"Ever since Beom-gyu went runaway, I've never called. My parents and little sister said Beom-gyu wanted to talk to me... They said he was waiting, but I just couldn't bring myself to answer."
Beom-jin's younger brother was dead. Beom-gyu had died, and Joo-hyun had killed him. Because of his mistake, Beom-jin lost his brother. The sound of the cup crumpling under his tightening grip was loud, but no one paid it any mind.
"Looking back now, I think it was hard to accept. The fact that my cute, little brother had become a runaway esper."
The ratio of espers going rogue was very low. Any esper registered with the Association would receive sufficient guiding.
"But then, suddenly, like that..."
One had to be exceptionally unlucky to go berserk, and even more so to survive afterwards.
Beom-jin, who had been wiping away endless tears with his head bowed, finally lifted his head. His flushed and panting face looked remarkably like Beom-gyu's when he cried.
"Joo-hyun, you were with Beom-gyu on his last mission, right?"
How did he know? He must have heard from their parents. No matter how much of a TV producer he was, their missions were confidential.
When Joo-hyun closed his eyes, he could hear the sound of waves, the panting breaths, and the salty smell of the sea, no, the smell of blood. The breaking harbour and the loud, short gunfire. The scenes he could never forget replayed in his mind as he opened his mouth, but Beom-jin interrupted.
"Don't apologise. No one is to blame. Joo-hyun, thank you for letting Beom-gyu meet our parents. Thank you for not letting him die alone. He was the youngest, so he was always quite lonely."
"I didn't do anything worth thanking."
"No, I heard everything from our parents. Beom-gyu said multiple times that he would never have met them without you."
If Joo-hyun hadn't thought he would die and hadn't given permission, Beom-gyu wouldn't have met his family. On the other hand, if Joo-hyun had refused Beom-gyu's request, he would still be alive now. If he had ignored the plea to spare the witness and returned to Block C immediately. But regrets are always too late.
"My brother died, and the funeral is over, but it still doesn't feel real, you know? Then I watched the show with you on it, and it made me realise Beom-gyu must have been scared too. But... I can't console him because he's not in this world anymore."
The narrow car was filled with the sound of sobbing.
Joo-hyun, who didn't know how to cry loudly, gritted his teeth and squeezed his knees. He was so angry that he wanted to leave immediately, but if he went berserk on the street, he wouldn't even be able to close his eyes peacefully if he died.
"And what exactly made my brother feel so lonely?"
Was Beom-gyu lonely? Born inside that life and living it constantly, Joo-hyun didn't really know what it felt like to be lonely. Because there was never a time he wasn't lonely.
After a long bout of sobbing, Beom-jin wiped his face with a tissue from the car. He also wiped his nose and then closed his mouth, staring at the floor in silence. Not knowing what to say, Joo-hyun joined in the silence, biting his lip.
"You know what? There's actually no law that says runaway espers can't be in public places. It's just an internal regulation of the Association."
But Joo-hyun knew that for an esper, the Association's regulations were as good as law. Rebelling against the Association, which controlled and dominated guides, meant a lifetime of struggling with guiding.
Still, the thought that he wasn't breaking the law by being in the city did lighten his mood a bit.
"I don't know much, but isn't there a safety mechanism for when you go runaway? If so, why hide you?"
"Even with a safety mechanism, it doesn't activate immediately after going runaway. There could still be damage in the meantime."
"It's like never standing up because you're afraid of falling."
Joo-hyun wanted to argue with Beom-jin, who sniffled and spoke with swollen eyes. It's not that simple, he wanted to shout.
"It's cutting off your leg so you don't fall and hurt others, to keep everyone safe."
But seeing Beom-jin smiling with a face so much like Beom-gyu's made him speechless.
"I think I've done enough regretting."
Cha In-ho tried to refine Joo-hyun's image even by interfering with the editing. Why? Joo-hyun didn't know. What did his reputation have to do with him?
The hood barely hanging over his head finally fell back. The face of the runaway esper revealed was blank, and his eyes shone with a colour more beautiful than on screen.
Beom-jin, who had wiped his nose again, smiled and extended his hand.
"Let's show the world what kind of person you are."
Joo-hyun didn't know why he took his hand. He just had an inexplicable certainty that he wouldn't go berserk for now.
