--I feel my mind becoming clearer.
The chorus of pain that had been screaming so hard it seemed as if he was about to break had now subsided, and Subaru now had only one thought in his head - his resolve to face his father before him.
"I've got a girl I like. I've got one too."
Once again, repeat the answer to the question.
As he spoke those words once more, Subaru became aware that his own heart had begun to move.
Kenichi blinked several times as he listened to the confession before his eyes, realizing that it was a statement that deviated from the flow of the conversation up to that point.
"...I see."
In a quiet voice, she listened carefully to what Subaru had to say.
Subaru felt comforted by her attitude. He should have known that she was the kind of person who would listen to him like that, but he had kept his mouth shut up until now.
So I think I'll end it.
--Because there was someone who pushed me to do so.
"That's right. I'm not just a little kid curled up in my room anymore."
I don't even know how much I've changed.
Even though he pretends to be not a kid, he is well aware that he is a kid.
I tried not to think about anything - the courage to look up, the resolve to face my weaknesses, or the determination to run away from things I didn't like.
I was less than a kid, and now I have finally accepted that I am a kid.
Even that was something I could never admit to myself.
The silver image that appeared in his mind tickled Subaru's heart sweetly.
It was a radiance that brought heat to Subaru, who had been immobilized, stagnant, and cold.
Silver - a color that would normally evoke a feeling of coldness, but now Subaru was filled with an unstoppable heat, giving him the strength to take a step forward.
Subaru: "I remembered everything, why I was scared, and why I was hunched over. —No, I knew everything. I knew, and pretended not to see… I was the only one who noticed my weakness, and while I was pretending not to know, someone…"
There's no way to pretend who it was. I know who it was.
"I wanted my mom and dad to hit me."
"――――"
"I wanted them to tell me I was a hopelessly small, inadequate fool, a self-centered piece of garbage... and make me give up."
Kenichi's eyes didn't waver as he silently stared at Subaru.
He saw himself reflected in eyes that bore the same color as Subaru's. The corners of his eyes, sharp enough to be mistaken for a sulky look by anyone, were now drooping hopelessly and weakly.
--That's pathetic, I think.
"I've always been good with little hands, and I've always been able to do anything with ease. I was pretty good at running and studying… I was able to do things that my friends around me couldn't do easily, so I was always wondering why everyone else couldn't do them."
Perhaps it's just the arrogance of youth, or a cute sense of omnipotence?
As a child, Subaru was a child who improved at both sports and studies faster than the average person. Naturally, he was faster than the others, naturally smarter than his peers, and naturally, he was the center of attention.
"It's definitely that person's child."
Adults and neighbors often said this about Subaru.
Subaru learns that "that person" is his father, and that he is acknowledged by those around him as his father's son. To be told these words was a source of pride for the young Subaru.
His father - Subaru's father, Natsuki Kenichi, was a charming man even in his son's eyes.
Laugh a lot, talk a lot, cry a lot, get angry a lot, move a lot, and work a lot.
My father was not afraid to openly declare his love for Subaru and my mother, and he was always surrounded by people who adored him, and he was always at the center of many people's smiles.
Subaru was most proud of his father, and the fact that the ones he cared for most were his family, himself and his mother, gave Subaru an almost arrogant feeling of superiority.
--I want to be like my father. I want to be like my father.
To the young Subaru, the size of his father's back represented the size of the world itself, and the world was something that could only be seen from atop his father's back.
And so, Subaru was able to spend each day in happiness and in pursuit of happiness.
However,
"I wonder when it started... I can't remember, but I think I lost to someone in a running race. From that time on, the things I was able to do first started to stop being first. There were people who were faster than me, and people who could solve problems faster than me. I realized that my first places were slowly, but surely decreasing, and I began to think that this was strange."
The more he became angry, the further away the stars that shone in the sky of Subaru's heart became.
No matter how much he stretched out his hands or ran under the sky, the stars that had shone so brightly around Subaru were gone, and the darkness and silence of the night that enveloped him only increased.
Even in the midst of this mysterious sense of unease,
"It's definitely that person's child."
Those words were Subaru's only salvation, his only hope to cling to.
Even when he lost in terms of speed, or was no longer the best in terms of intelligence, those words continued to support Subaru's childish pride.
Rather than practicing his running or working hard on his homework, he began to take the initiative and do stupid things.
