The front door of Sakamoto's Mart chimed open at exactly 9:52 AM.
Lu stepped in, humming to herself, wearing a floral sweater two sizes too big, aviator sunglasses, and mismatched sandals. She looked like someone who'd either just rolled out of a Yakuza party or walked through a garage sale blindfolded.
"Morning," she said casually, stretching. "I'm here to bless the store with my presence."
Shin spun around from behind the register like he'd been waiting for this moment.
"You're two hours late!"
Lu tilted her head. "Okay? But I still came."
"That's not how a job works!"
Yuki ducked out from the snack aisle, holding a box of shrimp chips. "Okay, hey, deep breaths. Let's all remember we survived actual assassins last week, and now we're arguing over punctuality."
"She's not punctual," Shin snapped. "She's two hours and eleven minutes chaotic."
Lu shrugged. "I was doing things."
Shin narrowed his eyes. "You've never had a job before, have you?"
"What? Of course I have."
"Doing what?"
"I helped my dad bury some large bags this morning."
There was a pause.
Yuki slowly raised his hand. "Quick question. Did the bags move?"
Lu blinked. "Next question."
Yuki sighed. "Okay. So we're just never getting straight answers from you. Got it."
Shin pinched the bridge of his nose. "Sakamoto. Fire her."
Sakamoto emerged from the backroom, holding a broom in one hand and a butter roll in the other.
"Firing people is not nice," he said calmly. "We do morning tasks first."
Yuki blinked. "Wait. Sakamoto just spoke an entire sentence."
Lu raised her eyebrows. "That wasn't a grunt or a mime either."
Shin stared at him. "Did you just give a motivational speech?"
Sakamoto chewed his roll, then nodded.
Shin leaned in, half-joking. "Is this… growth?"
"Rude," Sakamoto said flatly.
Yuki snorted.
Sakamoto handed out slips of paper like fortune cookies from a boss fight.
Shin was mopping the front tile in small angry circles. Lu rearranged the candy section by "vibe" instead of brand.
Yuki was halfway into restocking the freezer when the doorbell chimed.
A man stepped in.
He looked… exactly like Sakamoto.
Same face. Same build. Same apron.
Everyone froze.
The second Sakamoto squinted at the first. "Huh. Doppelganger?"
The real Sakamoto didn't flinch. He kept reading.
Then he stabbed straight through the paper.
The second Sakamoto dodged with a casual lean, the blade narrowly missing his ear.
"Whoa!" Yuki shouted, falling into the frozen edamame section.
Lu backed into the snack aisle. "Are we under attack again?!"
The real Sakamoto reached for something under the counter.
The second Sakamoto moved first—grabbing a paper cutter and slipping behind the first with terrifying speed. In one swift motion, he pressed it lightly to Sakamoto's neck.
"…It's been a while," the second said with a smirk. "Since we last saw each other."
Then, like a magic trick, the second Sakamoto's body shimmered—and changed.
In his place stood a man with messy black hair, slim build, a red polo with teal and black triangle patterns, and a cream trench coat that looked like it cost more than Yuki's rent.
He dropped the paper cutter with a clack.
The real Sakamoto simply folded his newspaper and looked up.
"I figured it was you," he said calmly.
"You still move like a boss," Nagumo grinned.
Shin stepped forward, staring hard. "…Wait. I couldn't even read your thoughts."
Nagumo laughed. "Sorry, sorry! Didn't think I'd fool you that badly."
"YOU DID," Shin and Lu yelled at the same time.
Yuki blinked. "Wait, hold up—who is this guy?"
Nagumo spun theatrically and struck a pose. "I'm Nagumo. Eighteen years old. Local supermarket worker. Sakamoto's oldest friend."
Shin squinted.
Then, very calmly, he read Sakamoto's mind.
"Former colleague. Assassin. 27. Probably still dangerous. Avoid letting him near knives."
Shin lowered his mop. "You're 27."
Lu narrowed her eyes. "You don't work at the supermarket across the street either."
Nagumo winced. "Okay, okay, technically, I freelance."
"Freelancers don't carry smoke bombs and paper cutters."
"They do if they're efficient!"
Shin sighed, then clocked him in the stomach.
Lu followed with a sweeping kick that took his legs out.
Yuki blinked. "We're just… attacking him now?"
"Lying is violence," Shin muttered.
They tied him up with plastic wrap from the stockroom and stuck him in the corner beside the bucket mop.
Sakamoto walked past and offered him a rice cracker.
Nagumo took it with his teeth, still bound.
"Mmmph. Still better than most places," he mumbled.
Yuki leaned against the fridge. "Do all of Sakamoto's friends just show up disguised as him?"
