«Hmm. - Uval caught my attention, pulling me out of my own thoughts. He's a Devaronian and one of the trackers I learnt with my father. To be honest, I'm always uncomfortable when he's around. And when he looks at me like that, it makes me want to hide. Or shout something like, "What are you looking at, you don't like me? Congratulations, I like you too."
«What is it, Uval? You don't like my son's progress? - Mum intervened. She was literally glowing with joy at my achievements. Yes, I'm small but toothy, just like her at my age.
«That's not the point, Aala. Don't you think it's time for him to go to the temple? It's been two years since you refused to hand him over to Master Saurus," the Devaronian didn't even raise an eyebrow at his mother.
«I know that swashbuckler. - Mother scowled at him. - No. I think I can train him much better. At least the youngling period.
«That's true, except for his Strength...'' - he stretched out. - It's too restless. In case you haven't noticed, he can't stay still. He's always destroying things, breaking things, just doing things. If you tell him to stand still for a minute, he'll stand on his head like he's mocking you! No obedience, no respect for his elders.
«Was I different? - Mum smirked. - And even now, name me one reasonable person I would treat with a "you".
«"Wow..." - I stretched out, marvelling at her chutzpah. I definitely have room to grow. I'll probably never be able to send such a veiled three-letter message. But she did, I should know.
«That's not the point, Aala.
«What is it?
«It's been out of balance since birth," Uval said with a frown. - The dark side dominates the light side. You can see it in his eyes, in which you could always see a double bottom .
«. . . - standing there, silent, stunned.
«Look for yourself," he pointed at me. Mum sat down and, frowning, looked into my eyes. I just stood there and stared back, not knowing what to do. But then her face smoothed out and a smile lit up her face.
«So I look. And I see a pair of grey eyes. A little scared, but so strong. So strong. So mine! - She holds me to her chest and strokes my head. - My favourite.
«Suit yourself," Uval shrugged. - I warned you. Your son is not as simple as he seems. Keep that in mind. It is believed that he will be sent to Bogana by the age of ten....
«SLAP! - came the sound of a slap. I froze and looked towards the Uval, where Mum was standing. Just like that, she was there. I didn't even notice how she was there. Her aura changed, the montralians stirred under the pressure of the Force, and she had an ineffable bloodlust. And while she struck with one hand, with the other she grabbed the Devaronian by the pecs, keeping him from flying away.
But what frightened me more was that I rejoiced. Rejoicing in that aura and feeling more than comfortable, while Uval turned white.
«Ashshar onu sha'ran...{?}[Only after my death] - She hissed furiously in Togrutian, pushing the old acquaintance away. Uval pulled himself together, made a brick face - and silently withdrew.
«Ma-am? - I quietly raised my voice as the xenos disappeared around the corner. Hearing me, the aura surrounding my mother disappeared, and the one who was holding me in her arms and reading me stories turned to me.
«Yes?" she walked over and ruffled my hair. - What is it, honey?
«What was he talking about? And what does Bogana have to do with it? - she smiled sadly, but taking my hand and leading me towards the house, she answered:
«'It's... It's a long story," I looked around, making sure no one was around, and turned to her again. Sighing, she spoke. - You see... It started before you were born. I've never been known for obedience or discipline. In fact, I've always had trouble with it, and I was in serious danger of going to Bogan. I was angry a lot back then. A lot. And it was hard for me to regain my balance in the Force.
«Were you abused?
«Yes, Shade. I was abused at one time. And I was abused. It was tough out there. From the very beginning of my journey, I've been used to going against other people's judgement and doing things my own way, no matter what. But that "mine" can come from another person's opinion, or it can come from just agreeing with them. And you're a lot like me. Your unsteadiness, your ardour, your assertiveness. - I was rubbed in the hair and wrapped my arms around you and pulled you close.
«How did you get away from your problems?
«I didn't," she shrugged. - I'm just strong enough to back my vote with blood. Most of the time it's someone else's. Given the fact that I have a very negative attitude to encroachment on something of mine, some people have started to realise that this beautiful girl is best left alone.
«But that makes it a bit more difficult to deal with in the Order, doesn't it? An out-of-control fighter is a very dangerous threat to the Order in the first place.
«Where did you learn such words? - I got the raised eyebrow look.
«I read it in a book," I averted my eyes, realising that a child of my age was not supposed to use such complicated words.
«I see.