Sneaking into school at night with his friends, dragging white lines around town, chasing away stray dogs that were notoriously dangerous from everyone's hangouts - by doing these things to keep everyone entertained, Subaru tried to protect his dwindling star.
"Studying hard is stupid. There's no point in being proud of just being a fast runner. I'm much more amazing and stronger when I'm laughing with everyone like this."
In order to protect this mistaken pride, I had no choice but to keep running.
They take the initiative to do things that everyone is afraid of, and face things that everyone dislikes, and in this way they cherish and protect their place in the world so that it is not lost.
"But if you try to protect yourself like that, you'll have to do something bigger next time. You can't do something smaller than what you did last time. If you do that and people think you're small, you'll be in trouble."
So Subaru's actions could only become more and more extreme.
When asked why he would do such a thing, he responds that it's because it's Natsuki/Subaru.
--Yes, that had to be Natsuki Subaru.
Natsuki/Subaru must continue to be the bravest, the most uninhibited, and the most free person that everyone looks up to.
And so you stay tense, constantly tense, hiding the fact that you are tense, and without even realizing it, you deceive yourself and those around you into thinking that you can do more, that you can still do a lot more.
After all, I am Natsuki Subaru, the son of Natsuki Kenichi.
"I thought I could do anything. I convinced myself that I could do anything. And so everything I did became stupid, and I became a person who just made a lot of noise without thinking about anything..."
Like a flying insect drawn to a fire, I sought heat without realizing that I was being burned.
If it was really an insect, then Subaru would have been fascinated by the fire until it burned, and that would have been the end of him.
But Subaru was no insect, and the friends around him were far more human than he was.
--I don't think there was any particular trigger.
Subaru's reckless words drew a group of his friends, all with the same mischievous looks on their faces.
The number of friends who gathered began to decrease, like teeth falling out of a comb.
"They were just stupid, or so I thought. They couldn't experience this kind of fun unless they were by my side. They could just waste their time regretting whatever it was. I'd aim for something higher."
By continuing to search for the stars in this way, you won't lose sight of the stars above you.
The stars that should have filled the sky were gone, and all that was left for Subaru was that single twinkling star. He continued running, gazing only at it - when, all of a sudden, he turned his attention from the starry sky to the earth,
"I was the only one left around me."
It's a given.
Without paying any attention to his surroundings, Subaru continued chasing the stars that no one else could see.
Although his friends find it amusing at first, they soon find themselves unable to keep up with the recklessness that escalates with no end in sight.
If he didn't realise this and mocked those who left, calling them fools, those who remained would become anxious and suspicious of Subaru's way of thinking.
Then, one by one, Subaru's friends disappeared from his side, and before he knew it, he was left alone under the starry sky.
Sulking and getting angry about that, I looked up at the sky as if I had forgotten about itーー,
"The stars that used to shine so brightly above me were nowhere to be found."
When he lost sight of the starlight and the friends around him, and was left alone in the darkness of night, Subaru finally came to a realization.
-- I wasn't anything special.
"It's definitely that person's child."
Those were the magic words that had filled the young Subaru with pride, and brought so much energy to his heart.
At some point, those words had become a curse for Subaru.
"When I go outside and wander around town, I realize that wherever I go, wherever I look, there are traces of my father left behind. ...That's only natural."
Subaru's narrow world was one in which he was watching the same scenery from atop his father's back.
For Subaru, who always sought to reach the same height as his father wherever he went, there was nowhere in this small world where he didn't sense his father's lingering scent.
Gradually, the world became a more frightening place for Subaru.
At the same time, what was eating away at Subaru's heart was his own realization of his own mediocrity, and the shame he felt from not wanting his parents, or the people who knew them, to know about that mediocrity.
Everyone likes him, everyone relies on him, and everyone smiles at him.
No one should think that Natsuki Subaru, the son of Natsuki Kenichi, is a coward who shrinks back and worries about what others think of him, or who holds his head in fear at the vastness of the world.
His bad reputation was an insult to his father who swore he loved him, and it would eventually lead to disappointment from his great father. That was what Subaru feared more than anything.
During elementary and middle school, Subaru spent his time doing his utmost to avoid drawing attention.
Subaru's classmates who knew him in his early years were sometimes puzzled by how well-behaved he had become - but children at this impressionable age are unaware of the darkness in their classmates' hearts, and they forget about trivial matters as they go about their daily lives in good health.