Nagumo gave them a sideways grin. "Don't worry. I'm retired… mostly."
Yuki stared at him, then at Sakamoto, then back again.
"…Can you show me how to shapeshift?"
"No," everyone said in unison.
Nagumo sat on the stockroom floor, still tied to a with rope looking extremely comfortable about it.
"So anyway," he said between bites of rice cracker, "there's a one billion yen bounty on Sakamoto's head."
Shin, cleaning the mop bucket, didn't look up. "Right. Sure. And I'm secretly 5'11" and emotionally stable."
Lu rolled her eyes, stacking detergent onto an overhead shelf (the wrong one, again). "You're lying again. We already beat you up for that."
Yuki, sitting on a stack of ramen boxes, glanced nervously at Sakamoto—who hadn't reacted at all and was quietly cutting open a packet of soy sauce with scissors.
Nagumo grinned. "Nope. It's real. Was finalized during the Assassins' Conference yesterday."
"There's a conference for that?" Yuki whispered.
"Annual event," Nagumo replied cheerfully. "Lot of backstabbing. Literally."
Shin raised an eyebrow. "And when does this supposed bounty go public?"
"Tomorrow," Nagumo said. "So technically, I'm giving you a head start. You're welcome."
Lu threw a box of tea bags at his face. "You're welcome to leave."
Before anyone could respond, the door chimed.
A man in a pizza delivery uniform entered, holding a large box. His hat was pulled low, and his smile looked more drawn-on than sincere.
"Delivery for… Sakamoto?" he said.
Sakamoto nodded. Took the box. Sat at the counter and opened it without saying a word.
The delivery guy turned to leave—but Shin's eyes narrowed.
He reached out with his ability.
"Sitting ducks. This is too easy. One billion, huh? Heh. They won't even see it coming."
Shin's mop hit the floor.
"Wait."
The delivery guy stopped.
Then grinned.
Pizza "guy" turned around—already holding two razor-sharp pizza cutters between his fingers like twin blades.
"Don't move," he growled, pointing both at Nagumo. "Or I'll slice him up like mozzarella."
Everyone froze.
Sakamoto calmly took another bite of pizza.
"…You're eating?" Nakajima snapped.
"Good crust," Sakamoto mumbled.
That's when Nagumo sighed.
And in one smooth motion, flexed, spun, and slipped out of the plastic wrap like a magician shedding a cheap disguise.
Before Nakajima could react, Nagumo was behind him, one arm looped around his neck in a perfect chokehold.
"Told you," he whispered. "I wasn't lying."
Nakajima gagged. "Wait—how—"
Nagumo's grip tightened.
But just before the snap—
"Stop," Sakamoto said, mouth full.
Nagumo paused. Then slowly let go.
Nakajima collapsed to the floor, coughing and wheezing.
"You still have that no-kill policy?" Nagumo asked, surprised. "Even now?"
Sakamoto nodded, licking tomato sauce off his thumb.
Nagumo leaned against the wall, adjusting his coat. "Heh. You really think that'll work against all of us? Against… me?"
Shin narrowed his eyes. "Was that a threat?"
Nagumo smirked. "Joking. I'd never participate. I don't assassinate. I prevent assassinations."
Yuki squinted. "That's a very specific line of work."
Lu shrugged. "Still better than pizza guy."
Nakajima groaned.
Sakamoto, calmly sipping tea, looked at Nagumo. "Then who wants me dead?"
Nagumo shrugged. "We don't ask. We carry orders. But you weren't exactly… subtle when you wiped out the Danshokai Triad last month."
Lu raised an eyebrow. "You told me we were just delivering soy sauce."
Shin muttered, "To the second-floor armory of a gang compound, yes."
Nagumo waved them off. "Point is, the people behind the bounty won't be sending amateurs like this guy again."
He nodded at Nakajima.
"Amateurs get reckless."
Nakajima tried to sit up. Sakamoto slid him a leftover breadstick.
Nagumo grabbed him by the collar. "Anyway, I'll be taking him. Consider it a favor."
"More like cleanup," Shin muttered.
Nagumo winked. "You say tomato…"
He walked out with Nakajima dragging behind him.
The door swung shut.
A beat of silence followed.
Then Lu said, "So, pizza for breakfast and hitmen in the afternoon."
"Store life," Yuki muttered.
Sakamoto flipped a rice ball into his mouth and scribbled something on a notepad.
"No tip"
The bell above the door jingled again, this time with far less menace.
In walked Aoi Sakamoto, stylish as ever, wearing sunglasses indoors like a warning sign. Beside her skipped Hana, wearing a pink bunny hoodie and holding a small plastic sword she probably wasn't supposed to have.