«Well, I have my good points," she said, stopping and lowering herself to me. - Yes, I'm willful. I don't care about authority, I don't care about my interlocutor. All I care about are my friends, my family," I was once again pinned and petted for a few seconds. Ooh, that felt like a teddy. - And my mission. Which I'm going to do. Then again, you do know that our species are incredibly social creatures in their own right. When I was young. Before I became a J'Daii, I had a lot of friends, so to speak. Although. I realise now that they weren't my friends, but it didn't seem that way then. Even so, I was loyal to them. I was ready to tear anyone to shreds like a wild animal if my group was in danger. That's one of the reasons I joined the Order.
«What happened to those guys?
«Nothing good, Shade. After I left the Order, the group broke up, and I never saw them again," except that there was a shadow on her face, and something in her emotions that I couldn't hide. I tried to change the direction of the conversation:
«Mum, but then why? - It's a stupid question, but I can't help but ask it. I know the traditions of my past world, but I don't understand my new people very well. Therefore...
«Why what? - she tilted her head amusedly in incomprehension. I somehow casually noticed that the same gesture was unconsciously transmitted to me.
«If things are as you say, why are we willing to defend?
«Where did you get that idea from?!
«From the other guys. I'm... They don't like me very much. And shunned. I wouldn't exactly defend them.
«Hmm. It's okay, Shade. They'll come round, trust me. They'll try to be friends with you eventually. Right now, they're just stupid and don't realise who you are. But then they'll come round. They'll come round. And our friends, our real friends, not the fools I was with when I was young, are family. And we will always stand up for them, always help and share the last of our supplies. So, we've always had a fair number of friends. Even me. And I will note that I am toxic, boorish and in general, according to many guys - a very bad girl. Well, that's what I was known for during my studies," she added with a smile. - And then I built on that reputation. It's so much fun! So it'll be fine, don't worry about it.
«You think so?
«Yes.
«And Uval? What he said. That I'm-- Well, not like that.
«You know you're old enough to pass your exams and enter the temple, but you don't have a single friend. He gets a kick out of it, but there's nothing wrong with that. Your interest is all about learning about the Force, our culture, language, technology, fighting techniques, but not about other sentient beings. The odd thing is, for as long as I can remember, I've always had company of some kind around me. Neighbourhood acquaintances, schoolmates, wanderlust friends.... There was always someone around me. There were plenty of rivals, of course, but still. You go your own way without regard for others. At least for now. And some people find that strange and start to worry. But there's nothing weird about it Shade, it's quite normal. Also, you're like your father in that way. He didn't socialise with others either. Eventually you know what became of him and where his path took him.
«Mm-hmm. But is that how I don't pay attention to others," I snort sceptically. - It's just that I want to be a lot like you," I notice the edges of her lips stretch a little. - I want to be just as strong, so that when real friends come along, I can protect them. I want to be me, after all, without any pretence. I don't want to keep my feelings in check. And I won't. I want to be real. And I want to have friends like you have now! I want to make my own decisions, not the ones dictated to me by others. Just like you.
«That's it! That's exactly why Uval is wrong. You're not dark, it's just that your light is hidden deep inside, just like mine once was. Yes, you're a little different, but no more. And anyone who says otherwise, let them go into Saarl's mouth! - She finished, smiling cheerfully. - That's right Shade, you don't have to be someone else. Just be yourself, and then you'll have everything," and then she leaned in a little and whispered conspiratorially. - And you'll even find a girl, or rather she'll find you, I know, I've had boys chasing me in droves," I blushed instantly and hid in my collar. - You'll introduce me to her, won't you?
«Mum!
***
«Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow," I clenched my teeth, dropping my blade and shaking my hand. Yes... The wooden sword was much easier, and didn't hurt as much.
«One more time," Mum returned to her position.
«Now," I kneaded the fingers that had been injured by the iron sword, though very blunt, and once again strengthened my flesh with the Force. Without it, my fingers would have been minced meat and bones instead of fingers, because I was hurt so often.
Clenching and unclenching my fist, I raise my weapon. My muscles ached, my bones cracked, and my hands were tired of getting hit time after time. But there was nothing I could do about it. Adopting a stance, I prepare for the fight. A moment, and we simultaneously converged in a clinch, followed by a series of quick punches, which I managed to deflect. Then a spinning kick, which I managed to parry and immediately counterattack with a sweeping horizontal kick to the neck. Mum taught me to hit for sure, without ceremony, so the techniques we practised were very traumatic, which I had already felt on myself many times.
And here it is again, a series of blows, but instead of a sword she uses a slash. I managed to get my foot away, but I received the tip of the sword in my chest and flew back. I didn't even have time to swear, the air was knocked out. It's like it was there and now it's gone, I'm just frantically trying to breathe.
«You okay? - They leaned over me.
«Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.
Putting a hand on my chest, using Force healing to help me regain consciousness.