What Subaru was clever about as he spent that time immersed in the world was that while he remained in the shadows when spending time with his classmates, he continued to play the role of the mischievous son when it came to his own family.
At school, Subaru becomes as quiet as a weed in the shade, but at home he regains his former unrestrained nature and behaves like a different person.
The tales of his heroism that he would recount on the way home from school were the kind that would bring a smile to his mother's face as she worked at housework, and to his father's face when he came home tired from work.
--I wonder if his parents realized that all of that was just a lie that Subaru had said. Subaru didn't know right now.
And so, throughout elementary and middle school, spending most of his life, Natsuki/Subaru built a false image for himself.
Everyone had forgotten about Subaru's past misdeeds and came to know his unremarkable classmate as merely a name.
Although he felt a little lonely about their tenuous relationship, what filled Subaru's heart was even more terrifying: a reverence for the power that his surname, Natsuki, carried.
"Even now, when I think about it, it's a bleak way to spend my time. But that's how I got through elementary and middle school. And after getting through, I went to high school... Even though it was a local school, it must have been a matter of the school's academic ability. Almost none of my classmates went on to the same school..."
Subaru had a habit of looking at everything in a negative way, but he still had a shred of courage left, enough to see this sudden change in his environment as an opportunity.
Summoning what little courage he had, Subaru gritted his teeth and raised his head.
Going on to high school, a new place. Building completely new relationships with unfamiliar faces.
There, even if they recognized Subaru as Natsuki Subaru, they would surely not see him as "Natsuki Kenichi's son." And in that place, maybe he'd be able to see once again the brilliance of the starry sky that he had missed before.
The way he used that courage caused Subaru to stray from his path.
"If I say so myself, I think my high school debut was a spectacular failure. Of course it was. For someone who hadn't built any proper relationships in elementary and middle school, if you get in a place full of unfamiliar faces, get snorting, overexcited and do something reckless...even an idiot can see what the outcome will be."
Subaru reflected that since he didn't understand something that even that idiot could understand, he wasn't even an idiot after all.
I don't want to go into details, you can guess the outcome.
Subaru had no other role model than his father when it came to interacting with people, so if he was to try to build a relationship with someone in a new environment, his only reference point would be his father.
--These actions might have been a laughing matter when we were younger, but they were nothing but poison to our classmates who were now at an age where they were going through puberty and going through mental changes.
"It's poisonous. Highly poisonous. What's more, like a poisonous mushroom, the cap is white with red spots floating on it, so at a glance it's obvious that 'highly poisonous, if you eat it you will die in agony'."
How can someone like that get along so well?
Subaru tried to step out into his new environment, but he misstepped on the first step and fell into the abyss. And so he established himself as someone who couldn't read the mood and was hard to understand, and spent his time isolated, until one morning he suddenly had a thought.
--Ah, I don't want to go to school today.
"I think it was a morning when both my mom and dad were out on business. I thought it was too much of a bother and just stayed lying down at the usual time to get up... I quickly got up and was surprised to see that it was already almost noon, so I decided I had to get up and get changed."
Subaru realized that his mind and body had become incredibly calm.
Subaru would go to school, sit alone in the window seat, and spend the time in silence pretending to sleep, his mind constantly tormented by anxiety and fear.
I didn't want to be in a place like this, and from the moment I arrived at school all I could think about was going home. No, from the moment I woke up I spent my time thinking about going home from school.
I wasn't being bullied. I wasn't being ignored.
However, Subaru had been the one building a wall around himself. He was afraid of feeling someone's kindness and having hope. He couldn't bear the thought of seeing the stars shine again.
A day where he was able to avoid such painful times. Charmed by the sense of liberation, relief, and weakness, Subaru's feet gradually began to move further and further away from school.
"I went from skipping once a week to once every three days, and then it got to once every two days... It wasn't even two months until I stopped going to school completely."
There is no need to tell you what happened from then on.
Subaru was filled with a sense of relief that he no longer had to go to school. He also felt a sense of relief at being away from the school where he had to endure such difficult times, but what dominated his heart more than anything was a certain resignation and understanding.
For no apparent reason, Subaru became a school dropout due to his self-centered nature.
No one would look at such a Subaru and think, "After all, he's that person's son," and above all else - if his parents were disappointed in how pathetic Subaru was, then his father and mother would surely stop "loving" him.
Such a petty evaluation of a son they don't love means nothing to those two.
