"Easy, tiger." Laith's voice was much quieter now. But not like when he had returned from training where he boasted about drills or when he complained about how much his back was in pain.
There was a gentle softness to it this time but it had weight. The king of weight you can only carry even when you know you're going to drop it soon. Sir Laith sat down next to me. Right down on the cold stone, he let out a slow groan as he sat. He didn't say much for a while. He just looked forward, ahead at the empty corridor.
"They were assholes tonight," He finally said.
I agreed. I didn't trust my voice anymore. Not after I messed up speaking in the dining room.
"You didn't deserve that," he added. "None of it!"
"But it's true what they said about me" I said, barely above a whisper. "I feel like I don't belong here! Like I don't belong anywhere!"
He turned to face me.
"Don't you dare say that Lucian! That's not true in the damn slightest."
"Then what am I? Who am I?"
There was nothing but silence. I knew he was going to lie to me like everybody else has done before.
"You're just a boy the world was never meant to see," he said. "And all that matters is that you are still here. That's what you are."
I looked at Sir Laith. He was holding something in his hand-a small miniature wooden figure, no bigger than his palm. He passed it to me.
A White Tiger.
"I carved this a long time ago. I meant to give it to your father, But I never ended up doing so."
"Why not?" I asked.
"Because he doesn't deserve a damn thing from me anymore," Laith said. "And because I knew this belonged to you. You need it more"
I held the tiger carefully, running my fingers through its whiskers.
"Why is it tied down?"
"Because in this place tiger, freedom is a lie here. Listen Lucian, they'll try to test you, they'll let you wear the robes, eat the food, sit at the table amongst them.. But nowhere to go. Not if they can help it."
I didn't understand what he meant but I nodded in agreement.
Then this time he looked at me. And I mean really looked at me and for the first time since I'd met him, he wasn't smiling at me.
"There's something I have to tell you kid" he told me," and I need you to remember everything I say, even if you don't know what I mean just yet."
My chest was tight. I clutched the carved tiger like it might escape from the palm of my hands.
"Everything you know about the Great Ash riots, about your father! About how sanguinaria 'saved' the Middle Isles-it's all lies soaked in blood and tears! I know because I was there!"
His voice dropped lower, he was shaking. " We didn't liberate village kids, we razed them. Burned whole districts down to the ground, Families screaming, smoke so thick you would think the sky was falling. And when the Order pushed back, The king was at the front! Orchestrating it all!"
I couldn't speak. I felt the world around me change course. And it felt as if the corridor was shrinking.
"Why are you telling me this?" I cried out.
"Because I watched men do horrible things… But I also watched boys and girls grow up believing those things were what made them righteous! And I swore when I first met you as a baby that I won't let the same thing ever happen to you."
He paused for a second. Something behind his eyes flickered. There was hesitation. Then he leaned closer.
"You've always felt different haven't you?"
A sound behind us cut through the atmosphere, it was sharp, it was a clatter of metal on stone.
We both looked back. It was the maid Alga, the one who had helped dry my hair was right there at the mouth of the corridor, her eyes widened. Her tray on the floor beside her.
Laith stood up fast.
"Please!" he yelled out, holding up his hand. "He's just a child Alga you don't understand."
She ran.
"No," Laith muttered underneath his breath. "Fuck. No,no-Damn it!"
He turned back around to me and knelt.
"Lucian, listen to me. Whatever happens next, remember this. You are NOT broken, You aren't their puppet. One day when the truth finds you don't look away from its eyes. Face it!"
I tried stopping him from leaving, I reached for his sleeve, but he pulled it away gently.
"Keep the world, kid" he said "Keep your eyes open and your mind too."
Then that was it. He was gone. Vanished amongst the dark corridor.
I didn't sleep that night.
I sat at the edge of my bed,
the sheets didn't touch me,
the pillows were still shaped from the previous morning.
My robe is still tied.
I hadn't changed my clothes.
And I didn't move much at all.
And the tiger sat in my palm like a rock, Its legs are still tied. I kept running my fingers across the string which laith hopped around it-too securely to move. It wasn't just carved. It was created. That was what scared me the most about it.
