"
Ady stared at his screen.
His eyes were dry, burning a little, like they hadn't blinked in hours. The cursor blinked back at him, mockingly. The business plan due in twelve hours sat half-finished.
His phone buzzed beside his laptop.
He didn't even look.
He was scared it was her.
He was scared it wasn't.
Finals Pressure Is Not Just Exams
People think Finals Week is just about exams.
It wasn't.
Not for Ady.
There were reports, pitches, sleepless nights, caffeine that stopped working, groupmates who ghosted the work, and pressure. So much pressure. From professors. From family. From himself.
He wasn't just studying to pass.
He was trying to prove something.
To his parents who said he couldn't do both school and love.
To himself who feared he might lose both.
And to Ellie—who was probably thinking he didn't care anymore.
The Message He Couldn't Write
He opened their chat more than once every day.
Sometimes to send a message.
Then he'd stop halfway through typing.
What could he even say?
"Sorry, I've been quiet. I'm drowning."
"I miss you, but I don't have time to say it properly."
"Don't leave me."
None of it felt right.
None of it felt enough.
So he said nothing.
And the silence grew.
Ken's Casual Comment
In the library, Ken sat beside him during a break.
"Hey," Ken said, sipping his energy drink. "Didn't your girl used to call you at night?"
Ady paused.
"She doesn't anymore?"
Ady shrugged, eyes still on his laptop. "I think she's tired of always being the one who reaches out."
Ken leaned back. "You're not texting her?"
"I don't have time."
Ken gave a half-smile. "Then don't be surprised if she runs out of patience."
Ady didn't respond.
Not because Ken was wrong.
But because he was right.
What He Didn't Say to Ellie
He missed her.
God, he missed her.
He missed the way her voice softened when she said his name. The way she'd quietly hum songs on call without knowing. The way her laughter made his day feel a little less heavy.
But he also knew she deserved someone who had the time.
And right now, he didn't.
So what was he supposed to do?
Call her between deadlines?
Message her just to say "I'm still alive"?
He felt like every option hurt.
And he hated himself for all of them.
Late-Night Regrets
It was 2:46 AM.
Ady was lying on the floor of his dorm room, surrounded by empty cups of 3-in-1 coffee and crumpled scratch papers.
His group presentation was done.
His last quiz reviewed.
But instead of sleeping, he stared at the ceiling.
He thought about Ellie.
Where was she?
Was she okay?
Did she cry?
Did she stop checking their chat?
He scrolled up on their old messages. The voice notes. The saved photos. The little hearts they'd send back and forth.
He missed those days when they had time.
He missed her.
But he didn't know if she still wanted to be missed.
Doubts, Guilt, and What-Ifs
Maybe she was angry now.
Maybe she thought he didn't love her anymore.
Maybe she was right to think that.
He should've called.
Should've explained.
Should've done something—anything.
But every time he had the chance, something else came up. A deadline. A group meeting. A panic attack he didn't tell anyone about.
He wasn't doing well.
But he didn't want her to carry that weight too.
Bea's Question
Bea, one of his classmates, sat next to him during a group report rehearsal.
She glanced at his tired face. "You okay?"
He nodded.
"Sure?"
"Finals lang."
She tilted her head. "Not just finals, right?"
Ady stayed quiet.
Bea looked at him for a moment longer. "Sometimes silence makes people think you've stopped caring."
Ady swallowed.
"Has Ellie said anything?" she asked gently.
He shook his head. "No."
"Maybe she's waiting for you."
A Missed Call
That night, as he tried to study, his phone lit up.
Ellie is calling…
His hand hovered over the screen.
His chest tightened.
He wasn't ready.
He felt like a mess—words jumbled, heart anxious, thoughts fogged.
So he let it ring.
And ring.
And ring.
And watched it stop.
He hated himself in that moment more than he ever had.
Voice in the Dark
After the missed call, he sat in silence.
The same silence he gave her.
Now it was too loud.
He opened their chat.
Typed a message.
Deleted it.
Opened the voice note option.
His thumb hovered over the mic icon.
But what would he even say?
That he missed her?
That he was scared she was gone already?
That he still loved her?
He put the phone down.
Not because he didn't want to speak.
But because he didn't know if she still wanted to listen.
Final Exam Day
On the morning of his final exam, he looked in the mirror.
Dark circles under his eyes. Cracks in his lips. Emotion he couldn't name sitting heavy in his chest.
He whispered her name.
"Ellie…"
And for a moment, he felt her there. Not in the room, but in the memory.
Laughing.
Talking.
Calling him "soft boy."
Telling him she believed in him.
He held onto that memory like a lifeline as he walked into his last exam.
Hope, Even in Silence
After he submitted the final paper, he sat in the campus garden.
Everything was done.
Except the one thing that mattered most.
He opened their chat.
No message from her.
Still.
He typed:
Ellie, I know I've been gone. I know I've been quiet. But not once did I stop thinking about you. I don't know if you're mad at me. I wouldn't blame you if you are. But I just want you to know… I missed you. Every day. I still do.
He didn't send it.
But this time, he didn't delete it either.
He just saved it in drafts.
Waiting
For the courage to send it .Or for her to beat him to it.
Whichever came first.