If their beloved son was criticized for being boring, they would surely get angry. They would be sad. Seeing them like that, the people around them would look down on them even more, calling them pitiful.
The more tenuous the relationship between Subaru and his parents, the less he would have to worry about such things.
That's why Natsuki and Subaru are...
"I don't love you. I hate you. You're... not my child. I wanted you to just do that, to say that, and throw me away. I wanted you to make me give up."
I look up to the sky with faint hope, hoping for the existence of a star that doesn't exist.
She wanted to set free that effeminate, pathetic Subaru, that foolish being unworthy of being Natsuki and Kenichi's son.
ーーThat was something even Subaru himself hadn't realized was in his heart.
Having faced her and laid his heart on the table, Subaru realized for the first time how ugly his heart was. Not wanting to admit his weakness and stupidity, he turned a blind eye, and even tried to push the responsibility of cleaning up his mess onto someone else, which made him feel nauseous.
Even so, the reason Subaru was able to neither give up on himself nor abandon himself was because he had support.
"Rem loves Subaru-kun."
The silvery image that had been flickering behind his eyelids was now superimposed on a fleeting, pale blue glow.
It brings a gentle breeze to Subaru's heart, and warms his cold limbs, soothing them.
"Let's start from here. From scratch... No, from zero!"
With that, she gave Subaru a push forward, even though he thought he had given up.
When Subaru looked down, saying he couldn't walk any more, she lifted his head, took his hand, embraced him, kissed his forehead, and gave him courage.
Enchanted and heated by the silver glow, and pushed forward by the warmth of the blue, Natsuki Subaru, who should have ended, started again from zero.
Now that I've realized this, now that I've remembered it, I've decided to start walking from zero - I have to put an end to the negative past that existed before zero.
After listening to Subaru's lengthy monologue, Kenichi closed his eyes and fell silent, deep in thought. Seeing his father like that, Subaru tried desperately to suppress the feeling of helplessness at his own weakness that threatened to bubble up from the back of his throat.
Now that I have had time to reflect on my past, and I feel like my mindset has changed a little, I am able to see the ugliness of my true feelings.
In the end, Subaru had always forced others to clean up the mess he had made.
Because they don't have the courage to give up on themselves, because they don't want to be the worst person in their world, because they want to be the tragic hero, they continue to wait in silence, without saying a word, for someone else to step up and play the role of the villain.
He thought that if he didn't go to school, spent his days lazily in his room, and continued to be his foolish self, one day Kenichi would break down the door and end Subaru's world.
Deep down, unconsciously, I had been hoping for such a resolution in the laziness of those days.
With such a deadlocked mindset, he arrived at this other world. Even in such a place, Subaru showed his self-centeredness, and finally――
"--Subaru"
Kenichi, who had been deep in thought, suddenly opened his eyes and called Subaru's name.
Subaru, who had been lost in a sea of thought, was pulled back to reality by the call, and from the past he was reminiscing about, he suddenly found himself face to face with his father. And then,
"Fatherhead!"
"Ahhh!?"
Subaru was hit in the forehead with a tremendous impact and screamed, sending sparks flying. He clutched his forehead in sharp pain and stepped back, only to find Kenichi standing up from the bench and looking down at him.
"Did you see that, Subaru? That was a blow of anger from Fatherhead, filled with my love."
"You said it was a head kick, but you did a heel drop instead! Getting your face close and feinting is a bit of a delicate move!"
"That was only possible because you were sitting and I was standing. But my body has definitely gotten stiff. It's not like it used to be. I've been skipping my stretching after the bath."
Kenichi begins to do stretching exercises with an uneasy look on his face. Subaru is half crying and rubbing his head, which was hit by the blow, in front of his father. He doesn't know what to do after his father's unexpected reaction. Subaru was expecting something different.
"But Subaru, you're… quite an idiot."
"Wow."
I was cut in half by his blunt remark, and a sobbing sound involuntarily escaped my throat.
Looking down at Subaru, Kenichi crossed his arms and sighed through his nose.
"You're always worrying about it... What part of me and your mother did you inherit that kind of servile way of thinking? You definitely inherited it from your mother's younger brother. Look, that short, bald, fat guy who looks like he's really worried."
"That's an exaggeration... No, it's true that my uncle was the reason why I set my goals in life to not go bald or get fat."
Both the father and son made ruthless remarks about their relatives, leading to an unrelated uncle getting burned.
