Chapter 28: "Devils, Deals, and the Death of My Afternoon Plans"
(In Which I Almost Become a Magical Girl and Get Offered a Job by Satan Jr.)
You ever have one of those conversations that starts off weird and just keeps leveling up until you're no longer sure if you're in a fantasy anime or a particularly aggressive school recruitment ad?
Yeah. That was this.
Sona Sitri — Student Council President, Queen of Ice-Cold Glares, and, apparently, part-time Devil Princess — sat in my living room like she owned the place, sipping tea that my mom made with innocent joy.
"We're here to talk," she said smoothly. "About what you are."
Cue dramatic pause.
Okay, I'm not proud of this next line, but it kinda just came out.
"What I am?" I blinked. "Pretty sure I'm human. Teenage. Hopeless at math. Terrible at being normal. That sum it up?"
Tsubaki didn't laugh. She glared at me like I just insulted her entire bloodline.
"You are also a Sacred Gear holder," Sona said, ever composed. "Which might be twice critical."
My brain: Twice critical? Is that some kind of RPG stat or—?
Sona continued before I could meme out loud. "Your Sacred Gear, while minor, is irrelevant. What matters is that my sister believes you're special."
Okay. Not ominous at all.
"I've been observing you," she added, voice calm like she wasn't casually admitting to stalking, "and I can say with certainty: no human becomes that strong in one month. Your soul is far too powerful for that body. Spiritual energy is leaking from it."
Pause.
I took a moment to absorb that. My soul's leaking, apparently. Which probably explains why I've been feeling weirdly tingly and occasionally glowing in the mirror. I thought it was puberty but nope, turns out it's mystical radiation.
"Okay," I said slowly. "So your sister is a magical girl and my spiritual energy is leaking. Still not hearing why you're in my house."
I blinked. "Wait. Are you inviting me to become a magical girl?"
Tsubaki's eyes narrowed so hard I thought I heard a snap.
"Act with respect, Issei Hyoudou," she snapped.
"Hey, you're in my house," I retorted. "I'm not the one who waltzed in, brain-jacked my mom, and dropped soul bombshells over tea."
Sona lifted a hand. "It is of no matter, Tsubaki. I do not like such titles either."
She turned back to me, her expression unreadable. "And yes. I am here to invite you to the magical world."
And then she said it.
"Issei Hyoudou… would you be willing to become my subordinate?"
Boom.
I stared.
Like, actually stared. Because this girl — this calm, calculating president — had just asked me if I wanted to join her demonic MLM plan or something.
"…Interesting," I said carefully. "But what's the cost?"
She didn't flinch. "I will make you a devil. You will gain magical powers, longer life, and protection under my peerage."
Hold up. Did she just say make me a devil?
I leaned back and threw up my hands. "Yeahhh, hold that thought. I'm not giving up my humanity. I mean, I barely figured out how to be a human. Becoming a devil sounds like a level 99 side quest."
Sona didn't even blink.
She'd expected that answer. Like, fully prepped for me to turn her down. This was not her first recruitment rodeo.
"In that case," she said, adjusting her glasses, "I have an alternative offer."
She leaned forward, eyes sharp and calculating.
"You stay human… but work for me. As my agent in the human world. I'll give you resources, protection, and grant you anything you desire."
…
Okay. That was different.
"Anything?" I repeated slowly. "Like, anything-anything?"
"Within reason," she said.
"No monkey's paw loopholes?"
"No tricks."
Man, why did this feel like a video game NPC giving me a super rare side job? All that was missing was the glowing exclamation mark over her head.
"So," I said, scratching the back of my neck. "Let me get this straight. You're offering me: magic powers, a devil president boss, and the ability to keep my soul without selling it?"
"Correct."
I leaned back again. "…You got a pamphlet or something?"
She actually smiled.
Just a tiny one.
"I'll send the paperwork."
Because of course becoming part of the magical world came with forms.
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Look, I'm not saying I'm a genius negotiator or anything — I once tried to trade half my lunch for a pencil — but even I know when someone's offering a deal that sounds too good to be true. Magic powers? Devil status? Lifetime protection plan with a fancy girl boss?
Yeah, I've read this manga. I know how that ends.
So I took a breath, leaned forward, and said the five most suspicious words in the history of anime:
"How about this instead?"
Sona blinked. That was the most emotion I'd seen from her all day. Tsubaki actually tensed, like she thought I was going to pull out a water gun loaded with holy water.
"I'm not going to be anyone's subordinate," I said calmly. "But we can be allies. When needed, I'll act as your subordinate — as in, mission-specific, mercenary-style. You give me a task, I do it. You pay me based on the difficulty."
Pause for dramatic effect. (I might've imagined background music.)
