The bookshelf stood near the door, cluttered with old textbooks and novels. Beside her bed, a melted candle gave off a faint lavender scent.
Lan lay on the bed, one hand covering her face, the other clenched against the mattress as if she'd struck it in anger. Tears gathered at the corner of her ocean-blue eyes, her blonde hair fanned out over the pillow.
Suddenly, her voice broke through the silent room, trembling with annoyance and sorrow.
"I've had enough of this world. Why can't we just live how we want? Why do we have to go through all this? I can't even do what I want… just because I'm a girl."
She sat up abruptly, wiping her tears with the back of her hand. Standing up, she walked over to the table, searching for something. She checked the surface, rummaged through the drawers—nothing.
"Where the hell is my phone?" she muttered under her breath.
Returning to her bed, she pulled the blanket aside and finally found it tangled near her pillow. Unlocking the screen, she scrolled through the group chat messages.
"How about we ask the teacher for the chemistry lab tomorrow? I have a new idea, and I'll introduce you all to my boyfriend."
"That's a great idea. It'll be nice to meet your boyfriend too, while seeing our chemistry genius's new experiment. Count me in, Mei."
"Count me in, too, Mei. It'll be fun meeting him."
"What about you, Xia and Lan?"
"Sorry guys, I can't come. There's a family function in Suzhou."
"Xia isn't coming. Hmph, her loss. Anyway, what about you, Lan?"
"Okay… only because of your chemical experiment."
"Then it's settled. We'll stay after school tomorrow. I'll handle the teacher. Just make sure you're free."
Lan turned off her phone with an annoyed sigh and tossed it on the bed. She looked around her room—the small wooden bookshelf near the door, the cracked mirror resting on her desk, and the faint lavender scent drifting from a melted candle by her bedside.
"What the fu*k… Now I must tag along on their stupid school trip, watching Mei-Ling with her boyfriend. I hate it," she whispered bitterly, then her tone softened into a murmur. "But still… I agreed. That's just how I am. I want to change, but…"
She stood before the mirror, combing her long blonde hair, her ocean-blue eyes staring back at her with a tired emptiness.
Why am I so different?
Different hair. Different eyes. Different habits.
Even my parents and siblings feel like strangers.
Why can't I just… live how I want?
A small, humourless smile flickered across her lips. And when I ask these questions, people say I'm trying to act like a psychologist. But if you think about it… I do sound like one. Damn… I'm becoming an introvert.
She put down the comb, changed into her sleepwear—a loose white shirt and soft grey shorts—and lay down on her bed. The blanket felt warm against her cold skin, and the ceiling fan hummed softly above, stirring the heavy evening air. The quiet rustle of the curtains mixed with the distant sounds of the city outside.
Slowly, her eyes fluttered shut, and sleep pulled her under, leaving only the silent darkness of her thoughts behind.
••
The classroom buzzed with chatter and laughter as students relaxed during break time. Sunlight streamed through the windows, casting warm patterns across the desks.
Lan sat at the back near the window, wearing her uniform—a neat white blouse tucked into her dark pleated skirt, her tie slightly loosened, and her top button undone. Her blazer hung off the back of her chair, and her hair, though tied up, had a few rebellious strands falling over her ocean-blue eyes.
She leaned her cheek against her palm, staring outside at the boys playing football. Their shouts and cheers drifted in, making a faint smirk flicker across her lips as she watched them silently.
Suddenly, two cold hands covered her eyes from behind.
"Guess who—"
Lan grabbed the wrist without turning her head, her voice low and annoyed.
"You're interrupting my match. Get out of my sight if you want to leave in one piece."
Mei froze, then laughed awkwardly, quickly pulling her hands away.
"Geez, Lan… you're no fun," she pouted, moving around to face her.
Lan didn't bother looking at her, eyes locked on the field outside, thumb tapping lightly against her chin as if analysing every move.
