The rest of the day passes in a blur, but I can't stop thinking about what I said to Emily. Every time I replay the scene in my head, there's a small part of me that wishes I could take it back. But I can't. And now, the guilt clings to me like a shadow I can't shake.
I remind myself that she's just a reminder of what I lost—of what I'll never get back. Still, every time I see her, looking like someone smashed her favorite toy, I feel a dull ache in my chest. I push it down, shove it as far away as I can, but it never really goes away.
---
That night at dinner, Emily barely speaks. She's quiet, her head down, and she avoids looking at me. I pretend not to notice, but the tension at the table is suffocating. Margaret tries to fill the silence with mindless chatter, but it only makes things worse. Josh is his usual obnoxious self, oblivious to the tension sitting like a third guest at the table.
"Heaven," my dad says, cutting through the noise, "how's school so far?"
The mention of school makes me stiffen. I know my dad is trying to engage with me, trying to find some common ground, but it only irritates me more.
"It's fine," I say, not bothering to look up from my plate.
There's an awkward pause, and I can feel Emily's eyes flicker toward me for the briefest second before she looks back down at her food. My stomach twists with something uncomfortably close to guilt, but I force myself to ignore it.
"Well, if you ever need help," Margaret says, trying to keep the mood light, "just let us know."
I roll my eyes. As if I'd ever ask them for help. The conversation falls flat, and dinner drags on in uncomfortable silence. When it's finally over, I retreat to my room, shutting the door behind me as if I can shut out everything else—the tension, the guilt, the feeling that I'm constantly teetering on the edge of something I can't control.
But no matter how hard I try, I can't escape the gnawing feeling that I've crossed a line with Emily. And worse, I can't shake the guilt that comes with it.
---
The next morning at school, things don't feel any better. If anything, they're worse. The tension with Emily is still there, lingering in the back of my mind like a bruise that won't fade. I try to ignore it, try to focus on getting through the day, but everything feels off—like I'm constantly walking on uneven ground.
And there's Klaus.
His eyes are on me more often than not, and it's starting to mess with my head. There's something about him that makes it impossible to look away, like he's constantly trying to see through the walls I've built around myself. And the worst part is, I think he's starting to succeed.
And then there's Kayla.
I don't know if it's because Klaus has been paying more attention to me or if she just needs a new target, but she's turned her full attention on making my life hell. This morning, she decided to take things up a notch by "accidentally" bumping into me in the hallway, sending my books flying across the floor.
"Oops," she says with a fake smile, her voice dripping with insincerity. "So sorry, Heaven."
I glare up at her from the floor as I scramble to pick up my things. "Sure you are."
Her minions snicker behind her, and Kayla flips her perfectly styled hair over her shoulder. "You know, you might want to watch where you're going. I'd hate for you to get... hurt."
It's a thinly veiled threat, and I know exactly what she's doing. She's trying to intimidate me, trying to make me feel like I don't belong here. But she doesn't know who she's messing with.
I stand up, meeting her gaze head-on. "If you're looking for a fight, Kayla, you've come to the wrong place. I don't waste my time on people like you."
Kayla's smile falters for a moment, but she quickly recovers, her eyes narrowing. "We'll see about that."
She saunters off with her minions in tow, leaving me standing in the middle of the hallway, my heart pounding with adrenaline. I'm not scared of her, but I'm not stupid either. I know this isn't over.
---
By the time lunch rolls around, I'm on edge. Every glance, every whisper feels like it's directed at me, and I can't help but feel like I'm teetering on the edge of something that's about to snap.
Emerald and Esmeralda notice immediately. As soon as we sit down at our usual table, Emerald tilts her head, her eyes full of concern. "You okay, Heaven? You seem... tense."
I shrug, trying to play it off. "I'm fine. Just... tired."
Esmeralda gives me a knowing look. "Is this about Kayla? Because if she's still bothering you, I'm more than happy to take care of it."
I snort, but the tension doesn't leave my chest. "No, it's not that. I can handle Kayla. It's just... everything."
Emerald leans in, her voice soft and comforting. "You know we've got your back, right?"
I nod, forcing a smile. "I know. Thanks."
