The sound of children laughing, of the wind whistling, of my heart beating at a million miles an hour, all those sounds and more mixed together in a wild cacophony that all but surrounded me. I looked around from the small bench I found myself on, observing the many happy families scattered across the park. All of whom were laughing and having fun, the polar opposite of me in my nerve-rattled state. My body filled with a nervous tension as my leg bounced up and down like a jackhammer against the floor.
I looked at my phone for what must have been the third time that minute. In my panicked state, I ended up arriving at the park almost an hour early, leaving me with nothing to do but stew in my own thoughts and feelings, reminding me of the first date Helen and I had gone on. Only this time, there was no buildup of hidden excitement within me, only a deep sense of sadness and regret.
"Damn, and here I thought today was going to be the day that I finally arrived at a place before you!" Helen cheerfully remarked, causing me to fling my head up in surprise at the sight of her beside me, somehow having done so without me noticing.
Before I could react, she immediately plonked herself down on the bench beside me, leaning her body against mine as she rested her head on the top of my shoulder.
"It's good to see that you're alright. I swear I almost had a panic attack while waiting for Sam's call saying you were okay." Although she said it as a joke, from what Sam had told me about the messages he had received from her, I knew there was some truth to what she said. Something which made me feel even worse, knowing what I was going to do.
"So what was so important that you couldn't wait until after I had finished school. Not that I'm complaining, mind you, any reason to not go to that hellhole is a good one." As her beautiful hazel eyes stared directly into mine, I suddenly found myself tongue-tied, unable to string together the smallest of sentences.
"Are you alright? You seem tense. Are you still injured?" Immediately, she shot up off the bench with a panicked look on her face as she began to scan every inch of my body for some perceivable injury.
Seeing the love and care she was showing me, and how I could feel my will and determination wavering, I knew that if I didn't say what I needed to immediately, then I never would. So, with a heavy heart, I gently grabbed her hands that were placed on my shoulders and began to stand, bringing myself to eye level with her. Helen just looked at me in confusion as I took a deep breath in preparation.
"I want to break up."
The ensuing silence was deafening, Helen's face morphing every few moments as she tried to process what I had just said. "What, what are you on about?" She asked, chuckling weakly.
"Look, I'm sorry, but I just don't think we should see each other anymore. I just thought I should tell you in person. Bye." With that, I attempted a speedy retreat, having said all that I needed to say. Unfortunately, if not expected, Helen wasn't about to let me leave that easily, grabbing my arm with an iron-tight grip and stopping me from escaping.
"Adam, what are you saying? You're not making sense. Why do you suddenly want to break up? Everything between us was great only a couple of days ago!"
"Look, I don't know what to tell you. I just want to break up, so let me go." I replied, averting my eyes as I failed to pry Helen's grip from my arm. She truly did have a surprising amount of strength.
"Helen, everyone's staring." I muttered quietly. At this point, we had drawn quite the crowd with our little display. Something which didn't seem to have any effect on Helen.
"I don't fucking care! There's something you're not telling me. And I think I know what it is." Instantly, my evasive eyes locked onto her in shock while a panicked look quickly spread across my face as I wondered how she could have possibly found out the truth.
"This has something to do with the fight, doesn't it? What, are you breaking up with me because you feel guilty about getting me and Susan involved or something?" She scoffed, hinting at exactly what she thought about such a thought. "If so, you're the biggest moron in the world. Neither of us even got injured for god's sake." Upon hearing her assumption, I instantly wanted to sigh in relief.
"That's not it," I replied while I rubbed my wrist, having finally managed to squirm my arm out of her gorilla-like grip. "While I do feel awful for getting you involved, that's not the reason why."
"Then what?" She screamed in annoyance as she threw her hands up in exasperation, her voice so loud I doubted there wasn't a single person in the park who hadn't heard it, leading to even more eyes landing on the two of us; Most of them looking on with intrigue at the scene unfolding before their eyes.
Seeing the determined spark in her eyes, I realised that I had severely underestimated how stubborn Helen could be. An idiotic mistake, taking into account what I had learnt about her over the past month. I could still remember when we went to the fair for a date, how we spent hours huddled over one of the booths, playing the ring toss game. I swear, if it wasn't for my wallet running dangerously low, I had no doubt she would have stayed there all night until she won.
The loud tapping of a foot rapidly hitting against the concrete tiles brought me back to reality and to the sight of an impatient and fuming Helen, waiting for a response I didn't know how to give. I tried to think of what I could say, tens of different responses flitting through my mind, each one discarded in a matter of seconds. It must have been clear the strain I was under as the angry mask Helen wore seemed to crack slightly, her face showing a hint of concern that lay underneath.
"Adam please. Why can't you just tell me the truth?" She pleaded, breaking my heart more than it already was.
"I want to." I finally managed to say with an exhale. "I want to, but I just can't. It would defeat the whole point." I muttered before realising what I had just said out loud, immediately shutting my mouth with a resounding snap. I prayed that Helen hadn't picked up on what I said, but from the way her eyes widened, I seemed to be out of luck.
"What do you mean, 'it would defeat the whole point?'" She questioned, striding confidently towards me as she spoke, forcing me to awkwardly backpedal in retreat and almost fall over a stray soda can on the floor in the process.
"Uhh, I don-, I'm no-." A string of stutters escaped my lips as I tried to think of something, anything to say that. Yet, as was becoming common, any excuse I could think of seemed to escape my mind, leaving me standing there floundering like a fool.
Suddenly, I felt the back of my foot connect against something solid behind me as I continued backwards away from Helen. I felt my heart lurch in my chest as I began falling backwards, my arms flailing wildly in the air for some kind of purchase that wasn't there. Thankfully, just as I resigned myself to what was about to happen, I felt both my back and arse in tandem connect with something solid, stopping my continued descent. With a quick look backwards, and a deep sigh of relief, I realised that instead of the floor, I had landed on a wooden bench placed right next to the path. Unfortunately, in the time it took to calm my beating heart, Helen had already blocked my escape, leaning her body down towards me and placing both her arms on either side of my shoulders, trapping me in place on the bench.
"Enough!" Helen said, face only inches away from mine. "No more running. Tell me the truth, I deserve that much at least if you're going to break up with me." It was at that moment, as I looked into her steady and clear eyes, that I knew I wouldn't be able to lie to her. That my plan had failed.
"You're right. As always." I sighed in defeat. "Have a seat." I said while motioning with my head to the vacant space next to me on the bench. Helen just stared at me in doubt, as if she was worried I was going to try and book it the moment she moved away. As if I would even make it a hundred feet before she would catch me again.
Eventually, she finally released her grasp on the bench and sat down beside me, her body tilted sideways towards mine. Seeing that her attention was on me, I thought about the best way to tell her the truth, realising at that moment the scope of what I was going to say. I wondered how I should go about telling her before deciding that being upfront and honest was probably for the best. It wasn't as if I could somehow try and slowly ease into it, not with the news I was about to break to her. So with a heavy heart, I gazed into her eyes.
"The truth is I'm suffering from a disease known as Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease, and I haven't got long left to live."