Hi again.Boom here.
Wait—sorry.This chapter, I go by: Lord Rizzler the Third of Boomville, Duke of Drip.
(Next chapter, new name. Stay tuned. I'm like a badly written RPG character with commitment issues.)
Yup. Still overpowered. Still emotionally unstable.Still accidentally turned Antarctica into a rave last Tuesday.
Now before we continue this "novel," I have a few questions.
First of all:
You.Yes, you, the reader, sitting there in your room at 3AM with 47 tabs open, procrastinating life.
What are you doing with your life, huh?
Reading a story about a guy who can't sneeze without resetting civilization.Unemployed. Hungry. Probably forgot your laundry.
You're lucky I haven't exploded your Wi-Fi yet.
Second: The Author.
Oi. Author.
Why did you make me like this?
Why can't I have a normal life?
Why can't I fall in love without turning the girl into cosmic soup?
Why do I talk like a TikTok NPC crossed with a war crime?
"Because it's funny," the author says.
Funny?You think it's funny that I shattered Saturn because I stubbed my toe?
You sick, keyboard-wielding monster.
I hope your favorite anime gets delayed.
Anyway.
Welcome to Chapter 2 — where absolutely nothing goes according to plan.Because I tried to follow a normal story arc today.
Like, for real.
Set up a villain? ✅
Train for revenge? ✅
Dramatic monologue? ✅
Big final boss battle?
...
He exploded during the intro.I didn't even touch him. I just said "Hi," and boom.Literally Boom.
The plot arc disintegrated faster than your career plans.
So now I'm stuck doing what I always do:
Talking to myself and accidentally roasting everyone alive.
I tried to build emotional tension.
"What is the meaning of power... if all it does is hurt people?"
I practiced that line in the mirror for 3 hours.
Then I blinked and the mirror exploded.
Let's talk about the structure of this novel, shall we?
According to The Ancient Laws of Webnovels™, we should now:
Introduce a waifu
Add overused tropes
Start a school arc where I "hide my power"
Give me a tragic backstory
Unlock a secret ability
...
HAHAHAHAAHA NO.
You think I'm going to school?
I can't even sit on a chair without it disintegrating.
You want romance?Every girl who's ever flirted with me now exists as cosmic dust in a parallel reality.
I had a crush on a librarian once.Now books are banned in five galaxies.
"Maybe you need a mentor!" you say.
Tried that.
He exploded while trying to say "Hello, young one."
I absorbed his soul by accident.Now I know how to knit and I hate jazz.
Also, don't even think about calling this a slow burn.This story burns instantly.
Like microwave popcorn left in for 10 seconds too long —Except the popcorn is Earth.
Let me guess.You're reading this during your lunch break, huh?
Wiping tears while eating instant noodles, thinking,
"Damn... I relate to Boom."
Good.
You should.
You and I are the same.
Emotionally unstable, internet-addicted, and unsure if we're the villain or just really bad at existing.
"What's next, Boom?"
I don't know. I genuinely don't.
I tried to write a journal, and it burst into flames.
I tried to build a house, and the idea of the house exploded.
I tried to help a bird cross the road.
Now there's a crater named after me on Mars.
But I'm not giving up.I still believe I can be the good guy.I still believe I can save someone.
Even if it means roasting every last one of you along the way.
And if you think this is just a comedy?
Just wait until Chapter 5.
That's when I accidentally open a portal to the author's basement and fight him live on stream.
Spoiler: He cries.