"To begin with," Kenichi said with an irritated look in his eyes, without the person in question realizing that he had been disparaged by his relatives under the same sky, far away.
"There are a lot of things I don't like about you, but the biggest thing is that. I don't like how you're so passive even though you want me to dislike you. If you shut yourself in, stop going to school, and suffer from apathy, I'm sure Dad will lose his temper and scold you soon... Are you an idiot? You want to be scolded, you delusional woman who doesn't get enough physical contact? You've been all snuggled up with me since the morning, and it's still not enough?"
"Even though the way you say it is misleading in many ways, it's essentially correct and I can't argue with it..."
"Look, if you want me to abandon you, you'd better be more proactive. Who's going to abandon a brat just because he retreats into his shell? If you want people to hate you, genocide half of humanity for no particular reason. Then I'll hate you."
"You don't often see villains like that, even in shounen manga! How outrageous!"
"--What you said was just too absurd for me."
That statement left Subaru speechless.
Kenichi bent down to meet Subaru's gaze and asked, "Is it okay?"
"Even if you're as slow as a snail, and you're a moron who can't even do your multiplication tables, and you self-harm in an attempt to stand out and then brag about it on your blog..."
"I'm not that stupid or dumb or stupid..."
"Even if you're that stupid and dumb, I won't hate you or abandon you. That's obvious, isn't it? I'm your father and you're my son."
Kenichi said with a sigh of exasperation and straightened up. Subaru looked up at his father who had stood up. Kenichi, under his gaze,
"But seriously, you're treating me like a superhuman. The way you talked just now made it sound like I was some high-tech, perfect, superhuman superhuman."
"The meanings are too similar"
"You just don't know, but I've had my share of worries, regrets, failures, cries, screams, and rejections… I'm not that great. I have a pretty face. You don't look like me, though."
"Overconfidence"
"I was immature when I was your age too. I was pretty well known, but I wasn't anything special. It's like time has stopped for a bit."
"Use that when you got hit by a car last year."
A three-part punchline.
Kenichi held out his hand to me, so I had no choice but to high-five him. Then, he grabbed my hand tightly,
"I could twist my stupid, foolish, troublesome son's wrist and throw him away, and give him a lesson in character..."
"Ouch! Ouch, it hurts! Wait, my wrist is twisted... it hurts!"
"---It seems like there's no need for that now, since you've just recovered from being crushed so badly."
Subaru's twisted wrist was released, and he stood up, shaking his hand in pain. Kenichi looked at Subaru with one eye closed, snorted softly, and said,
"I thought the same thing this morning, but it suddenly changed again just now. What's wrong with that face?"
"...I told you. I have a crush on someone."
The silver glow led Natsuki Subaru by the hand.
"Plus, there was a girl who told me she liked someone like me."
A warm blue light gave Natsuki Subaru a gentle push on the back.
"Those kids don't know that I'm Natsuki Kenichi's son. In front of them, I'm just Natsuki Subaru. …No."
He shook his head and fixed his gaze on his father, who was standing firmly in front of him.
Subaru: "In front of everyone, I was Natsuki Subaru. I just assumed I was carrying some strange signboard on my back, and was being crushed by a weight that didn't even exist. I finally realized that."
"You're way too late. I'm the breadwinner of the family. You haven't even inherited the family business yet, so don't act like you're carrying the name on your shoulders like that. I'm going to smack you."
"That just hurt more than a slap!"
When I stomped my feet on the ground and complained that my previous attack had gone too far, Kenichi laughed and said, "Sorry, sorry." Kenichi then narrowed his eyes and said, "More importantly,"
"You said you had a crush on someone, and then you started saying there was a girl who liked you too, so what? Are you two-timing someone or something? You're a bit of a loser, Subaru?"
"Don't call me inelegant! I know that this is way too extravagant! But that's why! Having two first-class stars is not so bad!"
He wasn't being defiant, but that was how Subaru was honestly feeling right now.
He loves Emilia. He loves Rem too. The two of them helped Subaru stand, helped him walk, and gave him the strength not to run away, even when faced with Kenichi or his past self.
The starry sky that once covered Subaru's sky - the shining stars he looked up at then.
Above Subaru's head, the two were emitting a light just as strong as either of those. And around the first star, the stars that were supposed to have disappeared were emitting a different glow.
