He felt utterly foolish for caring so much about a woman who, while he was out on business, grew so close to Luo Lan that he even caught her singing for him.
That ethereal, smoky voice—it wasn't for him first. The jealousy drove him mad. His "punishment" of Luo Lan was merely for show, yet she came to him that night to plead for him.
He was enraged. It was the first time he'd cared so deeply for a woman, and she, oblivious, kept provoking him. Her delicate appearance kept him from being branded a bully, so he could only discipline her indirectly in bed. Honestly, that method had always been his obsession, his addiction...
He was slowly beginning to forget Wen Xiaorou's face, her panicked and resentful eyes. Yu Xi's image now appeared in his dreams more and more frequently, her feigned strength often making him ache with tenderness, compelling him to pull her fiercely into his arms.
He thought, he had broken his vow to forbid love, falling for her, yet he felt no regret. His mother had once, in her "artistic" way, told him: "If a man can find a woman among the masses willing to bare her soul, it at least proves he has the courage to live a life with her."
He wondered if the fading darkness in his heart would continue to be wiped clean by her presence, and if his hopes for the future could be dreamt alongside her. Watching her peaceful sleeping face in his arms, he believed that perhaps from the very first moment he saw her, he decided to give himself another chance.
Once a forbidden love, now an ardent pursuit.
She watched him slowly finish the last drop of wine, then calmly walk towards her. He exuded a kingly aura, his eyes, darker than night and colder than ice, locked onto her, making her tremble uncontrollably, utterly unable to move.
Tonight, he had saved her from the jackal Zhao Qianfei, only to present her to an even more brutal lion.
He ripped off her white dress, his deep eyes gradually tinged with desire as he gazed at her pure, alluring body. He pulled at the corner of his mouth in a faint smile, grabbed her slender wrists, and threw her onto the bed.
The terror in her eyes finally conveyed the despair in her heart. Catching sight of the half-open window, she mustered all her strength and lunged. Let her die. She refused to become a filthy plaything, groveling beneath him and compromising her dignity.
Her hands grasped the windowsill. With one powerful leap, she would trace a beautiful arc from the thirty-fifth floor, ending the hellish ordeal that awaited her.
But it was too late.
A large, calloused hand grabbed her hair from behind. The low, magnetic voice by her ear uttered chilling words: "Want to die? Without my permission, you don't even have the right to seek death."
After despair came a resolute defiance. She whirled around and bit his arm, fiercely, almost tearing off his flesh. The lion frowned, clamping her chin with one hand, yet seemed only more excited.
"Didn't expect such a disobedient little wildcat."
That night, which her friend Yu Xi called "the birthday girl's lucky day," was, for Xiao Chuchu, the first time in over twenty years that she felt the apocalypse had truly arrived.
That gangster, devoid of any gentleness even though it was her first time, subjected her to humiliating tearing, a cycle of passing out and waking, waking and passing out, until she finally succumbed. Her lusterless eyes struggled to stay open, and she hoarsely pleaded, "Let me go..."
He lowered his head. For an instant, a fleeting expression seemed to cross his cold, merciless eyes. He suddenly withdrew from her body, but then, trembling, covered her eyes with one hand, as if afraid to see the panic and pain within them. Xiao Chuchu scoffed inwardly. Was there anything this lion was afraid of?
Immediately after, she felt her body lighten as he gently scooped her into his arms. The pain throughout her body was unbearable, and she desperately bit her lip to suppress any sound. He still covered her eyes, but his warm breath now caressed her lips. His moist, nimble tongue licked her bitten lip, a sharp pain mixed with an unfamiliar, exquisite softness.
Then, before she drifted into unconsciousness, she heard a very soft name: "Xiaorou..."
She knew that night she had become a substitute for another woman.
Gong Youkai. That was his name: the leader of Shanghai's most powerful underworld gang, the You Gang.
