Yo hackers and my girlfriend who all fucking read my journal. Please walk up to me and discuss how stupid society and this gang are. I swear, I will for once welcome a hacker hitting me up in my DMs about society. Please do it. I know you stalk the public too, you fucking hackers.
So I just did this shit for the first time. I know youtube has had these livestreams before, but this shit just takes the cake. The cake of sadness, madness, and debauchery.
So like, I should've seen this coming with the basics I knew. Area is owned by a gang. It's a food court. But like, I didn't. It's complete chaos. And they smoke whatever they want while we're there. Like bro, I seen fuckers doing crack out of light bulbs. One time the cook just pulled a light bulb out the roof of their food truck, and handed some hot chick the light bulb. I was both sad and aroused.
So here is the list of discoveries I discovered for Day 1 in the order I observed and wrote down my rant about it.
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Alright, so twenty minutes in. I just saw a fat bitch give a handjob for free tacos for her and her three friends. Bruh. The low standards of this depravity. 8 free tacos for a handjob from a fat bitch? Tragic levels of low standards.
Then there was a surprise street tournament I was sad I wasn't part of. It was insane. It was like a Mexican Wrestling Ring, but with death and madness. I saw a wrestler midget use a machete to cut a dude's hand off, then the midget got punted into a car and stomped to death. Shit was fucked up and hysterical. I was like "WHOA! COMEBACK!"
Important thing worth noting during this hour long tournament. There was a hot mexican goth chick in charge. Man, seeing that girl made me regret starting this whole thing. Suddenly the latino goth mommy got me wanting to get married to the Desert Vultures. But ah well, we're still married to a good war. But ya know hackers, if as a peace offering you want to send a latino goth chick my way, I won't complain. ;)
Anyway, that goth chick was in charge. Like a fucking Simplord unfortunately, so being honest marrying her is a bad idea. She'd probably cheat on me or have an Onlyfans. She was making men hand her money left and right. And she also told dudes what her Onlyfans was. It was sad. … Also I went and found that shit. Just know it's a nice Onlyfans, but she's clearly a Desert Vulture Whore. I just can't decide how important she is. Cause she is featured with lots of women that also show up at this food court. I wonder if she is what those mature fantasy games would call a Brothel Matron. Basically the hoe in charge of the hoes. Cause I'm like, 40% convinced she's the Queen of the Desert Vulture hoes. Which is bad, cause goth chicks got that dom energy. I'd prefer if she was at least a girly hoe. This bitch might cut your dick off if you don't pay up.
Next up that's important. Surprise drug deal gone well. It was with another gang. And I was mad as fuck when I saw it. A skinhead twentyish year old guy. Fucking Incel Lord. They're part of what I call the Incel Gang in town. Because they're sexist fucks that act like they never get laid. It's annoying as fuck. They copy the way I talk to chicks to get laid, I swear to God they do!
Anyway, point is they did a gun deal with him. Goth chick got him the gun. She claims she's just a runner for the Supplier. I assume anyway. They called him "Fat bitch with the guns". He at least owns the guns. God knows if she's loyal to him though. She was very rude about the supplier. Here are a list of my favorite quotes about him.
"When I got there to get your gun, the fucker was jerking off to some Shin Megan Ten Cents game." she says bitterly.
"Man, fuck that pig. I want his job anyway."
"I swear I would crush his balls if I could."
"I dare you to say I ain't getting a cut. I'll kill that fat pig."
"Man, I know more about guns than the pig. I'll shoot his dick off."
She might not be kidding about that. Cause she knew the ways I sabotaged their guns, and wanted to copy them to fuck with her kids.
"So he put a heat sensor in your guns so when it detects heat, it won't fire. I want that on my kid's guns so he won't shoot people unless I let him. Cause it's got programming in it so it can be deactivated at will by a computer program." Goth Chick says excitedly.
They hated the idea though. But she still insisted she's doing it to her kids' guns at least. But well, that was a funny argument. Let me put it in here for the hackers.
"Dude, you can't give kids rigged guns. They're smarter than you think." D.V. Gangster says seriously.
(D.V. means Desert Vulture.)
"What's that supposed to mean? What they gonna do, trick shots?" Goth Chick says with amused skepticism.