It was the starry sky that Subaru found himself in, outside the room where he had been holed up, and in the world he had unexpectedly been invited into, where he struggled, suffered, grieved, cried and yelled, shouted and got angry, laughed and ran, and joyfully advanced.
"Well, that's fine. Do as you like. As long as it's settled peacefully and doesn't break any laws, I don't have much of an objection. You seem to have a talent for winning people over, after all."
"If that were the case, I wouldn't have failed my high school debut, failed miserably, and ended up isolated. I wouldn't have been as successful as my dad."
"I don't think that's true. You're my son. And I think you've got a lot of misconceptions, but that's the worst."
"There?"
Kenichi, shaking his fingers on his crossed arms, nodded to Subaru, who tilted his head, "Yes."
"I may be acting all this way in front of you and Mom, but Dad knows the time, place and occasion when he's having fun, you know? I'm always like this in front of you, so you might not understand, but if I act like Dad with everyone, it's no wonder he's put off by that, hey."
"Hey, hey, hey..."
"Isn't that obvious? If I met someone with this kind of excitement on the first meeting, I wouldn't go near them. You should keep your manners up until you get to know them better. You can unbutton your shirt once it gets a little hotter. If you start in April, hold off until the end of June."
A shocking truth: My father was a sensible person who would behave appropriately depending on who he was with.
Without knowing this, I took my father's everyday life as an example and thought that if I just acted like him, I'd be sure to become popular with everyone! How foolish of me to think that.
"What was the point of me being stagnant for so long..."
"Well, I don't think it was a waste of time. In fact, what you've been through up until now has made you who you are today. Isn't the star you found worth all that time?"
Those words were spoken to Subaru, who was holding his head in regret. Subaru looked up as he heard them and was able to reply immediately. That was the only thing he could state with certainty that it was absolutely not the case.
"--No, that's not true. No matter how many chances I had, I think I would have run for the starry sky I have now. That's why I'm happy with who I am now."
"Is that so? Well then, isn't it a good thing?"
Having made up his mind like that, Kenichi smiled with relief.
Seeing that smile from the front, the heavy lump that had been hardening inside Subaru's chest dropped with a sound. The darkness he had been carrying cleared away, and he felt as if all his pent-up emotions had been washed away.
It was a rather selfish and self-centered sentiment, but Subaru had now been saved.
In this way, I was able to face my past, break away from my old self, and feel proud that I can walk forward as my current self while still carrying that same self with me.
that's why--,
"I'm sorry for keeping quiet about so many things. I was filled with emotions that I couldn't even sort out myself, and that caused me to skip school and cause trouble. I'm truly sorry. Seriously."
"Don't worry about it. It's my mistake for not realizing that you had such an admiration for someone so great like me. I'm sorry that I'm the one who's too big for you!"
"It's true, but I still don't want to accept it!"
"Hahaha, don't be so embarrassed. You're my son with my blood in you. I'm sure you have the talent to be half as cool as me."
"Only half. Normally things get more sophisticated with each generation."
"You are half made up of your mother. When I think of combining that with my good looks, I feel like the negative effects of Naoko's elements are too strong."
"Sorry mom, I can't say it back!"
Subaru is unable to defend his mother who is not here, so he clasps his hands together and apologizes to the void. Kenichi looks at him with amusement, shakes his head in exasperation,
"But this has lightened my shoulders a little. I can't help but hesitate, but this is where it all begins."
"Oh, yeah. Umm, sorry for bothering you..."
"If you feel sorry about that, then you should take the time to repay me. In the future, please provide for me and your mother, eldest son."
--And so, when he heard those words, Subaru was unable to move.
"――――"
I was prepared to apologize for what I had said and I was determined to confess how I felt now.
Subaru thought that if he could accomplish this, he would finally be able to let go of the resentment he had held for so many years, and face his father and mother with a bright and happy heart.
Tell me everything that's happened to you up until now.
"--ugh."
And so―― the moment he heard about what was to come, a feeling welled up inside Subaru's whole body,
"...I'm sorry."
"Subaru?"
"Sorry... sorry, I'm so sorry... sorry, sorry, sorry..."
Kenichi's confused voice came from in front of him, but he couldn't see his face.
Tears overflowed in torrents, blocking Subaru's vision and making the shape of the world unclear. He covered his face with his hands and desperately wiped away the tears that were streaming down his face. But no matter how much he wiped them away, the tears just kept overflowing one after the other and wouldn't stop. They wouldn't stop. They wouldn't stop.
