happy that everyone had survived, but Subaru's body knew better than anything that this was not a situation in which such a dream could come true.
Above all, before he lost consciousness, Subaru had already witnessed the many lives lost at the hands of that beast.
A skinny young man using all his strength to the maximum, only to be crushed without even a scratch. A woman who was blown away and thrown out of her carriage, losing her life. An old man who was snapped like a dead tree with a single swing of an arm, leaving a horrible corpse.
Every time he remembered how they died, pain and regret took away from Subaru's heart. And yet, even the deaths that he should have witnessed were taken away from this place.
"Patrasche... Patrasche...?"
Thinking of the life that had been lost, Subaru desperately called out his partner's name in a feeble voice.
Subaru had certainly seen and heard her loud, agonizing death cry as her body was torn in two, and so he did not cling to any fleeting hope that she still had life left.
But even so, finding her body, whose soul had already disappeared, offering her words of apology, and offering her a funeral were things only Subaru could do.
He was moving slowly and was nearly exhausted. His search was slow and weak, and he spent more than two hours simply searching the area.
And yet, after spending so much time, Subaru was able to discover something in his surroundings.
"Some luggage that was mixed in with the wreckage, some scraps of clothing, and then..."
Countless bloodstains.
As if to back up Subaru's almost certain guess, there were copious traces of blood all over the scene where the beast's claw marks had been made. The suffocating smell of blood was probably floating around the area, but Subaru's sense of smell was not functioning properly due to the large amount of blood that had hardened and clung to it, and he was unable to smell it.
The circumstantial evidence is now so strong that it is impossible to deny it. The only thing missing is the crucial evidence, and the way in which it was lost remains a mystery.
Above all, while he was searching around like this, a question that had been burning in Subaru's mind all too late was--
"Why haven't I been killed...?"
He had failed to kill Subaru - it was hard to believe that a wounded Subaru like that could survive this long, but even so, he had been careless in a crucial area, returning without even examining the body. In the first place, Garfiel's target was supposed to be Subaru.
The reason why it pointed its claws at the evacuees remains unknown, but perhaps it was intended to make an example of Subaru.
If this is the case, then the reason for the disappearance of the body remains unclear.
"Even if we were to carry it out..."
The total number of evacuees was 42. Even if all of them were dead, it would not be realistic to carry them all away. The earth dragons, including Patrasche, would also be joining them.
"But still..."
He didn't want to imagine it, but the idea that the beast had taken them in its belly - but that was an unrealistic assumption due to the same problem of numbers. Carrying them out would be more understandable, but he couldn't think of any reason to go to that much effort to hide the corpses from Subaru.
In the first place, even before one suspects that the fierce tiger would have done something so roundabout, the bigger question is why he disappeared without finishing off the injured Subaru.
"――――"
Subaru suddenly realized that this was very close to what it would be like if the Sanctuary had been deserted.
Although the preconditions were different from before, the results were similar in many ways. The traces of destruction around were traces of the giant tiger's rampage, and were unrelated to the disappearance of the evacuees or the giant tiger. If you ignore those obvious details, this situation, where no one was to be seen, was very similar to that time.
That is,
"Is the 『Sanctuary』 back to the same state as before...?"
With heavy breaths, Subaru came to this conclusion and once again used all his strength to stand up. He then looked at his position and the flow of the road, pinpointing the direction of the Sanctuary.
--It's now the morning of the sixth day.
Last night was probably the deadline for the mansion. It's impossible to say for sure, but if Elsa attacked, it would be too late and a tragedy would occur.
And in the Sanctuary, something happened that made Garfiel, who had transformed into a fierce tiger, give up on his attempt to finish off Subaru. That was probably the reason why everything in the place vanished. However, it didn't affect Subaru, and its true identity is completely unknown.
"――――"
For a moment, I hesitated as to which way to go.
A faint ache caused by the warmth crossed his chest. It reminded him of the faces he had left behind in the mansion that must have been attacked, and the lingering attachment and guilt he felt for the sleeping girl.
Gritting his teeth, Subaru shook off his emotions and stepped towards the Sanctuary.
Slowly, all too slowly, as if to make sure, Subaru headed towards the Sanctuary.
He wanted to know what lay ahead, to see for himself the value of the life that had been lost, to search for even the slightest opportunity to gain a slight chance of success with the life he was willing to spend for redemption.