"Man, they'll hack it like you can. You're smart, remember how you was when you were a kid." Old D.V. Gangster says tiredly.
"Man, my kids are dumb though. None of them know how to hack." Goth Chick says angrily.
"Yeah, not true. Your kid is learning to program. The oldest one." Old D.V. Gangster says quickly.
The Goth Chick facepalms and growls angrily.
"Ugh fine, I'll just stick to teaching them boxing like my brother wants. They can learn guns when they turn 18." she complains.
Anyway, the arms deal went surprisingly fine. Except the Incel stared at the Goth Chick's tits too much. To the point she smacked him. But he still got his gun. And for some reason her phone number for future deals. Apparently it's because "I'm stealing the fat pig's customers! So what!?"
It's amusing to see this in-fighting occur. I'll say that much. Sounds like a way to spice things up is to fan the flames of the war for ownership of the guns.
But wait folks, we have way more to go through just for day 1. Next up, the Latino Goth Chick got in a fight with a White Goth Chick over a rich Israeli dude in a suit. Apparently they were both his girlfriend, and they fought over him. And well, let's just say the Latino one fought so well I fell in love. Bitch did a suplex, I was like "HELL YEAH!" I yelled and pumped my fist when she did it, I was so excited. Felt like watching the wrestling shit again.
The Israeli Dude is apparently a Banker at my bank. I hate that. He's a liability. I'm finding out what I can on him. I went to the bank, and they had everyone's business card out. I took his when I did a small withdrawal. His name is Zohan Broflahski. I remember the culture enough to know Zohan means the gift from god. I should expect he's spoiled, assuming he keeps his jewish family happy.
I honestly don't like that he's jewish. As a criminal, it's bad. They're considered our favorite immigrant by America. It means it's harder for me to hit them. Cause I'm a criminal. Immigrants are below the regulars in America right? It means they're easy pickings for criminals, typically cause their culture doesn't work with ours to begin with. If your culture doesn't fuck with us, you'll be exiled by the people. And bros. We fucks with Israel. We love Israel. Israel as in the love is real and if you rob us, we count as American bitches. Yeah, and worse yet. They're a fucking banker bros.
Here's my banker rant bros. Bankers are Pigs on the extreme mode. The IRS is the only thing worse than them. Cause they do it legally. But Bankers if they're a criminal, track your fucking money. They pay attention to you to know if you should have your money. And if they know you shouldn't and if they hate you, suddenly you're getting hassled. Suddenly you're blocked on making a deposit with your money. It's fucking bullshit. Never piss off a banker if you're a criminal. They'll break you by proving your life ain't legit.
Bro, ya know the real reason I wear fancy clothes is to avoid bankers right? Cause on the surface level, your fashion is all they got. They see fancy clothes, they might assume you're rich. But it's only surface level. It's a disguise to say "I have money." But if they investigate my personal life and find out I only make $20 an hour, I'm screwed. They ask questions. I don't got good answers besides I do game testing on the side. I don't do enough to justify it. They know cause they pay a hacker to track me and my phone activity. It's horse shit. I only got away from a banker before cause my government girlfriend was in love with me at the time. We were basically on a honeymoon that day, the government hated it. But hey, I'm a Celebrity. I get stupid shit like this sometimes.
Third Update is that you're a stupid bitch Lucius, quit talking shit or we're blowing up your house.
Bitch, do it. I hate this house. The neighborhood already rigged it.
I know, I bought their tips to use the house to fuck with you.
Yeah, well if the government loves me, I've got turrets.
Bitch, no you don't.
Bitch, yes I do.
Bitch, no you don't.
Bitch, I'm finding you. I know you're within a mile or so of me unless we're rich, and I live in the country. A flat country plain. I can see you if you're in a damn black van.
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Lucius runs outside his house with a sniper rifle and a red and black camo bulletproof vest on over purple pajamas and a green shirt.
"FUCK YOU HACKER! HOW DARE YOU FUCK WITH MY BOOK!? I'M A CELEBRITY CRIMINAL! THAT THING IS MY MEMOIR! I'M MAKING MONEY OFF Y'ALL LIKE RAPPERS MAKE MONEY OFF THEIR MURDERS! BUT WITH A BOOK! CAUSE FUCK YOU, I'M A WRITER, NOT A RAPPER!" Lucius screams with furious bloodlust.