«You're too distracted. Don't try to follow the sword, follow the space. Your ability is your greatest asset, Shade. Use it.
«I can't keep up. I can't see.
«That's the problem. Tomorrow, we'll try to speed up your mind so it can process the information coming in.
«Mm-hmm.
«It's just a slight boost to the Force. Can you imagine the fight if we were travelling at full speed?
«I can imagine.
«And by that time, you'll be obliged, if not to win, at least to react to such an attack and get away.
«А?! - I rounded my eyes.
«Yes, Shade. That's the only way I can be at peace with you. Or have you already given up? - she smiled.
«I haven't, kha-kha, I haven't given up! I'm full of strength, and energy. I jumped to my feet, but I was coughing again. The last time I got hit, I got hit like hell.
«A couple more times, and that's it for today," she patted my hair, returning to her seat. Shit. I hope I live long enough to get into the temple.
***
«There you go. Breathe deeply and calmly," Mum said softly, sitting across from me. I've been learning to meditate. Yes, yes, as strange as it may sound, it was only now that we were learning to meditate. To be honest, Mum doesn't really like it herself, but ... But it's necessary. The ability to abstract and put yourself in a meditative state opens up a lot of possibilities, so you have to suffer. - Stop fidgeting.
«I can't," I mumbled, opening my eyes. - My legs are stiff," she said, her hand on my face.
«I told you to sit up properly.
«But it's uncomfortable!
«Get used to it.
«Why?
«Shade, you're going to need it in the future," my gaze spoke better than any words. - Okay, okay. Let me explain," I nodded, "I'm all ears. - Through meditation, we open and learn our limits. In stillness we see the future and create new devices. Emotions are unnecessary here. - I tilt my head slightly and raise an eyebrow questioningly. - The Je'daii must be able to immerse themselves in both light and darkness. Uval was right about that.
«Why?
«The dark side gives you strength to achieve your goals, but it also corrupts you. The light side can paralyse active energy, for example, by creating difficult memories. To keep the balance we must be able to handle both sources of the Force, and meditation is the best way to turn to the light side of the Force. Thankfully, you've learnt to control the dark side. The light side, in principle, too, but you still need to learn how to meditate! - And then he adds: - Meditate correctly, - it was said in such an unquestioning tone that I even shuddered.
«Ma...
«What are you interested in now? - She asked, smiling. Man, how did I not get her? Three tonnes of questions every day. I could hang myself, but she's not, she's happy and willing to answer.
«You don't get me. Why are we diving into the Force? - It was a question that clearly threw her off balance. Her eyes widened and her breath hitched.
«Um... Well, you know. It's just...
«Why?
«We can't understand her otherwise," she replies calmly, returning her positivity. - You see, Shade, only with light is darkness possible, and only in darkness is light burning. If we don't dive into it, we can't control it. And without control, it will destroy us. Possession of power is not only a gift, but a curse that must be controlled. Otherwise. It will consume us.
«But do we really need to sink into it?
«What are you saying? - The Togruta across from me was interested. She seemed to be decades old, but she looked as if she had just come out of adolescence. That's what the Force does!
«You said the Force is everywhere. All around us, and in us. Especially inside us. It's given us a chance to interact with it. But when we fall into darkness or light, we become slaves to one side or the other. We lose ourselves. Do you remember what you said about the Je'Dayahs who fell to one side or the other? The ones who were sent to Ashla or Bogana. What brought them to this? - I paused and looked at my mother. She listened intently and did not interrupt, and I continued. - As far as I can tell, it was stupidity that drove them. I don't think there's any point in diving in, because the power is already within us. It is with us already. It supports us, for better or for worse. It helps us to fight against difficulties and gives us the opportunity to develop. She is part of us and we are part of her. She is neither a curse nor a gift, she just is.
«Don't say that in the temple," she murmured quietly.
«Why not? Did I say something wrong?
«You've just shaken our...
«I didn't shake anything," Yeah. Not yet. - I was just expressing my own theory that there's no point in us deliberately inflaming ourselves. Because what we're trying to achieve is already with us, we just don't realise it yet. Or don't realise it.
«You may be right," came the reply in a suddenly thoughtful voice. - As far as I know, the Order has never looked at it that way. But what you said... Where did you come up with such thoughts?
«There's still no right way to look at the Force.
«You don't want to play in the street like normal kids, you're just sitting there doing something you don't know what you're doing. - She faked indignation. - Just like my father used to do.
«Well, it's interesting! - She laughed and pulled away. She laughed and reached out and pulled me against her.
«Come here, my little dark siris{?}[A bird native to Tython. A black small feathered creature about the size of a swallow. Distinguished by the fact that the bird cannot be seen in the force].