※※ ※※ ※※ ※※ ※※ ※※ ※※ ※
--On the way to the Sanctuary, I passed the place where Ram and Garfiel seemed to have fought.
Traces of the wind's blades were engraved into the tree trunks all over the place, and the familiar claw marks showed an even more brutal scene where the earth and rocks had been dug with even more ferocity.
He looked around for a bit, but there was no sign of Ram there either - she had probably become a corpse; he could not find her.
If his guess that Otora was Garfiel was correct, then she was someone Garfiel had loved for many years. If their love was deep, he believed there was a possibility.
"It escalated to the point of killing each other, and then you say you like it or something... You've just been reading too many light novels."
There were things that neither of them would compromise on, and that is why their relationship escalated to the point of killing each other.
What kind of deterrent would the love and affection that existed during that time be? If they could really stop someone from wielding a weapon, then they should stop it before it even began.
Once it begins without it, it cannot be a reason to end it.
"...I'm sorry."
He apologized to the person who, though invisible, had still done his best for Subaru.
Her valiant efforts were in vain, and Subaru, ignoring his feelings, returned to the Sanctuary. Up ahead, there was something that Subaru needed before he could die.
Even as his regrets grew, Subaru continued to walk desperately towards the Sanctuary. The distance he had set out on before noon was a distance that would have taken him just over ten minutes while straddling Patrasche.
Pushing through despite his injuries and moving at the speed of a caterpillar, Subaru arrived very close to the Sanctuary, just before dusk.
"It took half a day... Finally..."
I've made it this far.
He nearly collapses on the spot with relief, but there's not even a trace of a sense of accomplishment. Rather, what burns inside Subaru is a strong sense of powerlessness and anger towards himself. And what shines darker than these feelings of self-loathing is,
"He's back... Hey, Garfiel..."
I had been telling myself not to think about it, not to think about it, but it was the raging hatred and rage I felt towards that blond bastard.
There are three main reasons why I came back to the Sanctuary.
One is to find out the true nature of the mysterious unmanned phenomenon occurring in the Sanctuary. At the very least, he wants to get a glimpse of its cause, a necessary element for the future.
The second is to confirm the safety of Emilia, who was left behind in the Sanctuary. If an unmanned phenomenon occurs, her safety will be no exception. Related to the first point, I would like to confirm this as well.
And the third reason was an intense flame that burned deep in Subaru's heart, so intense that the previous two reasons combined were no match for it.
He suddenly wanted to tear that violent tiger to pieces.
He stepped inside the Sanctuary. Two moss-covered pillars served as the entrance. Passing through them and entering the Sanctuary, Subaru looked around, breathing quietly and steadily.
As most people had expected, the sanctuary was completely silent and devoid of any human presence. Even before that, Subaru hadn't heard a single insect chirp in the forest he had walked through.
The disappearance of the Sanctuary's inhabitants did not end there; the entire area continued to retain a silence as if all living activity had ceased.
"――――"
Even his own breathing felt too loud in the face of this silence, and Subaru's throat was twitching with pain, as he sought secrecy to the limit. Taking short, continuous breaths, Subaru dragged his feet as he headed towards the back of the Sanctuary - the building where Emilia was supposed to be.
--At this time, just before dusk, Emilia was spending the time leading up to the Trial with her knees in her hands. This behavior had become more noticeable since the third day, especially since Subaru hadn't been there to support her at all. Her heart was probably being worn down by loneliness and frustration even more than in the previous loops.
"He's not here, huh..."
Subaru pushed the door open, peered inside, and muttered as he surveyed the deserted room.
Emilia was nowhere to be seen, but the sheets on the unoccupied bed were in disarray, and the toppled chair was still lying on the floor. It was unclear whether this was the result of someone resisting the cause of the room's desertion, or whether it was the result of Emilia's own impulse in her desperation.
However, on his journey thus far, Subaru had not encountered anyone.
"Should I drop by Roswaal's place...?"
Accepting that Emilia was no longer with him, Subaru's mind was incredibly calm as he considered his next move.
The policy he spoke of was necessary in order to nip any such plans in the bud, but deep down he was half-resigned to the fact that going in that direction would be a wasted effort.
Just as he had feared, the Sanctuary had become deserted. With Emilia's presence gone, Subaru no longer had any attachment to the place.
