Cherreads

American Alien

banmido
21
chs / week
The average realized release rate over the past 30 days is 21 chs / week.
--
NOT RATINGS
4.9k
Views
Synopsis
Naruto would rather sit at home, eating ramen, and watching TV but Kurama insists he should do normal 16 year old things, like being a hero or something crazy like that.
VIEW MORE

Chapter 1 - What's new, Naruto?

Hey, Banmido here!If you're enjoying the story and want to support my work (and get early access to advanced chapters), head over to Patreon and search for banmido.Thanks for reading and it means the world. 

The neon glow of the city buzzed against the glass of the apartment windows, fractured reflections dancing across the cluttered floor. Inside, the place was a shrine to neglect. Moldy instant ramen cups lay scattered like ancient ruins across the desk. 

A small, old, and flickering TV sat teetering on a wobbling stack of unopened bills, its volume slightly too loud. The air carried the unmistakable scent of takeout containers that had long overstayed their welcome.

Naruto lounged on the old leather couch, a slice of pizza hanging from his mouth, eyes half-lidded as he flipped lazily through the channels in drunken mozzarella stupor.

"Boring," he muttered, clicking to the next channel.

"More boring," he said again, voice flatter than the soda can rolling under the coffee table.

"Some politician yelling."

Click.

With a dramatic exhale, Naruto slumped deeper into the cushions until only his eyes and gravity-defying blond hair were visible.

"Man," he groaned in boredom, "TV's gotten so bad. It's like they just throw anything at the screen now. Who even watches this junk?"

Across the room, a massive nine-tailed fox, glowing faintly like a bonfire that had learned sarcasm, lifted his head just enough to give Naruto a long, unimpressed stare.

"You do," Kurama rumbled, voice vibrating in the very walls of the apartment. "Every day. Like a ritual. A sad, cheese covered ritual."

Naruto waved him off with his slice of pizza.

"I'm searching for art, fuzzball. Something with soul. Something that speaks to me."

Kurama yawned, jaws stretching wide. "The last thing that spoke to you was a ramen commercial narrated by a raccoon."

"And it had passion," Naruto mumbled. "I almost cried, yknow."

Then, like fate had been waiting for the exact moment for when his soul gave up, it happened.

The screen glowed gold and dramatic, violins swelling like someone had resurrected Beethoven.

'-Welcome back to As the Days Turn – Weekdays at 5PM'

Naruto's entire body went rigid. The pizza dropped to the floor. His eyes widened in near reverence.

"Oh," he whispered, voice trembling. "We are so back."

Kurama groaned.

"No," he said flatly. "Not this shit again."

Naruto didn't respond. He was already too far gone, sitting up, blanket wrapped around his shoulders.

AS THE DAY TURNS

Onscreen, the scene opened in a bakery with warm lighting and tension thick enough to frost a cake. Jack stood there, looking guiltier than ever.

Melinda faced him, her arms crossed, eyebrows raised, judgment on her face.

"You really thought you could waltz back in here," she snapped, "after stealing my sourdough starter and marrying my twin?"

Jack's eyes welled up. "I didn't waltz," he said, hurt. "I sauntered. And I never stopped loving you."

Naruto pointed at the screen, voice high-pitched with offense.

"He sauntered, Kurama! That's worse than betrayal, it's stylish betrayal!"

Kurama growled, tails twitching. "You know this is all fake, right? No one steals a sourdough starter and marries an evil twin in real life."

"Melinda had that starter for seven years, Kurama," Naruto whispered. "It was a symbol of trust."

"It's bread, Naruto."

"It was alive, Kurama."

Jack took a shaky breath on screen.

"I never used real vanilla," he confessed. "Not once. I lied… just to win the bake-off. And your heart."

Naruto gasped loudly.

"No," he whispered, horrified. "Not the vanilla. That's sacred. That's unforgivable."

Kurama sighed.

"This is what you've chosen to do with your powers? Sit in this crusty apartment watching fictional humans yell about idiotic desserts?"

Naruto shook his head solemnly. "They're not just yelling about dessert, Kurama. They're yelling about hope and love."

Then came the slap. Melinda's hand collided with Jack's face in high definition vengeance.

WHACK

 A tray of cupcakes hit the floor. Someone screamed in the background. The screen went black.

Naruto stood up, hand over his heart, misty-eyed.

"I felt that," he said softly. "I felt that in my starter."

Kurama closed his eyes.

