Sometimes you can't be who you want to be and sometimes you can't do what you want to do.

That is the daily life of our anti-heroine. She is over powered with innate and learned magics and abilities but she does not have them to use them. she has them because she was born with them and she learns quickly. 

for her it is about acquisition not utilization. She wants to have power to understand power but she doesn't want to serve and protect. 

but it is out of her hands because she is Rachel, the Milana of Trannisa realm. her purpose is to maintain a balance dictated by the realm.

she is there when she has to be and when she is not needed she is off learning new things. 

so what happens when she is suddenly needed all the time? will her habit of avoidance become a mask of doubt and insecurity. 

so will she be a flawed being and pass the torch or will she endure in self doubt and constant insecurity. 

or is there a third option that has been there all along and completely out of her control?

She sat drinking salty milk tea trying to decide if she liked it or not. It was rather delicious but she did not like the taste of salt in her mouth. They had not truly spoken since going to bed together on the plane and she was feeling odd knots in her stomach because of it.


She wasn't really sure how to look for the next letter and her mind kept returning to that fact but, overall she was distracted by the thought that she had pushed too hard and he was now going to push her away. 


Even with all of this she decided to calm herself. She decided that she needed to focus on her brother for now and think about Taylor after. Maybe when all was said and done she would actually feel like she never loved him at all. That the entire thing was some sort of stress response brought on by worrying over her brother.


Chapter 252 - Memories