Foreword
This story is a 'fanfiction journal' of a nightmare I dreamed of, as with most of my literary creations. When I woke up I hated how these nightmares ended and a therapist suggested journaling these life-like nightmares. Well I couldn't write down all of the terror that occurred in the nightmares for my own mental health and so these 'fanfictions' of my nightmares were born. Keeping the trauma to a minimum because otherwise this whole book would be a trigger warning. Also, writing the feelings I felt in the nightmare really helped with my own healing from experiencing the nightmares and my own personal struggle with my own past sexual trauma. I hope my story helps others heal as well. Also, I had to change the story from the nightmare to add more gay content. Otherwise there would have been zero gay and it would have been a really sad gay story.
Author Notes
WARNING: This story has a sexual assault scene that may be uncomfortable to some readers. To help protect your mental health, I have marked the trigger scene so you can skip it if you feel like it may be too much.
Chapter 1
My name is currently Violet Treece. I was reborn into a novel as the villainess. Not just any novel, but a shitty romance novel in a shitty world. I can't remember the name of the book which I think might be a rule for the knowledge I possess. What is even worse is that I was born as the villainess. Everything should be ok if I just don't be the villainess right? I just want to live a peaceful life and not be killed by Ren Demetrius in two years. My overall end goal for this life is to escape the bad ending awaiting me. Escaping a bad ending is my dream. Ren is my betrothed and he is an idiot. He is mixed with light skin and has medium length light brown hair that is almost a dirty blonde and has muscles that most girls love. I don't wish to marry him and I don't wish to get in his and Rose's way so they can have their romance. I don't even like men at all. I just want to run away to the countryside and grow old with a woman I love. I am currently 17 years old and am about to start at the academy. Where I will meet Rose for the first time. I would much rather NOT go to the academy to avoid all of that all together. I do not want to go near either of them to try and change the story. It is not that I am afraid of death, because I am not. I just don't want to die when they want me to. I don't want to know when I am going to die and if I do I want it to be MY choice. Not some person who wrote a stupid story.
This is my last chance to try and escape. I have been preparing for this moment for 17 years. I have saved up my allowance which is a lot of money and I have been covertly exercising to build up strength and cardio. I made the mistake of exercising in front of my mother and father a few years ago and they forbade me from exercising like that since that was for men so I wouldn't ruin my womanly figure. Having my memories of my past life, I just ignore them and keep doing what I want in my own time. I feel like if I didn't have these memories I probably would have turned out to be an actual villainess like in the story in pretending to be the perfect woman like my parents desired from me.
I totally understand why Violet Treece was a villainess. She didn't like men which caused Ren to seek affection elsewhere and that elsewhere was Rose. She had to attempt to protect what everyone else in this world says she should try to protect and that is her engagement. She at first tries to scold Rose nicely to leave another woman's fiance alone. As time went on Violet saw that Rose was brilliant. Way smarter than she was and her scolding transformed into more physical bullying out of jealousy. That is the last thing I want. Rose is a strong character from the beginning anyways she doesn't need any kind of character development that bullying from me brings. I hope she has a great life free from misery and I am going to leave this life behind.
I wait until nightfall and grab my go-bag which has my funds, clothes, and some miscellaneous helpful things I might need along the way like a fire starter, hammock, blanket, a tarp, dried food, etc. I am also bringing a dagger, and a hatchet for protection and survival purposes. I learned a lot in my previous life and also in my 17 years living in this world, but I am still only one person. I need to be very careful.
When everyone is asleep, I get my bag and I head out stealthily. I made a little noise closing the main door and I paused briefly to hear if it woke anyone up. I exhale in relief and turn to go to the river where I stashed the boat. It will take me the rest of the night to get to it. I couldn't set things up too close to the estate for it would have been discovered by people maintaining the grounds. Taking a horse will leave obvious tracks since they can't really hide their hooves and also it is hard to ride through the forest on horseback. With all of that in mind, I think it is faster to go on foot. I didn't bring a lantern with me since my army experience in my previous life taught me that that would not only give away my position, but it would make it even harder to see in the dark once the lantern was out. It is better to let the eyes adjust naturally.
I sway a leafy branch behind me to get rid of my foot prints as I walk and I get to the boat around sunrise. I take the branches I put over it to conceal it over to the side then put my bag in there first. My shoulders sing a sigh of sweet relief with the weight off and before I go I go into the river clothes and all and wash my scent off in case they send dogs after me. Once I am fully washed, I remove my clothes and drape them in the boat to dry and I go in my bag to get clean and dry clothes. After getting changed, I push the boat in the water and get in. I finish pushing off with my oar and continue down stream. The sun is shining behind me but it is still bright and my eyes are sensitive so I go in my rucksack and get my sunglasses out to equip them.
I take a deep breath taking in the smell of nature. Smelling the trees, flowers, and crisp air while enjoying the serenity of the sounds of the gentle river that will put me to sleep if I am not careful. I would be way too exposed to sleep in this boat and not to mention not as comfortable. I want to get further downstream before getting off the boat and going to sleep. I have been munching on some dried meat I prepared for this journey to stave off hunger while I have been paddling down stream.