"You need therapy."

"I have therapy," Naruto replied. "Her name is Melinda, and she just burned her ex-husband's cookies in symbolic rage."

"You live in a city where aliens and monsters are everyday problems, and billionaires fly around in tin suits...and here you are, watching reruns of trashy soap opeas and eating pizza. Sometimes, I wonder why I even bother with you."

Naruto took another bite of pizza, unfazed. "What do you want me to do, go looking for trouble?"

Kurama grunted. "You already look like trouble."

Naruto shot him a grin, gesturing to his shirt with holes in it and worn-out jeans. "Nah, I look cool as fuck."

Kurama gave him a long, unimpressed stare. "You look homeless."

Naruto scoffed. "It's called drip. Don't act like you haven't seen Kanye rocking it."

"It's called looking like you lost a fight to a raccoon."

Naruto ignored him and switched channels again mindlessly.

"-live from the scene at the First National Bank, where the Wrecking Crew is causing absolute chaos! We've got a full hostage situation unfolding here..."

Naruto barely lifted an eyebrow. He was used to this kind of thing. Big bad guys wrecking stuff. And he knew those guys. The Wrecking Crew? They were trouble, sure, but he'd seen worse. He kept flicking through the channels.

"Ms Marvel and Lady Hawkeye are reportedly on the scene, but it looks like they're being overpowered, both heroes taking a heavy beating from the Wrecking Crew's latest assault. It's chaos down here!" the news anchor said.

Kurama's voice cut through the air in his head. "So… are you going to do something or just sit there like an idiot?"

Naruto scratched his head, not taking his eyes off the screen. "I mean… the Avengers got this, right?"

Kurama let out a loud, dramatic sigh. "They broke up, brat."

Naruto blinked, confused. "Like a band?"

"No, like a dysfunctional family that hates each other now."

Naruto frowned, considering that. "But they were Earth's Mightiest Heroes."

Kurama scoffed. "Yeah? Well, Earth's Mightiest Heroes are either missing, dead, or going through a midlife crisis."

Naruto squinted at the screen and started counting off on his fingers, his voice absentmindedly mumbling to himself. "Okay, okay, let's see.. Uh, Iron Man?"

"Dead. He died to protect the world, remember?"

"Captain America?"

"Retired. But also technically not? Sam Wilson's Captain America now, but before that it was John Walker."

"Didn't he kill a guy on live TV?" Naruto asked.

Kurama sighed, "Well, yes, but he was a domestic terrorist, so it doesn't count I think."

"Makes sense, makes sense." He said, then Naruto blinked, pausing his flicking. "Wait, so the new Cap can fly?"

"Yup."

Naruto ran a hand down his face. "Cool. What about Thor?"

"Currently off on a galactic road trip with a talking raccoon and a sentient tree."

Naruto's mouth opened, then closed, utterly confused. "…That doesn't even sound real."

"Reality is stranger than fiction, brat."

Naruto sighed deeply, plopping back into the couch. "Okay. Uh… Doctor Strange?"

"Missing."

"…Missing? How the fuck does a wizard go missing?"

Kurama shrugged, a vague, dismissive tone in his voice. "Who knows? Maybe he got lost in some super crazy alternate dimension. Maybe he's stuck in line at multiversal Costco."

Naruto groaned, rolling his eyes. "Fine. Hulk?"

"Doing yoga. In space."

"…Hawkeye?"

"Retired. Probably making hot cocoa with his kids and teaching them archery."

"Black Widow?"

"Dead."

Naruto winced. "Ouch." That one hurt personally. She was kinda hot.

"Spider-Man?"

"Isn't he a teenager? Probably writing an essay. Possibly grounded."

"…Black Panther?"

Kurama paused. "…Gone."

Naruto exhaled, a solemn weight sinking into his chest. "Rest in peace, King."

There was a beat of silence.

"…So, who's left?" Naruto asked, half to himself.

Kurama hummed thoughtfully. "Uhm… Ant-Man?"

Naruto stared at the TV screen in disbelief. "Who the fuck is Ant Man? Who would even name themselves... Ant Man…?"

Kurama shrugged. "Who knows?"

Naruto buried his face in his hands. "They are so screwed."

Kurama's voice grew more insistent. "The Wrecking Crew just shattered that Marvel Girl's energy constructs. Shattered them like you shattered the record for most ramen ate in a day."