"Hey, sweetie," Aoi said sweetly, smiling ignorant to the chaos.
Sakamoto paused mid-bite of his fifth pizza slice.
Hana beamed. "Papa! You promised we'd go to amusement park tomorrow! You said you'd ride the roller coasters with me and eat pink curry!"
Sakamoto blinked. Slowly. A single drop of sweat slid down his forehead.
Sakamoto turned to Shin, eyes wide, face frozen in absolute panic.
"…We still have to go," he whispered.
"Are you serious?" Shin asked.
Sakamoto nodded. "A promise is a promise."
Aoi smiled, putting an arm around her husband's shoulder.
"If we cancel," she said sweetly, "you'll break Hana's heart. And then—D-I-V-O-R-C-E."
Yuki dropped his forehead onto the counter. "We're gonna die on a teacup ride."
"Shin—outdoor cleaning," he said, pointing toward the sidewalk.
"Of course," Shin grumbled, already heading outside.
"Lu—restock pork buns."
Lu gave a thumbs-up. "On it, boss."
She wandered toward the back, already distracted by a plastic cat bobblehead.
Yuki looked at his task.
"Inventory check?" he muttered. "I don't know what half this stuff even is…"
Sakamoto handed him a sticker book.
"Label everything with a smiling fish if you're unsure," he said.
"Smiling fish?"
"It means, 'Don't eat this without supervision.'"
"Ah. Classic store policy."
⸻
Outside, Shin swept the sidewalk aggressively, muttering about "triad weirdos" and "dish soap in the freezer aisle."
Inside, Lu stacked pork buns with zero system and suspicious humming.
Yuki stood in the middle of it all, holding a box of misprinted seaweed snacks labeled "Meat Flavor."
And behind the counter, Sakamoto quietly watched his chaotic crew, sipping coffee with a faint smile.
Maybe they were a mess.
But they were his mess
Yuki stood in the back of the store, arms crossed, watching Sakamoto refill the rice shelf with one hand while sipping coffee with the other.
"Sakamoto," Yuki said seriously, "teach me how to fight."
Sakamoto paused mid-sip.
He turned.
Yuki continued, "I want to help next time. I don't want to be the guy throwing pineapple cans anymore."
Behind them, a pineapple can rolled off the shelf like it remembered the trauma.
Sakamoto nodded once. Then held up a finger and disappeared into the back room.
Yuki waited.
And waited.
Then Sakamoto returned—holding a baby harness, a grocery basket, and a bag of frozen mochi.
"…What are those?"
Sakamoto handed him the basket. "Training."
Yuki blinked. "I was thinking, like, push-ups. Or maybe sparring. This looks like daycare meets Iron Chef."
But Sakamoto was already walking toward the front door, motioning for him to follow.
———
They went to a nearby daycare.
Sakamoto handed Yuki a tray of juice boxes.
"Don't spill any," he said, then nodded at the children being released into the yard.
"What's the catch?"
"They've had sugar."
Chaos erupted.
Yuki ran.
Kids grabbed his legs. Others chased him with plastic swords. One tried to bite him.
"WHY ARE THEY SO FAST!?"
Sakamoto stood at the fence, sipping tea. Nodded approvingly.
Next stop: a local old lady's apartment.
Sakamoto pointed to a box.
"Get the cat inside."
Yuki peered in.
The cat hissed like it had unresolved trauma and four confirmed kills.
"It's not even a cat," Yuki said. "It's a demon wearing fur."
Sakamoto patted his shoulder. "Believe in yourself."
The cat leapt.
Yuki screamed.
Sakamoto blindfolded him and placed him in the middle of a crowded supermarket.
He whispered one word: "On sale."
"Wait—what's on sale?!"
"Eggs," said a nearby grandma. Her voice shook mountains.
A stampede followed.
Yuki used a mop to vault over a produce bin. Rolled behind frozen meats. Blocked a flying purse with a cereal box.
Somewhere, a gong sounded.
Sakamoto watched from security footage, smiling.
Yuki collapsed onto the stockroom floor, bruised, scratched, but upright.
Sakamoto handed him a cold can of coffee and a steamed bun.
"…So," Yuki wheezed, "that was your training?"
Sakamoto nodded.
Yuki took a long breath, then smiled.
"Okay. Weirdly effective."
Shin leaned in through the back door. "Hey, you guys done LARPing?"
"Training," Yuki corrected.
"Looks like you lost a fight to a blender," Shin muttered.
Sakamoto handed Yuki a sticky note:
"If you survive training, you can survive anything."
Yuki read it. Smiled again.
He felt sore. He felt dumb.
But for the first time…
He also felt ready.