Lucius hears the roar of a engine, sees a black van roaring away, and opens fire! His sniper rifle for once isn't sabotaged, which causes Lucius to yell with manly joy and open fire like a madman. Lucius fires so much, that he causes himself trouble. Because he missed, and the truck does a sick U-Turn. Wheat and dirt fly into the air as it comes back for Lucius's head!
"Bring it pussy, your dick's small!" Lucius curses angrily.
Lucius gets down on one knee, takes a deep breath, and quick scopes this fucker. Then he turns to the camera he has set up on his front porch, smiles and gives it a thumbs up. As that van then goes wild, beginning to flip wildy until it miraculously flips over Lucius and lands on his house. Lucius then pumps his fist.
"Fuck yeah, I hate that house." Lucius says happily.
Suddenly the meth heads appear to yell about the house.
"MY HOUSE! MY BEAUTIFUL HOUSE!" Methodical Man yells miserably.
Lucius glares at the Methodical Man and aims his sniper rifle at him. Lucius then shakes for a second because the rifle shocks him suddenly and he drops the gun.
"Dammit, I forgot he's a celebrity too!" Lucius curses nervously.
Lucius takes a deep breath. Then he stomps his foot and…lazily threatens the Methodical Man.
"Hey I get I hate my house, but you ain't fucking getting it. I just want to build a new house on this property. But the town is obsessed with my grandpa's stupid house." Lucius says angrily.
Lucius laughs suddenly, shaking his head amusedly.
"Yo, check this illuminati shit out though. My dad was a famous priest right? Fucking Father Dehaviell, ruler of the Satanists! He was Lord Satan's favorite priest apparently! Anyway, check out how much they love his house, it's ridiculous." Lucius says happily.
The Meth Heads stare at him like he's a meth head talking about a government meth head theory, like Qanon. Or that Kennedy is still alive.
Then suddenly five work trucks begin pulling up, along with a unnecessary fire truck. BOOM!
"It is now necessary." Lucius says annoyedly.
Lucius cups his hand and yells angrily.
"Did you fucks overanalyze and predict me too hard again!? I hate when you do that! Quit raping my mind!"
A truck pulls up to Lucius and the passenger smacks Lucius across the face. It is a surprising combination of a fellow that everyone is. Goth Construction Workers. Black Vests with shiny white lines. Black safety helmets with red upside crosses painted on them. Black safety boots with spiked toes. And they all have black lipstick and black hair.
"Yeah, so Lucius. I'm proud of you for once tricking someone into destroying your house. That's a new one. DICK!" Goth Construction Boss says sarcastically.
"Yeah whatever Brad." Lucius says angrily.
"It's fucking Mammon. Cause I'm the man with the money. And I run this town! Not you! I made you! You're just a joke gone wrong!" Mammon yells angrily.
"I'm not calling you by your stupid Satanist name, your name is Brad and you abandoned your wife and two kids to roleplay as a character named Mammon. Go home to your family, Brad." Lucius deadpans.
"No, Lucius. Buddy. It's me Brad. Breaking through to say he forced his personality into me. All I did was play a videogame with him in it, and suddenly I became him." Brad? says miserably.
Lucius shrugs.
"Yeah, with that character shit. I think that just happened cause he's the upgrade to the character you are." Lucius says calmly.
Mammon and the Goth Construction Workers all glare at Lucius in unison.
"You're a crackpot. Everyone ignore this man and get to work fixing this place." Mammon says quick, emotionless, and firmly.
Lucius shrugs and steps back. The crew gets to work. Lucius walks over to a lawn chair where he has an absurd set up as if he predicted this happening way too hard. He has a coffee table with his game console and tv on it. He has a cooler with sodas on it. And weed sitting on a table by the lawn chair. He sits down and just starts gaming and smoking weed outside.
Within twenty minutes of this, the Methodical Man approaches Lucius with angry confusion.
"What the fuck is happening? I called all my Meth Head friends, and apparently your dad is like the reincarnation of Satan, and hypothetically you're the Anti-Christ." Methodical Man says.
Lucius stares at Methodical Man like he is three inches from being a NPC, and he is bitter about it.