Naruto smirked, sitting up slightly as he puffed his chest out in pride banging his chest, "Don't compare my godly feats to these fools." he said.

Naruto hummed, leaning back, still not entirely sold on getting involved. "But yeah, okay, that's kinda bad."

"And you're still sitting here eating pizza." Kurama's tails flicked in annoyance.

"It'd be super weird if I just appeared out of nowhere, no?"

"Naruto, if you don't go and help those amateur heroes then I will project gay porn unto your mindscape for an entire week. And I don't mean the sexy kind that women watch. It'll be old wrinkly saggy men."

Naruto groaned, rubbing his temples in stress. "Fine! Fine! I'll go help! Just enough with the gay porn threats."

Kurama smirked, "Too easy."

He threw the pizza crust into the air in frustration.

Naruto exhaled, staring at the ceiling for a long moment before dramatically rolling off the couch and onto his feet. He grabbed his black and orange hoodie, shaking it out for dust before tossing it over his shoulders.

Kurama watched him, unimpressed. "Oh, wow. Now you look exactly the same as before. How inspiring."

Naruto cracked his neck, stretching his arms backwards as golden chakra flickered briefly around his fingertips like flames.

Kurama stretched, tails swaying lazily behind him. Without a word, his Nine tailed fox form began to dissolve into golden wisps, each strand of light drifting toward Naruto like smoke in reverse.

The energy curled in tight spirals, drawn to the center of his chest. A faint seal pulsed there, just beneath the skin, and with a gentle flash, the light was pulled inward

"Alright... let's go teach the Wrecking Crew why wrecking my city is a terrible life choice," he said awkwardly.

Kurama deadpanned, "For as much TV slop you watch you'd think you'd have better lines."

"Fuck you, Kurama."

In a blink and a burst of golden light, he vanished without a trace.

The window burst open with the force of his departure, the neon lights outside catching the last flicker of his presence before he disappeared.

The Wrecking Crew had the bank under their chaotic grasp. Hostages were strewn around the vault, some cowering, others frozen in fear as the wrecking ball-wielding thugs had begun to laugh like madmen, each one yelling something nonsensical between blows to the walls and counters.

"Wreck it all!" one of them bellowed.

"That's the idea, dumbass," another responded, swinging a massive sledgehammer at the vault door.

But it wasn't long before a voice echoed through the wreckage, too casual for the scene at hand.

"You know," Naruto said, hands shoved deep in his hoodie pockets as he strolled into the bank, "You guys are like a pop-up ad in the middle of a YouTube video; unavoidable and super annoying."

The Wrecking Crew turned, and the tallest one, the one who had been yelling about destruction, squinted. "And who the hell are you?"

Naruto looked them over, tapping his chin thoughtfully. "And well, if I had to guess? I'd say you guys have no sense of style, no grace, and you probably don't tip well at restaurants."

"Are you giving them fashion advice or a lecture on manners?" Kurama asked.

"Why not both?" Naruto replied.

One of them grunted. "Shut up, kid. We're here to-"

"Oh, yeah, yeah," Naruto interrupted, cracking his neck, "Wreck shit. Look, it's not that hard to figure out. I'm just here because someone left the door wide open for me. What's a guy supposed to do, huh?"

"You know, you could try taking this seriously," Kurama muttered, his voice dripping with annoyance. "But I guess 'casual aura farming' is your thing now."

Naruto rolled his eyes. "Pfft, whatever, it's not like they're that dangerous. They probably think they're the main characters in some cheap post-apocalyptic reboot of Mad Max."

He cracked his knuckles as he slowly, lazily approached the group.

"Alright, kids. You've all had your fun," Naruto said as he began weaving through the wrecking crew with speed that seemed to leave afterimages in his wake. "Now, let's clean this mess up."

In an instant, he was on the first guy, one of the thugs swinging a giant crowbar at him. Naruto leaned to the side, the crowbar whizzing past his face, and in the blink of an eye, he grabbed the thug's wrist, twisting it so hard it made a sickening crack.

The thug screamed, his legs buckling under the brutal force of Naruto's kick. He hit the floor with a sickening thud, eyes wide and full of disbelief.

"First rule of hand-to-hand combat, dumbass," Naruto called out to the crew, rolling his shoulder. "Don't telegraph your attacks. You look like a kid throwing a tantrum."

He didn't wait for a response before darting to the next guy.

