I waddled up the escalator, doing my best impression of a cheerful nightmare rabbit.
The goblins didn't even blink. One of them even snapped a picture.
(If I lived through this, I was hiring a hacker to wipe that thing off the face of the earth.)
The third floor was lined with shops, but totally empty.
Miss Bubble , the world's angriest ogre marketing manager — was downstairs, still shrieking like someone had told her Black Friday was canceled.
Every goblin security guard had abandoned their post to chase the "stingy invader."
Spoiler alert: the stingy invader was me.
And then, jackpot: a fireworks store.
Bingo.
I stuffed my inventory with anything that looked remotely illegal, then dragged a bunch of heavy furniture to block off the escalator. With my inhuman strength, it took about a minute. I barely made a sound.
Ding!
Stealth skill leveled up!
Thanks, System. Guess sneaky bunny cosplay counts as tactical stealth now.
I crept out onto the balcony, right over the mall's open center.
Below, a sea of goblins swarmed around Miss Bubble, who was roaring about "customer satisfaction" and "brand loyalty."
Perfect.
I pulled out a string of firecrackers, lit it with a match from my camping kit, and whispered,
"This one's called 'Goodbye Peace and Quiet.'"
Then I tossed it.
The firecrackers hit the floor and—
Pop-pop-pop-pop-pop!
Instant goblin panic. Every goblin head snapped toward the noise.
Miss Bubble the Ogre screamed something that definitely wasn't family-friendly and bellowed for her minions to catch the intruder.
The goblins charged toward the floor where I'd tossed the firecrackers, swarming like angry ants.
Perfect.
I grinned, pulled out almost all the fireworks from my inventory, and started lobbing them over the railing.
"And you, my friend," I said, tossing a full pack, "are 'Oops, All on Fire!'"
Whoosh—crack!
By the time the fireworks actually hit their heads, half the goblins were already ducking and covering.
It didn't help. Not even a little.
That's when I unleashed the real fireworks:
Fireballs. Inferno bursts. Mana arrows raining from above.
All hell broke loose.
Fireworks exploded in every direction. Goblins screamed. Miss Bubble tried to rally the troops, but someone got a roman candle to the face and tripped over a display of lawn chairs.
Down below, it looked like the Fourth of July and a medieval siege had a very messy baby . Above the chaos, Miss Bubble was roaring like a demon on karaoke night, trying to restore order while the ground floor turned into an absolute war zone of smoke, screaming, and goblins setting each other on fire.
Somewhere in the chaos, I heard Miss Bubble bellow,
"YOU CAN'T RETURN FIREWORKS!"
Fireball (Multi) was at Level 2, which meant I could throw three fireballs every seven seconds.
Inferno Burst? Big, flaming AOE (Area of Everything On Fire), also with a seven-second cooldown.
And Mana Arrow, now maxed at Level 10, could unleash five arrows at once. Same timing.
In short?
Every seven seconds, I turned into an angry fireworks factory.
I rained down three fireballs, five mana arrows, and an exploding inferno burst like my life and their miserable goblin lives, depended on it.
The ground floor became pure chaos. Goblins were shrieking, slipping, punching each other by accident. Miss Bubble was trying to organize her minions, but it was kind of hard to give orders when the ceiling itself kept dropping explosions on your head.
It was glorious.
Not many goblins made it to the third floor.
When they reached the escalator, they slammed into the barricade I'd built earlier. I sprinted over, took a deep breath, and kicked the whole mess of furniture.
Gravity did the rest.
Tables, chairs, mannequins—basically an entire garage sale, came crashing down the escalator, flattening goblins like a very angry avalanche.
A bunch of goblins didn't even get a chance to scream. They just poofed into misty death like villains in a low-budget video game.
Miss Bubble the Ogre, on the other hand?
She roared so loud the glass windows rattled. Then she did this Hulk-style jump—because of course she could jump—and landed right in front of me with a ground-shaking BOOM that nearly knocked me off my fuzzy rabbit feet.
