Chapter 15: Orochimaru's Revenge and the Body Swap Bazaar
[SYSTEM MESSAGE: RETALIATION DETECTED. PREPARING FOR BLOODLINE SHOWCASE AND SERPENTINE COUNTERATTACKS.]
My 'accidental' information dump about Orochimaru's cloning vat had, predictably, reached the snake sannin. He might have been hiding in the shadows, licking his wounds after his emotional breakdown at the Tenchi Bridge, but he was still Orochimaru. And Orochimaru did not tolerate having his vital research 'accidentally' destroyed. Or mocked. Especially not mocked. So, naturally, he sent a welcoming party. A very unpleasant, very venomous welcoming party.
"You know, I thought after I pushed Orochimaru's hate meter to 100%, he'd just, like, send me a strongly worded letter. Or maybe a passive-aggressive gift basket filled with dead snakes. But no, he goes straight for the attempted murder. Classic Orochimaru. No subtlety. Just good old-fashioned, dramatic villainy. I almost respect it. Almost."
I was strolling through a deserted part of Konoha, heading home after another glorious day of annoying various shinobi, when I felt it. A cold, slithering sensation. Not just on my neck, but in the air itself. A distinct, sinister chakra signature. And it wasn't a tiny garter snake. This was big. This was angry.
[ADAM IZUKU: AMBUSH DETECTED. PREPARING FOR DEFENSIVE MANEUVERS AND OFFENSIVE SARCASTIC REMARKS.]
Suddenly, the ground erupted. Not with a puff of smoke, but with a horrifying, fleshy sound. A massive, pale-white snake, easily the size of a small building, burst forth, its multiple heads hissing, its golden eyes narrowed in malevolent fury. And riding on its central head was a reanimated ninja. Not just any reanimated ninja – it was one of Orochimaru's more experimental, grotesque creations: a human-snake hybrid, its skin covered in scales, its limbs elongated and twisted. It looked like a very, very bad day at the taxidermist.
"Adam Izuku," the reanimated hybrid hissed, its voice raspy and echoing with Orochimaru's own chakra. "Orochimaru-sama sends his regards. And his profound displeasure."
"Oh, Orochi-kun!" I yelled, feigning delight. "You shouldn't have! Really, you shouldn't have! This is a bit much for a simple 'thank you for destroying my life's work' present, don't you think? Though I appreciate the theatricality! Very dramatic! Ten out of ten for effort!"
[OROCHIMARU HATE METER: 100% (CONFIRMED VIA PROXY)]
The snake lunged, its massive jaws snapping shut. I barely dodged, using a hasty Body Modification to stretch my torso to the side, looking like a rubber band being pulled. It was still awkward, but I was getting better. Less accidental pretzeling.
"You really need to work on your aim, darling!" I quipped, narrowly avoiding a massive, venom-laced fang. "Are you sure you're properly hydrated? Dehydration can affect precision, you know!"
The human-snake hybrid lashed out with an elongated, scaly arm. I countered, trying to summon one of my own snakes. What appeared was a small, confused constrictor that immediately tried to wrap itself around my ankle.
"Not now, Bartholomew!" I hissed at my tiny snake, kicking it gently away. "Daddy's busy! You're supposed to be a distraction, not a tripping hazard!"
I had to get serious. This wasn't a prank. This was a genuine attempt on my life. And while my copied jutsu weren't mastered, they were powerful. I needed to combine them.
The hybrid lunged again, its movements surprisingly fluid despite its grotesque form. I used my Body Modification to stretch and contort, weaving through its attacks like a human ribbon. I made myself thin as a rail to slip through a gap between its coils, then quickly puffed out my chest to block a follow-up strike, creating a surprising amount of force. The hybrid grunted, surprised.
"See?" I yelled, still dodging. "Multi-purpose! It's like a Swiss Army knife, but for your anatomy! You should try it, it's very invigorating! Though, you might need a lot of lotion for all that stretching. Just a friendly tip!"
Then, I activated my Puppet Master Jutsu. Not for a full puppet, but for something more subtle. I sent invisible chakra strings into the ground, beneath the massive snake. With a grunt of effort, I pulled, causing the ground to ripple and crack, tripping the giant serpent.
The snake stumbled, momentarily off-balance. The hybrid rider roared in frustration.
"Gotcha!" I yelled. "Who's clumsy now, Orochi-boy?!"
[ADAM IZUKU: EXHIBITING PROFICIENCY IN COPIED ABILITIES. GAINING VALUABLE COMBAT EXPERIENCE.]
The reanimated hybrid, infuriated, began to channel chakra, preparing a powerful ninjutsu. I could feel the build-up of dark energy. This was going to hurt.
I had an idea. A desperate, possibly suicidal idea. But it was my kind of idea.
As the hybrid unleashed a torrent of venomous snakes from its mouth, I didn't dodge. Instead, I activated my Body Modification to its fullest, twisting my torso, extending my limbs, making myself as thin and pliable as possible. I looked like a human noodle.
The snakes slammed into me, but instead of tearing me apart, they passed through me, my body temporarily becoming almost liquid, deforming to allow them passage. It was intensely painful, like being hit by a thousand blunt objects, but I was still in one piece. Mostly.
"Whoa! Talk about a rough massage!" I gasped, reforming my body, my muscles screaming in protest. "You need to be gentler, sweetie! This isn't a mosh pit!"
The hybrid stared, its reanimated eyes wide with disbelief. It had never encountered anything like this. This wasn't just evasion; it was an active manipulation of its own attack.
"Take that, Orochimaru! You thought your weird body-stretching powers were only for you? Think again! I'm going to use your own creepy science against you. And I'm going to make it look ridiculous while doing it. That's my specialty."
I then used my still-awkward Snake Jutsu to try and summon something more substantial. Instead of a tiny snake, a slightly larger, but still rather confused, cobra appeared. It immediately tried to bite the hybrid's foot.
"Good job, Reginald!" I yelled, giving it a thumbs up. "Go for the ankles! That's where the real damage is done!"
The hybrid roared in frustration, trying to shake off the biting cobra. This momentary distraction was all I needed. I used my Puppet Master Jutsu to pull on a loose scale on the hybrid's arm, sending it off balance. Then, using my still-unstable Chidori (thank you, Kakashi!), I channeled a burst of lightning into my hand and slammed it into the snake's head, severing it from its body.
The massive snake body thrashed, then collapsed. The human-snake hybrid, no longer connected to its main summon, began to disintegrate, its reanimated form unable to sustain itself.
I stood there, panting, my body aching from the extreme contortions, a triumphant smirk on my face. "And that, my friend, is why you don't mess with the guy who knows your future. Or your lab experiments."
The threat was neutralized. I had survived Orochimaru's revenge. And I had a newfound appreciation for my copied abilities. They weren't pretty, they weren't perfect, but they worked. And that was all that mattered.