After days of suffering and French fries more expensive than my self-worth, I decided to return to the guild.
Looking for a quest.
A small one.
Something simple.
Nothing that involved monsters, slimes, dating goblins, or horses with a superiority complex.
But what did I get?
"Now hiring: Coffin Catalog Model – Failed Adventurer Edition"(What. The. Hell.)
…
I need money.
I need food.
I need to survive.
And now? I'm a coffin catalog model.
Photoshoot location: National Mausoleum of Forgotten Adventurers
Weather: Cloudy.Mood: Cursed.Life: Matching the forecast.
"First pose!" shouted the photographer enthusiastically.
I stood on a wooden coffin.
Stiff.
Lifeless.
They gave me a torn-up armor and a lily to hold.
"Give me heartbreak! Like your fiancé just ran off with a monster!"(Too specific. Probably happened to the last model.)
Click.
Click.
Click.
Coffin #2: "Elegant but Budget-Conscious."
Pose: Sitting with one hand under the chin.
"Can you look more... like a restless spirit?" said the photographer.
Valmor showed up.
Sat next to me munching on fries.
"You look like a lost guest at a corpse exhibit."
I stared at Valmor, dead inside.
"I just... need money."
"You also need dignity. But I guess that's already buried."
Coffin #3: "Premium Elf Lord Edition"
Satin lining, golden dragon carvings. Price: 10 Gold coins.
I was told to lie down gracefully holding a rose.
"Imagine you're a queen... but dead."
Valmor stood beside the coffin.
"Can I pre-order this one for you?"
I threw the rose at his face. Direct hit. Snapped in two.
After the shoot, I received my payment:
3 copper coins.
A plate of fries (leftovers from Valmor).
And one printed catalog with me on the cover.
The bold slogan read:
FAILED AT ADVENTURING? DIE IN STYLE!Featuring Aria – former office worker, current disappointment
I stared at my photo, sprawled out so elegantly.
Valmor leaned on my shoulder and said:
"You... really belong in this world."