━ Prologue ━
A tired rumble of the car's engine faded as the sedan came to a halt in front of the modest two-story building.
The door creaked open, and a young man stepped out with his shirt collar slightly loosened and his blazer slung over one arm. His face wore the kind of drained smile that came after a long day of pretending everything was fine.
"Evening, dear…" croaked a soft voice.
It was the old lady next door.
She was seated on a faded blue plastic chair with her knitting needles lazily resting in her lap.
"Evening, Mrs. Parker."
He said with a tired grin, raising one hand in greeting.
A few steps down the pathway, a gruff wave came from the old man watering his tomato patch. The young man lifted his hand again, more of a twitch than a wave.
Mrs. Parker chuckled weakly.
"You better get married soon, hmm? You're not getting any younger, and these beautiful girls out here are not waiting for old men."
He laughed, a warm, amused kind of laugh.
"Ah… maybe I will. But first, let me fix my finances so my wife won't randomly leave me for a man that already has a mansion in California."
He grinned, shook his head, and turned toward his door.
Laughter followed him as he vanished into the apartment.
But the second the door went shut, his face was blank.
The fatigue hit him like a sack of cement.
He exhaled hard, as if socializing had drained the final 10% of his battery.
Blazer? Hung.
Shoes? Kicked off.
Sofa? Body dropped.
The couch let out a soft squeak as he sank into it, arms spread, head tilted back.
His living room was small but meticulously clean.
Not an object out of place.
It was so silent, it almost hummed.
His eyes began to close, perhaps a small nap—
"Nope!"
He jerked upright, slapping both palms together.
"I haven't cooked lunch for tomorrow!"
He slid into his flip-flops with urgency and darted into the kitchen, tossing open cabinets and grabbing ingredients like a man possessed. He moved like clockwork, muscle memory from years of cooking alone.
Thirty minutes later, he stood over the stove, hands on his hips as he admired the steaming pot.
"Hmm, this one's fire!"
He muttered, dishing the food into containers.
"Dinner tonight… breakfast tomorrow… lunch tomorrow… probably dinner tomorrow again—"
His smile faded slowly, like a dying lightbulb.
"… Damn, is my diet that tragic?"
He sighed, placed the last container on the table, and cracked his knuckles.
"Alright, let's dig in!"
He rubbed his palms together in childlike excitement, raised a spoonful of food—
CRACK!
A shimmering rift tore open in the air above him, glowing gold and violet.
"What the—"
THWUMP!
A massive goblet — a divine, absurdly ornate wine goblet the size of a truck tire — came crashing down and smushed him into a messy pool of blood.
---
FLASH.
He opened his eyes.
Everything was white.
Clouds stretched endlessly in every direction, like a dream painted in soft light.
And standing there, practically glowing, was a woman.
A short-statured beautiful woman.
She had long, platinum blonde hair that flowed like liquid silver, with eyes as blue as mountain glaciers. Her body was slim and graceful, and her skin was so clear and smooth it looked like snow reflected against glacier water. She wore a risque black and white dress that really showed off her petite body in an attractive way.
Lutelia, Goddess of Comprehension!
She smiled sweetly and waved.
"Heeey~ Congratulations, dear ❤️! You've been selected for reincarnation!"
The young man blinked.
"Uh… what?"
She smiled wider.
"You've been chosen to begin a new… BETTER life in another world!"
He tilted his head.
"Wait wait wait, hold on—uh, I think you've got the wrong guy. A few seconds ago I was—uhh—eating food and just got back from work—"
"Ahaha…"
She rubbed her arm awkwardly, eyes darting.
"About that…"
His eyes narrowed. "What do you mean, about that?"
She winced. "Soo… that was 300 years ago."
"HUH?!"
"Eheh… and uhm… yeah, I may have… accidentally, totally not on purpose… killed you?"
"YOU WHAT?! (╬ Ò﹏Ó)"
She winced again, pressing her dainty fingers together like a guilty child.
"It was a mistake! I was celebrating the Hundred-Year Azure Festival and kinda dropped my celestial goblet while tipsy… I didn't mean to hit Earth, let alone you! I only realized a century later!"
"YOU REALIZED—wait, WAIT—300 years?!"
"Y-, Yeah… I felt terrible, so I put your name into the reincarnation lottery and pulled a few strings to push you ahead of schedule! Soooo—surprise?"
She clapped her hands with a nervous laugh.
He stared at her blankly. Like a man trying to load an error page with no Wi-Fi.
Lutelia scratched her cheek, eyes bouncing.
"Still mad…? Hm. Wait wait! I know how to fix this!"
She suddenly lit up and snapped her fingers.
"I'll give you blessings! Lots of them! You'll be crazy overpowered and reincarnated into the top nobility of your new world! How's that sound? Huh? Huh?!"
She leaned in close. Way too close.
He tried not to look at her eyes.
Or lips.
Or perfect, porcelain skin.
"Pretty please? ♡ (.-ω-.)"
She flashed him a heart-melting smile.
He groaned.
"FINE. Whatever. Just… do it."
"YAAAY~!"
She threw a fist in the air, practically bouncing.
"You'll love it! I'll even visit sometimes, kay? ❤️"
"PLEASE, DON'T—!!"
Before he could protest—
SNAP!
FLASH.
---
He opened his eyes again, but this time—he couldn't move his tongue right.
"WuuuuAAAAAHHH!!"
"Wah-wah?!"
Tiny arms flailed. Tiny legs kicked.
The ceiling above him was gilded and high.
Twinkling chandeliers. Gold trim. Satin sheets.
He glanced at his hands.
Baby hands.
『IT'S REAL?! HOLY SHIIIIIIIT!!』
The scream was internal.
『This isn't a dream. This is Isekai. This is actual Isekai!! I have to check! Skills? Menu? Status? Blessings? Come on—something pop up already!』
But nothing appeared.
Before he could spiral further, a refined voice echoed across the grand balcony.
"Ahh, a sixth child! Life has never been better!"
A regal, silver-haired man draped in velvets spoke.
This was Duke Arcturus von Eisenhart.
Ruler of the Eisenhart Duchy!!
A maid rushed in breathless.
"Your Grace! It's a boy!"
The Duke smiled wide. "Wonderful!"
"B-But…" the maid hesitated, fidgeting.
The Duke raised a hand.
"Ah, ah! No buts. Amelia will be delighted to finally have a little brother. Today is flawless!"
The baby internally winced.
『He sounds so annoying…』
---
Soon, the Duke stood on the balcony.
The baby was now in his arms.
Everyone waited for his words.
But the Duke said nothing.
He stared. Trembled.
"Uhm, Father?"
Amelia tugged at his coat.
"What's wrong with my new baby brother…?"
The baby nodded the best it could.
『Yeah, father, WHAT'S WRONG?!』
Sweat poured down his baby brow.
『Did that airheaded goddess forget to give me stats?! Do I look ugly? Deformed? Is there something on my face?! Oh no… what if I don't have magic?!』
But then—
The Duke threw his head back and roared—
"MY SON HAS BEEN TOUCHED BY THE GODS!!"
The balcony echoed with his laugh.
"He will rule the world!"
The baby twitched when he saw how high up he was.
『WHAAAT—?! Don't DROP me, you lunatic!』
The baby's tiny fists curled.
The servants burst into shocked applause.
Lutelia's voice echoed faintly in his mind—
"Oops, I may have gone a WEE bit overboard with the blessings—teehee~"
The baby blinked.
He was too stunned to even cry.