After a few hours riding in this boat I am beyond exhausted and my eyes are getting really heavy. I take my boat to the side of the river and drag the boat off a ways and conceal it and go in the forest a little ways to conceal my presence before putting my hammock up. I get my bag with all of my gear and I tie it up so it is hanging in the air suspended in the trees away from any scavengers that might try to steal my food or gear. After my gear is up and secured in the air I go to my hammock, remove my shades, and I lay down to get some much needed rest sleeping with my dagger.
I wake up to a bunch of people around me and I pull my dagger reflexively. I recognize them because they work for house Treece as a part of the knights squadron and immediately sheathe my blade. I put my hands up in a guilty fashion and ask, "Would it be possible to pretend you didn't see me? You might not believe me but if I go back I will die an early death and I would prefer to not die prematurely if I can help it." I hear my father's voice behind me, "Please, do enlighten us my dear daughter." I sigh and grab my head thinking how I should say this in a way he will believe me while getting up so I can look at him and see his salt and pepper hair and slightly wrinkled face. I say, "This may sound crazy, but I have seen the future. Specifically my own and I die before graduating the academy. Before you ask, I will not marry your beloved Ren in that future, for he falls in love with a beautiful commoner with a heart of gold that he meets in the academy with beautiful bright red hair." My father sighs and puts a hand on his face while he is thinking though he is making a strange face and I can't identify the emotion, "If this is true, then why do you die?" I replied, "I was the villainess that tormented the beautiful commoner for stealing Ren. I was executed for my crimes. I would rather just not be here in case I can't change the course of events."
My father looks like he had a eureka moment and says, "Why don't you just not be the villainess?" I laugh, spreading my arms and looking around rhetorically at our current location, "That is the plan father, quite literally why I am here right now." My father shakes his head, "No, not be the villainess back home." I sigh realizing there is no more hope for this escape attempt and it won't be that easy to escape the plot. He continues, "You know, I was very surprised by your tactics in running away. If only you were born a boy, you would have been a fine heir. It is such a shame." Thanks father for saying it was a shame being born. I am not going to lie, it would have been a lot better if I were born a man in this life. I find myself wishing I was quite often.
After I went through all of this to avoid being caught, yet they still caught me within 24 hours as if there won't be a way to escape the author's will. I know my father has resources being a Count but I was using evasive tactics and even used the river to avoid dogs coming after my scent. He was an officer in the previous war, so maybe he knew of all of these tricks? I honestly don't know. He didn't talk much about his time in the army. Not to me at least since I am a 'girl'. Assuming the author is in control. How about I just refer to them as the creator instead. That would be less confusing to anyone who might happen to overhear me if I ever talk about or to them out loud. I really do hope that this is the extent of the creator's meddling. I just want to live a life how I want to live. I want that dream of mine to grow old with a woman I love in a cabin in the middle of nowhere surviving off the land and living in harmony with nature.
I don't care for status or money. When you die you can't take that with you. Trust me, I have been there. Granted I wasn't rich by any means in my previous life but I wasn't hurting for funds either. If my wife wanted to buy something like the newest gaming system, I could buy one for her just like that. I liked being a sugar-momma though in my case it was more of a splenda-momma since I wasn't wealthy. I loved being able to provide for my wife for everything she desired. I was so lucky to have a wife like her that I wouldn't mind not finding anyone in this life since I was so lucky in that life. My wife was so amazing and put up with so much.
I am autistic.
Was in my life before this and this life as well and she had to live through many meltdowns. Some of which would wake her up. I hated waking her up too since I always went out of my way to make sure that didn't happen but I can't control when my meltdowns occur. Though controlling my schedule and avoiding certain things prevented most meltdowns. It was probably one meltdown every few months since I was good at controlling things that overstimulated me. Though when they did happen, they happened at inconvenient times for me which often caused misunderstanding for those who don't know me. I also don't do well with super bright lights so I like wearing shades outside which only the super wealthy can apparently afford in this world which makes me look snobbish but I need them. Otherwise I run the risk of my eyes getting overstimulated and my eyesight getting blurry as a result. The blurriness isn't permanent but it really messes with me and I don't like it.
Though one thing that is different about my autism here is that I struggle with faces more in this life. More accurately it feels like my face memory was reset and I have to relearn emotions again. There are many facial expressions I don't know and I am not social enough in this life to have learned more. The people in this world really annoy me and they often misunderstand me so I often keep to myself.
I also like eating food on a schedule. I am very particular about that. Though to prevent myself from going into meltdowns all the time I made windows of time I eat so as long as it is in the window it is fine. My mood turns foul when I miss my snack window. When on training exercises though like in my first life in the army I was able to adapt though since it was only a temporary thing. As long as I know I can resume my routine in the near future or a temporary routine that eases my concerns. Certain foods on certain days too. People just think I am being snobbish and uptight for 'demanding' these foods on those days. I guess being autistic is a first step to being seen as a villainess. HA! I make myself laugh even in my thoughts.