✦ Ikiryo ✦
I woke up to silence.
Not the peaceful kind.The kind that wraps around your neck and squeezes.
Mom wasn't coughing.That's what scared me.
I shot up from the floor next to her bed—blanket half off, mouth dry, chest tight.I reached for her hand. Still warm. Still here.
Just sleeping.
I exhaled. Shaky. Loud.
Another night survived.Another one I couldn't save her.
Time doesn't stop. It doesn't even slow down.It just flickers forward, like an old projector—frame after frame, breath after breath.
Lately, I've been thinking about when I was four.I used to fall asleep in my mom's arms while she told me stories.Her voice, warm like tea. Her arms, soft like clouds.
That was peace.I didn't know it back then.
I do now.Because it's gone.
The hallway creaked as I opened her door wider.Morning light spilled in like it didn't belong here.Like even the sun was tiptoeing around her illness.
There it was.That photo.
My mom. My so-called dad. Me, a baby in her arms.Him smiling like a man already halfway out the door.
I looked away.
"Morning," I said.
She didn't answer—just smiled.That same soft smile. The one that tried too hard to hide the pain.The one that made her look older than she was.
Stage 4 lung cancer does that to a person.
"You're giving me that little smile, huh?" I joked.
"Of course I am, honey. I can still control my face, you know."
"Barely," I smirked. "You look like a grandma in a collagen commercial."
She laughed.Then coughed.
Blood.
I ran for the tissue.She still called me funny.
I wanted to believe her.
I didn't tell her it was my birthday.She wouldn't want to forget.
But I could see it in her eyes—she already had.I didn't blame her.
She promised me last year she'd be better by now.But I was too optimistic.Too stupid.
I held her hand. Just for a second.Then let go.
Because holding it felt like goodbye.
🏫 At School
"HEYYYYY, Ikiryo!"
God. Yumi.Why does she scream like that every morning?
"Mind reader powers, activated!" she said, winking. "Come on, don't give me that look. I just wanted to wake you up properly. And…HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!"
I blinked. "Thanks."
She hugged me, loud and proud, in front of everyone.Even my bad mood had to laugh.
"Still annoying though," I muttered.
"Whatever. I'm your best friend, you're stuck with me."
She flicked my forehead.I flicked hers back.
Red foreheads. Laughter.
Just for a moment, I wasn't the guy with the dying mom.Just a teenager again.
But it never lasts.Not when you know your whole world could fall apart the second the bell rings.
Not when you dream about bridges made of flame.And spirits that whisper your name.
Every time I close my eyes, I see the fire.
It's calling me.
And I don't know how much longer I can ignore it..