It's day...
I've lost count since I earned the prestigious title of "Licensed Adventurer Knight"—which, so far, feels more like "Desperate Knight of Discount Quest Board."
While browsing the mission board at the guild:
"Clear slimes from village well"?
"Must be a magic user with slime-resistance certification."
"Escort noble lady to dance class"?
"Only for winners of the regional waltz competition."
"Exterminate dragon nest"?Who even posts this? Who takes this?
The only quest I could take?
"Paid Audience for Tonight's Goblin Opera"Requirements: Clap. Fake laugh. Must not suffer permanent psychological damage.
Location: Old Amphitheater, Suburban Outskirts.
Death Rate = 0%
I sat in the front row, flanked by two goblins reeking of expired cheese, and an orc munching on snake-skin popcorn like it was gourmet cuisine.
The curtains opened.
Title of the show:
"The Lost Shoe Tragedy: A Forbidden Love Between a Goblin Tailor and a Straw Doll."
The stage was filled with goblins in oversized robes, singing with a vibrato so intense it could scare away crows:
"Ohhh shoeeee... whyyy did youuu leaaaave meee in the suuuummerrr~"
I held my breath.
And my laughter.
Halfway through, the lead actor—a goblin wearing a wig and eyelashes as long as broom bristles—fell off the stage and continued singing from the floor like nothing happened.
The orc next to me shouted, "THIS IS ART!!" while jumping up and applauding like mad.
Me?
Still trying to process why the straw doll had tear ducts.
Then Valmor appeared.
Of course he did.
Because the universe hates me.
Valmor: "Oh! You took this quest too? I actually auditioned for the role of the shoe."
I stared at him.
Me: "How did you even get in here?, did horse even allowed in here?"
Valmor (chest puffed out):
"Of course Horse allowed and I'm a sponsor. Their performance is proudly backed by Valmor's Herbal Salt – cures wounds, enhances flavor, exfoliates armpits."
The opera ended with a confetti explosion made of mashed potatoes, and all the goblins sang the finale while rolling across the stage.
The audience? Screaming.
Me? Questioning whether I had a nightmare… or if my life was truly ruined.
After leaving the amphitheater:
Me: "Valmor... what did we just witness?"
Valmor:"That was the goblins' emotional expression in dramatic form."
Me: "That was a shoe falling in love with a straw doll."
Valmor: "Love knows no boundaries. Even footwear deserves affection."
I stared up at the sky, hoping for a meteor to fall.