She never imagined she would have any connection with such a figure, but when those cold, dark eyes appeared at her bedside again, she no longer had the strength to retreat. The more she resisted, the more excited this lion would become. She feigned strength and glared back at him, but in his probing gaze, she lost all her courage.
"Let me go," she could only plead.
His cold eyes remained unresponsive.
"What exactly do you want from me?" Wasn't taking her virginity enough? She wasn't a greedy woman selling herself for protection, she just wanted a simple life.
He remained silent, standing tall and straight like a tree. His casually open shirt revealed bronze, muscular arms, exuding an aura of authority and defiance.
She closed her eyes, sighing softly, "I... I'm not that Xiaorou."
A large hand suddenly clamped onto her fragile neck: "Shut up! Don't you dare utter that name!"
Her tears overflowed: "I don't want to know your story, but what have I done wrong? I haven't done anything..."
The pressure on her neck gradually lessened. She still didn't dare open her eyes, slowly hearing his heavy breathing calm down, then his command: "Open your eyes."
Her thick, curly eyelashes fluttered open, revealing misty, blurred eyes soaked with tears. A mix of panic, grievance, and a forced, fearless strength.
She looked at his stiff, peculiar expression, and her heart grew bold, secretly wondering about the earth-shattering story between him and a girl named "Xiaorou."
Watching him storm out with a gloomy face, she suddenly felt a hint of groundless jealousy—jealous that the night he gently held her, his heart was elsewhere, with another girl.
He still wouldn't let her leave. He provided her with the best of everything—food, clothes, and living conditions—but no longer touched her. Yet, when she woke up in the dark, she always felt someone standing by the bed, leaning over and staring intently at her. She didn't dare open her eyes, but slowly, she began to anticipate the night just a little.
She saw her friend Yu Xi at another banquet, but before they could even talk, he inexplicably pulled her into his arms, shoved her into a car, and sped off. She didn't dare ask this brutal man what was wrong, and could only tremble with lowered head under his piercing gaze. She hated her own cowardice, repeatedly steeling herself to ask him to let her go, yet repeatedly faltering in the face of his unpredictable moods.
It was another unexpected and brutal night.
She couldn't understand why he would choose such a method when he could have simply forced her. When she lay on his bed, hot all over, she finally understood how despicable he was. He wanted her to submit, to actively grovel to him.
But she couldn't! She couldn't let him trample her dignity and then personally place it at his feet. She bit her lip until it broke, pinching her arm, unwilling to yield to him. But the drugs gradually took control of her actions. She slowly crawled to his feet, afraid that if she spoke, she would utter vulgar words.
She looked up and saw his emotionless, icy gaze. A sense of desolation filled her heart. Finally, with difficulty, she clutched his pant leg, moaning, "Please, kill me."
Let death release her. She would rather die than willingly use her body to entice him.
But he suddenly knelt down and embraced her. His eyes instantly filled with too many complex emotions for her to decipher. He gently sucked her bleeding lips, then covered her eyes with his hand, deepening the kiss. When his warm embrace held her, the burning pain throughout her body immediately lessened. Her rationality was swallowed. She instinctively moved closer to the body that could save her from her agony...
She hated herself for falling, and hated him even more for forcing her to fall.
She wasn't explicitly confined, but she feared her escape would cause trouble for Aunt Xin. He seemed to gradually treat her better again, proclaiming his ownership of her to everyone in the You Gang, but this only tightened the chains around her heart.
She dared not admit it, but he had taken possession of her body in a cruel way, and was gradually conquering her heart. How many nights did she lie in his arms, looking at his handsome face—which only dared to be looked at directly after he fell asleep—trembling as she slowly traced his features?
Gong Youkai, do you know that you've already dominated my heart and plundered my love?
But she knew she could only ever be the shadow of another girl, unable to see her true, clear self in his eyes.
