What surprised David the most wasn't the random, highly questionable items like the Durex Ultra-Thin he'd just tucked away with a shudder. It was the Delicious Powder.
He squinted at the holographic description that floated in front of him:
[Delicious Powder: When sprinkled on any food, no matter how unpalatable, it transforms it into a Moltres-level gourmet experience! Usable for both Pokémon food and human food!]
David blinked. "Wait... Moltres-level?" He reread it just to make sure he wasn't hallucinating. "So you're telling me, I could sprinkle this on, like... a burnt Magikarp and it'd taste like five-star cuisine?" He held the tiny packet up to the light, like it might start glowing or sing a hymn. "This... this is game-changing," he whispered dramatically.
He set the packet down gently, as if it were a sacred artifact. "I finally got something useful out of this cursed prize pool," he sighed, wiping an imaginary tear from his eye. For once, the system hadn't just thrown him a stack of Thank You for Participating cards and some Durex branded sports gear. "I swear, if I got another one of those basketball uniforms..."
Pikachu, who was watching from his wheel, raised an eyebrow as if to say, "You've only been trying for like... an hour."
David waved him off. "This is just the beginning," he declared, turning back to the screen. His eyes locked onto the glittering display of prize pools, each one more enticing than the last. His gaze drifted from the lowly D-rank that had been the source of so much suffering... to the C-rank pool.
The interface shimmered as he hovered over it. "C-rank prize pool... where dreams are made and bad luck is shattered," David whispered with reverence. Pikachu stopped running just to give him a look that screamed, "You can't possibly be serious."
David ignored him entirely. "The D-rank just popped out something actually good," he reasoned, rubbing his hands together like a comic book villain. "Clearly, my Emperor's Luck is back! It's time to level up."
He slammed his hand down on the screen with dramatic flair. "We're going big, Pikachu! C-rank or bust!"
Pikachu just facepalmed, mumbling something in his own squeaky language that sounded suspiciously like, "Here we go again..."
David stared at the holographic system panel hovering in front of him, eyes practically sparkling with greed. His hands rubbed together like a cartoon villain who just found out he inherited a haunted mansion. "Alright, System," he grinned, voice dripping with confidence, "C-level prize pool. Ten consecutive draws. Make it rain."
The panel glowed, and the robotic voice of the system hummed to life:
[Spending 10,000 Negative Emotion Points…][Initiating Ten Consecutive Draws…][drip...drip...drip...]
The digital roulette in his mind spun wildly, lights flashing like a casino machine on steroids. David leaned forward, fingers crossed so tightly they turned white. "Come on... Papa needs a new pair of everything," he whispered. Pikachu, sitting nearby, watched the whole ordeal with a mix of curiosity and disbelief, his tiny head shaking slowly.
The roulette began to slow down, and the results popped up one after another:
[Thank you for participating!][Thank you for participating!][Thank you for participating!]
David's eye twitched. "Uh… that's... three. Okay, maybe I'm just shaking off the bad luck." He cracked his knuckles, still confident.
[Thank you for participating!][Thank you for participating!]
David's confidence wavered. "Five? That's half already! What is this, a charity drive for disappointment?" he muttered, voice dripping with disbelief. Pikachu glanced over and gave him a pitying look.
[Thank you for participating!][Thank you for participating!]
"Seven!?" David's jaw practically hit the floor. "Are you kidding me?! This isn't a C-level prize pool—this is just a digital slap in the face!" He half-expected the system to spit out a "Get better soon!" card next.
But then, finally, there was a break in the chain of misery. The roulette wheel slowed down... slower... slower... until it clinked onto a flashing golden square. David's eyes nearly bulged out of his head as the screen exploded with a brilliant golden light. It was like watching the sun burst into his living room.
[Congratulations! You have obtained an S-level item: Light Ball (Extreme Grade)!]
David screamed so loud that Pikachu shot ten feet in the air, his cheeks sparking from pure adrenaline. "Finally! I knew it! I told you, Pikachu! The Emperor's luck never fails!" Pikachu rubbed his head, clearly not on board with this level of delusion.
Before David could even process the victory, the wheel spun again and flashed purple this time. His heart skipped a beat.
[Congratulations! You have obtained an A-level item: Electric Seed (Advanced)!]
"Holy crap... I'm on a roll!" he shouted, dancing around the room with absolutely zero rhythm. Pikachu stared with a deadpan expression like he'd just witnessed a grown man lose his mind.
The remaining draws, of course, weren't as glamorous:
[Thank you for participating!][Thank you for participating!]
But David didn't care. He was practically floating. The system pinged one last time, listing off the final haul:
[Results: Thank you for participating x7, Light Ball (Extreme Grade), Electric Seed (Advanced), a bottle of Negative Emotion Capture Water (A magical liquid that can absorb negative emotions), and a guaranteed D-level item: Strengthening Pill.]
David stared at the list, nodding with satisfaction. "You see that, Pikachu? That's how you gamble—uh, I mean, strategically invest in your future."
Pikachu rolled his eyes and resumed running in his wheel, probably thinking that his trainer's definition of "strategic" was as questionable as his cooking.
David, however, flopped back onto the couch, holding up the Light Ball like it was the One Ring. "I am unstoppable," he whispered, his voice filled with pure, unfiltered confidence.
David stared at the so-called "body-enhancing pill" now sitting on his table, his eyes practically bulging out of their sockets. "Is this... is this a joke?" he muttered, blinking rapidly as if his vision would suddenly adjust and reveal a normal-sized pill.
It didn't.