***
«N-da-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a... - I stretched out, looking at my future classmates. Despite the fact that we were almost eight, and some of us not even close, everyone here looked like a fifteen-year-old. There was a Wookiee, a pair of twin Zabrak twins, two Twi'leks and one Twi'lek, a Myrialan girl, a group of seven human boys and two human girls, a pair of Sith, a Salastian, and a Selkat. Rounding out this motley group was a pair of miraluka and katara. The latter was a mix of cat and human. But either she was a half-breed or I was confused, but unlike the purebreds, her face was closer to human. A small, slightly flattened nose, ears perked up on the top of her head, small lips, short silky fur. Cat's eyes are present, and there is also loose, long, long, as silky as the coat, hair, falling to the collarbone. The girl was barely a metre and a half tall.
I even hovered a bit, so attractive was this cat-girl. It was like an anime dream in real life, and I wanted to squeeze her.
Meanwhile, my gaze was clearly noticed. Turning around, this cute person shot an angry glance in my direction and raised one eyebrow questioningly. M-milota-a-a-a-a-a-a.
«I've seen Cathars, of course, but this is the first time I've seen one like you," I admitted honestly, continuing to stare at the natural wonder.
«Like you, too," she replied, her voice soft but also slightly growling, her ear twitching slightly.
«A half-breed? - I tilted my head slightly to the side.
«Yes. Why? Is there a problem? - I was growled at. No, that's nice, I'd have been a puddle.
«No, on the contrary. You're very beautiful and incredibly sweet.
Excuse me?! What did I say that made half the people shut up and look at me? She herself was clearly confused. Her coat was raised, her eyes and ears drooped, and her movements were sloppy. Turning away, she mumbled quietly:
«Thank you.
«K-ha, k-ha," our, apparently, Master drew attention to himself. He was a yellow-skinned, tough-looking zabrak in a robe with a metal blade at his belt, and he commanded respect. Looking round our crowd, he smiled and said: - "All right, younglings. Welcome to Qigong Kesh. The Temple of Force Realisation. You are right to begin your journey here, for only by recognising the Force can you master it. Unfortunately, many do not realise this and begin their journey at Stav Kesh. The Temple of Martial Arts. But come on, let's get acquainted. My name is Master Garos. I am your mentor for the next year. Padawan Kesha taught you to read, write, speak. You've also learnt to understand your powers, meditate and feel the Force. Now you will receive advanced training in interacting with the Force. I will teach you to anticipate a blow, to see without eyes, and to feel the world around you.....
The people looked at the master with wide-open eyes and open mouths. What's interesting is that everything he listed, I already know how to do. Vision overlapped with the feeling of the world around me, thanks to such different parents. I've learnt to anticipate a blow very well, a thousand or two projectiles a day does a great job of that. The only thing is, languages are a bit of a problem. I only know two, when there are four in the programme. Common, Shiriyiwook - aka Wookiee, native and Taiton. I don't know the first two. I can still speak common back and forth, but it's common enough to speak to everyone.
«...here. Now I'd like to hear your names, - the people recovered in a moment. The twins were the first to speak.
«Zeng.
«And Feng!
«Bazex," they introduced themselves.
«Gr-a-a-a-a-a. - Oh, I feel like I'm gonna have to learn Shiriyuvuk, oh, I'm gonna have to. Or...
* Look at the wookiee *
...I'll be taught it.
«Mm-hmm," the master nodded and looked at the humans. Interestingly enough, the human group stood apart from the others. Only one of the seven boys was standing and talking freely (until the master appeared) with the miraluka.
«Ramira Urana," the Zabrak girl introduced herself modestly after the human group. She herself looked like an ordinary... almost ordinary Zabrak. Grey skin and the same hair with white horns sticking out of it. Should I dye it red? That'd be fun. But I wonder why women in their race, unlike men, have hair. Is it a freak of nature?
Meanwhile, the introductions continued. People called out their names until it came to me.
«Shade Aero," the Zabrak smirked when he heard me, but I found that reaction interesting. - Is something wrong?
«Your name. It suits you. Impetuous, determined, inquisitive. Just like your mother. It's a scary cocktail, very scary. I've seen them with the same look, and they've been a lot of trouble.
«I can take comfort in the fact that I'll have just as many," I smiled. He only hummed, and looked at the miraluka. Yes, I know those words from the mouth of a teenager sound more like.... Like... I don't know what, but I don't like the guy anymore. And if I don't like him, then fuck him, not my respect.
«Lina Sau," the miraluka introduced herself.
«Vessira Rova," the katara smiled.