But then I feel it—someone watching me.
I glance up and see Klaus sitting at his usual table, Kayla beside him, but his eyes are locked on me. There's something in his gaze that I can't quite place—something intense, like he's studying me. Kayla, meanwhile, is glaring daggers in my direction, clearly annoyed that Klaus's attention isn't on her.
I meet Klaus's gaze head-on, refusing to look away. It's like we're both waiting for the other to blink first, to give in. But I won't. I'm not backing down.
Eventually, Klaus smirks, like he's amused by the whole thing, and turns back to whatever conversation he was having with Kayla. I let out a breath I didn't realize I was holding, my heart still racing from the silent showdown.
"He's really into you, isn't he?" Emerald says, grinning.
I roll my eyes. "He's just... curious. It's nothing."
Esmeralda smirks. "Sure. Whatever you say, Heaven."
But even with their support, the weight of everything still presses down on me. It's like I'm carrying too much—school, my family, Klaus—and I don't know how much longer I can hold it all together.
---
After school, I find myself sitting alone on the bleachers by the football field, trying to clear my head. The sun is low in the sky, casting long shadows across the grass, and for the first time all day, I feel like I can breathe.
But even here, the silence isn't comforting. It only amplifies the thoughts I've been trying to avoid—the guilt, the anger, the fear that I'm losing control of everything. I've spent so long building walls around myself, keeping everyone at a distance, but now it feels like those walls are starting to crack.
And I don't know how to stop it.
"You look like you're carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders," Klaus says, suddenly appearing beside me.
I glance at him, my heart racing in my chest. I didn't hear him approach, and his presence feels too close, too intimate. "What do you want, Klaus?"
He sits down next to me, unbothered by my tone. "Just checking in. You've seemed... off lately."
I narrow my eyes at him. "Why do you care?"
Klaus shrugs, his gaze fixed on the field. "Maybe I don't. Or maybe I just like getting under your skin."
His words are casual, but there's something beneath them—something that feels heavier than the usual banter we've been throwing back and forth. I can feel him watching me, waiting for a reaction, but I don't give him one. Not yet.
"Do you ever let anyone in?" Klaus asks after a moment, his voice softer now, more serious.
I glance at him, taken aback by the question. "What's that supposed to mean?"
He meets my gaze, his eyes steady. "You've got walls up, Heaven. You keep everyone at a distance, like you're afraid to let anyone see the real you."
I stiffen, his words hitting too close to home. "You don't know anything about me."
Klaus leans back, his gaze never leaving mine. "Maybe not. But I'd like to."
There's a vulnerability in his voice that I wasn't expecting, and it throws me off balance. For a moment, I don't know what to say. This isn't the cocky, smug Klaus I'm used to. This is someone else—someone who's trying to understand me in a way that no one else has.
And it scares me.
"You're wasting your time," I say, standing up abruptly. "I'm not interested in whatever game you're playing."
Klaus watches me with an unreadable expression, but he doesn't say anything as I walk away. Still, I can feel his eyes on me, and for the first time in a long time, I don't know if I'm walking away from him... or from myself.
---
Later that night, after everyone else has gone to bed, I find myself lying awake, staring at the ceiling. My mind is racing with everything that's been happening—school, Kayla, Klaus, Emily. It's like I can't escape the weight of it all, no matter how hard I try.
I sit up, pulling my knees to my chest and resting my chin on them. The house is quiet, the kind of quiet that makes everything feel heavier, and for the first time in a while, I let myself really feel the weight of everything.
The guilt over Emily is still there, gnawing at me. I try to push it away, but it's like a splinter I can't remove, no matter how hard I try. I tell myself that she's just a reminder of everything I've lost, but that doesn't stop the guilt from creeping in every time I see her.
And then there's Klaus.
He's getting too close. Too close for comfort. And the worst part is, I don't know if I want him to stop. There's something about him—something that makes me feel like maybe, just maybe, he could understand me in a way that no one else can. But I can't let that happen. I can't let him in.
Because if I do, I don't know what will happen. I don't know if I'll be able to keep the walls up. And I don't know if I'm ready to face what's on the other side of them.