The "pill" was the size of a freaking basketball. Its surface gleamed with a metallic shine, almost like someone had coated a bowling ball in chrome and decided to label it "medicine." David approached it cautiously, poking it with one finger as if it might explode. "System..." he called out, voice laced with disbelief. "Are we talking about the same definition of a pill here? I was expecting something... you know... swallowable. Not something I need a forklift for."
The system, predictably, stayed silent.
David rubbed his temples, feeling his sanity slip just a little. "So, let me get this straight," he continued, pacing back and forth. "I'm supposed to eat that? Like... just take a chomp out of it?" His voice cracked slightly on the last word. Pikachu watched from the corner of the room, one paw over his mouth to stifle what could only be described as electrical giggles.
As David circled the pill, his system's familiar pings returned:
[Obtained negative emotion value +20 from David...][Obtained negative emotion value +30 from David...][Obtained negative emotion value +40 from David...]
"Oh, you're enjoying this, aren't you?" David snapped, pointing an accusatory finger at the pill as if it had personally wronged him. "This is the most impractical piece of junk I've ever seen! Do I need a jackhammer to crack it open? Should I book a construction crew? Maybe get Ralts to Psychic it straight into my stomach?*"
He paused, visibly shuddering at the memory of Ralts' last attempt at using Psychic. Half his kitchen still looked like it got hit by a Golem doing the Cha-Cha Slide.
David let out a deep breath, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Alright, alright. Big brain time," he murmured, pacing back and forth. He had read enough Pokémon manga and watched enough episodes to know that a strong body was practically a requirement. Ash had survived Pikachu's Thunderbolt practically every other episode—and David was certain that kind of durability wasn't just from drinking enough MooMoo Milk.
"Ash is practically built different," David muttered, scratching his head. "I need that level of plot armor if I'm gonna survive Pikachu's mood swings and Ralts' attempts at home renovation..."
He cast a wary glance back at the pill. "But this... this thing..." He knocked on it, the sound echoing back with a hollow thunk. "I might need a jackhammer... or maybe a steel jaw. How does one even..."
Pikachu, clearly amused, clapped his little paws together and squeaked out what sounded suspiciously like laughter. David glared. "Oh, you think this is funny, huh? Wait until I use you as a power generator for the house. Enjoy your hamster wheel while it lasts, buddy."
Pikachu stuck out his tongue and bounced away, sparks flying from his cheeks. David turned back to the pill, hands on his hips, determination simmering beneath the frustration.
"Alright. I'm gonna figure this out," he declared, cracking his knuckles. "One way or another, this thing is getting in my system... even if I have to throw it off the roof and eat it in chunks."
Pikachu, still chuckling to himself, peeked from behind the couch. If David was really planning to eat that monstrosity, he wasn't going to miss the show.
Of course, the real jackpot of that draw wasn't that monstrous vitamin pill—nope, it was the Gold Legendary Light Ball, a true S-rank item.
David's eyes sparkled as he looked at the glowing, saffron-colored orb resting on his table. "Holy... I actually pulled a Gold Legendary from the C-level prize pool?" he muttered in disbelief, picking it up gently. For a moment, he just stared at it like it might sprout wings and fly away.
"I thought these things only existed in the games..." he whispered, half-expecting a dramatic background chorus to kick in. But there was only Pikachu in the corner, chewing on a pencil like it owed him money.
"Do you even know what this is?" David asked, turning to Pikachu. "This is the Light Ball. Not just any Light Ball, the Extreme Grade version! This thing's like the holy grail of Pikachu accessories. It doubles both your Attack and Special Attack stats. But this one? It's even better—it gives you an extra 30 Speed points! That's practically slapping a jet engine on you."
Pikachu blinked, still chewing. "Pika?"
David shook his head, excitement bubbling up. "You have no idea, do you? In this world, the Light Ball is considered a Special Secret Treasure. Most of the time, these secret treasures just boost experience or increase individual value stats. But this? This is on a whole different level. The books only mention Advanced Light Balls that double attack stats, but this one...*," David paused dramatically, waving it in the air, "this is the Ultimate version. No one even knows this exists!"
Pikachu finally spat out the pencil, clearly interested now. "Pika-chu?"
"Yes, exactly! This thing is like finding out your pet hamster is actually a Transformer. It's that insane," David continued, practically vibrating with excitement. "If I threw this on eBay, it'd sell for more than a small mansion."
David tapped his chin, eyes gleaming. "And I'm not even talking about regular Pikachu stuff. This is different. This is system-modified. That means..." He quickly pulled up the system's description:
[Light Ball (Extreme): When carried by Pikachu, doubles Physical Attack and Special Attack (x2 to Species Strength), and increases Speed Species Strength by 30 points! (Swallowing has the same effect!)]
David almost fell off his chair. "Wait... swallowing? Are you serious?!" He looked at the Light Ball, then back at Pikachu, who had somehow found another pencil and was gnawing away like it was a three-course meal.
"Do you... eat this?" David asked Pikachu, who just shrugged. "Pika."
"Great. So I'm supposed to just feed you this thing? I mean, it's glowing. That can't be healthy,*" David murmured, shaking his head. "But look at these stats, man. Doubling both attacks and slapping on 30 Speed points? That's insane! Pikachu's base Speed is only 90, but with this... it's 120! Faster than most Legendaries! You're basically going from a cute little furball to a rocket with attitude."
Pikachu puffed his chest out, clearly impressed with himself. David grinned. "Yeah, go on, feel good about it. But don't forget who pulled it, huh?"
He set the Light Ball back on the table and took a deep breath, still processing the ridiculous power-up. "A Pikachu with 455 Species Strength... that's higher than some pseudo-legendaries. It's basically turning you into a pint-sized god."
David paused, rubbing his hands together. "Looks like my Pikachu's about to become the most broken thing this side of Pallet Town. Hope the world's ready."