As time passed, the break ended, and soon, the entire school day came to a close. Finally, it was time for their visit to the chemistry lab.
••
"Where's your boyfriend, Mei?" Meng asked in a bored tone, brushing her brown hair behind her ear, her black eyes half-lidded with disinterest.
"Yeah, where is he? I'm already bored with this chemical reaction," Chen added, her black eyes sharp with suspicion as she flicked a strand of her hair back. "And there's something else you're not telling us, isn't there?"
As time passed, Mei continued with her strange chemical experiment. The chemistry lab was filled with the sharp scent of chemicals and faint hints of metal and alcohol. Glass beakers and test tubes clinked lightly on the marble counters as she worked, the fluorescent lights above flickering slightly, casting harsh white light across the room.
The lab door creaked open. A boy with light brown hair and calm, dark eyes walked in, scanning the shelves and glassware before his gaze settled on Lan.
"Oh, Mei, how are you doing?" he asked casually.
Mei sighed in relief, brushing a loose strand behind her ear. "Finally, Hao, you're here. We've been waiting forever."
The faint bubbling of chemicals on the burner and the quiet hum of the ventilation fan filled the brief silence before she continued, her smile widening with excitement.
"This is Hao-Yu, my boyfriend," she announced proudly, gesturing towards him. Then she turned towards her friends, pointing to each as she introduced them. "And these are my friends—the best of the best."
Finally, her eyes landed on Lan, and her tone shifted to playful teasing.
"And this is Lan-Zhao," she said with a mischievous grin. "Master of a little martial arts. Gotta say, she's a bit dangerous… especially when there are boys around."
The corners of Lan's lips twitched slightly, her ocean-blue eyes glancing up at Hao-Yu for just a moment before returning to the small reaction bubbling in front of her, as if he wasn't even worth her attention.
The fluorescent lights above buzzed softly, mixing with the faint clinking of glassware and the distant echo of footsteps in the hallway outside, grounding the scene in the quiet chaos of a late afternoon school lab.
"Where's this new chemical experiment you wanted to show us? Or was that just an excuse to make us jealous of your boyfriend?" Lan asked, staring at Mei with narrowed eyes. She tilted her head slightly, her voice turning sharper. "Answer me, Mei. Didn't you have another reason for calling us here to the lab today?"
Mei looked confused at first, her smile faltering as if Lan had caught her off guard. She lowered her gaze, whispering, "There's…"
Then her voice grew louder as she turned towards Hao, forcing a bright smile. "He… he wants to talk to you."
She glanced at Meng and Chen. "Can we leave them alone for a bit?"
Chen raised an eyebrow, her black eyes flicking between Lan and Hao with unease. "Is it… Okay to leave him alone with Lan? I mean, I don't care about their relationship or anything—Lan isn't like that—but… I still feel sorry for his condition if she gets angry."
The others chuckled awkwardly, then turned to look at Lan. She simply shifted her gaze away, resting her chin on her hand and staring out of the window, her expression unreadable.
"No, it's fine," Hao said with a small smile, his voice calm. "I'm not here to fight. I just want to talk about something… and I can't say it in front of all of you. If I do, she'll get really mad."
Reluctantly, Meng, Chen, and Mei gathered their bags and left, leaving only Lan and Hao in the silent lab. The faint bubbling of chemicals filled the quiet, along with the ticking of the wall clock above the whiteboard.
"Speak up," Lan said, turning towards him, her ocean-blue eyes cold. "And remember your limits. I might be a girl, but that doesn't mean you can cross your lines."
Hao chuckled softly as he walked over to the lab table, swirling a glass stir rod in a beaker with casual ease. The fluorescent lights flickered slightly above, casting sharp reflections on the glassware.
"Wow… you're exactly like he said," Hao said in his usual calm tone, watching the chemicals bubble. His dark brown eyes flicked up to meet hers, a small smirk playing at his lips. "Scary… and beautiful too. After all, we never regret his choice."