"Alright bro. Let's see how long it takes for you to believe the hype. It's not real. They don't serve Satan. They're just a INTJ cult or something. I don't know, I haven't decided what personality the cult is besides my father's." Lucius says angrily.
"So you're the head of a cult?!" Methodical Man says fearfully.
"WHAT!? No, they hate me!" Lucius says, angrily offended.
"Yeah fuck him, he's a dick. He's nothing like the father. He didn't ever hang out with the government." Goth Construction Worker says angrily.
Lucius shrugs while the Methodical Man stares angrily at Lucius.
"No, I still think this makes you the Anti-Christ. Because you betrayed everyone, even the Satanists. Just like the Anti-Christ would do." Methodical Man says, angrily paranoid.
Lucius pulls out a gun and screams with furious, wordless rage. Something like "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Then he gets in the Methodical Man's face, and starts beating him with the gun while ranting furiously.
"YOU SAID THE FORBIDDEN IDEA! IT'S FORBIDDEN! IT'S GONNA TRIGGER ANOTHER SATANIST APOCALYPSE! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!? YOU FUCKING MONSTER! THEY'RE GONNA REALIZE THAT MAKES ME A COOL SATANIST, AND THEY'RE GONNA BE EVEN MORE OBSESSED WITH ME!"
Suddenly the Satanists run over to Lucius and the Methodical Man to forcibly separate them. Lucius starts firing at the Youtuber, but his gun conveniently jams!
"FUCKKKK! METHODICAL MAN, DON'T SAY IT! I'LL GIVE YOU MY HOUSE! DON'T SAY THE FORBIDDEN IDEA! MY LIFE SUCKS ENOUGH! DON'T MAKE ME ACCEPT THE ROLE OF ANTI-CHRIST TO THESE FUCKING R!@#$%^!" Lucius screams with desperate, angry misery.
Methodical Man looks between Lucius, the Satanists, and the Meth Heads. Then sighs angrily.
"I must expose you. Lucius is the ultimate Anti-Christ because he betrays everyone, even Satan himself." Methodical Man says seriously.
The Satanists turn to Lucius with creepy grins.
"The Chosen One is still worthy. Somehow. As always, it is strange with you." Satanists say like a woman in unison.
"Ah fuck, it's the Satanist Girlfriend personality." Lucius pouts.
All the Satanists smile and wave like anime girls. Lucius awkwardly waves back with a hesitant but genuine smile.
"So who's in charge of the crowd this time? Is it Jessica? I remember liking Jessica." Lucius says nervously.
Meth Heads are all fucking freaking out. One of their nose's explode with blood due to the sheer confusion at the situation, and he faints. Head smacking against the ground with a quiet thud cause he lands on dirt.
"We must do a trial. How is the town suffering?" Satanists say in unison.
… Lucius sighs, tilts his head back, and yells "FUUCCCCKKKK! I DID IT AGAIN!" Then stares like a petulant child at the Satanists.
"So first order of business is we're fighting the Desert Vultures cause that gang is annoying. I'm currently stalking them, and I have an idea of who one of their Arms Dealers are." Lucius says hesitantly.
Satanists immediately start screaming with rage.
"YOUR FATHER PICKED THE VULTURES BECAUSE THEY WERE STRONG, AND EAT THE WEAK! YOU WILL BE DESTROYED PISS ANT!"
"THE VULTURES GONNA FUCK YOU UP KID!"
"Shut up, I already do my own shit without y'all anyway." Lucius says angrily.
"Yeah, but this time you'll win. Cause we're helping." Satanists say smugly.
Lucius frowns, then shrugs.
"Fuck it, you can help. Go fuck up everything in the category of Logistics for the Desert Vultures." Lucius says calmly.
The Satanists nod and smile with creepy bloodlust. Then frown and focus like workers.
"Yes, Anti-Christ. But first, we fix your house. Dumbass." Satanists say with dutiful annoyance.
Lucius sighs and shrugs. Then he goes back to playing videogames. The Meth Heads are freaking out meanwhile.
"Dude, there's gonna be a gang war here. We gotta pack up and move the operation! Order a moving crew stat, I'm buying an actual warehouse! Fuck this field man!" Methodical Man orders with a panic.