That night, when Xiao Xi and his brother Gong Youqi came for dinner, he seemed to be in a good mood, even intimately and considerately serving her food. Unfortunately, her stomach had always been weak, and she could only reluctantly finish the dish as if completing a task. She confided in Xiao Xi about her life during this period, perhaps seeking a little comfort. If she wanted to leave, Xiao Xi promised to find a way. She always trusted her eccentric best friend.
She just couldn't express the bitterness in her heart. If he had treated her seriously, and simply said "stay," perhaps even if it led to eternal damnation, she would have been willing to remain by his side forever.
At the You Gang headquarters, she could never remember all the disorganized branch offices and halls. Everyone there had contracted Gong Youkai's coldness, rarely smiling. The only ones she was somewhat close to were Liuli and Luo Lan.
Liuli was reportedly an enemy woman rescued by the mysterious Right Guardian two years ago. Out of gratitude, she stayed with the You Gang. She often told Xiao Chuchu that Gong Youkai was actually a good man who responded well to gentleness but not to force, but Xiao Chuchu didn't believe it at all. She had deeply experienced his cruelty and ruthlessness. His "goodness," perhaps, was only reserved for his own brothers in the You Gang.
Luo Lan was a very considerate and humorous man. Seeing her often lost in thought in the garden, he would proactively tell jokes to cheer her up. Perhaps she truly hadn't laughed in a long time. She smiled at the man before her, but her mind was on someone else, and her laughter tasted bitter.
Luo Lan asked, "Miss Xiao, what did you used to do for work?"
She smiled and replied, "You can just call me Chuchu. After I was adopted, I stayed at Xinyue, helping manage the dance hall and occasionally performing a few songs on stage." She never considered being a singer to be lowly. Perhaps living with Xi Xi since childhood had instilled in her too many "professions have no noble or base" fallacies.
Luo Lan also smiled, "I wonder if I'll have the chance to enjoy your singing."
She cheerfully agreed. It had indeed been a long time since she had practiced her voice.
Going upstairs, she saw him standing at the room door, looking at her coldly.
She didn't know what she had done wrong again. As she walked past him with her head down, he grabbed her. Lifting her chin, he suddenly asked, "Why do you never smile at me?"
She froze. How was she supposed to smile at him! Was she supposed to smile and please him when he brutally pinned her to the bed? Was she supposed to happily agree when he forced her to swear not to escape? Was she supposed to smile and greet him when she saw some disheveled woman walk out of his room in the morning? She had never seen herself as his woman, just a plaything for his fleeting challenge. But what had he ever done to make her grateful, to make her smile at him?
She bravely looked at him: "So many people are willing to smile at you. Would you care if I'm just one less?"
He snorted softly: "You dare to talk back to me now."
Her face gradually paled. The pressure on her chin was so great that she couldn't help but gasp, "Let go!"
He suddenly leaned closer, gritting his teeth and hatingly saying, "Don't even think about it for this lifetime!" A heavy kiss descended, and she, as always, had nowhere to escape.
The next day, Luo Lan invited her to the grand hall where the gang's celebration was to be held. A set of advanced audio equipment was already set up there.
Xiao Chuchu was still surprised when Luo Lan chuckled, "We just replaced the old, outdated equipment. Please come and test the sound." He plugged a cable into a nearby computer, explaining, "It's similar to a KTV song-ordering system. You can search for whatever you want to sing online, and the sound quality is definitely up to par."
She felt a little touched. She casually chose Faye Wong's "Red Bean." Although the song was a bit old, it had always been one of her favorites.
The music gently began to play, and a melodious, ethereal voice filled the spacious hall. Others gradually gathered at the windows, secretly listening.
She half-closed her eyes, her gaze fixed on the middle of the hall, singing passionately the verses that reached deep into the soul:
...
Sometimes, sometimes
I will believe everything has an end
Meetings and partings all have their time
Nothing lasts forever
But I, sometimes
Would rather choose to linger and not let go
Until all the scenery is seen through
Perhaps you'll accompany me to watch the gentle flow of time
...
