(I'm Charles—once a regular citizen of Earth. A normal guy about to take his college entrance exam... and now? I practically own an empire that rules the entire galaxy. Well, most of it... How did it come to this?)
Evander:
(For no reason at all, the dying emperor suddenly pointed his finger at Earth. His entire armada invaded my planet—and captured ME. With zero explanation, he declared that I'd be next in line after he dies. He gave me a new name—Evander Ashborn—and told me to prepare for what was coming... Then he died WHILE STILL POINTING AT ME!)
"Now I'm left to rule the entire galaxy... I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I'M DOING!"
???
"My Lord, the remaining 37% of the galaxy has yet to be discovered. If you command it, we will launch our 7th mother ship to begin conquest."
Evander:
"A-ah, Alpha... S-sure, go ahead..."
(This is my second-in-command, Alpha. An artificial intelligence thing... When the emperor died, it approached me and asked for a new name. I suck at naming, so I just blurted out the first thing that came to mind.)
Alpha:
"Confirmation. Launching the 7th Warlord."
One week later...
Alpha:
"My Lord, an interesting planet has been discovered within 10% of the remaining unconquered space."
Evander:
(It's only been a week and you've already conquered 20%!?)
"Uhm, can you give me the details?"
Alpha:
"Yes, sir."
A massive hologram displays the planet.
Alpha:
"According to the Warlord's scans, this planet has no advanced technological infrastructure. It was scheduled for disintegration by the Star Cannon—until another discovery was made."
Evander:
(Casually destroying planets with something called a 'Star Cannon'... What kind of person WAS the emperor...)
"And what did you discover?"
Alpha:
"The planet is emanating a unique form of energy. Not just one—but dozens."
Evander:
"Energy?"
Alpha:
"We use energy to power everything. For example, our Warlord mother ships are powered by the energy of stars."
Evander:
"I-I see... So what's the issue with this planet?"
Alpha:
"My Lord, this planet possesses forms of energy we've never seen before. It's unprecedented."
Evander:
"So... what do we do?"
Alpha:
"This is an opportunity to expand the empire's technological foundation. I recommend we conquer it."
Evander:
(Casually suggesting conquest...)
"O-okay... But how exactly do we 'conquer' it?"
Alpha:
"Simple. We initiate a small-scale genocide—"
Evander:
"WAIT WAIT WAIT!!!"
(GENOCIDE!? REALLY!?!?)
"H-how small is 'small-scale'?"
Alpha:
"Approximately 30%. Standard disintegration of key population centers, major governments, and energy-rich regions to ensure planetary compliance. Minimal fallout. Civilian survival rate estimated at 70%. Margin of error: ±12% depending on terrain."
Evander:
"A-and that 30% means...?"
Alpha:
"Thirty percent of the planet's total population, My Lord."
Evander:
"STOP! STOP! STOP!!! Uhh—how about we DON'T MELT anyone and... try a new approach? Like... a suggestion! Uhh... w-we build a city there? Start small?"
(WHAT THE FUCK AM I EVEN SAYING!?)
Alpha:
"That would also comply with Colonial Protocol 17-B: 'Soft Infiltration and Gradual Integration via Infrastructure and Cultural Presence.'"
Evander:
"...It does?"
Alpha:
"Yes, My Lord. Infiltration through strategic city-building. No initial violence required. Gradual assimilation of the local population over 5 to 10 cycles, depending on resistance. Estimated conversion rate: 87%."
Evander (sweating):
"Y-yeah! That! Let's do... that."
Alpha:
"Understood. Initiating Protocol 17-B. Constructing colonial capital. Codename: Evander's Reach."
Evander:
"Wait, what—?"
Alpha:
"Per regulation, new strategies are named after their originator. Congratulations, My Lord. You've just founded a new era of conquest."
Evander:
(OH NO! I'M BEING CREDITED FOR THIS!?)