Hua Lou sat at the very edge of the Eternal Downfall Spiral, his legs dangling dangerously over the cloudy pit below. He stared at the swirling clouds in a daze, biting his lower lip so hard he almost drew blood.
The Holy Book of Matrimony was gone.
Gone.
He buried his face in his hands, groaning loudly.
"If the Heavenly Emperor finds out," he mumbled, his voice cracking, "he'll kill me."
He looked up at the clouds again, eyes wide, pupils shaking.
"No, wait. Worse. He'll demote me."
His face went pale.
"Wait, no—EVEN WORSE—he'll send me to the mortal world! Reincarnated!"
The image flashed in his mind: a pitiful white chicken clucking for its life in a crowded mortal marketplace.
"And I'll be eaten. Every. Single. Time."
He grabbed at his own hair and let out a strangled whimper. "I don't want to be soup! I'm too handsome for soup!"
His heart was thudding now, pounding hard in his chest. He scrambled to his feet and started pacing around the swirling spiral.
"There has to be a way out of this. Think, Hua Lou, think."
He spun on his heel.
"Can I pretend it never existed? No, no, the registry couples are in there, Lin Yu would know. Can I... forge a new one? No, no, I don't know the ancient binding spells, and last time I tried to write a love charm, a couple divorced mid-wedding."
He groaned and grabbed at the sides of his head again.
Then he froze.
Lin Yu.
If Lin Yu found out…
He pictured his best friend standing there, proud and upright in his neat robes, face going paler and paler until he clutched at his heart and crumpled to the floor.
"Lin Yu would collapse," Hua Lou whispered, horrified. "He'll develop Heavenly Heart Disease and die—because of me."
He clutched his chest now, as if the guilt were physically stabbing him through the ribs.
"I'll be the reason my best friend dies of emotional trauma."
The drama of it all overwhelmed him. His knees gave out and he fell beside the spiral with a loud thud, arms thrown wide across the ground.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH WHAT AM I GOING TO DOOOOOO—?!"
He wailed up at the sky like it might give him a straight answer. A few clouds gently passed overhead. One of them looked vaguely like a chicken. He sobbed louder.
"I don't wanna be that! I don't even like seeds! I just eat them when I'm stressed!"
Face down now, he pounded his fists weakly against the grass, legs kicking behind him.
"Ughhh I was just trying to snack! Is that a crime? Is it a CRIME to relax when you've cultivated for thousands of years?!"
He rolled over and stared at the spinning portal again, lips trembling.
The monkey from earlier was still sitting nearby, watching him with mild interest while munching the last of the melon seeds.
"…This is all your fault," Hua Lou muttered, pointing a shaky finger at the creature.
The monkey burped.
"Unbelievable," he whispered.
He dragged his palms down his face, then sat up again, hugging his knees to his chest. His eyes stayed locked on the whirlpool.
Hua Lou suddenly froze mid-groan, his hands falling from his face. Something clicked in his brain. His eyes slowly widened as the idea took shape.
"Wait…" he muttered, sitting up so fast he nearly gave himself whiplash. "What if I say I'm going into closed-door cultivation… and then sneak down to Earth to get the book back?"
That could work.
He'd disappear for a while—totally normal for a celestial official. Just say he's working on some deep breakthrough. Everyone would leave him alone, especially Lin Yu. The guy treated cultivation deviation like a death sentence.
"Yes! That's it!" Hua Lou jumped to his feet, practically stumbling over himself as he sprinted back to the house.
He didn't even stop to breathe. Once inside, he slammed his bedroom door shut and locked it from the inside. With shaking hands, he grabbed a brush and a piece of paper, scribbling out a message in thick, uneven characters:
"Cultivating. DO NOT DISTURB. Especially YOU, Lin Yu. Don't knock or I'll have a deviation!"
He read it once, then twice, then nodded to himself.
It sounded serious. Convincing.
He slapped the note onto the door, smoothed it down with his palm, and even added a little charm seal on the edge for extra drama. With that done, he sprinted back outside, his robes flapping behind him as he ran toward the Eternal Downfall Spiral again.
The winds were stronger now, or maybe it was just his nerves catching up to him. The spiral's clouds spun steadily, thick and endless, like a drain in the middle of the sky. He skidded to a stop at the edge, peering down.
At the center of the vortex, a ring of pitch-black clouds pulsed and shifted like something alive. That was the danger zone—the part no one crossed. Everyone knew the stories. If your soul passed through those black clouds unprotected, your immortality would break apart like glass. You'd be forced down into the mortal world, your powers gone, your memories stripped, bound to live as a mortal again. Forever. No reset. No take-backs.
He swallowed hard, his throat dry.
But he had a plan.
Hua Lou reached into his sleeve and carefully pulled out a small jade amulet. It shimmered faintly, its surface smooth and carved with old celestial runes. It didn't look like much, but it was a Soul Protection Jade—a rare item strong enough to shield an immortal's soul against almost any damage for a short while.
"This better work," he muttered.
If it broke too early, if he miscalculated the timing, if he hit a rock or something stupid down there—he'd be toast. Mortal toast.
He tightened his grip on the jade and took a deep breath, glancing back toward his house in the distance. The note was probably still fluttering gently on his door. Lin Yu would see it. Hopefully he wouldn't freak out. Hopefully he'd just stay out of his business for a few days.
Hopefully.
"Alright," he whispered. "Just jump in, grab the book, jump out. Easy."
He didn't believe it for a second, but it was all he had.
Without giving himself time to rethink it, Hua Lou took a step forward and leapt.