The throne room of the Demon King was less a room and more a cosmic cathedral of pure ego.
Black marble stretched into the void, pillars carved from obsidian rose like jagged fangs, and a choir of chained imps hummed a foreboding melody that somehow modulated in D minor. Floating torches lit the space in crimson, casting shadows that twisted on their own.
And there, on a throne made entirely of melted swords and petrified angels, sat the Demon King himself.
Kaedor Rhask III.
Tall. Cloaked. Horns like antlers dipped in starlight. His cloak billowed even though there was zero wind in here. His eyes glowed like dying suns. His presence made the air feel heavier, like gravity had a vendetta.
"Oh no," I whispered to Julie, who stood beside me, unusually quiet for once.
"Oh yes," she whispered back. "He's in a mood."
"LENIGEAER IRELSSHIDE FESTER!" the Demon King boomed, his voice echoing across dimensions. Probably. "STEP FORTH, CHAMPION OF THE BLACK HOST, BLOOD GENERAL OF THE WESTERN FLAME!"
He has a title for everything.
I walked forward, resisting the urge to trip over my own fear.
He stood. Slowly. Dramatically. The imps changed key.
"I have summoned you," he said, "for a mission of grave importance."
I straightened up, ready for anything. Assassination plot? Rebellion? War? I can't stop my excitement right now. I thought about it hard on the way here, I was reborn, this is my chance to take this fantasy would and run with it.
"-You," he said, voice low, "shall be the head judge of the Eighth Grand Infernal Inter-Species Beauty Contest!"
Silence.
What.
Julie made a squeaky noise that sounded like she tried to swallow a laugh and failed.
"The what now?" I asked, voice hoarse.
"The beauty contest," he said, descending his throne with opera-level pacing. "This year's theme is 'Unity Through Allure.' And you, General Lenigeaer, are the only one with both military prestige and a publicly palatable jawline."
"My... jawline."
"You are beloved by our warriors," he intoned. "Feared by our enemies. And, apparently, desirable to half the underworld, if those shrine fan letters are accurate."
Julie leaned in. "You get shrine letters?"
"You shall attend as lead judge," Kaedor continued, spinning once for flair, "and oversee the final tournament in two weeks. Participants include dark elves, succubi, oni twins, werewolf duchesses, and the infernal candidate from the Cursed Sea who may or may not be composed entirely of sentient fog."
"Why… me?"
"Because if we don't do this properly, the treaty with the Eastern Clans will fall apart. The beauty contest is a diplomatic keystone. Do you want a war because a harpy didn't get her runway lighting?!"
"…No?"
"Then you shall attend!" he roared, flinging a scroll at me. It smacked me in the face.
Julie caught it mid-bounce and began reading.
"Official decree," she muttered. "Blah blah blah... oh wow, we're being transported to the Volcano Spa Arena tomorrow."
"There's a spa involved?" I asked.
"Of course," Kaedor said, offended. "This is art."
He took a breath, then suddenly smiled, a chill ran down my spine, it was far too warmly.
"And between you and me, Lenigeaer," he whispered, leaning down just close enough to smell like brimstone and expensive cologne, "I've always wanted to judge one of these myself. But politics. Scandals. You understand."
I did not understand.
"You'll do fine," he said, already turning. "Oh, and you're expected to give a speech in four languages at the opening ceremony."
Julie raised her hand. "She only speaks two."
"Then she'd better learn fast!" the King beamed.
He vanished into a plume of purple fire.
The imps sang something that sounded like "Good luck, idiot~."
We walked out in silence.
Then—
"You are going to be a judge at a demon beauty pageant," Julie said, barely holding it together.
"I've been here less than a week and I'm already being politically weaponized by sexy monsters."
"You realize every contestant is going to flirt with you, right?"
"I hate everything."
Julie grinned. "I don't. This is gonna be hilarious."
I stared at the scroll in her hands.
"The Volcano Spa Arena?"
"Oh yeah," she said cheerfully. "Luxury pools. Lava saunas. And bikini duels."
"…Bikini what?"
"Oh don't worry, I signed you up as a guest judge for that one too."
"How? We LITERALLY just got out."
"I dunnooo, but, you're welcome~."