Does anyone know how good it feels to have your head attached to your neck?
It's not because I've been severed from my body for a good few hours.
It's because they can't toss it around the camp like a soccer ball.
Usually, ladies just ignore sexual slurs during wartimes or follow up with their own.
Who knows, maybe I will be dead tomorrow, give this horny guy a break.
But not this lady.
Not Tsunade.
She kicked my head across, the camp without a single warning.
"Sages bloody tits! Is that a head?", a chunin drops his canteen.
They worship fellow shinobi and now their tits.
Brilliant.
"Oh hei... emm....hello?", I greet.
The said shinobi puts his fingers together and forms a [kai].
"What is this? Somekind of genjutsu? Enemy attack?", he looks around hysterically.
"Yo...man! This ain't no genjutsu" I try to shrug, but my body is way over there in the tent.
I wonder how far I can control it.
"What....what the hell....", the shinobi drops on his ass and holds down his temple.
"Rough day?", I ask.
The ninja flicks an angry look at me.
"We just got attacked by the fucking Salamander and HQ wants us to push up with poison darts flying across the fields. And now, there are fucking talking heads flying across the camp!!!", he gets closer to my face.
"So yeah!!! I'm having a fucking bad day", he says with a frown.
"Cool dude...you look like you have tetanus. My classmate once had tetanus. That's some wild shit!", I try to calm him down as I control my body to my location.
He notices my headless body approaching.
A few other shinobi come and greet my body with a slight bow.
They saw me fight alongside Gamabunta.
So, they kind of sort of know me.....
It bows too.
I'm not doing it.
It's bowing on its own.
Oh well..... I guess it has a degree of autonomous function.
He watches as my body approaches and picks me up.
Let's get back.
"Wait!", the chunin calls.
I turn around.
"So....is it true? You can't die?", he asks.
"Been unable to, for the past couple of days", I answer.
The chunin sighs and gets back up.
With a stretched-out hand for a handshake.
I respond in kind.
"You sure you wanna be friends with someone like me?", I ask.
He chuckles.
"Why?", he asks.
"The higher-ups know about me. I wonder what they have in mind", I said.
"Nothing good", he says.
"Really? Why?", I raise an eyebrow.
"It's The Tobirama Senju we are talking about! That guy is shady as fuck. Always hiding behind Hashirama Sama's ass... I heard he can bring back the dead!", he whispers while hiding his face.
"No kidding! It might be true!", I shrug.
"I can see that now!", he chuckles.
And the chuckles somehow break down into laughter.
My head dropped.
We laughed even harder.
"Ooooohhh good mate! You are a funny guy!", he points his finger.
"I'm a fuxking severed head. It comes with the job!", I grabe onto his shoulder.
"It's Fardin... by the way", I introduced myself.
"It's Saito Uchiha", he pulls up his collar.
"Oooouuu! Fancy clan with colours! Good for ya' ", I admire.
Saito stares.
"Sheeeseh! Dude! You don't know anything about the Uchihas?", he asks with raised eyebrows.
I shrug.
"So ~so", I gesture.
I heard the name and saw a few of them at the sight. But never saw them in action.
"Well, you'd be pissing your pants right now if you did! We are cooler than anything the village has to offer! We are here. That means we mean business" he puffs up his chest.
I slap his shoulder.
"Well, I'd better go. Gotta get my head fixed and report at the desk. See ya' ", I turn.
"See you around; maybe they will put you on my squad", he smiles.
"Oh really, looking forward to it".
########
After I got back to the tent, Tsunade was back to a tired self again.
"On the bed!", she orders.
Maybe not?
I sat my head on the pillow while the body lay down.
She positions my head and starts with suturing along with some juts that I know nothing about.
There were seals in place, and as she kept on working, some weird writing kept creeping along my hands and feet.
I feel a rush of warmth for a few seconds.
Holy hell...
Holy shit....it feels amazing.
My joints started to loosen up, and I could feel the heat of my palm with my fingers.
It feels as if I'm alive again!
Oh, wait.....
"I'm... I'm truly a corpse now.... aren't I? Miss Tsunade?", I ask.
"Yes you are ... ", she answers nonchalantly.
I feel my head snapping in a place like a slot.
She stitches my neck and heals.
"You should be good to go", she says.
"Thank you ma'am", I get up.
Trace along my neck. There is a bump.
But the pain is gone and my head and everything feels solid.
"It's like you have done this before", Ichi san is still here.
Tsunade only gives her an empty look.
"Trust me, kid....the less you know..... the better", she then gets up and walks away.
I slap my knees. There's no point in overthinking about it.
We are at war with 3 different nations.
One of them has to have freaks like me.
#######
"This Fardin. Squad 18. Currier squad 23! Reporting in!" I stand up straight in front of a man who is as tall as me while sitting.
"I'm Jiraya.... 'm the commander of this operation "he gets up from his desk and circles around the front.
"So, kid ..... you where is the rest your squad?" he asks.
" KIA, sir. The road was compromised".
