Chapter 3: Room for Doubt
The building felt colder than I remember.
Maybe it was the air, or maybe it was the way people looked at me like I pushed her. "She shouldn't even be here," someone unknown muttered. I didn't turn around. I didn't need to. It was too much already, and I barely entered the building. I tried my best to ignore their remarks. Though it was hard.
I told myself it would be fine. That it was, just one day, just one hallway, just one classroom. But the second I walked in, I knew I was lying. The tension in the air. Oh Boy.
The silence hit harder than the stares. I wasn't even three steps through the door before I felt it, like walking into a room where everyone had just finished saying your name.
I sat down in my seat, and the person scooted away from me like I had a disease.
Rude.
I threw on my headphones, praying that my music would tune out their nasty remarks. "Ms. Morales," a teacher yelled. I looked up quickly. "Headphones out and head to the office for me, please," they continued. Crap. "Oh gosh, do you think she will confess ?" a classmate said sarcastically. I rolled my eyes at them as I packed up my things.
"Why do people think I did it? " I asked myself.
The hallways felt so empty and dark. Like if Sadie's death took the light away. As I walked, I saw something in front of me, something that shook me to my core.
Locker 9.
Sadie's locker.
All dolled up with pink and glitter. She would've hated that. I scoffed at it and made my way towards the office.
I knocked on the door to the office, still confused about what I was doing here. "Oh, Nina, please take a seat..." my principal said. Behind her were my vice principal and our school officer.
They looked at me with hate in their eyes, like I had just committed a crime. "So.. What am I doing here ?" I asked while fiddling with my sleeve.
"Nina, we are going to ask you a question and you need to answer truthfully," she said slowly as if I were a criminal. Are you serious ?! They think I did it. "No, I didn't do it," I snapped. "OK, cause we have reason to believe-" I stopped her before she finished that sentence. "Oh yeah? What are your reasons then?" I scolded. "What, because it's always the best friends you point fingers at first?" I didn't know what got into me.
"My best friend died. DO YOU GET THAT ?!!" I yelled. I couldn't control myself anymore. "Were you the last person she spoke to that day ?" she asked calmly. "I don't know, maybe." I hissed. "Some of the students claimed that they saw you two arguing. What was the reason for the argument, Nina ?!". My heart dropped.
The argument was the last thing I wanted to remember. "It was about some things she told someone else about me, when I told her not to," I mumbled. She nodded while writing something in her notepad. Then she turned to the vice principal and whispered something.
I lost it. My fingers clenched around the edge of the chair. "You think I wanted this? That I knew something and just kept it to myself ?" my voice cracked, but I didn't stop. "Everyone's looking at me like I handed her the push. Like I was the reason she-" I swallowed hard, chest rising. "Sadie was hurting, but none of you ever noticed. Not her teachers. Not even her friends. You just want someone to blame, and I'm the easiest name to throw around." I sobbed.
Ms. Lorenzo, the school counselor, walked in, pulling a chair next to me. "Nina, look at me…" she pleaded. "It's gonna be okay, okay ?" Oh. My. Gosh. "I DIDN'T DO IT !!" I screamed as I got up from my seat. "SHE WAS HURTING AND YOU KNEW THAT! YOU CONTINUED TO LET HER FEEL THIS WAY BECAUSE YOU NEVER HELPED HER. !!" I shouted with all the little to no energy I had left. "You knew she felt this way, you knew what she went through, that she attempted. I wasn't even with her at the time." I cried.
I grabbed my book bag and left as quickly as I could. I could barely see, my eyes were so swollen from all the crying. I pushed the office door open, letting it shut behind me. My footsteps echoed through the hallway- fast, shaky, and furious.
I ran to the one place that reminded me of Sadie. Under the school bleachers. We used to eat lunch together every day. Listening to other people's business, drama spreading, and couples breakups.
Oh, how much I miss it.
My eyes stung, but I refused to cry. Not again. Not here.
I didn't hear him at first.
"Nina ?"
I looked up, and Kian stood at the top of the bleacher, looking down at me. Eventually, he stood up. Brushing his jeans off with his hands, as if he was about to say something else but didn't.
Instead, he stepped down the bleachers slowly. I watched every move. His footsteps were fading one by one. I watched him as he disappeared beneath them. I watched as he walked towards me. He stopped at the entrance under the bleachers. Just stood there, waiting for a signal. I didn't give him one.
Still, he walked slowly, one step at a time. He sat a few feet away from me. Not too close. Not too far. Neither of us said anything.
Kian didn't look at me right away. He just sat there, arms resting on his knees, eyes fixed on the gravel like it held all the answers.
I cleared my throat. "You knew I was here ?"
He nodded once. "Yeah."
Silence.
The silence hung between us, but it wasn't heavy. It was… understanding.
"I heard what happened," he said after a moment, his voice low, almost hesitant. I nodded, eyes still on the field. "They shouldn't be blaming you," he added, softer this time.
I shrugged. "They always need someone." The wind picked up a little. Leaves rustled between us. He didn't respond. Just sat with me, letting the quiet speak for itself.
The school bell rang, echoing through the open field. Kian slowly got up without saying anything. He brushed the dirt from his jeans, gave me one last look, like he wanted to say something, but didn't, and just walked away.
_______________
I walked through the empty hallway while everyone else was in class already. I didn't mind ditching, I've done it before, just not alone.
I walked past room 213.
"Pss.. Nina." Someone called out to me. I looked around in confusion. I made eye contact with the only person in that hall. Mr.Whitlow.
"Hey Nina, can we chat real quick ?" he asked carefully. I nodded my head yes as I walked towards him. I wanted to end this conversation as fast as I could.
Mr. Whitlow stood just a few steps away from me. Arms crossed like he'd been waiting. For me.
"I just wanted to say," he started. "I'm… so sorry about Sadie. She was a bright light in the classroom. Always curious, always kind."
I nodded, unsure what to say. My throat felt tight
He just kept on going. "She used to stay after school sometimes. Just to talk. She said things that stuck with me."
He pushed, eyes narrowing slightly like he was watching my reaction. "You know she once told me, 'Sometimes the dangerous lies are the ones we tell ourselves.' That stayed with me, and maybe she is right."
I froze.
That quote. I'd read it the night before. In her journal. I blink, trying to hide the chill rushing up my spine. "Right," I manage. "She… she wrote that."
"Did she?" he said, raising his brows, almost amused. "She was always good at listening?"
Something about the way he said it- like if it belonged to him. Like he was proud of it. Like if he is the reason those words exist in her mind.
"I should go," I said quickly, backing away before he could say more.
But I was already listening too closely. Already questioning everything.
Painfully familiar. Those exact words echo in my mind. I remember Sadie's handwriting, scrawled across her journal page.
The hallways hum with noise - footsteps, lockers slamming, laughter that sounds like it's coming from underwater. Mr. Whitlow steps aside, nodding like our conversation is over.
I glance down at the journal tucked in my bag, my pulse pounding in my ears.
He told her that.
And she still died.