«Well, that's good. I ask you to divide into pairs and line up in one column, - people immediately began to divide and look for a pair, and this one carefully observe everything and.... draw conclusions? Shit, who was shoved to us, that he analyses the children right away? On the other hand, he's doing the right thing.
«You could be with the-- - before I could finish, Vessira just twitched her ear and stepped into Wookiee's pair. Shit. What did I do wrong? We were having a normal conversation! Though a demon would understand them, these women.... No. And demons won't understand, they have their own women.
I turn round and see Ramira writhing. I see that no one is asking to be her mate, so I just silently approach her.
«Do you mind keeping me company?
«What? N-no, she's so shy. But you know what? A shy brother, that's powerful.
In a minute.
«So. We will now head towards the Qigong Kesh Temple. Please keep up, it's very easy to get lost in it," the Zabrak turned round and led the way.
«What are we going through? - One of the twins couldn't resist.
«You'll find out.
«Will you teach us how to fight? - Vaal asked.
«We already know how to fight," I muttered quietly, but I noticed half the xenos around me turning in my direction. Alas, the master was no exception.
«So you know how to fight? - He asked, though there was something else hidden in his voice. What it was, I didn't understand, but I answered the question.
«We can all fight. We don't know how to fight, - the master smiled and turned round, directing our column to the temple entrance.
«And what is the difference? - One of the Twi'leks in front of me asked.
«A fight is just a silly flailing of arms and legs. A battle is a fight that involves tactics, skill, strength, ability.
«How do you know that? - asked his neighbour
«I read it in a book.
«Wait a minute," one of the twin zabrakas who had been walking in front of the Twi'leks suddenly came to life.
«You're the half-breed who used to follow his mum around all the time! - the other one added. The first chuckles were heard.
«Yes. That's definitely you. You were supposed to join our group, but you stayed home. Mummy's boy, eh? - The silent master looked back interestedly.
«What are you going to do now?
«Her back is gone now, - what will I do? Well, I'll...
«U-u-ura-a-ay. Ma-ari-i-i-u-u-u, - silent scene. Wookiee intervened before I did, thus saving the insolents from injury when I was about to do good and do justice.
«What did he say? - one of the Zabrak asked. My neighbour answered, strangely enough.
«He said that if I were you, I wouldn't cling to Shade," the twins looked at each other and laughed.
«Gr-u-u-u-ar ar-r-r-r-ru ru ra-ra-r," I noticed the silent master smiling with the tips of his lips. Looking back at the wookiee, I see his neighbour smiling just as slightly, while looking somewhere to the side. And the miraluka... Lina seemed to be smiling quite openly. Looking at Ramira, I realised that the wookiee had said something that made everyone who understood him feel better.
«Now what did the fur coat say?" one of the men exclaimed.
«He said you're in a lot of trouble," the people looked at each other and laughed. I quietly asked.
«What exactly did he say?
«Briefly, his family knows your mother by sight. He also said he'd seen you and your mother studying a couple of times," I turned back to the wookiee and saw that cheeky face winking at me and grinning. - I don't know what kind of training it was, but he obviously thinks a lot of you," she added. Yeah. Before he could get in, he was already getting in. You don't get respect from a Wookiee for nothing, that's a fact.
Master Garos led us down the wide, high-ceilinged corridors. Monolithic columns supported the vaults, and the columns themselves were carved with various symbols. On the walls were various paintings of ancient times. Interestingly, the lights were not lamps, but power clots that had a fixed location. Amazing, isn't it?
«Nih... - came out of my mouth in pure Russian when we entered the corridor, the windows of which led to the courtyard. In the courtyard, a group of twenty or so Je'daii were training. Remarkably, they were taking turns extinguishing each other with small discharges of lightning. While one man attacked, the other would take a hit on some sort of Force shield or deflect it. Another group, similarly beings in their twenties, worked the ground. In a matter of seconds, each of the group was lifting piles of earth to form three-dimensional shapes. I'm not even talking about the incomprehensible storm with a diameter of five metres!
«Padawans learn to work with the Force," our guide said proudly.
As we walked to the end of the corridor, I suddenly noticed with my Force vision a man standing slightly off to the side. He was studying our group, but he didn't move. Oh! He noticed my gaze, and his eyes flashed with surprise.
«Hello," I greeted this "ghost" as I passed by.
«What-what? - asked the master turning round. I don't get it! Am I the only one who noticed him?
«It's... There's a... - I turn back round, but I don't see anyone. - ...there was a man standing there," I turn back to the master and see his questioning eyebrow arch. - Honestly, standing there! A man in a long cloak," the master replied with a sceptical look, but he kept silent and led the group on. I don't get it, what the hell is that?!