She glared at me with wild, bloodshot eyes, her fists the size of microwaves.
"Intruder!!" she bellowed.
I twirled my (slightly on fire) axe and grinned.
"Hey, Bubble. Wanna dance?"
Bubble lunged, swinging a fist big enough to punch a hole through a brick wall.
I dove sideways, rolling to my feet. Before she could turn, I was already moving—Hobgoblin Axe flashing in my right hand, Necrofang Saber slicing in my left.
CLANG!
The axe slammed into her shoulder, sending a burst of fire damage sizzling up her arm. She roared and tried to grab me, but the saber was already carving a deep, black line across her thigh, siphoning a tiny sliver of health back to me with every cut.
She swung again, wild and furious. I ducked under the punch, pivoted, and unleashed my spells.
Three fireballs.
One inferno burst.
Five mana arrows.
Every spell hit like fireworks on steroids.
Bubble staggered, smoke curling off her burned skin, but she wasn't down yet.
Good.
Neither was I.
Bubble wasn't just mad now.
She was furious.
She let out a howl that rattled my teeth and charged like a derailed freight train.
I barely raised my weapons in time. Her fist smashed into my axe, sending shockwaves through my arms and almost knocking the saber clean out of my other hand.
-112 HP
Ow.
I stumbled back, boots scraping against the floor. Bubble didn't give me a second to breathe—she lunged again, swinging with both fists this time.
I ducked, felt the wind of her swing rip past my ear, and stabbed upward with the Necrofang Saber. The blade sank into her side, black mist hissing where it hit, but Bubble just shrugged it off and grabbed me by the front of my hoodie.
"Uh-oh."
The next thing I knew, I was airborne—flying backward like a football—and crashed into a souvenir stand.
-68 HP
(Pretty sure I was now the proud owner of several cracked ribs and a "Welcome to Shopping Mall!" keychain lodged somewhere uncomfortable.)
The system helpfully pinged:
> [Debuff: Staggered - Movement speed reduced by 30% for 10 seconds]
Awesome. Just awesome.
Bubble roared again and came charging.
I forced myself up, weapons ready, everything screaming at me to move.
Because one thing was clear:
This wasn't going to be a clean win.
This was going to be a brawl.
Just as I was pushing myself to my feet, trying to get my bearings, I heard it:
A clatter of footsteps, growing louder by the second.
I turned, heart pounding.
More goblins.
A small squad, but enough to make things complicated.
The goblins from the ground floor came pouring in, screaming and howling like a swarm of angry wasps.
Most of them were charred and broken from the fireball barrage I'd unleashed. But there were still some survivors. A handful had managed to dodge or take cover, and now, their eyes were burning with hatred.
One of them shrieked, pointing a jagged sword at me.
They were quick, agile, and full of rage. But none of that mattered when they were outnumbered.
I gritted my teeth and pushed myself to my feet, fists still clutching the axes, hands slick with sweat.
"You've got to be kidding me..." I muttered, barely managing to keep my balance as a goblin lunged toward me with a sharp, chipped dagger.
I sidestepped, ducking just in time to avoid the strike. But the thing was, the more I fought back, the more they just kept coming. They were relentless, using their numbers to their advantage, overwhelming me with sheer force.
One goblin, a bigger one this time, swung a mace at my head, the weight behind it enough to knock the wind out of me.
-78 HP
Another goblin swung at my leg, forcing me to stumble back, my vision darkening.
I dropped low, sweeping the floor with my feet and knocking a couple of the goblins off their feet.
I could hear Bubble behind me, still cackling as she stalked closer, her claws scraping the floor like razor blades.
The goblins, still livid with their desire for revenge, circled around me.
They were angry, and that rage was making them reckless. But it also meant they weren't going to back down anytime soon.
"Enough!" I growled, the rage surging through me. It was starting to feel personal.
I hardly ever used the Berserk skill. I hated the loss of control it came with, the raw, animalistic fury that it triggered. But this was a desperate time—desperate times called for desperate measures.