"The hq didn't inform?".
"Negative, sir!".
"The border had been infiltrated by the Rain village 2 weeks ago. Are you telling me they sent Genin in the middle of it?" he asks.
"The captain said it's the Rotten carrot manoeuvre?" I answer hesitantly.
"What were you carrying?", he asks.
"Supplies.... mine was a dud though ".
He gets closer.
"Do you really think Konoha would be so desperate and petty that they would send genins just to die on the field carrying a dud scroll? You take me for an idea!!! Genin?", he is smiling.... but I know he is angry.
He brings out a scroll.
It was the scroll that I was carrying.
"Who....gave it to you?", he asks.
"The logistics management department, sir", I answer.
He clicks his tongue.
Suddenly, smoke fills up the room.
My body is stuck from the waist down inside the mouth of a toad that just appeared out of the floor.
"I'm going to ask one last time..... who authorised you for the mission?" he frowns.
Why do I get the feeling he is trying his best to act angry.
He is doing good, but the twitch in his lips is a dead giveaway.
What kind of ninja can't even control his own face?
How did he become a commander?
And the toad!
Is he the toad sage?
That explains it.
He snaps his finger at me.
"Hei...kiddo... don't space out on me", he says.
"The Department of Logistics, sir", I answer, matching his tone.
I can see his face going red as he stares at me.
Suddenly he sighs heavily and dismisses the jutsu.
We just stand there silently for a few seconds.
"Do you know what this scroll is?", he asks.
"Lady Tsunade says the less I know, the better ", I shrug.
"Well, this one you have to know", he folds his arms.
"Well, sir..... it was supposed to be a supply scroll, so yeah, it's of the sealing category?" I shrug.
"Yeah... very smart kid! But it was not for supplies", he shakes his head.
"This one seals souls", he says nonchalantly.
"O.....", is all I can say.
"You were smuggling a forbidden jutsu across the country", he sighs.
"O....", again... I don't know what to say.
"That's it? You've got nothing to say that your teammates died for something that might or might not be an illegal smuggle", he scoffs.
"Well, sir..... what do you want me to do in front of the commander of the largest shinobi army of the west, the toad sage?" I ask with raised eyebrows.
He stares at me. Frown in his face.
"This seal, while you were carrying...somehow activated and sealed your own soul inside your own body", he says.
Well, that's interesting.
"Your soul is bound to this world by force that we have no idea about. The HQ wants you on the front lines nonetheless", he sits back down.
"At least I've got a promotion ", I think out loud.
"Yeah....you've been promoted to special chunin", he shrugs.
I ponder for a second.
"Could you.... unseal me?", I hesitantly ask.
"I think so...", Jiraya says." But do you want me to?".
I again ponder for a few seconds.
"I guess I will stick around for a bit longer? At least until the war is over?" I shrug.
Jiraya sighs.
"That's good to hear. Then how about I put you up with a team. Here's your badge, and meet them up at the exit", he pushes a badge on the table.
"At the exit?", I ask as I take the piece of embroidered cloth.
It has a skull on it. Nice.
"Yeah.... Minato will brief you once you get there"
#######
I get to the camp exit and stand around.
As far as I know, Minato is a jounin.
I'm a chunin.
So, I guess there will be 2 more who will be joining me.
I see a guy with a high collar dangling his legs from a tree.
"Yo.....!", I wave at him.
"Yo... I knew we'd be on the same team!", Saito jumps down.
We clap hands.
"So, who is the 3rd one?", I ask.
"There is no 3rd one, it's just us and the jounin", he says.
I nod.
So, it's a real ass 3 man squad with actual equal footing.
Wow...
I was a genin only half an hour ago.
I see a kid ruining us.
He has ... very bright vibe about him.
But as he got closer, my skin started to crawl, like I was in danger or something.
Oh...that's Minato.
It's been a year since we met.
"Minato san!", we shake hands.
"Fardin San, congratulations on your promotion!", he is smiling ear to ear.
"Where is Tori san?" he asks, peeking around me.
As if Tori might be hiding behind me.
We used to mess with him all the time.
Softcore bullying.
I shake my head.
"He didn't make it", I say with a solemn face.
"Oh.... my condolences", he bows slightly.
I wave it away.
He then turns to Saito.
"It's an honour to have an uchiha on the team", he stretches out a hand.
"It's just Saito, captain", he nods with a very professional smile.
"So, what's the job? Captain?", I ask.
"Well, it's a rescue mission? One of our informants got stuck in limbo", he says while looking at a paper.
He shows it to us.
There is a rough....very rough sketch of a person on it.
"He is our guy?", I ask.
"Yes... we cross the border and extract him...", he answers.
He looks at the fine print.
"Dead or alive?" he reads it out loud as if unsure.
"Did they provide us with any body seals?", Saito asks.
Minato nods and throws a scroll at us each.
"All right, gentlemen!" he burns the paper with fire release.
Wow....he didn't use a single hand seal.
"Let's get this show on the road".