Mission briefing was simple:Observe. Don't engage. Report back.
Jade Beauty heard:"Make it memorable. Bonus points for style."
10:00 PM – The Arrival
A black van rolled up to Pier 14.
Painted like a giant yellow duck.
Lightning stepped out of the driver's seat, hunched over, pale from motion sickness.
"Next time, I drive a car, not a giant rubber poultry on wheels."
Jade hopped out of the passenger side, dressed in a fake mustache, aviator glasses, and a crop top that read:"FBI – Female Body Inspector."
Selene, watching from a rooftop sniper perch, nearly threw herself off.
"She's wearing a disguise that makes her more noticeable."
Chains chimed in over comms. "At least she's not shirtless again."
Fathead: "Yet."
10:12 PM – Recon Begins
The docks were crawling with guards from La Luna Roja. Guns. Dogs. Laser sights.
Jade casually strolled right past two guards.
"Excuse me, officers, I'm here to deliver… government cheese."
The guards blinked.
"Government cheese?"
"Yes. Very confidential. The type that squeaks when you lie."
They looked confused. One nodded slowly.
"Makes sense."
They let her in.
Selene: "I want to cry. That worked."
Lightning (eating chips): "I believe in her."
Chains: "You once got pickpocketed by your own wallet."
Lightning: "He was very convincing."
10:25 PM – Inside the Warehouse
Jade tiptoed through crates marked "White Magic: Premium". Inside were bricks of cocaine stacked like luxury soap bars.
She pulled out a sparkly pink notebook.
"Observation Log: These dudes are guarding powder harder than their GPA. Also: guard #7 scratches his butt a lot. I name him 'Captain Itchy.'"
Meanwhile, a patrolling guard walked toward her. She dove behind a barrel… then popped up in a construction hat and shouted:
"Fire inspection! Raise your hands and say 'safety first!'"
The guard, startled, actually raised his hands.
"Safety first?"
Jade hit him with a spinning heel kick so fast the man turned into a yoga pose mid-fall.
"Namaste, loser."
10:40 PM – Distraction Mode Activated
Jade radioed in.
"Okay, plan B."
Selene snapped: "WHAT was plan A?!"
"Plan A was cheese. Plan B is interpretive dance."
Before anyone could stop her, Jade ran onto the loading dock stage area, grabbed the mic from a confused drug-runner-turned-DJ, and yelled:
"THIS ONE'S FOR THE HOMIES WHO NEVER GOT THEIR ORGANS BACK!"
Then she started breakdancing… while launching smoke bombs made from vape pens and glitter.
The guards froze.
Chains stared. "What… the hell is happening?"
Lightning (nodding): "Art."
10:52 PM – The Escape
As chaos erupted, crates spilled, guards panicked, and one man jumped into the water screaming about ghosts, Jade sauntered out — holding a fresh donut and a random guard's shoes.
Selene: "How did you even get donuts?"
"I told the guy at the food truck it was for charity. He cried."
Blizzard's voice finally came over comms.
"What. Did. You. Do."
"Recon. Observation. Data collection. Acrobatics. Emotional manipulation. Jazz hands."
"Did anyone die?"
"Just pride."
"Did anyone see your face?"
"Only everyone."
"...Fine. Come back."
11:15 PM – Back at MVL HQ
Jade strutted in, dropped the glittery notebook on the table, and declared:
"Mission complete. Also, I gave them the address of a fake MVL base in Florida. So if FBI goes hunting, they'll raid a Chuck E. Cheese."
Fathead flipped through her notes. "What is this… this is all memes."
"Page 3 is a list of everyone there sorted by 'punchability.'"
Blizzard sighed, massaging his temples. "You created maximum noise during a stealth mission."
"And yet... I'm not arrested."
Chains muttered, "She's got a point."
Lightning, still eating the donut, nodded again. "Mission: Improbable. Success."
Selene threw her hands up. "I give up. She wins. I don't even know what game we're playing anymore."
Final Scene
Jade sat down, stretched her legs on the table, and sipped from a cup labeled "Tea of Violence."
"Next mission, I want to go undercover as a mime assassin."
"Why?" Fathead asked.
"Because silence… is deadly."
Everyone groaned.
Silent Boy wrote on a napkin:
"She's funnier than me. I feel dethroned."
Jade winked. "Don't worry, sword boy. You'll always be my favorite weirdo."
The lights flickered. Someone knocked at the warehouse door.
Jade whispered:
"If it's my psych professor, I wasn't here."