"I'm afraid I can no longer carry the image of the Immortal Toad."
Jiraiya looked up at the sky with a sigh, speechless.
"What's going on with you?"
Hiko stepped out of the lounge, his gaze sweeping over Jiraiya from head to toe. The stench of alcohol was gone, his beard had been cleanly shaved, and his wild hair was neatly combed for once. His overall appearance was considerably more presentable.
Yet Hiko still couldn't help but frown. You've gone through all this trouble cleaning yourself up, but you're still wearing those ragged clothes? Changing your attire isn't expensive, after all.
"Haha... yesterday I was teasing you, but today you've turned the tables."
Jiraiya chuckled awkwardly, avoiding eye contact with Hiko.
Hiko's look of disdain made Jiraiya feel incredibly uneasy.
"If you want me to keep speaking in that sarcastic tone, I'd be more than happy to oblige," Hiko said, raising a brow and letting his voice drop pointedly.
"...No, no, this is fine. I think we're getting along just fine. Let's be friends. Don't call me 'sir' or speak so formally—it sounds too stiff to me."
Jiraiya even winked, trying to lighten the mood.
"How about we talk somewhere else?"
"Sure."
Hiko led Jiraiya out of the Police Department. As for being friends? No thanks.
Given the tension between the Uchiha clan and the village's higher-ups, being chummy with someone like Jiraiya would be laughable. That kind of association could get one branded as a traitor.
The moment they left the Police Department premises, Jiraiya could no longer hold back.
"I came to you because I need your help. I plan to stay in the village for a while, to make up for what I owe Naruto. But I don't know how to interact with kids, and honestly, there's no one around here I can relate to. So I had no choice but to find you."
From Jiraiya's perspective, Hiko, with all his sarcasm and sharp tongue, was still far more tolerable than the sycophants constantly bowing and scraping before him. So he came to him for help.
Most kids are relatively easy to understand. Even if you don't know what they need, you can ask around or learn through observation.
But Naruto wasn't just any child.
Jiraiya had thought long and hard, trying to come up with a plan. But when he couldn't find anyone suitable to turn to, he ended up at the Police Department.
Which, in hindsight, was probably not the best idea.
Hiko glanced sideways at him, eyes full of contempt.
"The best way to connect with Naruto is to change out of those ridiculous clothes, then go to the Academy and speak directly to his teacher. In front of the teacher, tell Naruto you were his father's teacher—someone very close to him—who's been away on missions but is now back, and you want to live with him."
"Then take that tear-streaked kid shopping for new clothes, grab something good to eat, stick by his side, and tell him some stories."
"And then what?"
Jiraiya scratched his head anxiously.
Hiko slapped his hand away in irritation.
"What do you mean 'then what?' That is what you should do. Don't you get it?"
"More than material things, Naruto needs emotional warmth. He's been alone for so long. What he craves most is the presence of family."
"Just accompany him. Act as a surrogate parent, give him the warmth and love he's missed all his life. That's enough to make him happy."
Naruto is a simple child. He doesn't demand much—just something no one has given him until now.
At least it's fortunate that Jiraiya returned earlier than he did in the original timeline.
In the canon, Jiraiya came back only after Naruto had grown, missing crucial opportunities. That oversight cost him dearly.
"That's it? That simple?"
"What else were you expecting?"
"The rest is on you. Don't come pestering me again—I already get enough glares from people just standing next to you. It's seriously annoying."
"..."
Half an hour later, in a clothing shop in the village's business district, Jiraiya emerged from the fitting room in a new outfit and turned around.
"Hey, how do I look?"
"...Perfect. Absolutely perfect..."
His sense of style was so appalling, Hiko felt secondhand embarrassment. He even considered putting a bag over his own head and walking away like he didn't know him.
Wearing that to meet Naruto? He might as well stick with the old rags.
Unable to bear it, Hiko ended up picking out a complete outfit for Jiraiya—and even grabbed some new clothes for Naruto. Then he dragged him to the barbecue restaurant, booked a private room, and headed straight to the Ninja Academy.
In the teacher's office, Iruka was reviewing homework when the door burst open with a bang. He jolted in surprise.
"Hello, teacher! I'm Naruto Uzumaki's guardian. I'd like to see him. Please call him to the office."
What the hell?
Iruka blinked at the stranger who had barged in and started making demands. Naruto's guardian?
Was this a joke?
Among the faculty, Iruka knew Naruto's background best. He was already reaching for the emergency button to summon Anbu or the Police Department.
Who was this lunatic claiming to be Naruto's parent?
Why not just say he was Naruto's grandfather while he was at it?
"Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to leave. This isn't the place for such jokes. If you don't, I'll have to call security."
Iruka's voice was cold and firm, giving Jiraiya no chance to respond.
"I—I'm serious!"
Jiraiya was panicking, but Iruka wasn't having it.
"Serious? You should be ashamed! This is a ninja academy, not some comedy club. If you keep this up, I'll have no choice but to report you."
As Iruka continued scolding him, he noticed Hiko leaning against the doorframe, clutching his stomach from laughing so hard.
Wait... wasn't he from the Police Department?
"I am Naruto Uzumaki's guardian!" Jiraiya was near collapse. "Do I look like I'm lying?!"
"Nonsense."
Iruka still wasn't buying it.
Hiko, meanwhile, was nearly doubled over with laughter, tears rolling down his face.
"You think this is funny?!" Jiraiya's face darkened. He wanted to strangle Hiko on the spot.
Taking a deep breath, he explained again:
"My name is Jiraiya. Naruto's father—Minato Namikaze—was my student. That makes me someone very close to Naruto. If you don't believe me, ask him," he said, pointing at Hiko. "He's the Police Department Captain. Or ask the Hokage himself if you want."
"Jiraiya...sama?"
Iruka hesitated.
The Three Legendary Sannin had been away from the village for so long that many of the younger generation didn't recognize them. Iruka was no exception.
He wasn't entirely unfamiliar though—he'd seen their photos and portraits. After all, they were legendary alumni from the Academy.
Iruka turned around slowly and looked at a framed photo on the wall. It wasn't a perfect match, but the older version of the man standing in front of him did resemble the man in the photo.
Had he just chewed out Jiraiya-sama?
What was he supposed to do now?
Help. Urgent. Online.
Iruka's mind raced, but he couldn't think of anything to say. He finally squeezed out:
"Master Jiraiya, welcome back."
"You say that like I rose from the grave," Jiraiya grumbled, rolling his eyes.
Hiko laughed so hard he nearly fell over.
"If not for the mess, I'd be rolling on the floor. Oh, my stomach..."
"Quit laughing!" Jiraiya growled. "I asked for help, not to be turned into a joke!"
"You're a walking punchline. How could I not laugh?" Hiko said, wiping his eyes. "Honestly, you're the worst parent stand-in I've ever seen. You've been gone for years and suddenly show up like this? If I were Iruka, I'd think you were a child trafficker."
"..."
Even Jiraiya was at a loss.
"Naruto, your guardian is here!"
Back in the classroom, Naruto was napping on his desk. Hearing the commotion, he rubbed his eyes and sat up, wiping drool from his cheek.
"Someone's looking for me?"
"Guardian?" the teacher at the front blinked. "Iruka-sensei, did you just say Naruto's guardian?"
"No time to explain! Naruto, hurry up and come with me!"
Iruka waved frantically.