He was crying..
Eian is crying.
Throughout Eian's speech you could tell that he was struggling to keep his voice from cracking, although he did his best to plaster the cracks before they revealed his true emotions he clearly failed to win the war against the floods that threatened to encapsulate his whole face. His Eyes are so easy to read.. the blue emeralds that look like a clear ocean on a sunny day became even more sparkly as if a galaxy of crystal stars was thrown over them...
My eyes were on him the whole time and the moment his figure disappeared around the corner towards the bathroom with sunken shoulders I for some reason could not help but excused myself and also followed him.
I honestly believe and think I should let him cry and be sad on his own because the next time he cries I will not be there in fact none of us will be there. The next time he cries the whole crew will not wait for him to calm down or find ways to quickly make him happy so that we can shoot the next scene. I will not be there next time.
But maybe I can be there for this last time?
"Everything okay?" I say to Eian as soon as I push the bathroom door who immediately gets startled after noticing my presence.
"Oh Jackson!? -what are you doing here?"
"Toilet" I deadpan while using my thumb to point towards one of the bathroom stalls.
"Oh.. yes.. of cause. He he what am I toilet police ??" He says awakwardly and quickly adds"I just came to wash my face -its a very hot day today. I'll give you some space as soon as I'm done."He continues wiping his eyes with a paper towel the cerulean eyes now submerged in a light shade of red, the devilish colour making him seem even more disarranged.
"Eian, it's cloudy outside." I deadpan once again.
What the heck is wrong with me ?!? I came here to try make him feel better not make things worse by calling him out?!?!
"Listen Jackson can you please just leave me for a few seconds and pretend that it's very hot outside and I just wanted to wash my face ? I really just need a break from everything cause this whole day is honestly overwhelming. Right now I just want a break , can you please just let me be here by myself because seeing you is not making it easy either." He says in one beat with his head bowed towards the sink.
"Listen... I don't know the exact details of why you are crying but you are always very vigilant and trying to make sure that no one sees us together unless it's work related . You always make sure that no one says anything bad about me and I understand our relationship could be awkward but now we are in the bathroom . Just you and me.. so it's fine we can chill for a moment. I'm sorry if I sound disrespectful or if I'm invading your space but please allow me to be here with you for just this last time. I can't go back to the table and eat properly knowing I left you here looking like this." I basically pleaded with Eian.
I can't control how I am feeling. I want to. I desperately want to get back my own heart and feel normal again but in this very moment, He is the most important person to me and my host will not let his lover cry in his presence. Zach feels sad when Eden is sad, but we're not them.
Eian is not Eden! Eian is not Eden... but.. how do I convince my heart to let go of a man it's loved for the past year?
"Okay" Eian suddenly says in a whisper. If I wasn't already paying attention to him I would have probably missed his consent.
Soon after, silence fills the room and Eian continues to try and fix his appearance while starring at the mirror. His slender arms move all over his face stretching and pulling with a few huffs and puffs of breathing techniques to try help settle his nerves.
"I was just gonna come in here and quickly wipe my face and then go out I did not think that you would also come in here but I also do not think that we should stay in this place for a very long time as it might make other people think otherwise" ...
I scoff. He is back at it again. Avoiding staying in the same space as me for a long time. If it was Eden he would probably be all over me cuddling my side .
"..."
He is not Eden!!! I mentally face palm. I really need to get a therapist.
"Of course I will go back once I see that everything is cool here then I will return. Is that okay with you?" I say after clearing my voice from my own embarrassment.
"Yes please, thank you ."
"So what did your mum feed you?" Eian once again suddenly says breaking the silence. I look at him dumbfounded..
"I'-I, I am so sorry oh gosh, I probably sound weird but I'm just very curious because when Ethan said I had a partner He did not really clarify our roles properly so I had thought you were going to be shorter and tinier and was honestly really shocked to see that you are this big. The question has been burning my tongue for a long while now.." He hurriedly says while exaggerating his arms and standing on his toes to show just how bigger I am than he is.
He is honestly cute.
"Well ..honest question- but I hate to disappoint cause I will have you know that my mother is actually quite tall and my father is a giant so our family is just blessed by the Gods when it comes to height. Unfortunately I cannot give you any advice on how to get taller though except that you should probably drink milk and sleep well." I say to Eian who is currently holding back a laugh.
"Ha ha of course, yes ...good genes and milk. I will keep that in mind." I give him a small smile back and it's silent again.
Eian takes a long deep breath looks at me and says "I feel a little better now I think we can go back . Thank you for accompanying me during this moment." He heads to pull the door but before he leaves I pull his his arm stopping him mid air and ask-
"Was your girlfriend happy that now you will have more time with them?"
"..." To say the least Eian was mortified.
I honestly blame my brother for putting this in my head and my unfiltered tongue for being so intrusive.
"Girlfriend?!?!"Eian literally panics..
"I -I -I Ihave no girlfriend!.. who said that?! I am a person who likes my quiet life so no." He says firmly while staring at me directly in my eyes. I let go of his wrist and casually walk back to the sink.
"My brother wanted to know. He has been asking me about it for a long time and since we might not see each other again for a while I thought I might just ask. Sorry if I was being meddlesome." I say nonchalantly while thanking the Gods for going to acting classes this whole time.
Actors are indeed the best liars ..
"Well it's okay.. I don't mind telling you. Anyway now I will go out. I think it's best I head out alone and you can come after me. Thank you once again." He says before finally pulling the bathroom door and leaving.
I left the bathroom soon after him and quickly joined the dinner downstairs. Today was not supposed to be a happy day but for some reason I can't help but feel relieved to know that Eain is single.
I really need help.