Antheia's POV
In this quiet world, there's no other thing that makes us think but perfection. Feeling it from every gaze thinking everyone thinks that I am, oppositely, I feel empty. Tired of the mantra that kept on going day by day, and it's like nothing is going on. Often in the corner there's this strange feeling of I have done something wrong, as everyone looks at me highly makes me hate it for that isn't me. This life makes every pretty girl insecure even though I should be the one feeling it. A life with pretendation, and lack of openness.
I always think of coincidence in mind that I know it's impossible to happen, it's the life I wanted. Imagination, Daydream. It's a way to escape reality.
A model that has started with no intention, and always gets the attention but invisibly controlled by just the management and the one who brought me here, my mom. 4 years in industry, but there's no change all is plasticity. Being one of the most complimented and highest paid models in the management and always been the reason why some angels hate me, cause in this sucking management where angels are criticized by the weights and looks that haven't reached any of the management's standards makes models quitting, and even for once this has never happened to me, because my mother who always wants this dream. Even in the thought of me being sexualized, money and fame has always been the thing she ever wanted. And her decision matters, she doesn't know, and she doesn't want to know.
One of the thoughts in bed, what was meant for all of this? Can I escape from this reality? All the time it was always just a try for smiling, laughing and living. Just pose and pose and pose all the time. Can my mother see me not happy at all?
One day, there was a new photographer in the management, a lot of people approached him to sign up to become one of the models rather than being a photographer, because he was a very well suitable man for physique and features, but all I can say is I am amazed of how he said it's not his profession, that for a moment, I get jealous for deciding of what is wanting. I thought to myself "I wished I was him."
Effortlessly he became my personal photographer, for becoming the best photographer in the set. Mr. Arden is just a newbie, but then the managers saw potential in him and thought of a good combination for both the best models and photographers.
-••°°°In the set°°••-
Wearing one of the designer clothes and trying to pose, and pose, and pose, the fierce to control, and trying to fit everything with what the concept has given to me. All that mr. Arden does is click and click. I didn't even utter any word, and then I started changing my clothes, normally removing my clothes inside the room. For a very pleasant moment I have been feeling strange, and saw mr. Arden eyeing me unbelievably. But in fact, I don't give a damn about it. So I ignored it and without words he left the room that was the door I could hear. And realizing, I left there alone.
Walking in the parking lot similarly as before. Entering the car, and waiting for the engine to start blindly. In the moment of silence I turned my gaze to the front seat and in great shock to see Arden sitting in the driver's seat.
"Where's Mr. Merson?" I asked. Mr. Merson my driver, who is probably also one who's paid by the industry.
"He's rushing somewhere and I volunteered to send you, since I must think it was urgent" he responded. I may be curious, but I don't have the energy to ask or speak more words, so I did nod. I remained quiet as he started driving. Deep in my thoughts, I wish I could just walk on my way home, good incidents like today could be a day that I can do something on my own. I wish Arden isn't here, and smells some fresh air. He broke the silence.
"If you want someone to respect you, you should respect yourself first, stop letting everyone see u naked." I looked at him, but he is seriously driving, steadying his focus on the road.
I didn't speak, even a single word, silence is always with me, until he dropped me home. I haven't said goodbye or even thank you for sending me, but then as I walked close to my room's door my tears were slowly dropping, what he told me sinks in my mind, and thought to myself he was right. Does he care? Cause if I were to ask myself that, Do I care? And surely I don't give a damn, cause nothing's special btw, there's nothing wrong with being naked in front of a lot of people, models don't care about that too, being sexualized also, it has been part of it already.
Days goes, and as usual no conversation with anyone else, maybe we have communicated with the managers and producers but I don't think it's kinda conversation. Somehow I don't think it's kind of an awkward feeling but every time I encounter him it's like I wanna say something. Maybe I wanna say thank u for the ride, and for the concern. Deep within me really wants to run over him and talk.
As I was about to enter the car, I was in my thoughts again, saying in my mind "you won't lose a thing, saying only thank u." I looked at my driver and smiled, trying to think of a reason, or how to start the conversation...
"Mr....."
"Yes, Ms. Quixeiste?" He then smiled at me.
"Uh, drop me elsewhere" I said.
"We haven't started the ride yet, and I have no idea where's that you can just say wh--"
"I guess it's here, thanks" I said and I opened the car and got out and walk away from the parking lot when suddenly I heared a beep.
*peep* I was nailed and was shocked to see Mr. Arden walking towards me. My heart began to pound, like I can't breathe properly and I think it's because I am nervous.
"You looked pale" he started the conversation. "Where's your driver he should be sending you home, I am sorry for shocking you" I didn't speak, because I can't even utter, even a single word.
When suddenly he was about to get his phone and try to call my driver I utter makes him stop from what he was doing.
"thank u" he looked at me confused and his brows furrowed.
"are you okay?"
"yes i am" I said and was about to walk away from him but he asked for a ride, and I nod.
We started walking towards his car. Silence is loud again. Until the car stops. But as I was about to open the door to realize I am not home, but instead it's like we're here, near an ocean. I looked at him confusingly but he ignored those stares and got out of the car, so I did the same. I followed him, by distance and again he started talking.
"Every time I go home, I always have time for myself, because being at work is exhausting. Being here for an hour before going home, is my hobby, even though, I am out of time, I have never missed being here in a day, cause this is something I love. I spoke about what I felt, about what I saw, about what my dreams are, about all my problems, and the response that I'm receiving is the calming waves of the ocean. And for me the meaning under it, is to take everything slow, be calm." He turned his gaze on me, and smiled. "You're eyes are so dark, even if you're so beautiful, even you looked so amazing wearing fancy clothes in the set, even how attractive you are at first glance." he paused for a minute. "Those things didn't hide how dark you envisioned the world, Ms. Quixeiste." He said. I looked at him and that is what he does too, his eyes were full of concerns, and it just can't hit me, I don't want to be cared for. "It's okay to not be okay, but sometimes, happiness starts with you, I don't know what's under those eyes, but I hope ure fine." he said. silence begins again. He got a point. but, I don't wanna talk.
"Mr. Arden, thank you. I wanted to be home" I said. But instead of us walking back to his car he sat on the sand. And now the coldness of the air is hugging me, the sounds of the waves calm me. I looked at him. He was looking straight on the ocean, even if this place is huge I can't see any single one, it is only the two of us. Looking at him again, I remembered why, I ended up being with him by now. it's because I wanted to say thank u, but I've done it. and to be sent home.
I sat next to him, hugged my knees and took a sigh, looked at the waves and thought "what would be my life, if only.... i am free.. After my father died. After my mother sent me to this management. what would it be if I didn't become a model... what would it be if mum found out I am being r*ped by the industry...." my heart began to ache that I wanted to cry, I wanted to join the coldness of the air, but that would be weak. deep in my thoughts, I noticed my eyes became watery and I wipe it suddenly when Arden offered his handkerchief but I refused and walk towards his car but lost my control and was about to land, and felt Arden put on a jacket around me.
"It's cold here, let's get inside, I'll send you home." he said. his arms were around mine where he put his jacket on, and it felt warm.
"The cry, it wasn't me" I whispered. he looked at me and smiled and i smiled back.