These lyrics were also her heart's true feelings, but he would never understand.
Luo Lan and the others eavesdropping outside were also immersed in that faint sadness. Xiao Chuchu was the first to recover, offering Luo Lan a faint smile. "Please don't mind if I didn't sing well."
Luo Lan couldn't help but grasp her hand: "Good! Good! You sang beautifully! Chuchu, your song moistened my heart like fine rain, and awakened my longing like a fresh breeze."
She blushed and gently pulled her hand back. The hall door suddenly burst open with a kick. The chilling aura emanating from Gong Youkai seemed to shroud the entire hall in the depths of a winter month.
She put down the microphone, somewhat at a loss. Was it wrong to use the sound system?
Luo Lan, as if he had lived in the Arctic since childhood, was incredibly resistant to cold. He even clapped, oblivious to the danger. "Leader, I never knew Chuchu sang so well! How about we have Chuchu perform a number at the gang's anniversary celebration early next month?"
Gong Youkai glared at him. "Luo Lan! How did you handle that Blue Gang case yesterday?! Four of our brothers were injured, and you still stirred up trouble and declared war on them? Do you want to train the White Gate members into gladiators for arena fights? You're suspended for three months. The White Gate will be temporarily managed by Ding Yang, the Dark Gate Master."
Zuo Ming, who had followed him in, frowned. "Leader, that Blue Gang matter, you weren't..."
"Shut up! Who's in charge here?!" Gong Youkai roared, pointing at Zuo Ming. "Go issue the order! Confine the White Gate Master for three days!"
Luo Lan surprisingly remained calm and politely bowed, then exited with Zuo Ming.
As soon as they left the hall, the other gate masters and hall masters gathered around. Hearing a crash from the hall, Liuli gasped and whispered, "Don't smash the sound system when you're letting off steam! I'll have to get funds to buy a new one. Is Chuchu alright? The leader just threw that delicate girl."
Yage reassured her, "Boss wouldn't really hurt her."
Luo Lan rubbed his chin and chuckled, "I might as well really take three months off to console myself for today's undeserved injustice."
Ding Yang shot him a look. "Cut it out! Who told you to be unlucky enough to be chosen as a temporary actor by lot? Your territory is yours to manage. The leader just misspoke for a moment. Don't pile all your messy affairs onto my desk. At most, if you handle the documents, I'll stamp them for you."
Zuo Ming waved his hand, "Everyone, let's disperse for now. Today's plan must remain top secret! I guess the leader, after this shock, will finally understand his own heart."
The group of conspirators, having achieved their cunning goal, scattered like birds and beasts.
In the hall, she didn't dare look at the mangled, brand-new audio equipment lying on the floor. She only looked at his tall, rock-like figure, still rooted to the spot with a tense face, certain that another storm was inevitable.
Yet, she never understood the source of his anger, which always seemed to be unleashed on her. In any case, she was merely his plaything, forced to endure his brutality. When would it all end?
"You like him?" His voice was laced with suppressed rage.
"What?" She took a step back, feeling bewildered.
He grabbed her arm: "You smiled at him and sang for him. Don't you like him?"
Luo Lan? She gave a desolate smile. Was she such a casual woman, falling for a man she'd only met twice? If she admitted it, would he be kind enough to grant her wish?
She bit her lip: "If I say yes, what will you do?"
The pain in her arm already answered part of the question. He growled, "You want us good brothers to turn against each other? Hmph! I'll only punish you!"
As long as it didn't involve Luo Lan, that was fine. She didn't want to drag others down. She looked at him calmly, no longer afraid.
He understood her meaning, his eyes flashing dangerously. "I want to make you feel guilty! And I won't let him off either! I'm going to teach him a lesson right now!"
He flung her away. Hearing her cry out in pain as she fell to the ground, he hesitated for a moment, then clenched his fist and left.