The one wielding the giant sledgehammer was slow to react. With no effort, he grabbed the hammer mid-swing, yanking it out of the thug's hands before slamming his elbow into the guy's chest. The impact sent the thug flying backward into a wall with a sickening crash.

"Oops, my bad." Naruto flashed a cheeky grin. "I thought you were trying to give me a bro hug."

Kurama groaned. "Brat, trust me, no one has ever wanted to hug you. Ever."

Naruto gasped. "Wow. My own partner, betraying me like this? This is why I have trust issues."

Kurama mentally shrugged, "Just telling the truth."

The remaining Wrecking Crew members growled and charged, their weapons cutting through nothing but the faintest golden streaks left in Naruto's wake. He moved like a blur, his golden flame-like chakra leaking out of him with each step.

Naruto reappeared behind one of them, planting a foot square in the thug's back and sending him crashing to the ground. As the guy tried to get up, Naruto grabbed him by the collar, spinning him around and throwing him into the air like a ragdoll. The thug barely had time to scream before he landed with a brutal smack against the floor, knocked unconscious.

The other two, now desperately trying to regroup, swung wildly with their weapons. Naruto grinned. "You guys are adorable. But here's the thing: I don't need big magical weapons to take you down."

He ducked under another sledgehammer swing, his body flowing with the precision of someone who had been fighting for years. With a fluid motion, Naruto sidestepped and delivered a brutal palm strike to the jaw of one thug, knocking him out cold in an instant. Then, in one smooth motion, he turned his attention to the last one.

The thug swung again with reckless abandon, but Naruto intercepted the swing, twisting his body and using the thug's momentum to flip him onto the floor.

 With one swift move, he pressed his knee into the guy's back and twisted his arm behind him, locking him into a submission hold that had the thug gasping for air.

"Wrecking Crew, huh? Sounds like a bad name for a new sitcom. I know this is a bad time but just throwing some ideas around.. 

But what about, Family Wrecks? Or Sledgehammer Shenanigans?" Naruto kept up his banter while locking in the hold, making the thug squirm.

"I swear, I'm gonna kill yo-!" The thug grunted, but Naruto tightened the hold just enough to get his attention.

"Listen," Naruto said with a smirk, "I'm really trying to be nice here. But you guys need to know when to fold. Just give it up."

The thug muttered something unintelligible, and Naruto finally let him go, tossing him to the side like a ragdoll.

Just as he stood up, he heard a voice behind him. "What the hell was that? And what are you doing here?" Ms. Marvel had been watching from the side, her eyes wide in shock. it was clear she was impressed by his speed and technique.

Naruto turned, giving her a lazy grin. "Me? I just happened to get lost on the road of life, and here I find you two, getting wrecked."

Kate Bishop appeared next to her, arms crossed and her bow slung over her back. "I think we had this under control."

"I'm sure you did, but unfortunately the aura isn't going to farm itself."

He gave her a thumbs up before his gaze flicked to the last thug groaning on the floor. "Though, seriously, what's with the wrecking balls? You'd think that's just asking for a concussion."

Kate crossed her arms, skeptical. "And you're just here… for fun?"

Naruto tilted his head back, smiling wider now. "You're welcome, by the way. But yeah, I'm not here to help you. I was here because..."

He paused dramatically, then smirked.

"…I forgot."

Kate blinked. "You what?"

"Yeah, it happens sometimes," Naruto said, crossing his arms behind his head. "I show up somewhere, beat some dudes up, and then realize I don't even know why I was here in the first place."

Ms. Marvel, still processing the absurdity, frowned. "That… doesn't make any sense."

Naruto shrugged. "Neither does the fact that these guys thought a wrecking ball was a reasonable weapon of choice, but here we are."

Kurama groaned in his head."You are the worst."

Naruto smirked internally, "You haven't seen me at my worst yet, furball."

Meanwhile, one of the Wrecking Crew members groaned on the floor, barely conscious. "D-damn… who is this guy…?"

Naruto squatted down next to him, grinning. "Oh, you wanna know? You sure you wanna know who I really am?"

The guy nodded weakly.

Naruto leaned in closer, voice dropping to a gruff whisper.

"…I'm the Batman."

Kate made a strangled noise of frustration. "Oh my god."

Ms. Marvel smacked her forehead. "Okay, no. Seriously, who are you?"

Naruto sighed, finally standing back up. "Fine, fine. I'm Naruto. No fancy titles, no grand speeches. Just a guy who got lost, and now I'm here. And, apparently, I'm better at your job than you."