"But before any of that," I added, "I want to know if you can help me control this spiritual energy thing. And teach me magic. Real magic. Not card tricks. Not disappearing rabbits. Like... the actual magical stuff."
Sona stared at me for a moment. Not like she was angry. More like she was evaluating me with the intensity of a chess master about to lose a bishop.
She adjusted her glasses and said, very slowly, "You surprise me."
Yeah, that's fair. I surprise myself sometimes.
"You're not under any magical pressure," she continued, half to herself. "Not intimidated. Not seduced. Not even confused."
"Hey, I'm always a little confused," I corrected. "But I fake it well."
Sona smiled. It was tiny. Almost invisible. But it was there. That little twitch of lip that said, 'Huh. This guy's not a total idiot.'
"I see that you're unconvinced about my intentions," she said at last. "Very well. I'll be honest with you. My goal is to create a society of equality within my species — something like what humanity has aspired to."
That made me raise an eyebrow.
"Wait, humanity achieved equality? When did that happen? Was I out sick that day?"
Tsubaki frowned at me. Sona actually chuckled.
"…Nonetheless," she said, "your terms are acceptable. Let us make a contract according to your stipulations. We will be allies. And you will act as a mercenary — for hire — with clear compensation."
She extended her hand toward me. Not in some devilish magical vow kind of way. Just… a handshake.
"But," she added, "I hope you'll still consider my initial offer. Truly becoming part of our world. A peerage. A team."
I looked at her hand.
Then at Tsubaki, who was still staring at me like I was a weird bug they'd accidentally invited indoors.
Then I shook.
"Deal," I said. "But just so you know… I still want a cool magical outfit. I hear magical girls get great capes."
Tsubaki groaned. Sona just smiled again — slightly wider this time — and let go.
And just like that, I'd accidentally become a freelance magical agent for the most powerful teenage devil in Kuoh.
…Man, I really need to start reading the fine print on my life decisions.
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So, turns out magic isn't all sparkles and shouting "EXPLOSION!" at bad guys.
It's math.
Literal, terrifying, honor-student math.
Sona Sitri, bless her academically overachieving heart, stood in my living room like a magical TED Talk presenter. She adjusted her glasses, motioned to Tsubaki, and suddenly there was a whiteboard where there absolutely had not been a whiteboard five seconds ago.
Tsubaki had brought it from… somewhere. Devil storage magic? Pocket dimension? IKEA?
"Magic," Sona began, writing in big, tidy characters on the board like the world's most intense cram school teacher, "is not a miracle. It is a phenomenon. Something that is calculated, formulated, and executed based on cause and effect."
"Okay," I said slowly. "So it's like… science with extra steps?"
"Correct," she nodded, as if I'd passed some kind of entrance exam. "Magic is essentially the art of knowing: 'If I do this, then this will happen.' It requires understanding of energy — where it comes from, how to convert it, and how to shape it into results."
She listed off types of magic like a Pokémon professor: Norse magic, Fairy magic, something-something-pantheon-magic… I was halfway through wondering if there was a Fire-type or Water-type when she spun around and looked at me seriously.
"Even humans can learn it," she said. "Some are born with a knack, others must work harder. You — Issei Hyoudou — must first understand which energies flow most naturally through you. Magic from immortals? Elemental magic? Or perhaps a more ancient force?"
I raised a hand like a nervous student.
"Uh… Is there a cheat code version? Like a shortcut menu or 'magic.exe' I can download?"
"No," she said flatly. "This is not a video game."
Tsubaki gave me the same look a cat gives a clumsy human. You know the one. Pure judgment.
Once Sona finished her explanation (with very satisfying marker squeaks and some truly terrifying diagrams), she handed me a book.
It was thick, dusty, and had "MAGIC FOR DUMMIES" written on the front in sparkly silver script. The subtitle might as well have read: "Because You Clearly Need Help."
"This," Sona said, "is your first step. Read it. Understand it. Try the basic exercises. If you are suited to magic, we will know soon enough."
"Wait," I said. "So I read this, then what? Do I get a wand? A familiar? At least a cool transformation sequence?"
"...You may get a nosebleed if you try too hard without training."
Comforting.
It was getting late — the kind of late where normal people are in pajamas and not forming magical pacts with demon honor students — so Sona and Tsubaki got ready to leave.
Before stepping out, Sona looked over her shoulder.
"We'll be around more now," she said, a hint of amusement in her otherwise calm voice. "Since we're allies."
"Oh great," I said, lifting the heavy book with both hands. "Does this come with a student discount on brain cells?"
She didn't answer.
But I swear Tsubaki smirked.
After they left, I plopped on my bed, opened the book, and read the first line:
"Magic begins with intent."
...I intended to survive this nonsense.