The final showdown between Sakurai and Kaguya was, in truth, painfully dull.No flashy moves. No reversals.In the end, Sakurai-kun lost.
Kaguya Shinomiya's good luck reigned supreme.
Her chaotic, unorthodox dice throws—wild arcs and clumsy flicks—somehow always avoided Sakurai's expensive properties by a hair's breadth.Even drawing a second Plunder Card couldn't save him in that final tug-of-war.
"Yay! Kaguya-san, we won~!" Fujiwara Chika cheered, practically bouncing.Seeing Sakurai Saki lose made her even happier than winning.
"Now it's time for the penalty segment!" she grinned. "Kaguya-san gets to ask each of us one question!"
She leaned in close, whispering into Kaguya's ear. Clearly scheming.
"Huh!? Fujiwara-senpai, are you feeding her questions?" Ishigami Yu muttered suspiciously."You didn't win, and you still want to reap the victor's privileges? Are all politicians' daughters this shameless?"He added in a normal speaking voice, "Note to self: stay far away from her in the future..."
Fujiwara Chika heard every word.
"I absolutely did not want Kaguya-san to ask anything on my behalf!" she shouted, which absolutely gave her away.
Classic Fujiwara.
"Everyone," Kaguya Shinomiya announced, eyes sparkling with victory, "may I begin?"
She was eager to harvest her spoils.Her goal? To collect intel.Leverage.Anything that could help her recruit, control, or blackmail her fellow Student Council members.
As a Shinomiya, control was everything.
"Ask away," Sakurai said flatly, arms crossed.
He looked calm—stoic, even.But inside, he was raging.
This isn't over.How does a beginner sweep the board just by being lucky?
Sakurai was a sore loser in the extreme.The kind of person who could hold a grudge for ten years over a casual game.
Calling him petty was an understatement.
"Sakurai-kun," Kaguya asked sweetly, "when do you plan to get engaged to Fujiwara Secretary?"
BOOM.A direct hit.
A massive social bomb, casually lobbed without warning.
Shirogane Miyuki, who had been quietly enjoying the gossip, felt his heart jolt.Of course.Why would Kaguya ask something simple like "do you two have feelings?"No—she went straight to marriage.
Ice Princess Kaguya-hime, truly incapable of reading the room.A cluelessness so extreme it looped back around to being terrifying.
I have to help Sakurai-kun smooth this over! Shirogane thought urgently.
"Perhaps in a few years," he blurted out.
"President Shirogane, I wasn't asking you." Kaguya replied coldly.
"...Oh."
Defeated in a single sentence.Not even Guan Yu killing Hua Xiong was this fast.But Kaguya did it.
Ishigami Yu began to tremble.What if she asked him something just as devastating?
Then he remembered: he had no shame left.
That's right. What's there to fear? Shinomiya-senpai can ask anything she wants.
His backlog of embarrassing stories was so massive it acted like armor.Ishigami Yu: the man who used his humiliations as a shield.There was truly nothing left in the world that could break him.
"Propose? Somiya-san, why would you ask that?" Sakurai sputtered.
"Hmm? Weren't you two having a baby this afternoon?" Kaguya asked matter-of-factly.
The room fell silent.
Even the air froze.
Ishigami Yu's face turned crimson.For a proud virgin, the mental imagery was too much to bear.
In school... Sakurai-senpai and Fujiwara-senpai... se... s... sex...?
"H-Having a baby?" Fujiwara squeaked.
"Yes," Kaguya said, tilting her head. "Weren't you going to kiss?"
That innocent, neutral tone made it worse.
Fujiwara Chika, face burning, recalled being pinned to the sofa earlier.She was too mortified to reply.
"Please don't slander me, Somiya-san. I'm a virgin!" Sakurai declared, hands raised like he was under arrest.
This was no joke. For a self-respecting young man, virginity was a badge of honor.There was no shame in it!
"Kiss count: zero! Dating count: zero! Other matters: obviously—[ZERO]!!"
"I'm a virgin too!!" Ishigami added, standing proudly.
Even Shirogane Miyuki, briefly tempted to join in, whispered awkwardly,
"...Me too."
Fujiwara Chika blinked in astonishment, her deep blue eyes wide.
What were these boys even talking about?
Was virginity somehow... related to kissing?
She leaned in and whispered into Kaguya's ear.
One minute passed.
Kaguya blinked.
A flicker of realization crossed her face.
In that instant—Kaguya Shinomiya aged ten years.
"Cough~"She turned her head, blushing fiercely."I-I already knew. Babies... aren't brought by storks. And of course, I already knew that kissing doesn't make babies."
She didn't know.
She absolutely did not know.
Time and space seemed to freeze around the three boys.
All of them wore suspiciously calm expressions.
Then—
"Hmm… Shinomiya-senpai, I'm sorry," Ishigami Yu said, turning to glance at Sakurai Saki.His shoulders began to tremble. Violently.
He lasted about five seconds.
"Pff—Hahahahahaha!!"
He exploded.
Shirogane Miyuki quickly straightened up, adopting a teacher-like air.
"Ishigami-kun! Even if someone doesn't understand sex education, you shouldn't laugh at them! That's basic decency!"
He held out for ten more seconds.
Then he turned away—
"Pfft~"
Another one down.
Sakurai Saki glanced at Kaguya's expression—now slowly morphing into something out of a yakuza revenge movie.
"I've undergone professional training," he said evenly."I don't laugh easily."
Unless it was really funny.
"Hmm~ won't laugh," he muttered, hand over mouth, eyes watering.
He was clearly losing the battle.
Young lady from a sheltered elite family… check.Extreme lack of basic common sense… check.
Confirmed.
Kaguya's expression grew darker.
Darker than an exam room with the power out.Darker than midnight under a blackout curtain.
The kind of expression that said:I'm going to crush your bones, mix you into cement, and sink you beneath Tokyo Bay.
The laughter stopped.
Immediately.
All three boys corrected their postures like good students during a surprise inspection.
Sakurai Saki cleared his throat.
"Regarding your question earlier—my answer is: I currently have no such plans."
Vague. Noncommittal. Safe.
"Cough… Somiya-san, maybe ask someone else? You don't have to keep staring at me like that…"
Otherwise, if I get annoyed and end your entire bloodline… that wouldn't be ideal.
Kaguya slowly turned her gaze to Ishigami.
Smiling.
"Ishigami-kun, you found my words very funny earlier, didn't you?"
Ishigami Yu froze.
Is it too late to run now?
No—RUN.
He sprang to his feet, bowed deeply.
"My sincerest apologies!"
Then, grabbing his school bag like it held the last shreds of his life, he sprinted for the door.
"Everyone! I must consider tomorrow's club activities! Please excuse me!"
Shirogane Miyuki waved at him with grave politeness.
"Oh! Ishigami-kun! Be careful on your way!"
Sakurai added in earnest tones:
"Club selection is truly an important matter."
They were lying through their teeth.
Fujiwara Chika narrowed her eyes.
Lies. All lies. Cowards, the lot of them.
Was it really okay to let Ishigami-kun escape that easily?
She thought back to her own countless moments of public embarrassment—most of them thanks to these very people.
"Ishigami-kun~," she sang sweetly, rising to her feet with a dazzling smile."You haven't answered the question yet~ Are you really okay leaving like this~?"
Ishigami froze mid-step.
Like a deer.
A deer made of stone.
Statue mode: activated.
It's over.