She hugged herself and cried. Why was it that whether she stayed or left, she would always be hurt, and now others were involved? He must hate her even more.
She knew there was only one woman named "Xiaorou" in his heart. She knew he disdained her, but to plead for Luo Lan, she still waited in his room.
He returned, slightly surprised; she never proactively entered his room. After he heard the purpose of her visit, the faint warmth that had just appeared in his heart vanished instantly. He looked at her expressionlessly for a moment before speaking, "Want to plead for him? Fine, I'll give you a chance."
He grabbed her thin dress and tore it, immediately exposing her delicate, fair shoulders to the air. His hand gently traced upward along her smooth skin, but his eyes held no emotion. His finger hooked her pointed chin, and three cold words fell from his lips: "Please me."
Her face turned deathly pale. She trembled slightly but didn't move. She smelled the not-too-strong scent of alcohol on him, which only increased her panic. After a long silence, she finally squeezed out a single word, tearfully, "No..."
"Don't want to? Don't you want to help Luo Lan anymore?" He reminded her cruelly, yet his heart was agitated by her appearance. She was afraid, she was trembling. He suddenly felt that he was truly despicable, always making her cry.
"Please... you..." Her tears fell, hitting his hand, making it too heavy for him to bear.
She knew he wasn't satisfied, but she couldn't bring herself to debase herself and perform sensually in bed. Although Xi Xi had persuaded her many times, she still couldn't be as open-minded as her friend. She could live humbly, but she couldn't shamelessly discard her last bit of dignity.
Her heart, like a block of ice, was suddenly thrown into a raging fire, instantly shattering, disappearing. She struggled free fiercely, running towards the door like a madwoman.
Why did he have to crush her heart and trample her last shred of dignity again and again? He could ignore her, torment her, kill her, just not break her heart repeatedly, yet she always seemed trapped in this tragic cycle.
He quickly intercepted her, his rough palm caressing the scattered tears on her face. He frowned and cursed softly, finally pulling her into a tight embrace.
His hoarse voice was broken above her head: "Always so stubborn! Don't cry... What do I have to do to stop making you cry...?"
She struggled with all her might, but couldn't break free from his iron embrace. Shaking her head, she cried out in despair, "Let me go! Please, or just kill me!"
He wrapped his arms around her waist, gently lifted her onto the bed, and pulled her into his embrace, murmuring softly, "How could I bear to... Chuchu, I can't bear it... I'll never let you go."
She doubted her ears, stunned for a few seconds. His tongue had already begun exploring her lips, and his calloused hands rubbed her fair skin into a captivating pink. She couldn't refuse. She had always known that when it came to his demands, she had been powerless to resist from the very beginning.
"You're truly alluring," he complimented, a rare occurrence. He covered her eyes with his large hand, gently kissing her entire body while softly murmuring, "Chuchu... my Chuchu, you can only be mine... always."
She closed her eyes, experiencing the humiliation of falling again and an indescribably wondrous pleasure. But she told herself in her heart: it's fake, all his confessions and tenderness are fake! She couldn't be deceived. She had tried to truly love him, but he still treated her as a substitute. Even though he called her name, she also knew he was fantasizing about her being another woman.
He was always afraid to look into her eyes, because she knew her eyes must have resembled another girl's so closely that he dared not look directly at them during their intimacy.
She was truly tired. Who could save her from this cage filled with unreal tenderness? She no longer hoped. His love would never belong to her; she only begged him to let her go.
For that lost love, he imprisoned her love, preventing it from even being tested.
After that night, she refused to step out of her room.
She allowed his embraces and demands, his kisses and murmurs, but she hated him even more in her heart.
She had always known he was deceiving her. Those gentle embraces and care were meant for another girl; she was merely a substitute, a plaything for his love. He was only using her to mourn his lost love.
And yet, she had fallen in love with him, in a way tainted by resentment.