And then the disappearance of Emilia, whom he was supposed to be obsessed with. Even with that, Subaru found his heart barely moved.
Perhaps he had acquired a heart of steel that was unwavering, strong, and dazzling.
That's not true, Subaru thought, immediately shaking his head.
Subaru's current state of mind, with his emotions at a loss as to what to do with them, was very different to a heart of steel, what he was aiming for. Too much anger, too much lack of understanding, and finally being worn down, his heart had simply burst.
It's not that it's unwavering, it's just that it's completely slipped away.
-- Lacking the will to live.
It was obvious.
Subaru now isn't living because he wants to. He simply missed his chance to die, and can't die until he has made up for the reason he stayed alive.
Rather, my focus is not on the will to live, but on the will to die.
How can you survive in a world like this?
Emilia is gone. Rem is gone too. Patrasche is gone, and Ram and Petra are probably dead. There's no need to think about whether Otto is dead or alive.
There was no one. Everyone was gone. Subaru wasn't smart enough, he wasn't strong enough, he didn't try hard enough, he didn't wish hard enough, so he couldn't save anyone. No one was saved. It was something only Subaru could have done.
"So... to me..."
We have a responsibility to get everything back. To see everything through. To put everything on the right path.
It's something only Subaru can do. It's something Subaru has to do.
The sacrifices made to achieve that must remain within Subaru.
Subaru alone must continue to remember everything that will be lost because of this.
Subaru alone must continue to pay the price for this.
Let's pay the price. Let's make the sacrifices. And let's get it all back.
"――――"
Subaru unsteadily exited the building, his upper body swaying.
His feet were not heading towards the house where Roswaal was recuperating, but towards the innermost part of the Sanctuary - the direction of the tomb. The place where Subaru had tried to visit in the deserted Sanctuary last time, only to be hindered by "something" and killed. This time too, he stepped there without hesitation.
What for? To be killed, of course.
If he creates the same situation as last time, he will likely try to kill Subaru using the same method.
And if he knew it was coming, Subaru thought, he should be able to at least do something to avoid a blow that would be fatal.
Even if he was killed by the second blow, it wouldn't matter as long as he could figure out his enemy's true identity.
Resolved to face death, Subaru steadily approached his destination, step by step.
He couldn't remember exactly where he'd been pierced through the abdomen from behind, but he was certain it was just before he'd reached the entrance to the tomb.
As the head of the tomb came into view in the distance, Subaru's heart started beating rapidly, sending cold, hot blood rushing through his entire body. He couldn't even tell if he was heating up or cooling down.
His body was hot and his hands and feet were numb. But his fingertips felt as hard as cold lead, and his head was cold enough that he could objectively view the current situation.
A foolish existence that knows it will die and faces its death.
Although he had made a firm promise in his heart that he would risk his life to achieve results, his expression was far from one of determination, with his eyebrows drooping, him biting his lip, and his limbs trembling unbearably.
Subaru hated and cursed himself for having his veneer peel off at the last moment, revealing the weakness underneath. Pushing aside such feelings, Subaru still didn't slow down his steps.
No matter how weak, fragile, and foolish I am, I want to always be the person who seeks the courage to move forward as I am.
With a warped positivity that seemed to combine weakness with weakness, negative with negative, Subaru continued to tread the path to the tomb, as if to confirm the path to death.
The tomb draws near. My heart throbs, and I can clearly hear the sound of blood rushing inside my skull. I can feel the acid refluxing from my empty stomach burning my throat. My shaking knees feel like they might give way at any moment, and sweat is obscuring my vision on the left side.
I roughly raised my left arm, wiped my eyes, and stepped forward again. Then, I noticed something.
"--ah?"
Just as he raised his feet to head towards the tomb, Subaru saw a change take place before his very eyes.
Not even the chirps of insects could be heard, and all that could be heard was the rustling of leaves in the occasional breeze, when suddenly a small, intermittent chirp cut in.
At first, Subaru thought it was a small white ball of fur rolling along on the wind.
However, the furball stopped a few steps in front of Subaru and began to tremble, and as Subaru frowned in suspicion, it erected its two long ears.
"Um, rabbit...?"
A small animal with two long ears and fluffy white fur. Its two round red eyes were distinctive, and it looked around restlessly while fidgeting with its mouth, then when it looked up at Subaru, it tilted its small head and meowed in a high-pitched voice.