* * *
"Are you really okay without me? Should I come now?" Cha In-ho asked.
"I said it's fine, didn't I? It's not a difficult mission, and it's not even a place you can get to quickly."
Cha In-ho was currently in a region that took hours by train to reach for filming. It was absurd that he kept insisting on coming, but it didn't feel entirely bad to have someone care.
Today was the filming day for Gate Date. The shooting for the other espers was over, and it was finally Joo-hyun's turn. Episode 5 had aired yesterday, so the schedule was quite tight.
He had watched it with his Block C colleagues, and the protagonist of episode 5 was Ga-ram. As always, Ga-ram flapped his flamboyant wings and made witty remarks, clearly comfortable in front of the camera. Other prominent espers had their own followings, which only heightened Joo-hyun's anxiety.
But no matter how much he worried, he couldn't change what was already decided. All he could do was finish the mission as quickly as possible.
"Don't overdo it without a guide. If you think you might need guiding, call me anytime."
Cha In-ho's voice over the phone was as gentle as ever. Leaning against the grey wall with the receiver in his hand, Joo-hyun chastised himself for feeling calmer just because of that.
"I will. ...Good luck with your filming."
Even after hanging up, Joo-hyun stood there with his eyes closed, took a deep breath, and stepped forward.
* * *
The car carrying Joo-hyun drove down the mountain road for a long time before stopping on a road surrounded by nothing but trees. Whether they had chosen the meeting place to accommodate Joo-hyun was unclear, but it was convenient for him.
Beom-jin, who had arrived earlier and was waiting, greeted Joo-hyun with a broad smile.
"Thank you for coming. This is Kim Seo-chan, who will be filming you today."
"Nice to meet you."
Seo-chan, wearing a baseball cap, grinned. His tanned skin and youthful smile suited him well. Joo-hyun was introduced to a few others handling sound and other tasks, but none were as welcoming as Beom-jin or Seo-chan.
"The crew is a bit small, right? Since it's a documentary, we're keeping the team minimal to preserve the on-site feel."
Beom-jin adjusted his glasses. But Joo-hyun sensed there was another reason.
"Well, even so, there are fewer people than for the others."
Because Joo-hyun was a runaway esper. No one wanted to be near a ticking time bomb. Embarrassed by his own thoughts, Joo-hyun stared at the ground.
"I'm sorry. Because of me..."
"No need to apologise. Thanks to you, I'm getting a huge bonus."
Seo-chan's sudden interjection made Joo-hyun flinch and recoil reflexively, but Seo-chan's expression remained nonchalant.
After a few more words about the schedule, the filming officially began. Joo-hyun, who sat in the back seat with Seo-chan, tried not to be nervous, but it was difficult.
Honestly, Joo-hyun didn't think Beom-jin's wish to change the perception of runaway espers was very realistic. An esper going rogue couldn't be easily stopped. If a civilian got involved, it was almost a death sentence, so how could that danger be viewed positively?
Still, the higher-ups had permitted the filming, and there was no way for him to back out. Having decided to comply, Joo-hyun glanced at Seo-chan, or rather, at the camera.
"Isn't that heavy?"
"I'm used to it, so it's fine."
Indeed, his arms holding the large camera were quite muscular. Since he insisted he was fine, Joo-hyun found it hard to continue the conversation and turned his head.
"Where are we headed?"
Seo-chan, who already knew the destination, asked. Remembering Beom-jin's instruction that there would be various questions for the audience's understanding, Joo-hyun slowly spoke.
"We're heading to the BE-16 gate. The mission is to survey the gate and subdue the monsters."
BE-16 primarily produced green and blue-grade monsters, so Joo-hyun could handle it alone with ease. Compared to his usual tasks, it was surprisingly simple.
"Is it okay to go without a guide?"
Despite having heard the question in advance, Joo-hyun momentarily found himself at a loss for words. He calmly recited the prepared answer.
"For the safety of the guide, runaway espers usually go on missions alone."
"Doesn't that increase the risk of going runaway?"
This was an unexpected question. Joo-hyun pondered whether he could talk about the choker hidden under his scarf. He hated to reveal that he was controlled and managed like a dangerous dog with a collar, but if it calmed the public's fear, it was a humiliation he had to endure.