Kate rolled her eyes. "Riiight. And I'm supposed to believe you just randomly decided to show up and help?"

Naruto put a hand over his heart, feigning offense. "Help? Who said I was helping? I was just walking by, saw some dudes committing OSHA violations, and figured I'd do some civilian damage control. Y'know, public service and all that."

Kate narrowed her eyes in suspicion. "You don't work for S.H.I.E.L.D, do you?"

Naruto's face twisted in disgust. "Ew, no. Gross. D-Generation X all the way."

Ms. Marvel tilted her head. "Then… you're a hero?"

Naruto opened his mouth, then closed it. His grin faltered just a little as he glanced at the unconscious thugs around him.

"…I mean, if you wanna call me that, go ahead," he finally said, his tone a little too casual. "Honestly I'd prefer to be the villain."

Kate exhaled sharply. "Great. Another mysterious superpowered guy with a god complex."

Naruto frowned. "Damn, y'all got those in bulk here or what?"

"Don't let them fool you, brat. You're just a dumbass with extra steps."

"Anyways, enough with the interrogation," Naruto said, brushing a crumb off his hoodie. "Who even are you guys?" he asked, flipping the script.

Kate narrowed her eyes, but Kamala stepped forward first, arms crossed and chin high. "We're the Young Avengers."

Naruto blinked. "You're the what now?"

She nodded. "Young Avengers."

Naruto stared like she'd just grown two heads.. "Okay, hold on." He gestured vaguely between the two of them. "I just found out a couple minutes ago the real Avengers broke up, and now there's a young version?"

He looked them over again like he was trying to spot a hidden camera. "This feels like turning on your favorite show after skipping a season, only to find out half the cast got replaced and they rebooted the theme song."

Kamala laughed lightly. "You've definitely been out of the loop."

"Hard out of the loop," Naruto said, scratching the back of his head. "But even if I was in the loop, I gotta ask.. Why? Like, what's the deal? Are you guys the Avengers but with training wheels and more TikTok dances?"

Kate sighed through her nose. "Are you done?"

"Almost. I'm still workshopping the 'Avengers: Babysitter's Club' joke."

Kamala stayed calm, voice more measured now. "It's not about legacy. It's about stepping up and being there when no one else is."

Naruto tilted his head. "That's noble. But do you need a new team for that? You could just… help people. Without branding."

Kate's arms folded tighter. "We're not here to impress you."

He nodded slowly. "Yeah, I figured. Still feels like a weird spinoff no one asked for."

Kamala smiled faintly. "Maybe give us a chance before judging."

Naruto looked at her for a long moment before sighing. "We'll see about that," he said, his voice a little more softer now.

Before either of them could respond, the distant wail of sirens cut through the night air. Kate and Kamala both stiffened.

"Cops," Kate muttered. "We should probably go."

Kamala looked at Naruto. "You coming with?"

He actually paused. Thought about it. Really thought about it.

Then he gave them a lazy salute and turned in the opposite direction. "Nah, I'm good. You two have fun, though. Don't die too soon or anything, Young Avengers."

Kate's voice chased after him. "Are you seriously just leaving?!"

"Yup," Naruto replied, popping the 'p' as he strolled off into the city like it owed him rent.

As he walked, he could feel Kate's glare scorching the back of his hoodie like a magnifying glass in the hands of a particularly vengeful child. He didn't have to look to know she was seconds from launching an arrow at his retreating head.

Kamala sighed. "Should we, like… go after him?"

Kate crossed her arms. "No. He's clearly one of those guys who thinks being mysterious makes him cool."

Down the street, Naruto called over his shoulder, "It does make me cool, thanks for noticing!"

Kate groaned into her hands.

Inside his head, Kurama chuckled. "Brat, you are actually unbearable sometimes."

Naruto smirked. "And yet, you still ride shotgun in my mindscape."

Kurama scoffed. "Maybe because I have no choice."

Naruto stroked an invisible beard, his eyes gleaming with the wisdom of a discount Kung-Fu master."Dear Kurama… we all have a choice in this world."

"KILL ME NOW," Kurama groaned.

Naruto turned a corner, his swagger fading just a little as his footsteps slowed. The city buzzed around him, cars honking, neon lights flickering, someone yelling about lizard people behind a deli. The usual chaos.

But something felt different.

For the first time in a long while… he felt alive.

SHADOWS.