I could feel the skill flicker to life inside me, a surge of energy ripping through my body as my muscles tightened and my blood boiled.
Berserk (Lv. 1)
+50% Strength and Stamina
+25% Dexterity
+10% Defense
Duration: 5 minutes
Side Effect: -20% Strength & Stamina for 30 minutes after expiration
My body was suddenly a furnace, and my mind felt like it was riding a wild, unrestrained wave of fury. I couldn't think straight, but it didn't matter. I was unstoppable.
With a roar, I charged into the fray, my axes swinging like a whirlwind. The goblins didn't stand a chance. Necrofang Saber flashed, slicing through one's chest. Lifesteal kicked in, healing me just enough to keep me going.
I barely paused before unleashing a barrage of magic: Multi Fireball, Mana Arrows, and Inferno Burst tore through the remaining goblins. They didn't even have time to scream before they were ash.
Now it was just Bubble.
She lunged at me, claws outstretched, and I barely dodged. Her claws grazed my shoulder, and I retaliated with another magic barrage.
She roared in pain, but she was still coming.
Bubble was tough—Level 42 with 5700 HP, but I'd already whittled her down to 3200 HP with my earlier attack. Still, she wasn't going to go down easy.
She swung again, and I danced just out of range, axes ready to strike.
.Bubble's roar shook the mall so hard, I half-expected the ceiling to cave in. She barreled toward me, claws out, looking like she wanted to rip me in half and use my bones as toothpicks.
I wasn't running.
I charged too, both blades ready. My Necrofang Saber and Hobgoblin Axe flashed—but Bubble was quicker than she looked. She snarled and smacked my swing aside with a meaty arm. The shock rattled my teeth. I hit her, sure—but it was like trying to chop down a redwood with a butter knife.
She twisted and swiped, catching my shoulder.
-72 HP
I stumbled but kept moving. Berserk mode was still flooding my system, making my heart thump loud enough to drown out her roars. I hurled a Mana Arrow point-blank. Bubble ducked like a boxer and kept charging.
"Cheater!" I gasped.
She closed the distance and slammed into me full-body, and I hit the floor so hard I swear my spine cracked Morse code for 'you're an idiot.'
-67 HP
I rolled to the side just before her claws turned the tiles where my head had been into salad.
"Note to self," I gasped. "Never fight an angry mall boss without a tank."
I lit her up with a Multi Fireball, blasting her square in the chest. Bubble staggered, coughing smoke, but she just got madder. Bloodied, breathing fire, but still very much alive.
HP remaining: ~2000.
Which was about 1999 too many.
Bubble bellowed and charged again. I sidestepped—barely—and guzzled an HP potion and SP potion in one messy gulp.
+200 HP
+200 SP
Just enough for another ten seconds of mayhem.
She came at me full tilt, claws out, murder in her eyes. I planted my feet and threw both hands forward.
Inferno Burst.
The explosion roared like a dragon sneezing. Bubble took the hit full-on and staggered back, smoking and angrier than a cat in a bathtub.
She slashed wildly, catching my leg.
Pain shot through me.
- 89 HP
I collapsed, panting. My stamina was almost toast. She lunged.
"Not... yet," I growled, forcing my legs to move.
I dodged sideways and, without thinking, hurled my Hobgoblin Axe.
Wham!
It buried itself in her ribs. Bubble shrieked.
I wasn't done. I sprinted forward and popped a Mana Arrow straight into her face. She staggered, swaying.
Perfect.
With a roar, I swung the Necrofang Saber in a wide arc.
The blade sank deep into her neck.
Bubble's final scream echoed through the empty mall, long and miserable—then her hulking body crashed to the floor.
Boss Defeated.
Her HP bar flickered... and vanished.
I collapsed beside her, soaked in sweat, coughing up what might've been a lung.
"Well," I panted, "at least I don't have to do the paperwork for this mess."