It's scary, i can feel my heart pounding as curiosity and fear eats me up. I know I shouldn't have my hopes up but for today, no just for this moment i want to hope that my efforts bear fruit, good or bad.
I walked into the dining room to find it empty. The kitchen staff was still unsure of how many sets of dinnerware to arrange and It was already 5 minutes before 6pm.
"Let us wait until 6pm before you set the table"
" Yes your grace" will he come or will he not come? If he does show up, will he be angry or not?
It's been almost 10 minutes since I started waiting and I guess he will not be coming. So much for putting in an effort.
"You can set the table for...." the door opens as he walks in.
"I'm sorry I'm late, I lost track of time"
Clarisa's face lit up as he stepped into the room.
"Its fine your grace, im glad you could make it. Please set the table for two"
"Yes your grace" I didn't know it would feel like this, had i known putting in effort would feel this good I would have tried hard long ago.
"How was your day, your grace" he looked up from his meal stared at me for a moment.
"It was good, although I had someone smack me for the first time today" whattttt??? Was he pouting or telling a joke? His face remained the same, so I can't tell. Is it a joke?
"That must have been so awful. That person must have had a good reason to do so i guess" he stares blankly at me as if calling me shameless but I just continued to feign ignorance. This feels nice, for the first time meal time with family didn't make me nauseous. We were having a comfortable conversation and none of our tones were cold or harsh. It was a type of comfortable i hadnt felt before. Can I really be this happy? What if all of this happiness is an illusion for the pain to come? I'm scared that I will get hurt.
Dinner continued uneventful as we spoke about how our respective days went.
Sitting in my bedroom as I stare out the window. Everything was covered in snow. I can't wait to go exploring outside.
He didnt get mad but it almost felt like he didn't care. I wonder how far I can take things with him. Will he ever smile at me or would he get angry? Well i will never know till i try, ill keep making an effort. I hope my efforts will bear fruit. I'm scared but also excited. Now for phase 2 of the plan. Hannah said that married couples in the north share a room. It was surprising to find out she was married. She looked so cute explaining how she met her husband.
"You rang your grace"
"Your name was Stella right?" She is the one who hannah said has a crush on one of the knights that escorted me to runan. She didn't tell me which one as she wanted me to find out myself.
"Yes your grace" she smiled happy i remembered her name.
"I want to have a bath and retire to bed. Can you help me?"
"It would be my honour your grace" she was smiling as she ran all over the room helping out. I want to know more about her but would she be happy about that? I'm basically her boss and if I ask her a question, would she be too scared to refuse? Stop it clarisa, you won't know till your try.
"Stella, how long have you worked in the castle" she stopped in her tracks
"Your grace are you curious about me" her voice was filled with shock and awe.
"Ummm yes but you can decline if you dont want to" i shouldn't have asked, she must be feeling awkward.
"Thank you so much your grace, im so happy you are interested in me. I've worked here for 5 years, I have 3 siblings that I care for....." she rambled on and on about herself but I was too stunned to react. I couldn't believe it, all I needed to do was ask and people would have responded. Why did I never ask? I just assumed, dammit.
"It must have been difficult for you to do all that alone"
"No your grace, i enjoyed it. Seeing my siblings grow up to be good kids was extremely fulfilling" she was genuinely smiling. I could see how much she loved them.
It's sounded like a good idea in my head but now that I'm standing outside his door, i'm getting cold feet. 'I cannot give up now, i will not know if I don't try.' Okay I'm ready now. I knock softly on the door.
"Your grace, its me clarisa" there was a short silence
"Come in" his voice rang softly through the door.
Peeking into his room as i walk in slowly and the door closes behind me, his eyes met mine from the desk he was sitting at. A stack of papers on the desk.
"Duchess, do you need something" his voice was calm, his gaze fixed on me as i fidget with the embroidery kit in my hands.
"Don't mind me I just came to spend the night with you" my heart was thumping loudly, what if he refuses or throws me out literally. I'm scared should I just turn around and run away.
"Do as you wish" his head went back to his documents as the silence consumed the room. It made me so happy. I know he means nothing by it but he didn't kick me out. 'What should I do?' I think.... I think i have done something stupid. My heart was fluttering as I felt butterflies in my stomach.
I settled into a couch in front of the fire place. I decided to pick up random hobbies from hannah. Embroidery was one I tried for now. Was this supposed to be a flower, it looks so bad like a distorted worm?
When i looked at the clock again it was already almost 11pm. Standing up i walk closer to his huge bed as i could feel his eyes on me.
"Duchess what are you doing"
"Its clarisa"
"What?"
"My name, its clarisa please call me that and not duchess" I know I'm pushing it, but I wanted him to call my name. I turned around to meet his eyes. Those beautiful blue eyes.
"Duchess"
"Clarisa"
"Duc..."
"Clarisa" i cut him off. He stared silently for what seemed like eternity, let out a small sigh.
"Clarisa" it was calm and it made my heart flutter, I turned around too embarrassed to look at him as my cheeks turned red.
"Yes my love " it came out before I could stop myself. He flinched looking dazed but regained his composure fairly fast.
"What are you doing?"
"Im going to bed" I climbed into his bed. It's smelled like him. So this is what he smells like, It smelled so good, I can't believe I'm acting like a school girl but it smelled so good.
"Please return to your bed chambers, if it is uncomfortable I can arrange for a new one tomorrow " turning away from him on the bed as I settled in further.
"Well, ill be spending the nights with you going forward. We are married and it's custom in the north to use one bed chamber" I tried to keep my voice calm but I was a nervous wreck. He could easily kick me out or worse but I didn't want to be scared easily. I still couldn't believe i called him 'my love' but he didn't refuse, so can I keep calling him that. Who knew i was this bold, im just surprising myself today. I peeked at him again, he looked majestic, like an art piece came to life. He had his long hair tied up but it didn't take away from his beauty.
"Please return to your chambers" he went back to his documents. This stubborn man but I refuse to lose.
"It seems there was a mistake in communication, I wasn't making a request. I was just informing you of how things will be from now on and if you decide to move to another room I'll be right next to you even if it means I need to chase you down to hell." Dammit, this wasn't what I wanted to say but I just got so mad that he kept refusing to share his space like I was some bug. What should I do if he gets angry. The room remained silent except for him scribbling on his paper occasionally.
Blinking her eyes open in an unfamiliar space, she glanced at the clock, it was almost 7am. The bed was empty, she sighed in resignation. She brushed her hands against where he was supposed to be and her eyes widened in shock. There was a dent in the bed and it was warm.
"He spent the night" he didn't leave, he stayed. I cant believe i just spent my first night as an actual married couple. Her heart was beating loudly but it was the good kind.
"I'm so happy, i'm so damn happy" she squealed into the sheets. What should I do now? What am I supposed to do? How do I act from now on? I dont want to admit it but my heart keeps getting deeper. What am I to do now?