Multiple agents in the room, positioned at their stations, worked in silence. There was a palpable sense of urgency in the air like something had shifted. The feed on the largest screen showed a new figure, one that had caught their attention. The dimly lit room hummed with a mechanical hum, a sharp contrast to the soft crackle of an unseen fire in the hearth. The faint glow of multiple monitors bathed the room in a cool, blue light, casting long, jagged shadows across the walls.

At the center of the room sat a lone figure, draped in the low light. She was the only one in the room, but her presence commanded attention.

Her silhouette was striking and tall, with a sleek, purposeful posture, sharp features softened only by the faintest trace of long, platinum blonde hair. Her face, partially obscured by the shadows, held an inscrutable calm. Only her eyes, a deep, pale violet, glowed with a cold intensity that pierced the darkness.

The woman's attire, a tailored black suit was severe, unyielding, and stylish, with an undercurrent of ruthless authority. Every line of her being exuded control, a sense of power that was both commanding and quiet, like a predator poised to strike.

The silver emblem on her lapel, a swirling, intricate design that resembled the coiled snakes of a Medusa, shimmered in the low light.

She watched the monitor in front of her, where the video feed of Naruto played on a loop, his blonde hair and effortless movements leaving destruction in his wake.

Her lips barely moved as she spoke, her voice cold and low, like ice shattering in the dark. "Kamala Khan and Kate Bishop... they're nothing. Just two girls playing hero."

She didn't flinch at the sight of the wrecking crew being effortlessly dismantled. To her, it was a mere blip, a brief distraction. No, her eyes were focused solely on the boy in the video. The blonde boy who hadn't just fought back, he'd made them look foolish.

Her fingers, long and elegant, drummed lightly against the edge of her desk, the soft sound echoing in the otherwise silent room. The rhythm was deliberate, like a slow ticking clock, marking time as she considered the implications of what she'd just witnessed.

"That boy..." Her voice dropped to almost a whisper, but it carried weight. "He isn't like the others."

She leaned forward, her gaze locked on the screen, her pale violet eyes sharp and calculating. "He's dangerous. He didn't just overpower them. He toyed with them."

The quiet tapping of her fingers ceased, and she sat back, her expression unreadable, yet there was a subtle shift in her presence; something cold and predatory.

"You'll track him," she said, her tone final, like an order that left no room for argument. "His name, his abilities, his origins... everything. I want to know who he is, and what he can do."

'Let's see if you will be a weapon in use for the emerging enemies of Earth, or the biggest threat against us all...' she thought with a wry smile.

Also: Kanye West exists in the Marvel Cinematic Universe. As does Elon Musk. Shocker.

This is set in 2026 and right after 'The Marvels.'

Naruto is 16. Naruto was "born" in the 616 Marvel Universe. (MC Studios have confirmed the MCU is 616 and not 199999 whatever.)

PS this is gonna be the biggest/best Naruto crossover ever, so stay with me on this journey. I love you all who support me and those who don't <3

OMAKE:

The screen flickered with a dramatic close-up of Melinda sobbing into a bowl of flour.

Naruto sniffled, pulling the blanket higher up his shoulders. "He told her he was allergic to dairy, Kurama. Lactose intolerant. And she made him a lasagna. A double-cheese lasagna. That's... betrayal."

Kurama, curled beside the couch, exhaled long and low.

"You can level a city with a flick of your wrist."

Naruto reached for another tissue. "It was triple layered."

"You can sense negative emotions from miles away. You can fly faster than a jet. And instead of ruling the world or razing it to ashes, you're... emotionally invested in Melinda's lasagna arc."

Naruto didn't look at him. He wiped his eyes, then grabbed a slice of pizza off the coffee table.

"She made it with love," he muttered.

Kurama growled softly, "Why, Naruto? Why not take the world? Why not carve your name into the sky and make the stars kneel?"

Naruto finally turned, pizza slice in hand, face smeared with marinara and genuine sincerity.

"Because fuzzball. If someone doesn't cry over lasagna and terrible soap operas... who will?"

Kurama stared.

"...You're an idiot."

Naruto smiled.

"And you're my best friend."

Kurama groaned and flopped his head down on his paw. "I'm trapped inside a soap opera-addicted man child with god powers. This is my personal hell."

"Shhh," Naruto whispered, raising the volume. "Melinda's confronting her evil twin. This is peak cinema."

Kurama didn't speak again.