"I'm so sorry... I, I... I'm so sorry to the two of you..."
-I noticed.
Somewhere in his heart, Subaru had realized this a long time ago.
From the moment he'd been invited to the other world and squinted his eyes at the brightness of the sunlight, Subaru had known, as if by revelation.
--I'm sure I'll never be able to go back to my original world.
And so I told my father how I was feeling, confessed the dark feelings I'd been bottled up inside, and yet he still forgave me, supported me in my determination to start walking again, and did all that for me, and raised me to the point where I could do so.
"And yet, I... was unable to give you anything in return... I'm sure we'll never see each other again... I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."
The tears wouldn't stop. I was so overcome with emotion that I felt like I might collapse on the spot at any moment.
And yet the reason Subaru was still able to stand, and not collapse, was because there was a body embracing him from the front, as he sobbed.
With his firm, large palm, he held his son, who was now almost as tall as him, tightly in his arms, and yet he was still whining like a child as he slapped his back,
"--No matter how much time passes, you're still a troublesome son. Seriously."
As she said this, she continued to hold the crying Subaru in her arms forever and ever, as if to soothe him and love him.
※※ ※※ ※※ ※※ ※※ ※※ ※※ ※
"Have you calmed down?"
"--Yeah. I'm sorry. I'm really just causing you trouble."
"Exactly. Look at my shirt. My chest is completely dried up from snot and tears. I'm so embarrassed I can't even walk around the neighborhood properly."
Kenichi flicked Subaru's forehead with his fingers when he stopped crying and laughed obscenely.
Subaru looked at that smile with a tear-stained face. Kenichi sighed at the sight of sadness and regret coexisting in his eyes.
"I don't know why you were crying, but I know you're embarrassed, so I'll keep it a secret. At the very least, you should be thankful to me."
"...Yeah. I'm grateful. Truly, from the bottom of my heart, more than anyone in this world."
"When you say that, I get embarrassed."
Kenichi smiles shyly while scratching his cheek. Subaru can't bear to look at his face for long, so he looks away.
Kenichi shrugged his shoulders at Subaru and waved his hand as if to shoo away an insect,
"Well, you crybaby, hurry up and go home. Daddy feels like continuing his walk, so we'll take a little detour home. If I walk with you crying, weird rumors will start to spread."
"...What are a parent and child of such age doing?"
"Exactly. If I went back with you now, it would be embarrassing if people started spreading rumors about me among my friends."
"That's a line that could be fatal to some people, so be careful when you use it."
Subaru had accidentally butted in on his father's remark, and a nostalgic pain welled up in his heart. He bit it back with his molars, turned his face away, and somehow managed to spit out the words, "Well then,"
"I'm heading home first. Be careful not to get questioned by the police."
"Sorry to raise your hopes, but I know all the policemen around here. I can't respond to your advances."
"This isn't a prelude."
Kenichi's attitude remains unchanged. Subaru feels relieved by this, but is disgusted by his own unchanging weakness. To what extent will he be satisfied by relying on others for protection? It's intolerable.
I don't want to expose my weakness in front of Kenichi any further.
Subaru let out a sharp sigh, then as if making up his mind, he turned his back and took a step forward, walking a little faster, hoping to get out of here as quickly as possible.
"Hey, Subaru."
Hearing Kenichi's voice from behind him, he stopped in his tracks.
"I'm sure you have a lot on your mind. So, I have only one thing to say."
"――――"
"Good luck. I'm counting on you, son."
I was afraid of being expected to do something and then being disappointed.
Subaru was constantly gripped by the fear that he might be betraying his father's expectations. And so, his father's expectations were a symbol of fear to Subaru.
"--Yeah, leave it to me, Dad."
With his back turned, Subaru pointed his finger towards the sky,
"My name is Natsuki Subaru. I'm Natsuki Kenichi's son. ーーSo I can do anything, and I'll do anything. Your son is incredible."
"Yeah, I know. After all, I did half the work!"
Kenichi said this with a loud laugh, and his voice echoed around my back.
Hearing this, a smile suddenly appeared on Subaru's lips.
He turned his back and started walking away.
My knees don't shake. My heart doesn't waver. I just look straight ahead and start walking.
--From now on, I will walk with my back being watched by the person whose back I have always been watching.
I thought to myself that just that simple thing could give me so much strength.
Subaru continued walking without stopping.