I kept thinking about his face. The way Laith's face had changed when he was starting to tell me the truth. He always looked tired, but never gloomy like that. It was like he was digging his own damn grave all to hand the shovel onto me.
Outside my bedroom window I could hear the castle stirring. Guards were gossiping. Heavy footsteps clashed amongst the hall's wooden floors which creaked as they stepped.
Something was being built.
I didn't know what awakened inside me that day, But I think a part of me already knew.
I pressed the Tiger onto my chest and laid back down slowly, the blankets were stiff beneath me. The ceiling above me looked taller than it usually did. And the shadows in the corners didn' blink.
They never cooked me breakfast the next morning.
No one even knocked on my door.
The silence felt like a punishment… and a warning.
Two guards entered my room that morning. They didn't knock on my door, they just opened it and stood there until I got dressed.
"His highness wants you to attend today," one of them said. None of them made eye contact with me.
I didn't ask what for. I already knew,
The town square was already full when we arrived. Columns of soldiers in black, red and gold attire. Noble families watching amongst the comfort of their own balconies. Street vendors were silenced. Horses were stilled and stopped in the middle of their tracks. The entire city had gone silent, as if even the buildings knew what was about to happen.
The gallows stood at the center of it all, like a stage. But there were no banners this time. Just flowers Wood and a rope.
Sir Laith was dragged into view by two executioners. His arms bound behind his back, his shorts torn and his lips split open. Blood crusted along his temple and right eye socket was missing. He didn't look at the crowd. He didn't look up at the sky.
He looked at me.
But I wasn't standing with the crowd. I was standing in front of it all!-at the base of the platform. Alone. A single red carpet rolled out just for me like it was my own personal throne.
My father stood behind me, his hand resting heavy on my shoulder. I didn't look at him-I didn't want to, but his grip spoke for itself.
The crier then stepped forward and unrolled a scroll.
"Sir Laith of House Asmod is hereby found guilty of reason against the crown, and conspiracy to spread sedition, and the attempted corruption of the royal heir through disinformation and subversion!"
Murmurs roared through the square. I heard their whispers, " weren't him and the king friends?"
The crier continued.
"As decreed by martial law and the will of King Dracconis II, we the sanguinarians hereby sentence Sir Laith to death by public hanging, to serve as a reminder to everyone. The crown may bleed but it will never bend."
I wanted to scream, I wanted to cry out and run. To tell them he was innocent, that he wasn't a traitor, he was the only person who had ever cared about me, but my fathers hand was still on my shoulder.
And it was there I remembered what Laith told me.
"Watch. Wait. remember."
The executioners forced him onto the wooden platform. The noose was tightened. One of them spit on his feet.
The executioner didn't wear a mask, His face was blank.
Laith didn't fight back or resist. He looked like a man who had chosen the hill he would die on, even if it was made of fire.
The rope creaked as it tightened on his neck
The lever was pulled.
He dropped
But his neck didn't break.
His body jerked violently, his legs thrashing, boots kicking against the wood. A wet, choking sound escaped his throat. His jaw clenched, muscles twitching. It wasn't fast. It wasn't silent. It was cruel. Designed that way.
Someone in the crowd gasped. A woman turned her son away.
My father didn't move.
"This is what betrayal looks like," he said softly, loud enough only for me to hear. "Look carefully. Burn it into your memory. Because if you ever follow his path, I will not protect you."
I said nothing.
When the thrashing finally stopped, and the rope stilled, they left Laith hanging. No funeral rites. No removal. Just a corpse swaying in the wind.
A symbol.
The crowd began to leave. I was the last to turn away
That night, I dreamed of ropes.
that night, I stayed awake with the tiger in my hand.
I tried to untie the string around its feet, but the knot was too tight.
No matter how I twisted or pulled, it wouldn't come loose. I think Laith meant for it to stay that way.
I sat there until the moon vanished, until the wind shifted and the castle bells rang again. My eyes burned, but I didn't cry. I didn't scream.
I didn't speak for years afterwards
The cooks thought I was grieving. The maids thought I was traumatized.
But they were wrong.
I was listening.
And I thought to myself,
If there are gods,
then they have never been here.