It was a small rabbit, far too small. Its size was about the size of Subaru's fist, and at first glance it looked not much different in size to a hamster. However, its ears were as big as the rest of its body, so calling it palm-sized was a bit of a misnomer.
Rabbits suddenly appeared in a place where all traces of insects, people, and earth dragons had disappeared.
It could also have been a creature that lived in the forest, but for Subaru, who hadn't come across any other living creatures up until this point, encountering it would have been far too unexpected.
"Why is there a rabbit in a place like this... a rabbit, is that okay?"
The questions never ended, and Subaru looked around in confusion, searching for any other creatures besides the rabbit before him that had drifted into the Sanctuary. He then casually pointed his hand towards the rabbit, trying to touch its fur in case he could understand anything.
"――――"
In the next moment, Subaru's left hand was torn off from the wrist up.
Blood spurted from the rough, sloppy cut, and blue-green veins dangled from the wound. The thin, white things were either flesh fibers or nerves, but in any case, the sight of human flesh being destroyed was a grotesque one - and that was how I began my escape from reality for a few seconds.
An intense pain from another dimension hits Subaru's brain, and his body writhes in pain as he falls to the ground. The branch that had pierced his collarbone snaps in half from the impact, causing a sharp pain. Pain, pain, pain.
"Huh?! Ah, uh! Oh, ohhhh, aghhhhh!!"
My thoughts become heated.
My whole body was taken over by the feeling of pain, and I could no longer find a way to properly acknowledge the reality that it hurt. It hurts, why do I have to suffer so much? It hurts, where did the pain come from? What happened? It hurts, it hurts here, where does it hurt? Why does it hurt? What on earth does it hurt? Why does it hurt? It hurts, it hurts, it hurts, it hurts, it hurts, it hurts.
Pressing his bleeding left wrist to the ground in agony, Subaru unconsciously bit into the earth, chewing on the mud in an inexplicable action. The bitter taste of the earth and the shortness of breath brought his thoughts back to him faintly, and his vision swiveled around, searching for what had happened, until he spotted the white furball at his feet - a small animal with its white fur stained with red spots and stuffing its tiny mouth full of something. Under its black nose, its cheeks were swelling and fuzzy. Sticking out of its mouth, he could see the little finger of Subaru's left hand.
I get it. I get it. What happened? I was eaten. I was eaten. I was eaten.
"G, gahhhh!!"
Letting out a cry of realization and pain that sounded as if he was going insane, Subaru rolled his body towards the rabbit. His right arm was broken and immobile, and his left arm from the wrist down was inside the rabbit's stomach. There was nothing he could do, but he wanted to at least confirm its true identity.
A burning sensation in my calves. The sharp sensation, like a sharp file mercilessly scraping flesh and bone, made my eyes roll back in my head and foam spew from the back of my throat. I wish my head would just fall and I would pass out, but the intensity of the pain wouldn't let me lose consciousness.
Blood bubbles spilling out of the corners of his mouth, he convulsed like a fish that had come up from land. The fact that Subaru's ears were still functioning was a miracle, and a cruel prank from God.
The sound of countless footsteps hit Subaru's eardrums.
Bouncing movements. Small, light bodies. The number of chained cries was so great that even if I had been able to maintain visibility, I would not have felt like counting them.
And it was a really good moment because my ears were the only thing that was working.
At the same time, Subaru felt the fangs biting into his entire body, and the pain of being chewed up made him realize that the threats surrounding him now were no less than a hundred.
Scream. I was turned onto my back, looking up at the sky and shaking my throat. In an instant, a hairy creature entered my open mouth. It bit off my tongue, slashed its sharp fangs into the back of my throat, and ate away at the path from my esophagus to my stomach from the inside.
The threat that had entered through the anus collided with the one from above inside the body, competing with each other to eat away at his organs, turning Natsuki Subaru into mincemeat.
The feeling of being turned into pieces of flesh inside the body of a living creature while still alive.
There is no fear anymore. I no longer feel pain. I don't know how I'm conscious.
He was being eaten. Being eaten. His left eye had been eaten. His ear was gone too. All his organs had been eaten, and now the skin of his face was being torn off. A hole had opened up in his skull, and the fangs were penetrating, sucking up the brain that was about to spill out.
--
--――.
--――――.
----------.
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Ahh.