After some time, the sharp sound of breaking glass echoed from the chemistry lab. Mei and her friends immediately turned towards the noise. The lab door was wide open, and they saw Hao crawling out on the floor like a snail, wincing in pain. Behind him, Lan walked out with cold fury in her eyes, giving him small, sharp kicks as he struggled to move. A thin line of blood trickled down from the side of his left eye.
"Sorry… I'll never say that again… please forgive me," Hao pleaded, his voice trembling with pain.
Lan glared down at him, her ocean-blue eyes blazing. "You're a boy, and I respect you for that. But that doesn't mean you get to cross your limits," she said in a low, angry tone. She bent down slightly, her hair falling over her shoulder as she whispered coldly, "If anything unusual happens… or if Mei ever cries because of you… You'll see your final moments. I'll end your story with my own hands."
Mei rushed forward, helping Hao to stand. She turned to Lan, her expression dark and serious.
"Now, what did he do?"
"Ask him yourself. I'm leaving," Lan snapped, turning away without looking back, her footsteps echoing down the empty corridor as she disappeared around the corner.
After Lan left, Mei looked at Hao with narrowed eyes. "What happened?"
Hao winced as he wiped the blood from his face, his dark brown eyes still wide with fear. "Nothing… I just told her that my friend likes her. I came to tell her, but she asked me, 'If he likes me, then why didn't he come himself?' Then she started staring at me like she was about to kill me… that's why she got angry."
Chen let out a small laugh, brushing her black hair back with her fingers. "Bro… that's your own mistake. Who the hell tells a girl that their friend likes her? And it's Lan we're talking about. Thank god you're still alive."
••
In her room, Lan sat curled up on the chair beside her table. She wore light blue cotton shorts with small white lace at the edges and a plain fitted white T-shirt, its short sleeves hugging her slender arms. Her knees were pulled tightly to her chest, arms wrapped around them, and her head rested on top.
Why is this world so boring? she thought, her ocean-blue eyes staring blankly at the floor. Can't I just live my life the way I want to? I wish I could live in a story… it doesn't matter what people think. Even if they say I'm just a girl with dreams like a boy… I don't care. I just want to escape this world.
She stood up and walked over to her bed, her movements slow and tired. As soon as she lay down, sleep pulled her under almost instantly. The pale moonlight streamed through the window, casting a soft glow across her bare legs. One of her hands rested lightly on her stomach, the other over her chest, rising and falling gently with each quiet breath.
••
Lan sat on the ground, surrounded by endless darkness. The faint fog curled around her, but everything beyond it was swallowed by deep black—the ground beneath her, the sky above, to her left and right… all the same empty void. Her knees were apart, hips resting between her feet, and her hands pressed firmly against the ground at her sides, holding her steady so she wouldn't fall forward. The silence felt heavy, almost suffocating, as if the entire world had vanished, leaving only her and the quiet shadows.
The silence pressed against her ears so hard it felt like they'd burst if she moved. She swallowed down the emptiness, then a voice sliced through the void.
"Hello, hot girl."
Lan turned her head sharply to the left and saw a tiny fairy floating beside her. She had blonde hair that glowed faintly in the dark, emerald-green eyes, and delicate, transparent wings that shimmered like thin glass. She was so small, she could easily fit into Lan's palm.
Without hesitation or fear, Lan narrowed her eyes and asked firmly, "Who the fu*k are you, and what do you want from me?"
The fairy floated closer to her ear, her voice playful and teasing. "I'm Starila, a myth created by people who wish to be the protagonist of their own story. Mostly, I'm created by boys… but I like your thoughts. You're different from other girls."
Lan frowned, her confusion mixing with annoyance. "What the heck are you saying? Does any of that even make sense?"
Starila only smiled, her emerald eyes glimmering with amusement. "Don't worry. Everything will be clear in your mind… when you see your Nightmare."
°°°