After the whole French fry drama and the bitter realization that I would never escape a narcissistic horse, I decided to take a break.
A break meaning: avoiding the guild, missions, and anything that might rob me of the last fragments of my sanity.
But life, as usual, didn't care.
I returned to the Guild's mission board.Regretted it in 0.3 seconds.
Available Missions:
"Slay the Three-Headed Dragon." (Pass.)
"Enter the Cursed Graveyard and Retrieve the Artifact." (NOPE.)
"Hunt Cannibal Bandits While Singing Folk Songs." (Excuse me?!)
"Marry the Demon Princess as Part of a Peace Treaty." (Me– what– NO?!)
I weakly shook my head.
"What is this guild, the isekai version of Fear Factor?!"
"If you don't take a mission, your wallet's gonna be emptier than your soul, and you'll be back to eating leaves," commented Valmor, popping out from behind a pillar while munching on a stolen apple. (From who? Don't ask. I'm scared too.)
And Then I Saw It...
A small board in the corner.
Tucked away.
Barely legible.
[LOW RISK - LOW PAY - LOW DIGNITY]
WANTED: LIVING BILLBOARD FOR MAGIC SHOP.
Death Rate: 0%
Duration: 4 hours standing.
Costume provided.
Pay: 1 gold coin.
I stared at it.
For a long... long time.
Until the letters began to dance and mock me.
Valmor peeked over my shoulder.
"You're considering this...? Wow. Your life crisis is hitting hard, huh?"
"At least it doesn't involve dragons, blood, or marrying monsters!" I snapped.
Four Hours Later...
I was standing in the town square.
Wearing...
A carrot.
No, not holding a carrot. Not eating one.
Wearing one.
Full-body.
Bright orange.
Pointy green hat.
With bold letters on my chest:
"LOVE POTION DISCOUNT BUNDLE! BUY 2, GET 1 CURSE FREE!"
Valmor...
lounged on a park bench.
Munching grilled corn.
Laughing.
As.
Loud.
As.
Possible.
"AAAAHHAHAHAHA! Aria... turned VEGETABLE! It's her FINAL FORM! THE ULTIMATE CARROT!!"
I stood still.
Staring blankly ahead.
Four little kids threw coins at me thinking I was a birthday clown.
An old lady patted my shoulder and whispered:
"Sweetie, you need prayer."
I Closed My Eyes
Just four hours.
I can get through this.
I've survived forests.
I've been chased by wild boars.
I've cried while eating tree roots.
But nothing was harder than this.
Being a carrot...
while being laughed at by a horse with better grammar than me.
"Remember, Aria," Valmor's voice rang out like an annoying angel,
"you're not a failure. You're just... on a very unique career path."
Four Hours Later...
I got one gold coin.
Sweating buckets.
My dignity...
left behind in that plaza.
Valmor stood next to me.
"If you do this again tomorrow, I can help choreograph. We'll call it 'The Lonely Carrot Dance'."
I looked up at the sky.
"Dear God... if I've ever sinned, I'm sorry. But please... no more talking horses like this."