It was 9:42 PM when Archie stepped into his dorm room and immediately got smacked in the face by a balloon shaped like a middle finger.
"Welcome back, rebel prince!" Elliot cried, wearing a glittery "Down With Tyranny" sash and holding a red Solo cup filled with sparkling cider. "The revolution starts with cupcakes and ends with karaoke. Get in!"
The room had been transformed. Streamers hung like wild vines across the ceiling. Someone (probably Jonas) had hung a massive banner that read:
"FREE LOVE, FREE ARCHIE, FREE WIFI"
in aggressive Sharpie strokes.
Maya, in a hoodie three sizes too big, was painting protest slogans on party hats in the corner. "I've got 'Justice for Lovers,' 'No More Memory Wipes,' and 'Eat the Rich (But Gently).' Pick your fighter."
"I call Eat the Rich," Marco said, already holding a plate stacked with suspiciously misshapen brownies. "Also, these are definitely not regular brownies."
Archie stared. "Are they weed brownies?"
"No," Marco said dramatically. "They're rage brownies. Baked them while watching your exposé. I cried and added too much salt. But justice tastes like pain, so—"
"Archie!" Lila shrieked from across the room, launching herself into a hug that knocked the wind out of him. "Oh my god, I missed you, you chaotic little phoenix. You literally rose from a hospital bed and now you're a political icon. Who does that?!"
William, standing by the snack table with Amanda and Anne, offered a sheepish smile. "We've been trying to keep it low-key."
Amanda snorted so hard she spilled her drink. "Low-key? You two are the gay Romeo and Juliet of the campus. Except, you know, with fewer daggers and way more trauma-induced lawsuits."
Archie gave her a mock glare. "Thanks for that comforting comparison, Amanda."
"You're welcome," she grinned, clinking her plastic cup against his. "To love and civil disobedience."
"Cheers to that," Anne added, draping herself across a beanbag chair like a half-tipsy oracle. "But I swear, if anyone plays Mr. Brightside again, I will start crying and throwing up simultaneously."
Elliot raised his hands. "No promises. Jonas already queued up 'Defying Gravity,' and you know he gets emotional."
Jonas, emerging from the bathroom wearing glitter eyeliner and a cape fashioned from a shower curtain, held up a karaoke mic. "I'm just saying, if we're going to take down The System, we might as well do it in F-sharp."
The night exploded into pure ridiculousness.
There was a limbo contest involving an extension cord. Lila somehow convinced William to wear a sticker on his forehead that said "My Parents Suck and So Do Yours!" Amanda tried (and failed) to rap a verse from "Lose Yourself," which ended in a fit of wheezing laughter. Archie almost spit cider through his nose when Marco started slow dancing with a broom.
At one point, someone asked what the Connor family would think of this party.
"I hope they're watching from their cold, glitterless hell," Maya deadpanned, adding, "and that Mildred chokes on a sprinkle."
Everyone laughed too hard at that.
As the music turned softer and the sugar crash began to hit, Archie ended up on the couch beside William, their hands clasped between them, hearts thudding softly in sync beneath the noise.
"We made it," Archie whispered.
"Barely," William replied, "and with severe frosting damage."
"But still." Archie leaned into him. "We're here. And there's glitter in my eyebrows."
"Just how every hero's journey should end."
From the other side of the room, Elliot raised a toast made of three cupcakes stacked like a tower. "To Archie and William — proof that love wins, truth matters, and the gay agenda absolutely includes baked goods."
And the whole room shouted, "Screw the system!"
Cupcakes flew. Someone turned the lights off and on like a strobe. Jonas started belting "Halo" with a fervor that made Maya cry-laugh into her hoodie.
And somewhere, beneath the chaos and crumbs, Archie smiled — the kind of smile that only comes when you've been through hell... and made it home.